What if your husband doesn't want you to lose weight?

CarriLu123
CarriLu123 Posts: 82 Member
edited December 17 in Chit-Chat
I would like to get the opinion of some of the guys here. I have been married for 15 years. When I met my husband I weighed 185 lbs (I'm 5'3 big!!!) now I am... lets just say more than that. My husband says he perfers me this weight because the sex is better. I was wondering if this is an insecurity on his part or if it as he say's.

Thoughts???
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Replies

  • SarahMorganP
    SarahMorganP Posts: 921 Member
    Well I'm not a guy, but I am married to a man who likes me better bigger. When we met I was only 100lbs, I'm 5'3" as well. When I started to lose weight I was at 224lbs! Now I am at around 170lbs and my husband keeps begging me to stop. Not going to happen! Some men just like bigger women.
  • UponThisRock
    UponThisRock Posts: 4,519 Member
    If you want to lose weight and don't do it, you'll regret it later.

    He won't stop having sex with you, I promise.
  • Farfourah
    Farfourah Posts: 896 Member
    Screw yo husband!
  • bkandisjj29
    bkandisjj29 Posts: 172
    I have heard that a lot of men are afraid if their wife loses weight that she will leave him. Maybe he is just a little insecure.

    Sometimes you need to compromise, but not with your health.
  • jnbud2002
    jnbud2002 Posts: 216
    If you want to lose weight and don't do it, you'll regret it later.

    He won't stop having sex with you, I promise.


    This is true!
  • JBott84
    JBott84 Posts: 268 Member
    That's all fine and dandy but it's not about just him it's about you too. Be the weight you want to be so YOU can feel sexy and he just needs to accept it. He vowed to love you during sickness and health etc... I think that covers fat or skinny, all that matters is that you are still you right?
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
    I have heard that a lot of men are afraid if their wife loses weight that she will leave him. Maybe he is just a little insecure.

    My husband used to bring home all manner of cakes and pastries and joke that he was 'fattening me up'. But then he goes and views thinner women online? So it's confusing. I'm a little worried about his reaction when I finally lose the weight and tone up.
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    If you want to lose weight and don't do it, you'll regret it later.

    He won't stop having sex with you, I promise.

    Word.

    If YOU want to lose weight, do it. Let him know that you want to be healthy and in order to be healthy, you need to lose weight. Perhaps he's worried that if you lose a bunch of weight, you'll be "out of his league" on the attractiveness scale and he's insecure about it. I've heard this MANY times from couples where one person has lost a bunch of weight or undergone some other kind of drastic physical transformation.
  • mtneerjk81
    mtneerjk81 Posts: 65 Member
    It's your body, you should be allowed to make the decision about what to do with it. If you want to lose weight to feel better, then he should have no influence on your goal. Use it as motivation! We all know that he's done something in the past that has really annoyed or irritated you...so consider this your revenge!! :-)
  • CallieM15
    CallieM15 Posts: 910 Member
    My bf likes the "curves".

    BUT he knows that it makes me HIGHLY uncomfortable, so he is happy that im making myself happy. He made me promise to keep my thighs... I might be breaking a promise .. LOL
    I like my BF at 150, but he thinks he doesnt "look intimidating enough" so I am totally fine with him being more "beefy" at 180.
  • boggsmeister
    boggsmeister Posts: 292 Member
    Screw yo husband!

    That is fantastic advice. As often as possible. :)
  • Atarahh
    Atarahh Posts: 485 Member
    Your desire should be to make him happy. If he loves you the way you are, own that. Be healthy, but be how he likes it.

    Do you know how many women cry at night who are heavy because their husbands put them down or cheat on them or mistreat them? Be grateful it's the other way around.

    Or, see if you can meet in the middle. Instead of trying to lose 50, lose 20. He may just want something to hold onto.

