How do you handle hurtful comments????
TheReese1206
Posts: 238
I've gone from a size 15 to a size 11. I am still working on it. I was 180lbs and am now 157lbs. I have 2 family members who say very hurtful things. One makes pig noises if I touch something not super healthy. I strive to eat great but there are OCCASIONS where I may have a can of soda or a SMALL piece of cake. He says it will make me fat or if I miss a day at the gym makes me feel like a failure. He makes me feel gross and like I'm a huge cow. My Gma just said to me yesterday "I don't understand how you're still so big after chasing your kids all day". Also she brought me a pair of pants several sizes larger then what I wear since she can see that I've put on weight. This all is like a huge stab at me and my hard work. How do you handle things like this? How do you not let it affect you?
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I usually shrug and say some variation of "Meh...whatever." It used to really bother me, but I'm pretty desensitized to that crap now. My advice is to give yourself five minutes to feel bad, then use "thought stopping" if the hurtful comments try to pop back up and get you down.0
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Knee to the groin...or sweep their feet from under them.
This works in most cases and often bears no need for repeating if done well the first time.0 -
Tell him you can always work to be smaller but there's nothing he can do about his small manhood size.0
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I'd always make fun of them back....I'm not gonna tell you to take the high road and ignore them, fight them back with your own words...and be hurtful back....an exception for the grammy though, I wouldn't do that
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Ahh, family the other "F" word.
Honestly? I'd limit my time with them, they sound toxic. I'd maybe say something like "I'm really proud that I've taken control of my health and had so much success with it. Is there something bothering you? I just ask because you really do like to put me down, and that's concerning to me."
You have to put your foot down with people like that. You can't please all the people all of the time, nor should you. There is always going to be someone to tell you what not to do. You do for you, no one else.
Congratulations! :flowerforyou:0 -
I don't want to be hateful or rude back. That's not me. I don't want to hurt them in return. I'm just not sure how to approach it.0
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They're counting on you not commenting, that's why they do it.
My suggestion isn't rude, lets them know you're proud and confident (even if you don't feel it), and that their comments are bothering you. If they continue, I would lessen the time spent with them.0 -
They don`t like or are jealous that you are taking control of your life...just enjoy the fact that they know it and can`t deal with it.0
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Q_Q
or
TT_TT
but seriously i don't care0 -
Knee to the groin...or sweep their feet from under them.
There is no mercy in this dojo!0 -
I used them as motivation...0
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I don't have any good advice, but I had to comment on the fact that the male family member sounds like a real @**hole!
Grandparents, I can dismiss, because they usually don't realize they are saying something mean (my M-I-L does stuff like that)0 -
I don't have any good advice, but I had to comment on the fact that the male family member sounds like a real @**hole!
Grandparents, I can dismiss, because they usually don't realize they are saying something mean (my M-I-L does stuff like that)
this
however in my family you talk caca you get it right back.0 -
Id tell them off. I've spent years being a doormat to people, I'm not the same person anymore. If you stand up for yourself, they may back down. They aren't perfect, I'm sure they've got flaws too.
You've come a long way and look fabulous, don't let these toxic family members get you down. :flowerforyou:0 -
I know. I have had family members who slam me too. Be like, "you wont' lose weight if you eat that." Or, "you are pretty but need to lose 40lbs." A lot of times, those peple are just really unhappy with themselves. People project on others what they feel inside. I dn't know if it's right in your situation, but just from my opinion.0
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I honestly would handle hurtful comments by avoiding the people making them. Sorry you have to go through that but that's great about your weight lost. I'm having a hard time loosing and I have people make mean comments but I am doing this for myself not them and I just avoid them. I am a person who gets deeply offended by comments like that that's why I try to avoid people like that. Hope they learn to stop being so hurtful0
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I don't think I've ever found a comment to be hurtful.0
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You have to use them as motivation. And realize that typically the people are jealous or in pain in some way in their own lives.0
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poke 'em in the gut with your index finger and make the Pillsbury Doughboy giggle. Keep it movin'. No one makes hurtful comments to me because I think they're afraid of the verbal a**whipping I might unleash on them. That, and there aren't many people in the world who could hurt me.0
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I'm heartless, I guess. I don't care how much DNA we share. If you say something that nasty, I don't need you in my life. That's it.0
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wow... seriously? i can't believe there are people out there that say that stuff, let alone to family members.
