Partners with unhealthy diets

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  • PinkiePie07
    PinkiePie07 Posts: 103 Member
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    I live with my boyfriend and his best friend. They both can eat whatever they want (mostly junk) non-stop and not gain anything. At first it was kind of hard for me to lose with it going on (since I ended up eating most of the same stuff). We kind of made a bargain though. Instead of buying all junk food we'd split it and we'd buy healthy, specifically for me, and they can have what they want. I don't eat their food, they don't eat mine. That's usually how we do breakfast and lunch. For dinner I'll cook my own food and they'll cook theirs. Either that, or they'll cook my food along with theirs (example grilling) but they won't load my share up with sodium and fats. Then for sides, same thing. I'll make it with what I can have in it, and if they want to add salt after, they can, just as long as my share isn't "contaminated" with it. I won't lie, it's kind of a hassle, but I won't/can't force my diet on them and in return they won't sabotage my diet with their sodium and fats.
  • Cndressing
    Cndressing Posts: 36
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    Switch to turkey bacon and learn to cook healthy but delicious food that still have flavor but have more veggies and stuff. Make him love the healthy! I always find it easier to manage my intake of food if i cook it and constantly look at the calorie intake. Its easier to put food in your mouth if you just have a plate full of it and u dont add it up before u put it together. Plus U can always tell him to make only for himself and make u a part of it without the bacon or cheese and what not.
  • SassyCalyGirl
    SassyCalyGirl Posts: 1,932 Member
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    you worry about YOU and your meals-let your partner worry about theirs!
  • KrazyAsianNic
    KrazyAsianNic Posts: 1,227 Member
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    This is a hard one. I know my boyfriend didn't want to join the ban wagon with me, even though he could do with losing a couple pounds or just toning up. However, one weekend we were able to spend it together and I cooked every meal. Maybe once he tries what you're eating, he'll be able to meet you halfway somtimes. I know my BF is not as serious as me, so when we do decide to eat out to keep him happy, I just try to do my best to record whatever it is I choose. But do whatever keeps you on track!
  • cjpg
    cjpg Posts: 433 Member
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    My problem is a pretty complicated.

    When I first dated my gf, I was pretty healthy. But for a number of reasons I won't go into, I stopped all my exercise and began eating like a maniac. During this period of time I would all too often convince my gf to eat the junk foods I'd guzzle down and continue pestering about wanting mcdonalds, kfc, pizza, chocolates... I was a child! But she would normally give in. But she wouldn't gain weight because she'd always eat healthy when I wasn't around lol.

    Anyway, after SEVEN YEARS of this, I can't blame her for taking up the occasional habit of craving junk foods. I blame myself for always wanting it. I've lost 22 kgs with MFP's help and now the roles have reversed - I'm the one normally giving in.

    I guess it's a massively confusing circle that my relationship with her is going through. The only way I make myself sane is by just letting go of the past and taking each day as it comes. When I feel that I can maintain my diet with the intake of junk food, or at least work it off the next day, I indulge in it with her. More often than not though we are getting in the habit of wanting healthy foods together. So it's a transition, I guess.
  • Feel_the_Waltz
    Feel_the_Waltz Posts: 29 Member
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    My husband is the same way. Cheese is its own food group in my house... My approach is to focus on me. He can do whatever damage to his body he chooses...it is ultimately his choice and he will have to deal with the consequences. Me, however, I will not cave to his preferences. I mean, sure I'll steal a fry or two off his plate to reinforce why i shouldn't eat them (weird, right?) but I won't order what he orders.

    And it's a bit different in that I'm married and provide the household food... Good luck! Don't give in. Just stay focused... you can do it! (in this case, it is TRULY ALL ABOUT YOU!)