    If he is happy with what you got going on, and you lose and he is not, you could be asking for trouble...
  • JBott84
    JBott84 Posts: 268 Member
    I have heard that a lot of men are afraid if their wife loses weight that she will leave him. Maybe he is just a little insecure.

    Sometimes you need to compromise, but not with your health.


    I feel like I need to tell my husband to be excited for me about losing weight - he is of course happy with a smaller me but I think he is kinda jealous that he doesn't have the time to focus on his weight as much as I do. Your journey may be making him think twice about his own body...So that may be another issue too...
  • ChristineMarie89
    ChristineMarie89 Posts: 1,079 Member
    when i started losing weight my bf(at the time) said he didnt want me to cuz he "loved my chubby tummy"
    long story short
    he got mad. left me. if hhe couldnt accept me no matter what my weight then he didnt rele love me anyways
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
    Screw yo husband!

    Well that's certainly one way to lose weight...

    Personally, just speak to your husband calmly and explain to him why losing weight is important to you and why you want to achieve that goal. He may have a preference for you to be on the heavier side because he finds that attractive, insecurity or whatever. However, in a loving relationship your partner will generally support you if they understand the importance of a goal.
  • Il_DaniD_lI
    Il_DaniD_lI Posts: 1,593 Member
    Screw yo husband!

    I just LOL'd. I read that in a gangster Jerry Springer guest voice in my head.
  • Charlotte012
    Charlotte012 Posts: 139 Member
    I would like to get the opinion of some of the guys here. I have been married for 15 years. When I met my husband I weighed 185 lbs (I'm 5'3 big!!!) now I am... lets just say more than that. My husband says he perfers me this weight because the sex is better. I was wondering if this is an insecurity on his part or if it as he say's.

    Thoughts???

    Well, is the sex really better because you weigh more, or because you have been together for 15 years?

    I think partners are sometimes just afraid of change. My fiance doesn't want me to lose more weight because he finds me attractive that way. Maybe he doesn't realize he'll find me attractive also at a lower weight! Once you lose the weight and feel better, your husband will be happy and proud of your accomplishment. And the sex will be even more better.
  • elysianashes
    elysianashes Posts: 100
    I'm in the same boat. My husband says he likes me bigger (I've put on maybe 20lbs since we met I think?) and doesn't want me to lose too much weight. He also says he wants me to be happy so he'll support me, but it makes it difficult sometimes when I try to talk about what I'm trying to do to get healthier and he says, "Well, you know I don't care if you lose weight or not." I don't know if it's an insecurity thing, or if he feels bad about his own weight, or what. Frustrating!
  • chachita7
    chachita7 Posts: 996 Member
    Perhaps is just the case that you are doing something that doesn't revolve around him... wtf really? You love someone, you want the best for them and if losing weight is going to make you feel better about yourself then he should support you all the way.

    tell him to grow a pair and deal with the fact you are doing something for yourself... it doesn't mean you love him any less, just means that you are seeking ways to love yourself more.

    for some reason I am extremely bothered...
  • Farfourah
    Farfourah Posts: 896 Member
    Screw yo husband!

    I just LOL'd. I read that in a gangster Jerry Springer guest voice in my head.

    LOL, that's how it was meant to sound =P
  • ElizaRoche
    ElizaRoche Posts: 2,005 Member
    Happened to me in 2007 when I almost reached 140 lbs.. My bf prefers chubby girls ( I know his ex is also one), he didnt beg me to stop, all he said was ´hey, If you lose more weight I wont have enough money to buy you new clothes!´ LOL
    Now, this time, the other day he really noticed the difference and he liked it..
    So , my opinion would be,dont listen to him!, he might say a lot of stuff, but at the end if he really loves you, he will like you no matter what! :)
  • manderson27
    manderson27 Posts: 3,510 Member
    Perhaps the sex being better is due more to you getting to know each others likes and dislikes than it is to the fact that you are physically bigger.

