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Corrupt A Wish!

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  • Posts: 549 Member
    show previous quotes
    You have your threesome, but one gives you gonorrhea and the other gives you crabs.

    I wish Jeeves the valet would bring me a cup of nice fresh hot coffee every morning

    He does, but it's spiked with something or other and slowly go crazy every day.

    I wish I had a photographic memory so that studying would be easier.
  • Posts: 740 Member
    Jeeves shall deliver your coffee, piping hot, every morning. However, it is DECAF & laced with white dog *kitten*.

    @ elsham- Your photographic memory has engraved the vision of a naked & honey-glazed Richard Simmons into your brain.

    I wish I could travel to Europe...
  • Posts: 104 Member
    You will get your coffee wish but Jeeves will spill it on you every time for eternity!

    I wish for a goose that lays golden eggs! LoL
  • Posts: 1,648 Member
    Jeeves shall deliver your coffee, piping hot, every morning. However, it is DECAF & laced with white dog *kitten*.

    I wish I could travel to Europe...

    You travel to Europe. However, when you arrive there you are taken into custody as a foreign fugitive with the same name, and you have no way to prove your innocence.

    I wish I could take naps everyday ...
  • Posts: 2,487 Member
    You travel to Europe, but when you arrive there you are taken into custody as a foreign fugitive with the same name, and you have no way to prove your innocence.

    I wish I could take naps everyday ...

    you get naps everyday, at random times, without any control of when, where, or how long.

    I wish I had a larger penor.
  • Posts: 118 Member


    you get naps everyday, at random times, without any control of when, where, or how long.

    I wish I had a larger penor.

    You have a larger penor. And you have sex with the woman of your dreams. But she has a previously unknown disease and your penor turns green. But not a pretty green... a gross green like snot. And the woman of your dreams leaves you for your sister.

    I wish I had enough time off to hike the Appalachain trail.
  • Posts: 2,487 Member

    I wish I had enough time off to hike the Appalachain trail.

    your life ends in the same way as the old computer game... oregon trail..
    oregon-trail-dysentery-t-shirt-hr.jpg

    I wish to always be happy.
  • Posts: 904 Member
    You will experience no emotion except for happiness. This is extremely awkward at funerals. You will lose all your friend and family because of this.

    I wish my back wasn't so sore.
  • Posts: 237 Member
    your back is not so sore anymore...however, it is still mildly sore. lol!


    i wish my fat project thats due on friday which i havent started would just do itself.
  • Posts: 2,670 Member


    i wish my fat project thats due on friday which i havent started would just do itself.

    Your project does itself, but it appears to have the mental ability of a six year old on a sugar binge.

    I wish I got to sleep in tomorrow.
  • Posts: 185
    You sleep in tomorrow and miss a phone call that legitimately was giving away a free trip. They give it someone down the road and you have to endure them showing you the photos when they get back.

    I wish I could kiss Patrick Stewart!
  • Posts: 904 Member
    Wish granted! But it's only one kiss and you will not kiss anyone else for the rest of your life!

    I wish I could eat pizza rolls without any guilt.
  • Posts: 2,670 Member

    I wish I could eat pizza rolls without any guilt.

    You eat guilt-free pizza rolls, but they are also taste-free, satisfaction-free, and happiness-free

    I wish I didn't have to clean at work.
  • Posts: 2,487 Member

    I wish I didn't have to clean at work.

    you're fired.

    I wish I got my new phone sooner.
  • Posts: 2,670 Member

    you're fired.

    I wish I got my new phone sooner.

    You got your new phone today!

    It drops all important calls.

    I wish cake didn't smell so good.
  • Posts: 1,059 Member
    That smell is actually the smell of chloroform...

    I wish I had a crispy bacon sandwhich right now.
  • Posts: 3,988 Member
    You have that lovely sammich in front of you, but while agonizing over the fear and shame of having to log it in after eating it, it gets COLD, all nasty, gelatinous and inedible!!!

    I wish I had a long nap...
  • Posts: 2,670 Member
    I wish I had a long nap...

    You take a nap. You wake up 11.6 years later.

    I wish "negative calories" were real.
  • Posts: 3,988 Member
    Negative calories are real...you now look like a walking x-ray!

    I wish I could go to Disneyworld every year...
  • Posts: 2,670 Member

    I wish I could go to Disneyworld every year...

    Whenever you go to Disneyworld, there are millions of County-Fair-Carneys who hit on your and pick your pocket.

    I wish I knew wtf I was doing.
  • Posts: 3,988 Member
    You realize the innate cruelty of what you are doing(corrupting wishes) and fall into a deep inconsolable depression.

    I wish someone would change the litterbox.
  • Posts: 2,670 Member

    I wish someone would change the litterbox.

    Someone cleans the litterbox

    and finds the priceless diamond you swallowed while cat-burgling a millionare's mansion. They pawn it, and are now living large, while you are stuck at home, newly filling your litterbox.

    I wish I knew where I put my watch.
  • Posts: 2,487 Member
    you find what you think is your watch, but it turns out it was a stolen watch. the police arrest you for thinking you are guilty of a murder related to the theft, but you rot in jail for the rest of your life without even going to trial.

    I wish i didnt have to poop.
  • Posts: 2,644 Member
    you dont have to poop, but you suffer from horrible constipatio, fill up with *kitten* and die

    I wish I had a unicorn
  • Posts: 15 Member
    You have a unicorn, but it tragically stabs you in a race as you frolic through the woods looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

    I wish I could fly.
  • Posts: 2,283 Member
    You grow wings and fly...until the government shoots you down and performs vivisection on you.

    I wish this day was over.
  • Posts: 1,860 Member
    The unicorn will eat some tainted glitter and run its horn through your eye, piercing your brain.

    I wish this day was over.

    The day is over, but that is because you were in a horrible accident and now have eternal rest

    I wish I had the winning Mega Millions ticket
  • Posts: 66
    You have a unicorn, but it tragically stabs you in a race as you frolic through the woods looking for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

    I wish I could fly.

    You learn to fly but can't seem to control the altitude very well, flying way too high and you get sucked through a jet engine and your grisly death is posted on youtube by one of the passengers.

    I wish I had a one storey house.
  • Posts: 659 Member
    show previous quotes

    The day is over, but that is because you were in a horrible accident and now have eternal rest

    I wish I had the winning Mega Millions ticket

    You had the winning Mega Millions ticket but when you are walking outside to take it into the bank a gust of wind carries it away into a puddle and ruins it.

    I wish I could speak 20 languages
  • Posts: 1,407 Member
    you learn 20 languages, and then go deaf


    i wish i was a goldfish
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