Is it ok to be with someone who....
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He did mention that he knows of someone else that he might have a chance with, but he doubts, she's obviously skinnier.
After reading your first post, I was thinking, "Well, it just shows that love is more than physical attraction - you have to love the person within and clearly he does". But after the post above, I'm thinking that he'll jump if something (he considers) better comes along. In other words, if you're getting physical, then he's probably using you.
I fear it can only bring you unhappiness in the long term.
It's possible I'm talking nonsense, though. After all, my head is full of kapok.
But what does your profile title say?
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Been with my wife for almost 25 years now. I still get tongue-tied around her. I still get excited by her gaze, her touch, her smell. And she feels the same way. I always catch her looking at me when she thinks I am distracted by something else and I am always sneaking a peek at her too.
This is the cutest thing ever. This is the kind of relationship I want to be in.0 -
This is kind of funny to me. This girl initially, prior to this comment:He did mention that he knows of someone else that he might have a chance with, but he doubts, she's obviously skinnier.
Seemed to have found the one guy on the planet that has shown that he feels what's underneath counts more than what's on the outside...and everyone told her to leave him lol!! On any other post, when the guy doesn't seem attracted, he's an *kitten* for putting the outside before the inside!Do not ever settle for a man who merely accepts you. If he doesn't want you desperately, you are wasting your time.
Initially, for sure. If you're lucky, it'll stay that way forever (I make it my business to make sure it stays that way, I couldn't live without that...and the surest way to get it, is to give it)...most of the time though...it doesn't. So unless you plan on getting a divorce every time things get to that comfortable place where 'wants you desperately' takes a back seat to 'wants sleep desperately', you might want to do some serious thinking on that matter.0 -
This is kind of funny to me. This girl initially, prior to this comment:He did mention that he knows of someone else that he might have a chance with, but he doubts, she's obviously skinnier.
Seemed to have found the one guy on the planet that has shown that he feels what's underneath counts more than what's on the outside...and everyone told her to leave him lol!! On any other post, when the guy doesn't seem attracted, he's an *kitten* for putting the outside before the inside!Do not ever settle for a man who merely accepts you. If he doesn't want you desperately, you are wasting your time.
Initially, for sure. If you're lucky, it'll stay that way forever (I make it my business to make sure it stays that way, I couldn't live without that...and the surest way to get it, is to give it)...most of the time though...it doesn't. So unless you plan on getting a divorce every time things get to that comfortable place where 'wants you desperately' takes a back seat to 'wants sleep desperately', you might want to do some serious thinking on that matter.
I don't think what you are saying is quite the same as the OP's situation. In your example, it started out with the physical attraction, and yes sometimes things get in the way and you get comfortable. But as a couple, you have to work on getting the physical aspects of the relationship back. IMO you shouldn't just ignore it or let it be.
To OP, what you need is confident and to realize that you deserve more than what you have. Is it really LOVE that you have for each other? Or are you both just comfortable? It sounds like he is just as comfortable as you, and is only not pursuing the other girl because he is afraid of rejection. Personally, I wouldn't want that, but it's your life and only you can answer that question.0 -
This is kind of funny to me. This girl initially, prior to this comment:He did mention that he knows of someone else that he might have a chance with, but he doubts, she's obviously skinnier.
Seemed to have found the one guy on the planet that has shown that he feels what's underneath counts more than what's on the outside...and everyone told her to leave him lol!! On any other post, when the guy doesn't seem attracted, he's an *kitten* for putting the outside before the inside!Do not ever settle for a man who merely accepts you. If he doesn't want you desperately, you are wasting your time.
Initially, for sure. If you're lucky, it'll stay that way forever (I make it my business to make sure it stays that way, I couldn't live without that...and the surest way to get it, is to give it)...most of the time though...it doesn't. So unless you plan on getting a divorce every time things get to that comfortable place where 'wants you desperately' takes a back seat to 'wants sleep desperately', you might want to do some serious thinking on that matter.
