Will I ever feel like a sexual being again??

sherri85
sherri85 Posts: 148 Member
in Motivation and Support
Here is my story... I am a 44 year old divorced woman who has ate to cover up alot of pain in my life... I was married for 12 years to a man who abused me not physically but mentally and emotionally. We have been divorced for over a year now and I am loosing weight and feeling better about myself and more secure in my own skin. However after life with my ex husband, for reasons I can't go into on here I was completly turned off of sex!! He literally made me sick when he touched me that way for the last three years of our marriage. Now that I am loosing weight and getting healthy I wonder if I will ever want to be with a man in that way again.. I don't want to be alone the rest of my life and I very much long for a relationship but I still can't imagine myself being in a physical relationship and don't really desire that part of a relationship.. I hope that with time and when I get this weight off it will change but Im not sure... Anyone on MFP ever been in this situation? If so I would like to hear from you... :cry:
«1

Replies

  • UponThisRock
    UponThisRock Posts: 4,519 Member
    Have you tried the V thread?
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    Have you tried the V thread?
    He's not kidding. If that doesn't reawaken you as a sexual being, nothing will.

    Whew! I think I may need a moment of privacy now.
  • Lesa_Sass
    Lesa_Sass Posts: 2,213 Member
    Yes, you will feel it again, it will just take time. I highly suggest therapy (I was in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship and it helped me) if you have not gotten any yet.

    Take your time, get happy with you and learn to love yourself again.

    Lesa

    And I will agree, that V thread is something else. hehehe
  • ampa916
    ampa916 Posts: 189 Member
    I have never really been in a similar situation. But I do think that if you meet the right person without worrying about if you'll have be able to have "that" kind of connection it could just happen naturally. I think that once you get your confidence up and maybe just start meeting new people or reconnecting with old ones, that a spark will start somewhere and eventually you will be able to have that again.

    I am very sorry about the abuse you had to deal with but I must say congrats for getting out of that unhealthy and dangerous relationship and taking your life back!
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
    You may need to go to therapy. I don't know if just losing weight will be enough to heal and recover from a relationship like that.
  • pa_jorg
    pa_jorg Posts: 4,404 Member
    Yes, you will feel it again when you least expect it. It will take time though. Just focus on healing emotionally (losing weight is part of this) and see where life takes you.

    Good luck!
  • SimplyShanRunning
    SimplyShanRunning Posts: 885 Member
    Have you tried the V thread?

    best advice!!!

    Please go visit.....this should help moisten things up a bit for you :wink:
  • Charliesuccess
    Charliesuccess Posts: 181 Member
    You will definetly get your MoJo back, as you begin to fall in love with the new you!
  • sherri85
    sherri85 Posts: 148 Member
    Thanks guys Im thinking therapy may not be a bad idea!! I never thought I would need a "shrink" lol but guess I do.. It sure couldn't hurt!! :wink:
  • leannems
    leannems Posts: 516 Member
    First, I am sorry that you went through an abusive relationship. That's never easy, and I want to congratulate you for coming out the other side.

    Second - and I cannot recommend this enough - therapy, maybe even a psychiatrist. Therapy has saved my life before, and I am sure it can bring some sex back into yours, IF that's what you decide you ultimately want. I do think there are some loving relationships that don't include sex - it's just whatever the two individuals need.
  • garita93
    garita93 Posts: 267 Member
    Have you tried the V thread?
    He's not kidding. If that doesn't reawaken you as a sexual being, nothing will.

    Whew! I think I may need a moment of privacy now.

    ok, what is the V thread?
  • sherri85
    sherri85 Posts: 148 Member
    Have you tried the V thread?

    best advice!!!

    Please go visit.....this should help moisten things up a bit for you :wink:
    Lol you guys are hilarious!!! I must check it out :blushing:
  • brentrhodes
    brentrhodes Posts: 139
    I agree that the first thing you need to put on the radar is a Dr's visit. Hormones, baggage, abuse, poor body image...all of those things will take there toll on your sex drive. You need to rediscover who you are and realize how valuable you are. You're a beautiful woman that needs to be sharing your positive side with someone special, in due time.
  • princessruthiebelle
    princessruthiebelle Posts: 165 Member
    try not to worry!!!!
    just concentrate on loving yourself for now! enjoy looking FABULOUS!! and in time you'll find prince charming ;)
    go out with your girls and be proud of everything you have achieved! you sound like an amazing lady! you are very strong!! x
  • MyFeistyEvolution
    MyFeistyEvolution Posts: 1,014 Member
    1. Therapy is beneficial.. I think a lot of times people see it as taboo but it's just an unbias outlet to help sort things out.

