Long distance relationships.

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Replies

  • Twilightsunflower
    Twilightsunflower Posts: 324 Member
    when my husband got ahold of me again we lived 3000 miles apart. him in new york me in oregon. we had known each other years before but had fallen out of contact. we talked for months before he came to visit. i knew i loved him before he came out. so when he had to go home it was hard. not hard not to cheat but hard not to be near him. i ended up moving a month latter to be with him.
    im not saying that is the answer to all long distance relationships just what worked for us.
  • YouAreTheShit
    YouAreTheShit Posts: 510 Member
    Commitment and faithfulness are the key to LDR's.

    The degree of difficulty is directly correlated to the number of face to face visits in my mind. The more the better...

    They are not for everyone.

    That said, they are most certainly worth pursuing in some cases.

    And let's not forget... at some point SOMEONE has to MOVE!
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
    I've never done one but my dad exclusively dates super attractive women outside of the United States. Usually Russians all over the world. Not as a sex thing but he's looking for the perfect ideal woman which is really an unrealistic person. It hasn't worked... he goes over there... meets them... they usually fight the whole time... and then he comes back feeling defeated.

    The only cool thing that has happened is he has basically learned Russian and he's been to so many neat places around the world. Otherwise he's been single for 10+ years now.
  • jplord
    jplord Posts: 510 Member
    Had two. One during college (I was in PRovidence, RI) to a woman in England at Oxford U. We kept it going for about 2 years (4 Freddy Laker trips) but then I got the "Sorry I met someone here who meets my needs more conveniently" letter.

    The second was a woman in Kenya while I worked in Abu Dhabi and then Australia. Over a period of 2 years we got together 6 times for a week or two at a time. I wrote a lot of letters, and got a few back. Eventually I went back to the US and met my wife - just as my Kenyan friend said I should do when I told her I wanted to marry her.

    Long-distance relationships are GREAT for working on your writing skills (at least back in the 1980s before the internet). Not so great for true long-term satisfaction.
  • jamiem1102
    jamiem1102 Posts: 1,196 Member
    I was in one for a little over a year: Im in Los Angeles and he was in Boston Mass. So that's about a 7 - 9 hour flight. It was really hard. After about a year, I stated that I didn't think I could handle anymore... so we discussed it, he quit his job, and he moved to LA. :) We were together for about 5 years... then broke up, because we realized we were more friends than lovers. We're still really great friends. :)
  • JDMPWR
    JDMPWR Posts: 1,863 Member
    I have been in once since birth. He lives directly below China. Dam it's hot there.
  • DiamondEyes_x
    DiamondEyes_x Posts: 120 Member
    I'm in one, he's about 5 hours away by train but we make it work. People who say they can't work aren't trying hard enough. My LD will end in 2 years and we've been doing long distance for 1 year. If you love each other, then why not :)
  • queenpushycat
    queenpushycat Posts: 762 Member
    *sigh* he's one big baby.

    it's 1 am but I'll say, we are... in different country, different side of the globe; When he's in the morning, I'm at night. We only get to see each other... probably once a year. I had been there like twice. Cost me a bomb to see him, but he's still not here to see me yet.

    We are.... more than 15 hours of multiple flights with pacific ocean apart.

    It's hard.... but..... yeah. I miss him. And he does miss me too, he just think it's redundant to repeat all the time. :ohwell:
  • aimeerocksx3
    aimeerocksx3 Posts: 91
    I've been in two.

    First one: I was in Chicago, he was in Toronto. It didn't work out because he cheated on me early on in the relationship and didn't tell me for another 1.5 years. I already had problems trusting him (for example, he let 13 year olds kiss him, he'd go clubbing A LOT, he'd limit our skyping to once a week for 30 minutes, etc) so I ended it.

