How do you handle hurtful comments????

13

Replies

  • mikda999
    mikda999 Posts: 41 Member
    This is why we get to pick our friends.

    Seriously, I cut off most of my "family" year ago due to abuse. I will not tolerate it any longer. I don't care who dishes it out, I am worth more than that, and I've let them know it. I'm not their doormat.

    Exactly! I'm not talking to my grandma right now. I told her I was eating healthy and refused to take the rest of a cake home and she came back with, "How much weight do you plan to put on this time? You know you're never going to be thin? You're just wasting all our time with this, just go have the surgery and be done, and if you die then you won't have to suffer anymore and don't have to worry about you."

    Anyway, besides not talking to them, I just try let it all roll off. People are going to be rude, and family is by far the worst offenders. I'm the nice one so I don't dish it back, but I've been known to say things to myself. When I'm working out by myself or with my husband we say totally naughty things about our family. It helps keep me motivated when my legs burn and I don't think I finish the last 5 minutes of my work out. :D
  • LisaD1021
    LisaD1021 Posts: 42 Member
    I'm not sure what your relationship is with your Gma, mine (both of them) had a habit of sayint hurtful things without meaning to be hurtful. (Like they had NO filter) You might try telling her in a non confrontational way that she's hurting your feelings. My former MIL once offered me some pants a couple of sizes too small for me and I just told her "I don't wear that size, but thanks for thinking of me."
    As for the dipstick making rude noises and comments on your time in the gym...tell him to

    1. Grow up! and
    2. Try one day in your shoes taking care of your home and kids and then see if he might need an occasional sugar hit!

    Then go look in the mirror and see what a beautiful, thin, person you are.

    Your family is very blessed to have you! Keep up the good work!
  • CoralConnor
    CoralConnor Posts: 42 Member
    Just tell them (especially this HE you refer to) you won't stand for it and tell them how it makes you feel!!!! This is important. And if they don't respect that you won't stand for it, and continue, you have the right to spend less time around them. Actually you always have that option. But first, call them out on it. I agree with a previous comment. They say hurtful things thinking they can get away with it. This doesn't make them bad people, its just human nature sometimes... Make sure you stick up for yourself and your needs. And right now you need SUPPORT.

    "if you dont have anything nice to say don't say anything at all" Maybe they need a reminder.
  • CrazyLazyStylist
    CrazyLazyStylist Posts: 65 Member
    I don't want to be hateful or rude back. That's not me. I don't want to hurt them in return. I'm just not sure how to approach it.

    You dont have to be hateful to get your point across, a simple 'unn un, dont EVER do that" right after they say something gets your point across. Your feelings are valid too. :)
  • PennyNickel14
    PennyNickel14 Posts: 749 Member
    I've gone from a size 15 to a size 11. I am still working on it. I was 180lbs and am now 157lbs. I have 2 family members who say very hurtful things. One makes pig noises if I touch something not super healthy. I strive to eat great but there are OCCASIONS where I may have a can of soda or a SMALL piece of cake. He says it will make me fat or if I miss a day at the gym makes me feel like a failure. He makes me feel gross and like I'm a huge cow. My Gma just said to me yesterday "I don't understand how you're still so big after chasing your kids all day". Also she brought me a pair of pants several sizes larger then what I wear since she can see that I've put on weight. This all is like a huge stab at me and my hard work. How do you handle things like this? How do you not let it affect you?

    I love you and I am sorry that we can not spend time together until you treat me with respect .
  • CrazyLazyStylist
    CrazyLazyStylist Posts: 65 Member
    I don't want to be hateful or rude back. That's not me. I don't want to hurt them in return. I'm just not sure how to approach it.

    You dont have to be hateful to get your point across, a simple 'unn un, dont EVER do that" right after they say something gets your point across. Your feelings are valid too. :)

