Long distance relationships.

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  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
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    I was in one for 3 out of 4 of our dating relationship... though it was after we knew each other for a year... He was on the East Coast going to college and I was on the Plains going to college... We got married, have been for a few years now.... It only works if both people are committed to making it work and you communicate regularly... we hit a rough patch were it was really hard to get ahold of him (he is a workaholic, always has been, always will be)... we broke up for about a month and got back together... and it was when we really thrived after I told him, "I want you to talk to you at least twice a day... it doesn't have to be more than good morning/night and I love you"... but it has to be twice a day... and we also made time to visit each other.
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
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    Trust me...even if you live only 1.5 hours away from each other (like my boyfriend and I do), it IS a long distance relationship if your main communication is by phone/email/Facebook, which it is for us.

    You have to be more of an independent-minded person to have it work for you, I believe. Some people need someone around every day. I'm raising my children, so I cannot at this time give my full attention to my boyfriend EVERY day. It would eventually wear thin on him.

    We see each other every two weeks. It works well for us. He's more of an independant person as well, so this situation is ideal for us. NOW. We've now seen each other for three years this upcoming June. :D

    There needs to be a light at the end of the tunnel. When my kids are grown up (five more years), I will either move by him or vice versa. OR we may move out of state with each other to go somewhere warmer (I'm in Michigan brrr!) There WILL be a day when we live together and can give each other the time each other deserves.

    Have FUN with each other! There is no way you can know what he's up to and vice versa. You cannot boggle your mind with that kind of stuff...try not to think about it. People enjoy being around someone who's fun and upbeat 80% of the time. Don't start that jealousy/spying on him/questioning stuff. That is a relationship killer--believe me, I've done that before! And he shouldn't be doing that to you. Have your own life. You're a better person that way. Again, I learned that the hard way :)

    It can work! These days it's so much easier with Skype, email, Facebook, cell phones with no long distance cost nonsense.

    I wish you the best of luck!

    It's not a long distance relationship. I'm sorry, 1.5 hours is NOT.
    You can meet halfway, go down/back in the same night, spend the night and make it back in the morning/etc.

    If you can make it down after work to have dinner, hang out for a few hours and back home before 11pm, it's not a LDR.
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
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    Trust me...even if you live only 1.5 hours away from each other (like my boyfriend and I do), it IS a long distance relationship if your main communication is by phone/email/Facebook, which it is for us.

    You have to be more of an independent-minded person to have it work for you, I believe. Some people need someone around every day. I'm raising my children, so I cannot at this time give my full attention to my boyfriend EVERY day. It would eventually wear thin on him.

    We see each other every two weeks. It works well for us. He's more of an independant person as well, so this situation is ideal for us. NOW. We've now seen each other for three years this upcoming June. :D

    There needs to be a light at the end of the tunnel. When my kids are grown up (five more years), I will either move by him or vice versa. OR we may move out of state with each other to go somewhere warmer (I'm in Michigan brrr!) There WILL be a day when we live together and can give each other the time each other deserves.

    Have FUN with each other! There is no way you can know what he's up to and vice versa. You cannot boggle your mind with that kind of stuff...try not to think about it. People enjoy being around someone who's fun and upbeat 80% of the time. Don't start that jealousy/spying on him/questioning stuff. That is a relationship killer--believe me, I've done that before! And he shouldn't be doing that to you. Have your own life. You're a better person that way. Again, I learned that the hard way :)

    It can work! These days it's so much easier with Skype, email, Facebook, cell phones with no long distance cost nonsense.

    I wish you the best of luck!

    It's not a long distance relationship. I'm sorry, 1.5 hours is NOT.
    You can meet halfway, go down/back in the same night, spend the night and make it back in the morning/etc.

    If you can make it down after work to have dinner, hang out for a few hours and back home before 11pm, it's not a LDR.

    I have to agree with Mack here... I would have LOVED to been in an "LDR" that was only 1.5 hours apart... then I could have seen my BF every (or most) weekends and on special occasions/holidays.... not to mention to NOT have to spend a few hundred on a plane ticked once or twice a year... Shoot, but then what do I know, I live in a State where it takes 30 minutes or more to get anywhere of any value...
  • Ladyiianae
    Ladyiianae Posts: 271 Member
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    A real relationship means sharing your lives with each other. Impossible to do long distance.