    Second one: I was still in Chicago, he was in Montreal. And, well, we skyped all the time. Even if I was doing homework, and we didn't talk for hours, we'd still be on skype. So at least we could see each other. The main difference was that he TRIED. Eventually I moved up to Montreal, and now we're engaged :)

    So, advise. Number one is trust. If you're too jealous, he'll shy away. Treat the relationship like any other, take time aside just to hang out. The only difference is that there is no physical contact and you need the internet all the time. If both parties are trying hard and want to be in the relationship, it'll work out.
  • supermom2002
    supermom2002 Posts: 180 Member
    I've had 3.

    They will work if BOTH people want it to work. And you have to trust that person 100%. If you're the jealous type it probably isn't the best thing.

    1st one was my first love. I was young and dumb (i'm now older and still dumb). It worked. I had plans to move back to "home" and go to University. But eventually the stress became too much. I ended it. A month later he was with my best friend. We're still friends now.

    2nd was my ex-husband. He went to boot camp. We got engaged. Moved from TX to CA. 6 weeks later he was deployed for 9 months. We spent more time apart then together during our entire marriage. It worked. I trusted him. Funny thing was he didn't start cheating on me until he was back home and i was pregnant.

    3rd. He just wasn't that into me.

    Will I do it again? Sure. The distance doesn't bother me. Would be nice to have somebody closer for once. For the spur of the moment things.
  • JThomas61
    JThomas61 Posts: 892
    Ever been in one?
    Currently in one...met him here, on MFP. We were friends for many months before we becoming more...that happened when we met IRL Feburary of this year.
    How did it work out?
    Stay tuned. LOL. I won't lie...the seperation can be tough at times...but that's what "creative messaging" and Skyping is for. :blushing:
    How far apart?
    States for us as well.
    Tips? tricks? ideas?!
    Well I would say you'll have to lose the jealousy...it's won't work otherwise. Trust has to be a MAJOR factor. Communicate as often as you can...and realize that if it works, someone's gotta move! Good luck!!!

    ETA I don't know if I could do it very long term if there wasn't a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak...a goal to not let it go for years being so far apart.

    2 Days!
  • Ladyiianae
    Ladyiianae Posts: 271 Member
    When I met my husband he lived in Minnesota and I lived in Florida. We "dated" long distance for about 2 years before I was able to move up to Minnesota. We scheduled friday night "date" nights where we'd both rent a movie and watch it together over the phone. Cell phoned ALOT. Visit a couple of times during the year. Emailed A LOT. It didn't seem hard at the time we went through it but honestly, looking back...wow.

    It is possible! I am living proof!
  • AlbaAngel25
    AlbaAngel25 Posts: 484 Member
    My husband and I were in a long distant relationship for 6 months i would say. I lived on the west coast and he was in NY. Well, I was that kinda girl that wanted to be close my bf, and it didnt make sense to be away. So, he moved to the west....and now we are married, with a 7month old baby girl!
    It can work.. The drive has to be there , but ultimately listen to your gut. If you both want it badly enough i think it can all work out! good luck

    As for tips and tricks... we txted/called each other all the time. We also chatted with webcam everyday.
  • kristi_asco
    kristi_asco Posts: 183
    i'm in one, it sucks but it'll be worth it in the end :) if you really love someone, you'll do anything for them
  • wbgolden
    wbgolden Posts: 2,066 Member
    8 hour drive or 60 minute ish flight apart. Didn't work. Wish it had.
  • angelaclassact
    angelaclassact Posts: 66 Member
    With trust issues and jealousy....no relationship will work, and it doesn't matter how close (or far apart) you are.
  • shelbyterry5
    shelbyterry5 Posts: 23 Member
    I started dating...my now husband two weeks before he deployed to Afghanistan. Communication is KEY! It was very difficult but well worth it :) Married a year in August!

    It's the little things that matter here... a simple call, text or email will show you care!

    Flowers were also nice :)
  • zsaoosh
    zsaoosh Posts: 402 Member
    It only works if you know the person, can trust the person, can trust yourself and the most important......have a plan in place that puts you two together. With no end in sight, it gets hopeless.
  • elexichoccyeater
    elexichoccyeater Posts: 310 Member
    let him travel........ you are worth it!!!!!............ especially at first! and as for jealousy MMMMMmmmm you have to trust or it WILL NOT work (same as if he lived near) If he is going to cheat it doesn't matter where he lives xx all the best x
  • hdroddy
    hdroddy Posts: 122
    Ever been in one?