I don't think what you are saying is quite the same as the OP's situation. In your example, it started out with the physical attraction, and yes sometimes things get in the way and you get comfortable. But as a couple, you have to work on getting the physical aspects of the relationship back. IMO you shouldn't just ignore it or let it be.
To OP, what you need is confident and to realize that you deserve more than what you have. Is it really LOVE that you have for each other? Or are you both just comfortable? It sounds like he is just as comfortable as you, and is only not pursuing the other girl because he is afraid of rejection. Personally, I wouldn't want that, but it's your life and only you can answer that question.
You're right, it's not. The first part was an observation based on the first dozen or so replies to her initial post...basically that it was ironic that someone seemed to have found a guy that loved her for her, not her appearance, and they all wanted him to leave. After she commented about the other girl part, etc...that became irrelevant. The second part of my post was directed at the post I quoted.
And for the record...I agree completely. When I love someone...I don't think it's ever possible to get enough of them. Yes, you get comfortable...that's a good thing, but not so comfortable that you don't really care how long it takes you to get home from work, not because you want to relax...but because that's where SHE is.0 -
Says that they are not attracted to your body.
They don't ridicule you, they don't mention it, they never mention that you need to lose weight, none of that.
You don't find this out until you dig, and dig into a different subject and this comes out.
"I don't think it's rite for you to be attracted to me, but me not attracted to you"
Emotionally, we are great.
I say physical can change, and if he isn't going to ridicule me about it then it's not that big of a deal, in time, I'll be the person I want to be. He says "its hot when" and " your so beautiful/hot when you...." during sex, but...
My "other hand" says, I need him to say I'm pretty, I need him to think I'm hot. But that's the hand I'm trying to chop off...the one that "needs" someone else to say that to me.
Read first sentence... That's all I needed...
I think it is funny if some one stays in a relationship when their partner doesn't find them attractive... Like COME ON!0 -
If you're questioning it... I say ditch him.0
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It's nothing to worry about, it just sounds like he could be a closet gay, thats all.0
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wait wait wait.... hes not attracted to you and hes telling you about a girl he might have a shot with?? Cut and run dear. This will not end well for you.0
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wait wait wait.... hes not attracted to you and hes telling you about a girl he might have a shot with?? Cut and run dear. This will not end well for you.
That's what I was thinking. :huh: It sounds like maybe he sees this as a "friends with benefits" relationship, and you see it as a romantic one...Since you have been together 3 years, have you discussed clearly what kind of relationship this is and what kind of future it has? If so, and it IS a romantic relationship then...:noway: Please leave0 -
You're 29. Cut him loose and move on. Life is too short to be in a passionless relationship. Been with my wife for almost 25 years now. I still get tongue-tied around her. I still get excited by her gaze, her touch, her smell. And she feels the same way. I always catch her looking at me when she thinks I am distracted by something else and I am always sneaking a peek at her too.
If you don't have that going both ways, you have a room mate.
Wonderful :-)0 -
I think it depends on what you're okay with. From the sounds of it, you aren't. I would not be okay with it either.0
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You're 29. Cut him loose and move on. Life is too short to be in a passionless relationship. Been with my wife for almost 25 years now. I still get tongue-tied around her. I still get excited by her gaze, her touch, her smell. And she feels the same way. I always catch her looking at me when she thinks I am distracted by something else and I am always sneaking a peek at her too.
If you don't have that going both ways, you have a room mate.
Me and my hubby are the same, he catches me just gazing at him, i think hes the most perfect man ever, i cant get enough of him, and i know without question he feels the same about me.....quite often he will tell me how he was watching me do something around the house earlier and how he loves just watching me and how i move....0 -
Don't be with, or be friends with, anyone who doesn't value the relationship as much as you do. Everyone needs to be considered attractive and if he, the one person who should most be able to, can't tell you you're pretty, dump him.