    This makes me sad and I have to say it is such a huge inaccurate generalization. I agree it isn't for everyone but SOMETIMES people have to live with it for a while. Not every long distance relationship is doomed to failure and yes, long distance relationships ARE real relationships.

    But alas, to each his or her own.

    I for one am GLAD I lived through my long distance relationship. Will be happily married and living in Minnesota with him for 8 years this coming August.
  • WifeNMama
    WifeNMama Posts: 2,876 Member
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    I was in one with a guy that I started dating in college, then we each moved back home for the summer, 12 hour drive and broke so we didn't see each other at all. A couple of months after we were back for our 2nd year, we split up. The time apart made me realize there wasn't any chemistry, and I didn't really miss him much. He was also jealous and was very dependent on a friend of his, so it was like I was dating 2 guys at once. Awkward.
    Anyway, a couple of months later, I started dating another man, and when I went on a 6 week mission trip, I vowed to never leave the country without him again. I missed him so much! And I guess he felt the same way too, because not long after I came home, he proposed, didn't even wait until he could get the ring from his great grandmother, so now I have 2. :-P We've been married 6 years now, and I'm still crazy about him. :-)
  • Brieve29
    Brieve29 Posts: 14 Member
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    I was in one for 3 very long years. He was in California and I was either in Georgia or South Carolina. We started dating before it became long distance but it was only about a month before he decided to join the army. He got out of the army and came back to me in Georgia. We got engaged and have been married for 3 years next month. He spent a lot of his income on plane tickets for me to come out there to see him. We spent many, many hours on the phone (average about 11,000 a month). It is all about trust and communication. Not being able to see the person you have to be there for them in other ways. It is possible to have a successful long distance relationship as long as both people are serious from the beginning and that you eventually have a plan for it to end. It was hard but it was well worth it for me.
  • crochelle17
    crochelle17 Posts: 93 Member
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    i live in the states and the then BF was was an 8 hr flight away in england, made it work! happily married for 6 years now :)
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
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    A real relationship means sharing your lives with each other. Impossible to do long distance.

    :noway: Tell that to me and my husband (not to mention the millions of military spouses)... One does not need to be physically present in order to share a life... It's easier to share a life when that physicality is there, but it's not completely necessary...
  • hillary124
    hillary124 Posts: 112
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    A real relationship means sharing your lives with each other. Impossible to do long distance.

    I think its still possible to share your life with someone even when youre not physically together :)
  • kevin3344
    kevin3344 Posts: 702 Member
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    I think the key is you can't do the LDR thing for long. To those who've made it work, 6 mo-1 yr is long enough. I tried it after college, gf was in NY and I'm in NC. A lot of flying and driving. I met my current gf in our run club, I think she lives 15 min from me. We also have a lot of the same friends in common.

    If you want to do it, just close the gap as soon as possible! :)
  • VirginiaWoof
    VirginiaWoof Posts: 147
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    bump for later
  • Bull2707
    Bull2707 Posts: 106
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    Been there done that. some worked out and some didnt. It is all about trust and communication. Being a Marine and being deployed it takes alot. Good luck and hope the best for you
  • schnugglebug
    schnugglebug Posts: 333 Member
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    we were 2 1/2 hours away from each other... he drove down every weekend or I took the train to see him...
    worked out great together 2 1/2 years, engaged after 1 year... getting married in Oct and I have never been happier

    edited to say I ended up moving up here after 1 year an a half together... I still have my place mind you since we have to go back on weekends so my son can see his father... but we went over a year of back and forth...

    TRUST #1 THING.. I had some jealousy issues too but I trusted and still do trust him 100% I have nothing TO worry about...

    have faith in your self, have faith in him and hopefully things work out alright :D
  • aproc
    aproc Posts: 1,033 Member
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    Had one that lasted for 1 and 1/2 years. He was in the army so was gone a good bit. A big part was when he worked at one of the army hospitals a couple states away. Worked for me because I'm pretty independent and don't really need anybody around all the time so it didn't bother me him being gone and him finding another girl never crossed my mind. I ended it a while after he got back actually before moving myself.
    If you think your going to have a problem with jeaoulsy, worry, or not having a guy actually with you...then it probbaly isn't for you.. Especially if it is new and you have not been close to the guy a long time already..
  • futuresize8
    futuresize8 Posts: 476 Member
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    Separate cities, two hours of distance, six and a half years of commuting, seeing each other weekends only...and now happily married for a year and a half.

