Am I a narcissist ?

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jrusso28
jrusso28 Posts: 249 Member
in Motivation and Support
According to Wikipedia the definition of "narcissism" often means egoism, vanity, conceit, or simple selfishness.

Why is it that when you tell those closest to you what you have been doing and working so hard at they cant just give you a simple "Way to go" or a "Congrats" ?

This story begins back on February of 2011.

I finally quit smoking, and decided to focus on my health.
I began using MFP, and took up cycling, running, and got myself into the gym during the colder winter months.
I started eating healthy foods, preparing my own meals, freezing them so I could take them to work with me during the week.
Doing a lot of the things I felt I should have been doing all along, but have never been committed enough to do in the past.

I have put in A LOT of hard work, I started getting results.
I have lost about 25 pounds, but more importantly I have become a healthier person.
I have not smoked a single cigarette in over a year!
I can run now, I have reached 6.5 miles doing 10 minute miles.
I have become a pretty good road cyclist, and I love doing it.
Last fall I rode 60 miles on a charity ride and raised over $1500.
This summer I have a goal to complete a half marathon, and I already have another 60 mile ride on the calendar for mid May!

Yesterday was Easter
I was fortunate enough to be with my family.
I don't get to see my family as often as I would like because I live pretty far away from them.
We got around to talking about things and I had mentioned that I had ridden with my local bike club on Saturday.
I was proud of the fact that I had ridden 30 miles with a faster group of guys than usual.
I was actually able to keep up with their pace, and I plan to continue with this group.
Its exciting to see myself progress.
I wasn't quite expecting the reaction I got.

The first remarks were that I am over doing it.
Second that I blow everything out of proportion, and that I get carried away.
That I am one of those weirdos that wears those tight shorts and looks like a geek, etc.

I tried to explain that I have worked my way up to this over the past year.
That I Enjoy riding and I track my progress with tools like MFP and Map My Ride for cycling and Running.
When they found out that I had posted some of my accomplishments on Facebook, I was branded a narcissist.

Apparently I am doing all of this to show off and to get attention.
I have to admit, I do enjoy when folks give me praise for my accomplishments.
When I post them on Facebook, its primarily to share my personal victories with my kids.
Let them know what dad has accomplished (My kids don't live with me).
I love it when I see my son or daughter compliment me and say they are proud of me.
But I don't think that makes me a narcissist.

I have learned early on that you cant expect folks to cheer you on.
I don't tell people how to eat or exercise. I don't share my accomplishments and personal victories
with many people because I know that the reactions are usually not what I want to hear.
But I would really love to have some of those who are closest to me to support me and cheer me on.
Its kind of sad really...

I have started living a healthier life and I have no intention of stopping.

Am I really a narcissist ?
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Replies

  • gomisskellygo
    gomisskellygo Posts: 635 Member
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    Absolutely not!! It seems that your family is jealous. You are doing great! I am inspired by reading your post!
  • jenbk2
    jenbk2 Posts: 623 Member
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    I think you are human- not a narcissist. Everyone loves to be praised If they are jealous of you and your accomplishments screw them. You are doing what is best for you and what makes you healthy. The only thing that could be a problem is if the weight loss and the exercise is ALL you talk about- that could be annoying.
  • rlmn
    rlmn Posts: 6 Member
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    That sounds awesome! Way to go you and you should be proud.
  • apvalletta
    apvalletta Posts: 110 Member
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    NO you are not. You are taking excellent care of yourself & should be proud. I just found a quote today that I was going to post on my page tomorrow, but I think you could use it now, so here it is: " The more you love your decisions, the less you need others to love them" -anonymous.
    I know it is hard to hear these things from your family but just keep doing what you are doing for you. Keep up the great work & stay strong & healthy. Best of luck to you!
    Andrea
  • ArtGeek22
    ArtGeek22 Posts: 1,429 Member
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    No way! Taking care of yourself is not selfish in the least! I am sorry your family is not supportive of your new lifestyle :ohwell:

    But your MFP family will keep cheering you on!!! :flowerforyou: (you have accomplish so much!)
  • slhtree
    slhtree Posts: 9
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    NO WAY! How sad that some people just can not be supportive. Please continue to do what you are doing...for YOU and your kids.
  • stacymay13
    stacymay13 Posts: 95 Member
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    NO! You should be proud of yourself. My jaw literally dropped when I read about what your family said. I'm so sorry they reacted that way. Keep up the fantastic work!!!!
  • 2kidsandadonut
    2kidsandadonut Posts: 140 Member
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    lol that is a Russo family for you! (I'm one too but probably not related to you) but it seems like whenever I bring up what I am doing it makes me self-centered. I think the problem is more that when people hear how well and see how well you are doing it makes them feel like they should be doing more. Usually, that means they feel bad and they turn it back on you saying that you are 'crazy' or 'doing too much' because they wish they were. Congrats on your success and keep going! (hopefully your Italian family didn't try to shove food on you like mine does!)
  • Behl9
    Behl9 Posts: 95 Member
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    Being proud of all of your hardwork and dedication is a far cry from being a narcissist.. Unfortunatley it seems your family just isn't into it. I've noticed that trying to talk about how proud you are of your progress often gets a negative response from those who aren't interested in their own fitness and in turn, are not interested in yours. I'm lucky to have my Dad and a few other family members that working hard towards their health and they help keep me pumped up. You have made a great investment in your health, keep on keeping on and maybe one day one of those relatives that brushed you off might ask you to motivate them!
  • annabellj
    annabellj Posts: 1,337 Member
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    no way! you should be very proud of all you have accomplished over the year. i think that is the problem with a lot of us on here. we discount the things we have done as not being a big deal, well it is! it takes a lot of hard work and dedication to keep going, getting up to workout when you dont feel like it, eat within your means. they are definitely jealous of your accomplishments and are just trying to bring you down a peg to their level!
  • ccnjc4e
    ccnjc4e Posts: 142 Member
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    What you described about is NOT being a nascissist. It's finding what makes YOU happy and healthy.
  • iKristine
    iKristine Posts: 288 Member
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    I think the serious get this at some point.