I agree with this. His friend is right, he needs to fall on his face to realise what he's missed. Get rid of him and he'll soon learn that you were the best thing he had
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Wow women!!! listen to yourself....this other girl skinnier...bla bla bla grow some confidence play the game strut yourself get that attention he will feel like **** and never look anywhere else again....i agree with the fact that notebook is stupid but i also believe that respect is KEY to a relationship and if you dont have self respect enough to realise him going with another girl 'skinnier prettier' then he will never learn to have that respect for you. YOU NEED TO BELIEVE IN YOUR GORGEOUSNESS PLAY THE GAME LOVE LIFE FEEL AMAZING you put it in you'll get it back 100% other women pshhhhhhhhhhh what other women do you believe that you have given this man lots?! If you do then own that know that believe that and do your thing if you're going to be pandering to his every need maybe he will feel like what you felt like when those guys were being tooooo needy and yuk and will look for a challenge elsewhere.....
Wow long sentence sorry didnt have time to take a breath COME ON WOMEN YOU ARE BEAUTIFULLL!!! GAH dont let ANYONE make you feel differently!!!!0 -
Seen as you look the same as when you met, its not like you need to just loose a little weight to get back to how you were when you met and him find you attractive again like he did in the beginning... It that were the case you could work on it but its not. I just can't understand why a man would date someone who he initially wasn't attracted to. I could understand more if he met you found you beautiful, you fell in love, gained weight but he loved you so it didn't matter that he found you less attractive. I can't help wonder if he's playing games with you in a abusive way, because why would he have dated you in the first place if there was no attraction and you've not changed. Doesn't make sense. Somethings off. I'm really sorry but I'm wondering if he's already got something with this other woman, and this is his way of splitting up with you because he hasn't got the guts to just do it? I may be totally wrong but it doesn't make sense! X0
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give your head a shake
you're being played
the longer you live in your unrealistic fantasy
the harder its gunna be to get out!0 -
It sounds like you're settling and making excuses. Forget how he feels about you - how do you feel about yourself when you do that?0
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Sounds like everyone is judging this guy as a *kitten* when really at worst he is in a relationship with someone who he has either grown apart from, or misjudged his level of interest in the beginning.
As for what the OP should do - well I think everyone can probably agree that whatever they think of both parties, there are clearly issues. It's all fine and well to keep bumbling on out of comfort, but you will both wind up resenting each other. He will resent you if he doesn't find you attractive, and you will resent him for not letting you go and being stuck in an unhappy relationship.
The obvious course of action is to call a day on it. However, reading that in an internet forum isn't going to make your mind up. Breaking up with someone is almost as bad as being broken up with. Especially when you love that person and are making the decision based on your head, not your heart.
I think over time hopefully you will get the courage up.
Also - no matter what you are going to have to go back to being single for a period of time, that is unless you get someone lined up to go to which is not a good idea because a) that is essentially cheating (in fact, in my opinion, it is worse on a lot of levels) and b) going straight into another relationship isn't usually the best course of action, especially when you will still be in love with this guy - you need to take time off and get your head straight.
Just my thoughts...0 -
Sounds like everyone is judging this guy as a *kitten* when really at worst he is in a relationship with someone who he has either grown apart from, or misjudged his level of interest in the beginning.
As for what the OP should do - well I think everyone can probably agree that whatever they think of both parties, there are clearly issues. It's all fine and well to keep bumbling on out of comfort, but you will both wind up resenting each other. He will resent you if he doesn't find you attractive, and you will resent him for not letting you go and being stuck in an unhappy relationship.
The obvious course of action is to call a day on it. However, reading that in an internet forum isn't going to make your mind up. Breaking up with someone is almost as bad as being broken up with. Especially when you love that person and are making the decision based on your head, not your heart.
I think over time hopefully you will get the courage up.
Also - no matter what you are going to have to go back to being single for a period of time, that is unless you get someone lined up to go to which is not a good idea because a) that is essentially cheating (in fact, in my opinion, it is worse on a lot of levels) and b) going straight into another relationship isn't usually the best course of action, especially when you will still be in love with this guy - you need to take time off and get your head straight.
Just my thoughts...
Thank you.
There's a song over here that sums up my feelings perfectly.