    BTW, I dont think you need to get into some whole big story on why it makes you feel whatever way. It lets them defend their actions, and its not a heart to heart, its a 'dont fn do that again'
  • robindina
    robindina Posts: 157 Member
    Look them in the eye, shrug and enjoy the soda or piece of cake. Family always know what buttons to push so I've learned to ignore the negative family members and realize they are just jealous.
  • nikkiespo
    nikkiespo Posts: 42
    This weekend I was around family that I only see occasionally. Everyone commented on the fact that I'm getting slimmer. But, like everyone else, I reached for a small slice of cake ( strawberry shortcake homemade!!!) My aunt looked at me with basically disgust and said "that is not on your diet." I looked back at her and said " well I'm loosing weight and have been on this diet for a little over 2 months. You've been on weight watchers for years and haven't lost a thing. I think I know what I can and can't eat." and popped it in my mouth. Maybe it was harsh for me to say that to her, but it let her know that I'm serious about this and won't take negative comments....
  • cloud2011
    cloud2011 Posts: 898 Member
    Maybe start having a little fun with them, if you can. Tell them you are involved in a dieting cult and we said you can eat whatever you like and still lose weight, and it's working. Tell them how much weight you've lost eating ANYTHING you like!
  • JennieAL
    JennieAL Posts: 1,726 Member
    After picking my dropped jaw up off the floor (people who know me know I won't accept being talked to this way... I've rarely had family members say this kind of **** to me), I'd probably laugh in their face... actually, all it would take is one raised eyebrow and they'd never do it again. I don't enjoy verbally abusing others, and I don't like it done to me.

    Please assert yourself to your family members & friends... simply let them know this hurts you, and you will no longer tolerate it... and stick to your guns.
  • KeepOnMoving
    KeepOnMoving Posts: 383 Member
    I want to say congratulations on your down sizing of clothes! That is a huge accomplishment! I am sorry to hear that people say such rude stuff. I think once you stick to your goals and get even leaner, they will eventually get old and weary of their comments and give it up. Don't forget muscle weighs more than fat.

    Hang in there! You got our support! :flowerforyou:
  • snewsome7
    snewsome7 Posts: 189
    I used them as motivation...

    ^^This!

    But first of all I must say, you are BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!! Like healthy model gorgeous, don't look like you've had 4 kids beautiful!

    I know this is really hard to hear, especially from family members. My mom and grandfather have made comments the past couple years about me. But definitely use this to fuel your fire. Use it to motivate you and push harder every day. You are making GREAT progress! Try not to let it get you down. We are all here for you!!
  • AlayshaJ
    AlayshaJ Posts: 703 Member
    When I first started talking about lifting weights and getting muscle my husband would tell me I was going to look like a lesbian (in a derogatory manner) and that it wasn't attractive. I told him that I didn't care what he thought, that I wasn't doing this for him. Its for me. He hasn't spoken of my looking like a lesbian yet, so yeah..

    Just ignore them, or tell them that they are being rude and you don't appreciate it.
  • TheReese1206
    TheReese1206 Posts: 238
    Thank you all very much for the advice. I truly appreciate it.
  • Justacoffeenut
    Justacoffeenut Posts: 3,749 Member
    I don't know how to put on pictures. But I printed this out for myself

    http://www.friendship-quotes.info/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/thing.25686972.l.jpg

    I know it's and old expression but let it run off you like water off a ducks back. If you can't use it a motivation to show them just what you can do. If it really get to you to the point you are about to :explode: while you are calm explain to them how their hurtful words while they may seem a joke to them really effect you. And you would more then appreciate that they stop and don't say them anymore.

    Be proud of what you have done.
  • SofaKingRad
    SofaKingRad Posts: 1,592 Member
    It sucks when that happens. I had someone I thought was a friend recently say things to me and about me that we're hurtful only because I spent so much effort in helping them out. Immediately I stopped being in contact with them because they are just self absorbed and can't recognize that they only truly. Are about themselves. Your best bet is to drop them because they will only bring you down. People suck, hence why I don't let people get to know me anymore :-)
  • hoosier_red
    hoosier_red Posts: 57
    Knee to the groin...or sweep their feet from under them.

    This works in most cases and often bears no need for repeating if done well the first time.

    What he said.
  • taunto
    taunto Posts: 6,420 Member
    Smile, nod, say "You're right" and "ok" and "yup" and go about doing your own thing. This kind of treatment is reserved for family only.

    When somebody who's not family, go with "Go F*** yourself".
  • Fozzyspotts
    Fozzyspotts Posts: 50 Member
    I've gone from a size 15 to a size 11. I am still working on it. I was 180lbs and am now 157lbs. I have 2 family members who say very hurtful things. One makes pig noises if I touch something not super healthy. I strive to eat great but there are OCCASIONS where I may have a can of soda or a SMALL piece of cake. He says it will make me fat or if I miss a day at the gym makes me feel like a failure. He makes me feel gross and like I'm a huge cow. My Gma just said to me yesterday "I don't understand how you're still so big after chasing your kids all day". Also she brought me a pair of pants several sizes larger then what I wear since she can see that I've put on weight. This all is like a huge stab at me and my hard work. How do you handle things like this? How do you not let it affect you?