    :smile:

    I guess for me that's been the toughest realization, that it IS all about me. These are my goals, not his. But isn't it so much easier to be fit and healthy when temptation is out of reach (out of sight, out of mind!)? I gotta give my boyfriend props, though, because he does make an effort to accommodate my needs, whether it be going out to Chick-Fil-A to grab something for me when he wants Five Guys or buying extra veggies for dinner

    For him it's more about the quality of his food. He truly does want to enjoy his food(real homemade mac & cheese over the box stuff) which usually involves really rich ingredients whose calorie count would make every one of you cringe :0 I am perfectly fine with indulging from time to time, but it's getting more and more difficult to enjoy a meal together that doesn't hinder my efforts.
  • danielleburwell97060
    danielleburwell97060 Posts: 264
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    I'm a seriously picky eater so my fiance and I usually eat separate meals anyways. This would be my suggestion. Let him eat what he wants. Indulge a LITTLE if you feel you want it so you aren't depriving yourself, but just do a diet for yourself. It works fine for me and my fiance.
  • janetful
    janetful Posts: 12 Member
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    I am abolutely there with you! My husband eats apple pies, fried anything. He is better, but it's so hard to resist when he has it in his hands, or in the house. I don't always resist. If I want a baked McD's apple pie I have it and work it in the calories. It's more of a challenge trying to get them to understand how unhealthy their habits are. The fact that they can eat and not gain maybe makes it even worse....Good luck. I try to impart healthier eating to him and he keep trying to hand me those darn pies :)
  • Feel_the_Waltz
    Feel_the_Waltz Posts: 29 Member
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    Last year, I watched what I ate while my boyfriend ate whatever he wanted. We live together, and you can ask anyone, we are inseparable. There was temptation everywhere, but I decided that I was going to stick to it. He ate pizza while watching me do Insanity.

    Honestly, there's no good way except to just do it. If you want something bad enough, you will make no excuses. Now the tables are turned and I eat whatever I want and he's trying to lose weight. Oh well...Its on him if he lets temptation get the best of him.

    Very true. I know that despite not being where I ideally want to be (I'm a healthy weight, but need to tone up), there are many benefits to me sticking with this lifestyle. For example, this past Spring Break we did some mountain biking and I was able to outpace him because I am in much better shape than him.

    I just gotta focus on those type of benefits and tweak some of the meals to increase their nutritional value. And it looks like all that junk food is catching up, so he has switched from whole milk to 2% and juice cocktail to reduced sugar. I NEVER would have thought he'd do that willingly!
  • Feel_the_Waltz
    Feel_the_Waltz Posts: 29 Member
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    I've basically tailored the food in our house to meet both of our needs. He isn't trying to lose weight, but I am. I sat my bf down and told him look, we both need to be eating healthy foods to set a good example for my son (he's 5), so we're not keeping crap in our house. Sometimes, we'll get something together that's not so good for us, but it's a treat and I plan for it in my calorie intake. The good thing is, he doesn't cook or do the grocery shopping, so it's pretty easy for me to control what kind of food is in our house.

    When it comes to take out or drive through stuff, I'm actually SUPER proud of him for making the changes I've made too. I don't begrudge him a cheeseburger here or some bacon there, but since explaining to him how much it helps me when he makes healthy changes too, he's been awesome. He actually thanked me for helping him eat healthier too, and he's started hitting the gym with me as well. Making it kind of a team effort to be really healthy and fit has made it easier for him to opt for a grilled chicken salad rather than a burger and fries if we're driving through somewhere. Instead of grabbing breakfast tacos, now he has a whole grain bagel with peanut butter on it. It helps if I fix it for him and hand it to him before he heads out the door for work in the morning so he doesn't have to worry about it. Sure, he can take care of himself, but come on guys, don't act like you don't like it when your girl fixes food for you :)

    Also, our 10 year high school reunion just got announced for September (we graduated together) so he's feeling the same pressure I am to look good haha

    Haha, oh how I fantasize that my boyfriend will join me at the gym and order a SALAD for lunch :D He's made a few changes to his diet, and I think that since the junk food is catching up, he will be more prone to making better choices. One of the biggest problems in suggesting healthier alternatives is his aversion to "diets" (think extremist diets) and meathead gym culture. He'd rather eat a cheeseburger and go out on a one hour hike(rather than do cardio or lifting at the gym) to burn it off. And hey, I'm down with that, but sorry babe, a one hour hike isn't enough to take care of that cheeseburger, fries, and 32oz coke.
  • runnercheryl
    runnercheryl Posts: 1,314 Member
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    Nothing wrong with adapting meals, and having one or two separately. That's what we do.

    He has steak and chips, I have a different potato product and some vegetables. He has a beef spaghetti bolognese, I have a turkey one. Occasionally, I'll have pizza with him, but other times I can let him have pizza and take the opportunity to eat one of the many things he wouldn't touch.

