Should your lover expect you to lose weight?

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  • pg1girl
    pg1girl Posts: 268 Member
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    I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.

    You can't be serious? Good God you would definitely be single when you got back from bootcamp if I was your wife! You must think very highly of yourself to give your spouse that kind of ultimatum! Good luck in life with that kind of attitude.
  • jkestens63
    jkestens63 Posts: 1,164 Member
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    I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.

    Wow. If my husband told me this - I would tell him "I'll look great when you are done with boot camp, but I'll be looking great on someone else's arm". There's no way I would tolerate that sort of ultimatum from someone who is supposed to love me.
    I have no problem with my husband encouraging me to be healthy and active but if he were to ever tell me he would hope that I "look better" and he won't accept excuses, that would be my exit cue. How incredibly shallow and controlling. I swear marriage vows should inclde "for thinner or thicker".
    As a matter of fact I am the active, healthy lifestyle one in our relationship. I always look for opportunities to encourage him to make healthier choices because he has a histiry of high blood pressure and cholesterol. Since we met he gained 30 lbs but has since lost 1/2 of that. I lost 65 in the time we've been together. But we each didit in our own way and in our own time. And if he never lost an ounce or gained another 50 I would continue to be concerned, to encourage him, but I would never do or say anything that makes him feel like crap.
  • chocolateandvodka
    chocolateandvodka Posts: 1,856 Member
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    I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.

    you would be coming home to an empty house.

    weight is something that should only be discussed between lovers in the most delicate ways and specifically out of genuine concern. to a woman, this is how it happens:

    Husband: I'll really miss you while I'm away at boot camp. I'll be thinking of you every day and counting the hours until I see you again. Hopefully while I'm away you'll have much more free time to take care of yourself and maybe even hit the gym. I'd love to see you healthier and happier when I get home. Maybe you'll even lose a size or two!

    Wife hears: I'm leaving to get away from you. You look angry and frumpy. You aren't good enough as you are. I would rather come home to someone completely different. I don't care if you risk your health and happiness, I want to come home to a hot wife, because I deserve better than you.
  • karylee44
    karylee44 Posts: 892
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    i don't expect my husband to lose weight.. to look good.. but .. i would like him to lose weight because of health issues.. he has a bad back, bad legs, and a bad hip.. all of wich would benifit from him losing 30 pounds. not to mention the benifits of strengthing the muscles around the joints.. he also eats like a trash can.. i have issues with that.. only because we have three kids and i want them to see both of us eating well.. and not just me.. .. he eats chips, taco bell, mcdonalds, sugary sodas, gallons of icecream.. just a terrible diet. really big turn off for me.
  • Lyadeia
    Lyadeia Posts: 4,603 Member
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    I think if Justin ever expected me to lose weight I would put on 5 pounds on purpose to show him that I have a mind of my own...and that he better love me no matter no what, jelly roll be damned.

    And I'd never expect him to lose weight...unless the doctor told him to "or else" and that goes for me as well. I think that'd be the only way I'd accept it. He better love me for who I am, not what I look like.
  • 99clmsntgr
    99clmsntgr Posts: 777 Member
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    My wife asked me once if I would be happier if she were skinnier. I answered her honestly, and the way I think most men, if they truly love their partner would answer -

    "I love you the way you are and I'm happiest when you're happy. And if being skinny is what makes you happy, then I'll support you 100%."

    For what it's worth, I was reminded later that night that was the right answer. :love: :devil: :love:
  • carrotstick2012
    carrotstick2012 Posts: 161
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    I think you love the person you are with for who they are and don't require them to lose weight. It could be raised lovingly as a health concern but then in a supportive manner (for example, suggesting more physical activity as a couple thing - like going for walks together).

    I did suggest to my husband that he might need to eat more (particularly protein) and talked to him about whether he should consider protein drinks when he runs. The reason is he's bordering at the bottom of the healthy weight to underweight side but runs long distances so I'm not sure it was healthy for him to be doing things the way he is. Hope that wasn't bad.
  • gomisskellygo
    gomisskellygo Posts: 635 Member
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    My wife asked me once if I would be happier if she were skinnier. I answered her honestly, and the way I think most men, if they truly love their partner would answer -

    "I love you the way you are and I'm happiest when you're happy. And if being skinny is what makes you happy, then I'll support you 100%."

    For what it's worth, I was reminded later that night that was the right answer. :love: :devil: :love:

    Win!!
  • carrotstick2012
    carrotstick2012 Posts: 161
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    My wife asked me once if I would be happier if she were skinnier. I answered her honestly, and the way I think most men, if they truly love their partner would answer -

    "I love you the way you are and I'm happiest when you're happy. And if being skinny is what makes you happy, then I'll support you 100%."

    For what it's worth, I was reminded later that night that was the right answer. :love: :devil: :love:



    Win!!