    2. I concur about the V thread. Hot damn. :blushing:
  • AmberJslimsAWAY
    AmberJslimsAWAY Posts: 2,339 Member
    I agree with finding a doctor to help you sort out your issues. But FIRST, do as rock said, sneak over to the "V" thread... *drooooooool*
  • CoryIda
    CoryIda Posts: 7,870 Member
    Here you go:
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/557644-men-and-women-proud-or-your-v-show-it
  • harley0269
    harley0269 Posts: 384 Member
    :love:
  • JSMSDSAS05
    JSMSDSAS05 Posts: 136 Member
    yeah im clueless too.........what's the V thread?
  • skinnywithin
    skinnywithin Posts: 1,392 Member
    Have you tried the V thread?
    He's not kidding. If that doesn't reawaken you as a sexual being, nothing will.

    Whew! I think I may need a moment of privacy now.

    ok, what is the V thread?

    OH you need to find that thread...IT WAS HOTT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • ThePhoenixRose
    ThePhoenixRose Posts: 1,978 Member
    I would guess that when you meet the right person, it'll change. You may not be there yet, and that's okay. just give yourself permission to feel it when the time comes. If he makes you feel safe and loved, the rest is sure to follow.
  • HMD7703
    HMD7703 Posts: 761 Member
    Time. That is the cure. Honestly.

    Therapy may help, as may some sexual aides (vibrators etc). Once you begin to reawaken your sexual self, you will desire others again. People do not realize the grasp they hold on us and how the pain can rip someone apart. It is good that you have begun healing youself. As you lose weight, you could buy some clothes that make you feel sexy / attractive. Admire your changes in the mirror. Learn to love yourself again. And be open to love again.

    Best wishes on your journey. It will happen :flowerforyou:
  • leanne2376
    leanne2376 Posts: 217
    I am sorry you had to go to through this terrible ordeal

    What is V thread btw ?
  • Bree1294
    Bree1294 Posts: 32 Member
    Sherri,
    It's been 19 years since I too, was in a relationship where I had a similar situation. For me, I realized that I had to really concentrate on finding out WHO I WAS again as my personality and spirit were so broken. My advice to you is to concentrate on things that make you happy outside of food. Do you like to read, walk, take your kids (dogs) to the park, play games, etc? It is VERY hard to find that social being again after being degraded and belittle for so long. Trust me, people WANT TO KNOW YOU and it's okay to start trusting again. I say that with pie in my face as I still struggle with that one myself. I have less than a handful friends with whom I trust, and that's okay... because I have some, and I truly do trust them.
    The first thing you need to concentrate on is you, find out what makes you - YOU... then say to heck with that loser who didn't see you as the valuable and desirable woman that you are. YOU WILL GET THERE, my friend. Have faith in yourself, believe that you ARE WONDERFUL. Then before you know it, you'll see that you really start wanting that closeness and passion again. :)
  • SimplyShanRunning
    SimplyShanRunning Posts: 885 Member
    Here you go:
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/557644-men-and-women-proud-or-your-v-show-it


    hand-point-up-2.jpg
  • garita93
    garita93 Posts: 267 Member
    Here you go:
    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/557644-men-and-women-proud-or-your-v-show-it


    :love:
  • Sinope82
    Sinope82 Posts: 108 Member
    The short answer is yes (o:

    I was with my ex for 10 years, he was abusive mentally and physically and when i eventually made the break i felt exactly the same. At first i was happy on my own with my new found confidence and freedom and i had no intention of ever getting involved with anyone again. Why would i i would only get hurt and couldn't face the thought of being with someone physically. Then about a year after we seperated i started to think about what i wanted and realised i didn't want to be on my own for ever but i still couldn't ever imagine being with someone.

    Anyway I agonised over what i wanted for months and then when i'd about given up on ever feeling like i could be with someone again i met my new partner and guess what all those worries just dissapeared. I'm happy to say thay despite being terrified i could never be with someone again everything is brilliant between us in fact i'm happier than ive ever been !

    I know it's impossible but try not to worry and when you meet the right person it will just happen naturally x
  • sherri85
    sherri85 Posts: 148 Member
    Thanks guys I appreciate all the advice!! And I checked out the V thread and WOW!!! I think it might be coming back to me :blushing:
  • Wreak_Havoc
    Wreak_Havoc Posts: 597
    Thanks guys Im thinking therapy may not be a bad idea!! I never thought I would need a "shrink" lol but guess I do.. It sure couldn't hurt!! :wink:

    Don't think of it as a shrink. Think of it as someone who can help YOU understand how you feel by asking the right questions. And yes, EVERYONE needs to talk to someone at times. It'll get better! Love youself again before you try to love anyone else.
  • Wreak_Havoc
    Wreak_Havoc Posts: 597
    Have you tried the V thread?
    He's not kidding. If that doesn't reawaken you as a sexual being, nothing will.

    Whew! I think I may need a moment of privacy now.

    ok, what is the V thread?

    TOPIC: men and women:proud or your V? Show it!!!!

Categories