How do you handle hurtful comments????

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  • engineman312
    engineman312 Posts: 3,450 Member
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    wow... seriously? i can't believe there are people out there that say that stuff, let alone to family members.

    i know it must hurt, but you just need to keep doing what you are doing, and use it as motivation to work harder to your goals.

    i had an uncle like that, not quite as rude, but yeah, i don't talk to him much.
  • secretiive
    secretiive Posts: 121 Member
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    I'm sensitive, so I go home and cry to get it out of my system. BUT I do so without beating myself up. Then I use those comments as fuel for this fire burning inside :smokin:
  • ShalisaClam
    ShalisaClam Posts: 190
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    bump
  • raevynn
    raevynn Posts: 666 Member
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    This is why we get to pick our friends.

    Seriously, I cut off most of my "family" year ago due to abuse. I will not tolerate it any longer. I don't care who dishes it out, I am worth more than that, and I've let them know it. I'm not their doormat.
  • happypath101
    happypath101 Posts: 534
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    I know of two young men who are very, very thin and self-conscious due to thoughtless things said in passing by their Grandmas. I'm sorry you've had to experience this pain. I guess I started the way I did to tell you that you're not alone. It's up to you whether you feel it's most helpful to confront or ignore. But, whichever path you go with - pick the one that's best for you. It might also help to have a mental picture of you at your best. It's kind of like "going to a happy place", but "go to your happy self". Whatever you do - don't let them be the cause of how you eat - be it too much (emotional eating would be entirely understandable in this case) or too little (trying to prove that you're a healthy eater). <HUGS>
  • LemonBurns
    LemonBurns Posts: 538 Member
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    I flat out told my Mother-in-Law I refused to let her speak to me that way. It worked. Now she is fatter than me and calls me skinny (which I am SoOoOOooo not, but hey - she's noticed) - ha ha!
  • msunluckythirteen
    msunluckythirteen Posts: 335 Member
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    Ahh, family the other "F" word.

    Honestly? I'd limit my time with them, they sound toxic. I'd maybe say something like "I'm really proud that I've taken control of my health and had so much success with it. Is there something bothering you? I just ask because you really do like to put me down, and that's concerning to me."

    You have to put your foot down with people like that. You can't please all the people all of the time, nor should you. There is always going to be someone to tell you what not to do. You do for you, no one else.

    Congratulations! :flowerforyou:


    ^^^^^This. Great advice! They are not going to know how it upsets you unless you let them know. You can do it in a way that doesn't hurt their feelings. You have done such a great job and should be proud of yourself!
  • ZoeAstin
    ZoeAstin Posts: 3
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    I tend to cry.. I got a comment the other night i said "i have lost almost 8 kilo's in 4 weeks" my father in law replied with "do you mind me asking where you lost it from?"..... Gosh it hurt, i've never wanted to cry so much in my life, im working hard.. and im doing it.. im on week 5 of my 12 week plan and im way ahead of schedule :D I weighed 84.7 kg's on the 11th of March and today on the 11th of April i weighed 77 kg's, i've only got 7 kilo's to go and im at my goal weight :D But i think ladies and gents you need to remember, you are trying whether they can see it or not, he doesnt mean anything to me, so why should his opinion matter more than my hubbys who is always telling me i look amazing and im getting smaller every day.! Im proud of me and my kids are proud of me. Thats all i need to keep going.! :D
  • JoolieW68
    JoolieW68 Posts: 1,879 Member
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    Fortunately I don't have anyone in my life, family or otherwise, who would do anything like that. However if anyone, family or otherwise, did do that, they would get the tongue lashing of a lifetime. And I would not hold back.

    It doesn't mean you are a b!tch, it means ou are not a doormat and won't that that crap from them.
  • Sp1nGoddess
    Sp1nGoddess Posts: 1,138 Member
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    My mom has said some really ugly things... Nobody has the right to put you down. Family should be supportive. You are gorgeous! Before they can comment tell them how far you can run or how much weight you can lift. Change the subject to something they love talking about. (themselves)

    They may be very comfortable with you and think in some way they are 'helping' but it's not right. They may feel threatened that you are bettering yourself.. (and they are not) that is not right. We all deserve to be the healthy, happy person we have within us.
  • cjr312
    cjr312 Posts: 23 Member
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    I would show them confidence.