    I too was told, I was over doing it. That I wasn't 20 anymore... etc etc. No I'm not 20, but I can do more than most 20 year olds in the gym and in general.

    I think this comes from those who just simply dont understand health. The process of fitness, getting to a supreme and the reward that penetrates itself onto every faucet of your life. It's sad that others cannot fathom what that's like, without it being a character flaw of YOURS!

    I actually considered it a compliment, once the waves settled, the first time I was told I was doing too much. You know you've officially arrived, when your defending your routines. You really do!

    It will just take some time for them to understand all this. In the meantime, I would network with other people who are either in it too or, looking to be.

    I found that those who really understood what this meant to me, were more likely to praise me for every mile stone I did. Even if in time, I was not longer impressed with them.

    You should be proud, don't stop what your doing... just share the energy more!!!!
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
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    No, it is normal to desire support from friends and family. Sounds to me like they are slightly jealous. Or if they are anything like my family, we give each other a hard time about a lot of things, all in good fun though. Is it possible they were just messing with you and you were overly sensitive about it?
  • amandathegreat320
    amandathegreat320 Posts: 25 Member
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    Isn't if funny how family is the first to make you feel bad for feeling great?! At least once a week, my Mother tells me that I don't have to be so obsessive, I just need to practice moderation. Oh, and that if I spent less money at the gym I would be able to save more money!!!

    I have been able to say, "Thanks" and walk away. But of course, it ruins the rest of my day!!!!!
  • cruiseking
    cruiseking Posts: 338 Member
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    People who don't workout, just don't get it. What you do is incomprehensible to them. It would be like a billionaire explaining to me the advantages of NetJets vs. buying. It is a subject that will never ever effect me. Would I really be interested? Honestly, half heartedly. Others would just write him off as some rich blowhard. But other billionaires would fully engage in the conversation with him, because it may effect their life. It's not your families fault, you are just talking about things that are beyond their understanding. That is the best analogy that I can think of. Now go work on getting your mile per minute, down to a 9 min. mile :-)
  • MariaMariaM
    MariaMariaM Posts: 1,322 Member
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    You are not at narcissist at all. You are proud of your accomplishments and living a healthier lifestyle. You worked hard to get where you are at and deserve to show it.
    I am probably labeled a narcissist as well. In fact I am being told that I look to skinny and if I would like something to eat. I choose not to answer to comments like this. I eat a good amount of calories and can do more push ups and pull ups than the average woman. Let the haters be haters. They are just jelous of what you have accomplished.
  • Hernandeak11
    Hernandeak11 Posts: 351 Member
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    Congrats on all of your successes! You should be nothing but proud of them!

    I was apprehensive about showing comparison photos of myself on Facebook, but it was actually pretty liberating for me. A lot of people are supportive of my healthy lifestyle, and I even got a few private messages inquiring how I managed.
  • Hernandeak11
    Hernandeak11 Posts: 351 Member
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    People who don't workout, just don't get it. What you do is incomprehensible to them. It would be like a billionaire explaining to me the advantages of NetJets vs. buying. It is a subject that will never ever effect me. Would I really be interested? Honestly, half heartedly. Others would just write him off as some rich blowhard. But other billionaires would fully engage in the conversation with him, because it may effect their life. It's not your families fault, you are just talking about things that are beyond their understanding. That is the best analogy that I can think of. Now go work on getting your mile per minute, down to a 9 min. mile :-)

    Haha this is great, and very true!
  • minkakross
    minkakross Posts: 687 Member
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    I'm a mental health therapist and the narrative you gave would not meet the diagnostic definition of narcissism. That doesn't mean you're not a narcissist just that by that story alone you couldn't get a diagnosis. part of the reason people like to talk about their success on FB, with family or friends, is because we usually get positive feedback and that helps to keep us motivated. I think it might be healthy if you asked your family why they can't be supportive and would rather be dismissive and discouraging you either have some troubled underlying family dynamics that you're oblivious to or they are simply clueless how hurtful their words can be.
  • tcpowell25
    tcpowell25 Posts: 292
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    You are so NOT a narcissist. Thumbs up on quit smoking and the cycling. Unfortunatley, most of the time family and those close to us have a hard time adjusting to change. I won't say that they are jealous (I'm really trying to stay positive). Just keep your head and continue the good work.

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