Should your lover expect you to lose weight?

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Replies

  • KaleidoscopeEyes1056
    KaleidoscopeEyes1056 Posts: 2,996 Member
    If my boyfriend told me that EXPECTED me to lose weight, that would be the end of it. I'm sorry, but I don't expect him to change himself in any way, so he shouldn't expect me to either.

    Although, he does encourage me to be more active. When I'm kinda slacking and not feeling like going to the gym, he always offers to go with me to keep me company on the walk there or just so he can observe what I'm doing (he's in a wheelchair, so he can't really participate.) And he's agreed to be my running buddy. His wheelchair goes about 5 mph, so I can run along side him.
  • danaelizas
    danaelizas Posts: 22 Member
    If your lover really loves you, he/she would accept you warts and all. Now for health reasons your lover should encourage and be supportive.
  • boggsmeister
    boggsmeister Posts: 292 Member
    OP, I think your avatar poster says it all. I have always encouraged healthy behavior (even though I haven't always followed my own advice.) Skinny is great, but healthy is way, way better.

    I feel that way about my own body, why should'nt I feel that way about someone I love?
  • briscottcoach
    briscottcoach Posts: 24
    My wife asked me once if I would be happier if she were skinnier. I answered her honestly, and the way I think most men, if they truly love their partner would answer -

    "I love you the way you are and I'm happiest when you're happy. And if being skinny is what makes you happy, then I'll support you 100%."

    For what it's worth, I was reminded later that night that was the right answer. :love: :devil: :love:

    You would get along well with my husband. He is a smart man too. :smile:
  • elri1908
    elri1908 Posts: 160 Member
    I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.

    This might have come out a little harsher than you meant it, but boy oh boy if you were my husband (and you said it to me exactly in this way), you'd definitely come home to a serious load of trouble! If you stand by your words, I'd like to ask this: Have you given thought to the possibility that by running your wife down with remarks/ultimatums like this, you are making her feel unloved and unwanted and that's why she doesn't care about exercising / living healthy? :noway:

    On the other hand, you might be a great guy and you are just saying this to see what response you're gonna get from all the ladies out there. So, if you are sitting there eating popcorn and watching the drama unfold...shame on you! :angry:

    Happy Easter to all those who celebrate it! :smile:
  • Kebby83
    Kebby83 Posts: 232 Member
    My husband is nothing but suppotive. He did say once that he wants to marry someone who weighs less than him, but I was more than him since before we met. He never asked me to do it but I did lose weight and weighed 20lb less than him on our wedding day.
  • shamrck44
    shamrck44 Posts: 91
    I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.


    Lol..I would be HOT and you would be SINGLE. And poor.

    I know right?
  • korsicash
    korsicash Posts: 770 Member
    My husband actually told me to gain the weight back, then I printed a pic of a woman with abs and the V and said this is my new want and he asked me not to because he didn't want to and I quote "bang a bag of lincoln logs". He is 140 lbs soaking wet, never works out and has muscle definition. He can um kiss my *kitten* I want to be healthy and I want to love myself and like what I see so I do this for me and it has never been about him. But had he told me to do it I would have probably bitten his head off.....
  • USMCConditioning
    USMCConditioning Posts: 84
    I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.

    This might have come out a little harsher than you meant it, but boy oh boy if you were my husband (and you said it to me exactly in this way), you'd definitely come home to a serious load of trouble! If you stand by your words, I'd like to ask this: Have you given thought to the possibility that by running your wife down with remarks/ultimatums like this, you are making her feel unloved and unwanted and that's why she doesn't care about exercising / living healthy? :noway:

    On the other hand, you might be a great guy and you are just saying this to see what response you're gonna get from all the ladies out there. So, if you are sitting there eating popcorn and watching the drama unfold...shame on you! :angry:

    Happy Easter to all those who celebrate it! :smile:

    I think people here are coming up with their own scenario's and think that i'm just being a pig or shallow, which is not the case. I invite her to workout with me every day i go. She knows that she is un-healthy and has bad eating habits, she is aware of the weight she has gained and she knows that she doesn't like the way she looks. I'll love her regardless of how she looks, But i won't tolerate a lazy wife who complains about being overweight and unhealthy, but doesnt get off the damn couch and work hard to change it. So all of you ladies who just bash me because i care about my wife enough to be honest with her, maybe to honest with her. Thats fine, bash all you wan't i don't give a rats *kitten*.
  • toglamgirl
    toglamgirl Posts: 26
    Like most people here, I am tryingnto be healthy. My boyfriend is slim and in shape but he fell for me like I am. But because thus is something that I want, he is trying to support me in my journey.
  • runnercheryl
    runnercheryl Posts: 1,314 Member
    My fiancé is morbidly obese. He was before I met him, over half a decade ago. As I got close to him, became his best friend and moved in, I started living his lifestyle. I put on weight myself until I was at a BMI of 32.88. In time, we fell in love and began our relationship.

    Not long later, I decided I had to change how things were going. I realised I wanted to work on my health, and so I changed my entire lifestyle. Now, I have to face that he's very unhealthy and won't be around for all that long, in relative terms. That's difficult, but do I expect him to lose weight? Not a chance.

    I love HIM. Everything about him. I'd love him if he were much bigger, and if he were much smaller. Yes, I WANT him to lose weight. I don't want to be a widow early on in life, and from being an incredibly independent person I now can't stand the idea of growing old without him, but ultimately I want him to be happy - if happy means he remains at a BMI of 45ish, that's fine. If it means he gets healthy, even better for me - a bonus, but not a necessity.
  • Heartpath
    Heartpath Posts: 33
    I think it depends on whether you're talking about your loved one or just the person you're having sex with.

    If you really love someone, you want that person to be their best possible person and support all that is good and healthy within them, respecting that your significant other is an individual with the right to direct his or her life. That includes mind, spirit, hobbies, work, habits, and practices, including weight. When you love someone, you want that person to be happy, understanding that eating to stuff emotions does not equal happiness and trying to live someone else's expectations instead of being true to yourself also does not equal happiness. In terms of expectations, there's a difference between loving someone and having it be a healthy thing to have that person in your life or to be in that person's life.

    If it's just a lover, you can decide to continue to have sex or not have sex with someone based on how that person looks and performs, and you can let them know what your expectations are, and they can decide whether or not it suits them to make adjustments to accommodate you and continue the interaction.

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