    However some men do find larger women more sexy. The important thing is how do you feel about yourself and your health.He may even find that your sex life gets even better if you lose weight because you will feel sexier and more energetic perhaps.
  • jessiepaul
    jessiepaul Posts: 3
    If anyone prefers for you to be unhealthy for their enjoyment then they do not love you. He should be encouraging you to do something for yourself. Losing weight and being active will prolong your life and therefore your lives together. That's a very selfish thing for him to say to you. It could be insecurity on his part, but no matter the reason he should encourage not discourage.

    The healthier you are the more enjoyment you will get out of all kinds of things in life. Not just one thing. Do this for yourself. This is for you! Not anyone else! If you don't take care of you then you can't take care of anyone else. This does not make you selfish or ugly it make you wise and caring.

    Next time he says he prefers you to be big tell him not everything wished to be big in the bedroom comes true and if you can work with what hes got then he can work with what you are doing. Just sayin!
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    He should be supporting you wanting to be healthier, no matter what BS slides out of his mouth.
  • Wenzday7777
    Wenzday7777 Posts: 44
    When i got approval for surgery my hubby was not thrilled even though hes been riding me for the past serveral years to do this. When i finally decided to do it for ME and not for HIM i did what was best for me. He's not been very supportive but i don't care! I am doing this for me and my health and life. If he doesnt like it then sorry he can go I am sure I will find someone that will love me anyway i am, reguardless of size, what ever size or shape i end up at !
  • 967_1111
    967_1111 Posts: 221 Member
    My wife lost 35 pounds, and I lost 30. Sex is even better now....

    He doesn't know what he's missing out on. Lose the weight, and prove him wrong.
  • Temple_Fit
    Temple_Fit Posts: 299 Member
    Lose it anyway! You will be healthy and happy. Tell him a happy wife equals a happy life :smile:
  • Squidgeypaws007
    Squidgeypaws007 Posts: 1,012 Member
    That's all fine and dandy but it's not about just him it's about you too. Be the weight you want to be so YOU can feel sexy and he just needs to accept it. He vowed to love you during sickness and health etc... I think that covers fat or skinny, all that matters is that you are still you right?

    Sorry I'm not a bloke, but I'll give you some thoughts! :)

    He may well be scared, as people have said above me, that you'll leave him if you get skinny. The underlying fear: you'll stop loving him, you'll change as a person, you'll expect him to be more perfect.....etc. My man is currently obsessed with the idea that I'll get "stronger" than him (who knows what goes on inside their heads).

    Maybe just sit and have a chat with him. Tell him what it means to you to be HEALTHY. That you want to do this so you have longer to be together, more fun, less sicknesses and pains, you'll be more comfortable, more mobile. Maybe reassure him that it doesn't NEED to change anything between you but only improve these things.

    I agree, if you want to lose weight and you don't, you'll only live to regret it and possibly go on to resent him for it.
  • Ttopeka
    Ttopeka Posts: 151 Member
    I would not stay at a weight where I was unhappy and/or unhealthy simply to make someone else happy. Your own happiness is important, too, as well as your health - perhaps instead of "weight loss" you could focus on getting in shape instead (likely losing some weight in the process).

    Remind him that the sex will also be better, too, once you are more comfortable and confident in your own skin. Not to mention exercising can help you improve your agility and flexibility...
  • BAMFMeredith
    BAMFMeredith Posts: 2,810 Member
    Your desire should be to make him happy. If he loves you the way you are, own that. Be healthy, but be how he likes it.

    Do you know how many women cry at night who are heavy because their husbands put them down or cheat on them or mistreat them? Be grateful it's the other way around.

    Or, see if you can meet in the middle. Instead of trying to lose 50, lose 20. He may just want something to hold onto.

    If he is happy with what you got going on, and you lose and he is not, you could be asking for trouble...

    Sorry, if I'm overweight and unhappy with my body and health, I'm not going to stay fat because my husband likes me that way. What about the husband's duty to make his wife happy? It goes both ways. Losing weight isn't something I feel needs to be a compromise.
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