    Our separate meals enable him to have all the things I don't want to eat, or have as a regular part of our diet, and they allow me to enjoy foods he would never eat. His snacks are no concern of mine.
  • Feel_the_Waltz
    Feel_the_Waltz Posts: 29 Member
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    Baby steps. Slowly introduce him to some of the healthy foods you are eating. Make it a challenge for him when cooking. Ask/challenge him to make a tasty and healthy meal. Guys like challenges!
    I worked on my better half slowly for about a year and she gradually started eating less crap and more of the healthier foods I was eating. Now, I am proud to say, she is looking for healthy alternatives and has cut WAY back on soda and sweets - substituting in water, juice and fruit.

    Will definitely take this advice. I don't want to nag because I think that it's counterproductive and builds resentment for both parties, but I would love it if my boyfriend started finding ways to make health a priority. Baby steps, baby steps :)
  • Feel_the_Waltz
    Feel_the_Waltz Posts: 29 Member
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    Nothing wrong with adapting meals, and having one or two separately. That's what we do.

    He has steak and chips, I have a different potato product and some vegetables. He has a beef spaghetti bolognese, I have a turkey one. Occasionally, I'll have pizza with him, but other times I can let him have pizza and take the opportunity to eat one of the many things he wouldn't touch.

    Our separate meals enable him to have all the things I don't want to eat, or have as a regular part of our diet, and they allow me to enjoy foods he would never eat. His snacks are no concern of mine.

    I think because he lives two hours away and we only see each other every weekend that our meals serve as an "event," and so he likes to cook something extravagant(read: fattening) to make our time together extra special. But as we're hitting our 1 year mark, I think it's time to consider separate meals (I can't believe it never occurred to me before! We're SUPPOSED to do EVERYTHING together! haha, fresh love). I'll try separate meals this weekend and see how it works out. I'm very optimistic :)
  • GretelPetal91
    GretelPetal91 Posts: 84
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    My boyfriend literally drags me out of the fresh food section of the shops, and into the chips and soft drink section and throws a childish tantrum if I try to tell him to lay off the junk food.
    He also takes his beloved junk food into bed with us so he can go to sleep with the wonderful salt and sugar dancing in his mouth.

    And I have to admit, sometimes I can't help joining in a little
  • Feel_the_Waltz
    Feel_the_Waltz Posts: 29 Member
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    ooh! another thing! In terms of cals in and cals out and net cals, maybe you could also shoot for being more active. Maybe y'all are pigging out, but are you also going on long romantic walks? Playing sports together? Dancing? You know...physical "stuff"? That adds up as well :)


    haha, yea, we're definitely an active couple, but the only problem is that most of the time it doesn't balance out. He's under the impression that a 1 hour hike will balance out the 3 days of fast food he had, but his new belly is evidence to the contrary.

    But that's okay, thanks to all of this advice I feel more empowered than ever to just focus on myself, make my own meals, and hopefully inspire him to adapt healthier choices (no nagging!). I will not use him as an excuse to fall off the bandwagon, but at the same time I wont let him decide what I eat.
  • Feel_the_Waltz
    Feel_the_Waltz Posts: 29 Member
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    I have this exact same problem with my boyfriend.
    He has no concern about what he eats.
    And he NEVER exercises.
    He drinks a lot of beer mostly dark stouts, porters, eats candy, cupcakes, drinks soda, sugary coffee drinks, sneaks away to eat at greasy food trucks or fast food joints. Oh and LOVES bacon.

    Anyway...
    It's important that he knows you're concerned about his health.
    Anytime I encourage my bf to eat better, I speak in terms of my want for him to be healthy.

    Think about it this way, if he keeps eating like that, doesn't take care of himself, he might start experiencing health problems, who's going to have to take care of him and suffer the burden of all his bad choices?
    If you're in it for the long haul, this is something to think about.

    That being said, you can't force someone to eat better and be healthy, but you can INSPIRE someone to be these things.

    That's the goal with my boyfriend, I know once he sees me get to my goal weight and observes all benefits of being in-shape, he'll want it for himself.

    Until then, all I can do is show concern for his health, but ultimately, he has to make his own decisions.

    I know it's hard to be around all that temptation, so talk to him, tell him that he's making it that much harder for you and I'm sure he will want to help..

    This is always on my mind!

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