    Good response. My husband doesn't really want me to lose any weight but he knows I am happier a bit lighter so supports that because he knows I need to be happy with myself. And I am confident he loves me whether I am heavier or lighter than now.
  • Celeigh12
    Celeigh12 Posts: 763 Member
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    “Lovers.. oh, that word bums me out unless it’s between meat and pizza.” - Liz Lemon
  • KaleidoscopeEyes1056
    KaleidoscopeEyes1056 Posts: 2,996 Member
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    If my boyfriend told me that EXPECTED me to lose weight, that would be the end of it. I'm sorry, but I don't expect him to change himself in any way, so he shouldn't expect me to either.

    Although, he does encourage me to be more active. When I'm kinda slacking and not feeling like going to the gym, he always offers to go with me to keep me company on the walk there or just so he can observe what I'm doing (he's in a wheelchair, so he can't really participate.) And he's agreed to be my running buddy. His wheelchair goes about 5 mph, so I can run along side him.
  • danaelizas
    danaelizas Posts: 22 Member
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    If your lover really loves you, he/she would accept you warts and all. Now for health reasons your lover should encourage and be supportive.
  • boggsmeister
    boggsmeister Posts: 292 Member
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    OP, I think your avatar poster says it all. I have always encouraged healthy behavior (even though I haven't always followed my own advice.) Skinny is great, but healthy is way, way better.

    I feel that way about my own body, why should'nt I feel that way about someone I love?
  • briscottcoach
    briscottcoach Posts: 24
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    My wife asked me once if I would be happier if she were skinnier. I answered her honestly, and the way I think most men, if they truly love their partner would answer -

    "I love you the way you are and I'm happiest when you're happy. And if being skinny is what makes you happy, then I'll support you 100%."

    For what it's worth, I was reminded later that night that was the right answer. :love: :devil: :love:

    You would get along well with my husband. He is a smart man too. :smile:
  • elri1908
    elri1908 Posts: 160 Member
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    I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.

    This might have come out a little harsher than you meant it, but boy oh boy if you were my husband (and you said it to me exactly in this way), you'd definitely come home to a serious load of trouble! If you stand by your words, I'd like to ask this: Have you given thought to the possibility that by running your wife down with remarks/ultimatums like this, you are making her feel unloved and unwanted and that's why she doesn't care about exercising / living healthy? :noway:

    On the other hand, you might be a great guy and you are just saying this to see what response you're gonna get from all the ladies out there. So, if you are sitting there eating popcorn and watching the drama unfold...shame on you! :angry:

    Happy Easter to all those who celebrate it! :smile:
  • Kebby83
    Kebby83 Posts: 232 Member
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    My husband is nothing but suppotive. He did say once that he wants to marry someone who weighs less than him, but I was more than him since before we met. He never asked me to do it but I did lose weight and weighed 20lb less than him on our wedding day.
  • shamrck44
    shamrck44 Posts: 91
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    I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.


    Lol..I would be HOT and you would be SINGLE. And poor.

    I know right?
  • korsicash
    korsicash Posts: 770 Member
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    My husband actually told me to gain the weight back, then I printed a pic of a woman with abs and the V and said this is my new want and he asked me not to because he didn't want to and I quote "bang a bag of lincoln logs". He is 140 lbs soaking wet, never works out and has muscle definition. He can um kiss my *kitten* I want to be healthy and I want to love myself and like what I see so I do this for me and it has never been about him. But had he told me to do it I would have probably bitten his head off.....
  • USMCConditioning
    USMCConditioning Posts: 84
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    I know it's gonna be hard for some people to understand and that is ok, but i told my wife that, when i'm in boot camp i hope for her to look better in 3 months than she does the day i leave. I'm not asking her to look like she did in high school, even though that would be so damn sexy. But I gotta think realistically with her goals and know that she's not as nearly enthusiastic about doing 40 or more minutes of cardio 5 days a week. But i won't take any excuses unless it's a physical problem where she breaks a bone or severely sprains a joint.

    This might have come out a little harsher than you meant it, but boy oh boy if you were my husband (and you said it to me exactly in this way), you'd definitely come home to a serious load of trouble! If you stand by your words, I'd like to ask this: Have you given thought to the possibility that by running your wife down with remarks/ultimatums like this, you are making her feel unloved and unwanted and that's why she doesn't care about exercising / living healthy? :noway:

    On the other hand, you might be a great guy and you are just saying this to see what response you're gonna get from all the ladies out there. So, if you are sitting there eating popcorn and watching the drama unfold...shame on you! :angry:

    Happy Easter to all those who celebrate it! :smile:

    I think people here are coming up with their own scenario's and think that i'm just being a pig or shallow, which is not the case. I invite her to workout with me every day i go. She knows that she is un-healthy and has bad eating habits, she is aware of the weight she has gained and she knows that she doesn't like the way she looks. I'll love her regardless of how she looks, But i won't tolerate a lazy wife who complains about being overweight and unhealthy, but doesnt get off the damn couch and work hard to change it. So all of you ladies who just bash me because i care about my wife enough to be honest with her, maybe to honest with her. Thats fine, bash all you wan't i don't give a rats *kitten*.
  • toglamgirl
    toglamgirl Posts: 26
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    Like most people here, I am tryingnto be healthy. My boyfriend is slim and in shape but he fell for me like I am. But because thus is something that I want, he is trying to support me in my journey.

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