    You seriously need to tell these people to F@@k off!!! Tell them to get out of your life if they are not going to get on board and be positive about your efforts. Bully's don't like being bullied. So let 'em have it!!
  • CrazyLazyStylist
    CrazyLazyStylist Posts: 65 Member
    And next time you cut a SMALL piece of cake place it on a napkin for them, grab the rest of the cake on the cake pan and leave with it :drinker: Peace out Grams
  • cindy4mica
    cindy4mica Posts: 777 Member
    A big "GFY" usually works for me. Immature, but makes me feel better, too. :bigsmile:
  • cindy4mica
    cindy4mica Posts: 777 Member
    And next time you cut a SMALL piece of cake place it on a napkin for them, grab the rest of the cake on the cake pan and leave with it :drinker: Peace out Grams

    LOL!
  • hopefulfuturexox
    hopefulfuturexox Posts: 12
    My best friend has a family like that, she basically just tries her best to ignore people who makes hurtful comments.x
  • youngmum
    youngmum Posts: 114
    They sound horrible! Hmm... I think they sound just awful and I agree with the comments that you should limit your time with them.. Or perhaps not so much avoid them but focus instead on spending more time with the people you come across who are supportive, so by trying to spend more time with nice people what happens is you have less time for the mean people, just as something that naturally occurs rather than trying to avoid them purposely. Also try not to let it get to you. It's easy to say that, but hard to do in practice, however you know that you've lost weight and you are getting better at looking after yourself. You know that you are not a pig or anything like that. You know it, and it's true. Keep doing what you're doing, and eventually they'll notice too, and maybe you'll be able to suggest healthy fun things for them to do with you or you'll be the one bring the healthy option along with you for the pot luck or whatever and they'll start realizing that actually you know what you're doing and you're healthy and maybe they'll start respecting you and asking for your advice with their diets or exercise programs.. who knows? Just don't become negative back, it's soul destroying & a waste of your time & energy - energy that needs to be invested into doing good things for yourself and those you want to do good things for, not on being upset or angry.
  • Fairy_Farts
    Fairy_Farts Posts: 166 Member
    At this point in my life I've learned there is no room in my home/life/heart for toxicity. Be you friend, family, whatever. Support me or find the door. Life is too short, time is too precious and there are plenty of people who will cherish me. Might be cold but I've wasted far too much of myself on people who don't deserve me. :)

    I SOOOOO ditto this!!! ^^^^^^^

    I'm not a doormat anymore, and I have no problem making that clear.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,989 Member
    I am grateful that you're worried about me, but your approach to helping me isn't working, it's causing me to feel worse about my situation.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
  • RoboLikes
    RoboLikes Posts: 519 Member
    Negative people, family or not, I cut out of my life.
  • buzzcogs
    buzzcogs Posts: 296 Member
    Tell them weight can be lost but MEAN seems to stick! (Wow! they must have issues to be so mean!) Some people are such jerks they can't help themselves.
  • minnesota_deere
    minnesota_deere Posts: 232 Member
    I've gone from a size 15 to a size 11. I am still working on it. I was 180lbs and am now 157lbs. I have 2 family members who say very hurtful things. One makes pig noises if I touch something not super healthy. I strive to eat great but there are OCCASIONS where I may have a can of soda or a SMALL piece of cake. He says it will make me fat or if I miss a day at the gym makes me feel like a failure. He makes me feel gross and like I'm a huge cow. My Gma just said to me yesterday "I don't understand how you're still so big after chasing your kids all day". Also she brought me a pair of pants several sizes larger then what I wear since she can see that I've put on weight. This all is like a huge stab at me and my hard work. How do you handle things like this? How do you not let it affect you?
  • minnesota_deere
    minnesota_deere Posts: 232 Member
    I don't want to be hateful or rude back. That's not me. I don't want to hurt them in return. I'm just not sure how to approach it.

    well it looks like your going to be getting hurt until you get strong, start crying your eyes out and show the real emotion that you are truely feeling and go on about I just want a piece of cake, can i please have one? than get on your knees and beg to them. that should make them feel like crap.

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