    LOVE OF MY LIFE!

    He is still out of town two nights a week for work, but we share one place we call home.

    The only thing it's ever been hard on is my heart, because I'd like to be with him every day.

    The long drives and missing him weren't always easy, but he's always been worth it.

    I love him, trust him and thank G*d for him every single day.

    I wish you love and luck!
  • notskinny_yet
    notskinny_yet Posts: 1
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    I met my, now ex-husband online when I was 15 and he was 17. He lived in Kentucky and me in Arkansas. We would talk on the phone and online for hours everyday/night. He moved to Ark for about a year before I moved to Ky with him when I turned 17. We did great for 8 years!

    Unfortunate things happened between us that had nothing to do with it being long distance at one point that led me to move back home.

    But, the 2 years we were long distance, it was fine with me. There are obviously jealousy issues because of the distance but all I could do was trust him. I didn't doubt his love for me and as much as we talked, etc I don't know how he would even have time for a relationship.

    I think if you're happy and love/trust him, go for it. If he shows any signs of not visiting or wanting to be visited, be cautious.

    I have a friend that's here in Ark and her boyfriend is in Texas. They have no intentions of moving to either state, yet but they are happy and talk daily. He has visited her a few times and she's going there this June. They trust each other and have no jealousy issues.

    It's tough. I wont' do it again even though it did work for 2 years for me and turned into a 10 year relationship!

    Good luck!
  • DietingMommy08
    DietingMommy08 Posts: 1,366 Member
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    I've been in long distance relationships. Not different states, but about 40-45 minute drive apart, they didn't work. I'm the type of person where I need someone close by.

    I just got out of a 7 year relationship that turned into long distance 2 years ago when I moved only 45min away.
    At the time I was spending most of my weekends back in town with family and could still see him often.

    Things started to happen, I started school, work full time... and we grew apart and stopped seeing eachother so much so I cut it off.

    You cant be the jelous type if your gonna be in a long distance relationship and you have to be prepared to feel alone even though your in a relationship.

    You dont get that hold me in your arms and let me feel like everything is gonna be okay type thing when you need it most and thats why it didnt work out for me.
  • leap314
    leap314 Posts: 75 Member
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    I've gated a guy on and off for a year that is long distance (5.5) hours away. I've went on dates with others, but I just can't get "him" out of my head. I guess I'm meant to be on this crazy journey with him. We shall see what happens....
  • docdrd
    docdrd Posts: 174 Member
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    The only way to make it work is to COMMIT to talking EVERY day. You have to stay on top of the little things in each other's lives. That is not easy. And it works better when you have had months together first to build a level of trust and rapport. For what it is worth, I was in one for 3 years and then we got married and it is 21 years later, so it can work, but it took a LOT of effort. Good luck!
  • Kityngirl
    Kityngirl Posts: 14,332 Member
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    Ever been in one?

    In one now.

    How did it work out?

    Friends for 2ish years, dated for a year and then got married.

    How far apart?

    When we met he was a 3 hour time difference and a 6 hour flight, generally. Now he's a 13 hour time difference and about a 16 hour flight away. Can't say it doesn't suck. Lol.


    I'm talking states. Very new relationship, very excited about it and nervous at the same time. I have jealousy issues that I never knew I had, with him.

    Tips? tricks? ideas?!
    Communicate. Communicate. Communicate. Ad Nauseam.
    <---- that. We text, Skype, googletalk, call, and send emails as much as possible. We talk about everything and anything, including any jealous feelings we're having. You have to truly trust the person and be honest about everything you're feeling because the tiniest things can become huge when you aren't physically there to read their body language and/or comfort and reassure them. Also, there definitely needs to be an end in sight if you want it to truly work out, March 2013 is my mantra these days. :laugh: :ohwell:

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