    Even if they are your family, don't take their comments personally. Shrug it off your shoulders. Believe in yourself and what you are doing because in the end, you'll get the last laugh when they see you shed all that weight off. I know its difficult sometimes, but they continue with their negative comments because they know it gets to you. Show no fear. Laugh with them and show love and patience to counteract their ignorance. Eventually, they'll realize that nothing they say will sway you from being amazing and wonderful with your weight loss journey.

    If all else fails, use your MFP friends for support when you feel down. If you are not getting it at home, you'll definitely get it here =)
  • gmctech
    gmctech Posts: 103 Member
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    I'm used to it at work... Where I work it's a daily occurence, but we chalk it up to the environment in which we work, the stress levels due to responsibility, quotas, deadlines... etc etc... we all blow our tops every now and then... BUT if you're going to spew out hurtful comments at me in everyday life, like when i'm home??? I will go Chernobyl on your *ss..... Ask my friends LoL... When they see that they can take my pulse from about three feet away from me, they usually warn the offender to run and run now! LoL
  • kb455
    kb455 Posts: 679 Member
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    That's terrible :( I can't imagine family saying things like that to one another. But, like others have said, use their ignorant remarks as your driving force. Show them what you can do. You've done so well already. Keep up the great work!
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
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    I'm heartless, I guess. I don't care how much DNA we share. If you say something that nasty, I don't need you in my life. That's it.

    Me too, blood is never thicker than water for me. Sorry :devil:
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    Family gets a harsher treatment than strangers. If my family treated me like that, I'd tell them they were *kitten* and leave. I have walked out of Christmas day, birthdays, family movie nights.. you name it. You **** with me, you don't see me. It's taken 31 years, but I have finally gotten to a point with my fam that they approach me respectfully when they need to address something, and they don't try to pull me in to their bullsh!t.
  • bushidowoman
    bushidowoman Posts: 1,599 Member
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    Goodness, I'm sorry you are having to deal with this! I know that even when you feel proud of what you have done, other people can tear it all down and make it seem like nothing. Girl, don't let them take it from you. You are doing awesome!
    Maybe just try the direct approach with them? Something along the lines of "I've just lost ## pounds on my own without you telling me what to eat or not eat. I don't appreciate your rude comments. I'm proud of my progress."
    Repeat every single time they make a rude comment.
  • ajball90
    ajball90 Posts: 211 Member
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    Ahh, family the other "F" word.

    Honestly? I'd limit my time with them, they sound toxic. I'd maybe say something like "I'm really proud that I've taken control of my health and had so much success with it. Is there something bothering you? I just ask because you really do like to put me down, and that's concerning to me."

    You have to put your foot down with people like that. You can't please all the people all of the time, nor should you. There is always going to be someone to tell you what not to do. You do for you, no one else.

    Congratulations! :flowerforyou:

    I agree with this. It isn't being mean to them at all, but still standing up to them.
  • beeker75
    beeker75 Posts: 109
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    Definitely toxic! I agree with limiting time with the jerk. It's true that Grammas say stuff hurtful and mean, but I dont believe they mean to hurt your feelings. When I gained my weight, mine said, in front of the WHOLE family "Wow! You are getting FAT!" I basically hated her for it. Less than 6 months later she was gone, and I never forgave her. I regret that. You are beautiful, and have come a long way, that's a lot of inches! You are on your way to a more healthy lifestyle! If they cant understand that, or deal with it, then they dont deserve your time! I know it hurts, a lot. But dont let it run your life! You have done an amazing job!!!
  • rextcat
    rextcat Posts: 1,408 Member
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  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
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    I don't see them much, and when I do they usually only say things behind my back. my in-laws are the worst always telling my wife that she should find someone better that makes more money and isn't as fat. they won't say it to my face because they are all fugly so it would be the pot calling the kettle black.

    I usually ignore that stuff and just don't come around when they decide to be fockers like that.

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