i know it must hurt, but you just need to keep doing what you are doing, and use it as motivation to work harder to your goals.
i had an uncle like that, not quite as rude, but yeah, i don't talk to him much.0 -
I'm sensitive, so I go home and cry to get it out of my system. BUT I do so without beating myself up. Then I use those comments as fuel for this fire burning inside :smokin:0
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bump0
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This is why we get to pick our friends.
Seriously, I cut off most of my "family" year ago due to abuse. I will not tolerate it any longer. I don't care who dishes it out, I am worth more than that, and I've let them know it. I'm not their doormat.0 -
I know of two young men who are very, very thin and self-conscious due to thoughtless things said in passing by their Grandmas. I'm sorry you've had to experience this pain. I guess I started the way I did to tell you that you're not alone. It's up to you whether you feel it's most helpful to confront or ignore. But, whichever path you go with - pick the one that's best for you. It might also help to have a mental picture of you at your best. It's kind of like "going to a happy place", but "go to your happy self". Whatever you do - don't let them be the cause of how you eat - be it too much (emotional eating would be entirely understandable in this case) or too little (trying to prove that you're a healthy eater). <HUGS>0
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I flat out told my Mother-in-Law I refused to let her speak to me that way. It worked. Now she is fatter than me and calls me skinny (which I am SoOoOOooo not, but hey - she's noticed) - ha ha!0
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Ahh, family the other "F" word.
Honestly? I'd limit my time with them, they sound toxic. I'd maybe say something like "I'm really proud that I've taken control of my health and had so much success with it. Is there something bothering you? I just ask because you really do like to put me down, and that's concerning to me."
You have to put your foot down with people like that. You can't please all the people all of the time, nor should you. There is always going to be someone to tell you what not to do. You do for you, no one else.
Congratulations! :flowerforyou:
^^^^^This. Great advice! They are not going to know how it upsets you unless you let them know. You can do it in a way that doesn't hurt their feelings. You have done such a great job and should be proud of yourself!0 -
I tend to cry.. I got a comment the other night i said "i have lost almost 8 kilo's in 4 weeks" my father in law replied with "do you mind me asking where you lost it from?"..... Gosh it hurt, i've never wanted to cry so much in my life, im working hard.. and im doing it.. im on week 5 of my 12 week plan and im way ahead of schedule
I weighed 84.7 kg's on the 11th of March and today on the 11th of April i weighed 77 kg's, i've only got 7 kilo's to go and im at my goal weight But i think ladies and gents you need to remember, you are trying whether they can see it or not, he doesnt mean anything to me, so why should his opinion matter more than my hubbys who is always telling me i look amazing and im getting smaller every day.! Im proud of me and my kids are proud of me. Thats all i need to keep going.! 0 -
Fortunately I don't have anyone in my life, family or otherwise, who would do anything like that. However if anyone, family or otherwise, did do that, they would get the tongue lashing of a lifetime. And I would not hold back.
It doesn't mean you are a b!tch, it means ou are not a doormat and won't that that crap from them.0 -
My mom has said some really ugly things... Nobody has the right to put you down. Family should be supportive. You are gorgeous! Before they can comment tell them how far you can run or how much weight you can lift. Change the subject to something they love talking about. (themselves)
They may be very comfortable with you and think in some way they are 'helping' but it's not right. They may feel threatened that you are bettering yourself.. (and they are not) that is not right. We all deserve to be the healthy, happy person we have within us.0
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