    Yup

    How did it work out?

    Married now.

    How far apart?

    12 hour drive



    I'm talking states. Very new relationship, very excited about it and nervous at the same time. I have jealousy issues that I never knew I had, with him.

    Tips? tricks? ideas?!

    Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. Ad Nauseam.

    lol HELP!!
  • momtozmc
    momtozmc Posts: 418 Member
    bump
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
    And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation ~ Khalil Gibran

    When I was younger I had a long distance relationship with a very (and I mean very) beautiful Swedish girl. The distance made the relationship last longer than it really should have as the enforced separation created a false sense of intimacy. It was easy to ignore the warning signs as I just wasn't around her enough to see she was in fact nuttier than a squirrel's fridge.

    Love is just as much about the nitty gritty every day stuff as it is about the big romantic gestures. I think if you don't allow yourself to be blinded by absence and approach it with a level head they can work very well however.
  • LadyWingsFan
    LadyWingsFan Posts: 31
    Trust me...even if you live only 1.5 hours away from each other (like my boyfriend and I do), it IS a long distance relationship if your main communication is by phone/email/Facebook, which it is for us.

    You have to be more of an independent-minded person to have it work for you, I believe. Some people need someone around every day. I'm raising my children, so I cannot at this time give my full attention to my boyfriend EVERY day. It would eventually wear thin on him.

    We see each other every two weeks. It works well for us. He's more of an independant person as well, so this situation is ideal for us. NOW. We've now seen each other for three years this upcoming June. :D

    There needs to be a light at the end of the tunnel. When my kids are grown up (five more years), I will either move by him or vice versa. OR we may move out of state with each other to go somewhere warmer (I'm in Michigan brrr!) There WILL be a day when we live together and can give each other the time each other deserves.

    Have FUN with each other! There is no way you can know what he's up to and vice versa. You cannot boggle your mind with that kind of stuff...try not to think about it. People enjoy being around someone who's fun and upbeat 80% of the time. Don't start that jealousy/spying on him/questioning stuff. That is a relationship killer--believe me, I've done that before! And he shouldn't be doing that to you. Have your own life. You're a better person that way. Again, I learned that the hard way :)

    It can work! These days it's so much easier with Skype, email, Facebook, cell phones with no long distance cost nonsense.

    I wish you the best of luck!
  • dane11235813
    dane11235813 Posts: 682 Member
    I've been in long distance relationships. Not different states, but about 40-45 minute drive apart, they didn't work. I'm the type of person where I need someone close by.

    45 minutes? that's like across town. LOL
  • mznisaelaine
    mznisaelaine Posts: 2,262 Member
    Im in California and my ex-bf moved to Washington (for school) and so it became a long distance relationship but although we were already together for a little over 3 years, we broke up about a month after he moved there.

    ETA: Communication is key... Communication..
  • 10KEyes
    10KEyes Posts: 250 Member
    A real relationship means sharing your lives with each other. Impossible to do long distance.
  • Gargoyle69
    Gargoyle69 Posts: 87 Member
    bump
    in the night...
  • jogar54
    jogar54 Posts: 4
    I was in a coast to coast relationship and it seems to have worked out .....we have been married for 29 years.
  • yessiseguy
    yessiseguy Posts: 116
    Communication IS key....... One time (mmmmm 10 yrs ago) I tried it. Email was available but not phone email.
    It worked but little by little we drifted apart :(
    I totally tried bc I was obssessed with this guy. I truly adored him. I would respond to each and every email
    and would wait patiently but at the end, he started emailing less.
    However, I do believe that nowadays that should be much easier and if the love is there, why not? It can happen :)
  • Natx83
    Natx83 Posts: 1,298 Member
    I think it can work out if the 2 people want it too enough, no half assed attempts will work long distance, you would want to have some solid feelings first!
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