Unsupportive husband

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  • naugustyniak
    naugustyniak Posts: 836 Member
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    When I wanted to go somewhere once my husband said "So I have to babysit the kids?" To which I replied "No. You are their father therefore you cannot "babysit" you will take care of them just as I do". In my opinion, a parent cannot "babysit" their own child AND unless he is just a sperm donor, he has as much responsibility for taking care of them as you do. Go to your class. Have a great time. The exercise class will also relieve some of the stress you will be feeling from this.
  • chickalistic
    chickalistic Posts: 14 Member
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    Is he unsupportive about other things that you wish to do? If so, I'd listen to all of those above. However, if this is something unusual for him (to not want you to go), it could be that he is afraid you're trying to improve yourself for someone else. Sometimes those of us who are insecure or have low self-esteem tend to freak out if we think we're about to be left. Perhaps you can swing him to your side by letting him know that getting in shape would be good for your marriage. After all, I more fit wife is almost like getting a new wife... while still keeping the one you love. :)
  • AZWildcatnNC
    AZWildcatnNC Posts: 178 Member
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    Just a couple of thoughts you could add to your arsenal for when you reopen the discussion - 2 hours a week away from the kids will have several other benefits that maybe he hasn't thought about:

    1) He'll get to spend "special time" with the kids that he can plan things just for them. Don't know the ages of yourkids, but I know my kids love those nights where dad's home early enough to put them to bed. They have their own little routine for those evenings and I don't interfere.

    2) Taking those two hours a week away from your family now will mean years added to your time with them later. We all know that weight can shorten one's life so this would be a way to insure you'll be around longer .

    3) If all that fails, one of the benefits to exercise is an increased libido. I've never known a man to turn that possibility down :laugh:

    Good luck!
  • Wecandothis
    Wecandothis Posts: 1,083 Member
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    Is he unsupportive about other things that you wish to do? If so, I'd listen to all of those above. However, if this is something unusual for him (to not want you to go), it could be that he is afraid you're trying to improve yourself for someone else. Sometimes those of us who are insecure or have low self-esteem tend to freak out if we think we're about to be left. Perhaps you can swing him to your side by letting him know that getting in shape would be good for your marriage. After all, I more fit wife is almost like getting a new wife... while still keeping the one you love. :)

    Wow VERY wise and insightful!
  • Helen43
    Helen43 Posts: 43
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    He'll definitely go for the increased libido. I'll try that angle too.:tongue:
  • twilight1542
    twilight1542 Posts: 403
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    Preface: I am not married nor do I have children, but I work in the field of Applied Behavioral Analysis, so changing behavior is what I do.

    That being said, demanding breeds resentment & asking often does not have the desired results. Explaining on the other hand has no negative results.

    So sit hubby down & have a conversation w/him. Explain why you want to take the class (all the above suggestions. Stress that it isn't for you, but for the family. You want to be happy & healthy. Have the energy to do what needs to be done....work, manage the household, spend time playing with the kids, etc. Have energy for him once the day is done :p).. And, most importantly, be around to see your kids grow up. I don't know what your current/goal weight is, but the list of obesity related potential medical problems is a long one. If he understands that this will better the lives of his entire family, he should be more accepting of your 2 hrs of "me" time. If that doesn't work, ask him if he would rather give you time for this class or run the risk of losing you & having to take care off the kids full-time, including bedtime!
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    That being said, demanding breeds resentment & asking often does not have the desired results. Explaining on the other hand has no negative results.


    I like that explanation!



    Bitter side note: too bad my estranged husband would listen but refuse to respond to my explanations, forcing me to demand. (jerk) :wink:
  • twilight1542
    twilight1542 Posts: 403
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    That being said, demanding breeds resentment & asking often does not have the desired results. Explaining on the other hand has no negative results.


    I like that explanation!



    Bitter side note: too bad my estranged husband would listen but refuse to respond to my explanations, forcing me to demand. (jerk) :wink:

    *LOL* There are always exceptions & clearly there are good reasons why he is an ex. Relationships of any kind: parent-child, husband-wife, friends, etc require communcation & compromise to be successful. If one member puts themself & their needs above the other the relationship may be doomed for failure. The relationship itself must be the priority of all involved to be most beneficial :)
  • Wecandothis
    Wecandothis Posts: 1,083 Member
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    I just want to say that I love this place, and how no matter what the post or problem, people come to give support and wise advice.

    You guys rock!
  • KatWood
    KatWood Posts: 1,135 Member
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    Great advice everyone! :flowerforyou:

    I agree. Take the class. He'll manage and may even grow to look forward to his alone time with the kids :happy:
  • MyKids04
    MyKids04 Posts: 178 Member
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    I will not bash your husband our men are ususally the way they are because we allowed them to be. And when we want to change it we realize we created a monster.

    So lets make this as easy as possible for him so you can get what you need.

    Lets start with dinner earlier in the week pre cook a meal and this way you can freeze it and that will cut out cooking. I don't know what time you get home from work but let your kids know that they have to take a bath at 6:30 and put their pajamas on. They don't have to go to bed but be ready. Then the only thing your husband has to do is have them brush their teeth and put them to bed.

    Regardless of the reason you are doing this you seem to be a very hard worker and your husband should give you that one thing talk to him good luck
  • amylynne26
    amylynne26 Posts: 195 Member
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    hey there... you've already got great advice and hopefully this will work out for you. :flowerforyou: I just wanted to add that people (including husbands lol) will rise to the bar that you set for them. So say that you're going to take this class, he's going to be home w/ the kids and you're going to do X, Y, and Z to make it easier for him. Maybe laying out the kids nightclothes, or setting them up with a special movie or something so they're "handled" for the two hours you're gone. It doesn't need to be argumentative, you don't even have to raise your voice. Just let him know this is what's happening and how it's all going to go down. i wouldn't even get into "why" you have to go. You are an adult, you made a plan and the necessary arrangements, and off you go. GOOD LUCK to you and let us know what happens!!:wink:

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