"You Don't Know Her Like I Do"
Hey old friend, thanks for callin'
It's good to know somebody cares
Yeah she's gone, but I don't feel like talkin'
It might be just too much to bear
To hear somebody say it stops hurting
Or to hear somebody say she ain't worth it
'Cause you don't know her like I do
You'll never understand
You don't know we've been through
That girl's my best friend
And there's no way you're gonna help me
She's the only one who can
No, you don't know how much I've got to lose
You don't know her like I do
I can't forget, I'm drowning in these memories
It fills my soul with all the little things
And I can't cope, it's like a death inside the family
It's like she stole my way to breathe
So don't try to tell me I'll stop hurting
And don't try to tell me she ain't worth it
Cause you don't know her like I do
You'll never understand
You don't know we've been through
That girl's my best friend
And there's no way you're gonna help me
She's the only one who can
No, you don't know how much I've got to lose
You don't know her like I do
You don't know her like I do
You'll never understand
You don't know we've been through
That girl's my best friend
There's no way you're gonna help me
She's the only one who can
No, you don't know how much I've got to lose
No, you'll never know how much I've got to lose
You don't know her like I do
Not like I do
Never understand
That girl's my best friend
That girl's my best friend
That girl's my best friend.
It will take time to mourn the loss of my friend. I know more people than naught are simply telling me to forget him, and just leave, I do deserve to be treated at least the way I treat others, it's just hard to believe that there's someone else out there, that has a heart as big as mine.
Anyway...enough blubbering thank you.0 -
It will take time to mourn the loss of my friend. I know more people than naught are simply telling me to forget him, and just leave, I do deserve to be treated at least the way I treat others, it's just hard to believe that there's someone else out there, that has a heart as big as mine.
Anyway...enough blubbering thank you.
10KEYES and TheRoadDog seem like great examples of amazing men with big hearts and very lucky women. They are proof that there ARE men out there with big hearts. Obviously you know this relationship isn't satisfying you and you deserve better -- otherwise you wouldn't have asked this question. Get out while you still can I say.0 -
For me there needs to be a certain amount of physical attraction between friends let alone partners
How someone can contemplate being happy with no attraction?
It's made me move on - call me fickle - looks matter0 -
You're 29. Cut him loose and move on. Life is too short to be in a passionless relationship. Been with my wife for almost 25 years now. I still get tongue-tied around her. I still get excited by her gaze, her touch, her smell. And she feels the same way. I always catch her looking at me when she thinks I am distracted by something else and I am always sneaking a peek at her too.
If you don't have that going both ways, you have a room mate.
^^^^ This! You are young and beautiful. There is NO reason for you to be in a relationship where the guy isn't attracted to you. You'll find a way to deal with it in the short term, or rationalize that you shouldn't care. But you made this thread, so I think it does matter. And it should. Go with your gut. Find someone who doesn't make you want to ask a group of strangers if your relationship is okay.
Not that you shouldn't have asked! I just think if you're asking, you already know the answer in your heart.0 -
Sounds like everyone is judging this guy as a *kitten* when really at worst he is in a relationship with someone who he has either grown apart from, or misjudged his level of interest in the beginning.
As for what the OP should do - well I think everyone can probably agree that whatever they think of both parties, there are clearly issues. It's all fine and well to keep bumbling on out of comfort, but you will both wind up resenting each other. He will resent you if he doesn't find you attractive, and you will resent him for not letting you go and being stuck in an unhappy relationship.
The obvious course of action is to call a day on it. However, reading that in an internet forum isn't going to make your mind up. Breaking up with someone is almost as bad as being broken up with. Especially when you love that person and are making the decision based on your head, not your heart.
I think over time hopefully you will get the courage up.
Also - no matter what you are going to have to go back to being single for a period of time, that is unless you get someone lined up to go to which is not a good idea because a) that is essentially cheating (in fact, in my opinion, it is worse on a lot of levels) and b) going straight into another relationship isn't usually the best course of action, especially when you will still be in love with this guy - you need to take time off and get your head straight.
Just my thoughts...
Thank you.
There's a song over here that sums up my feelings perfectly.
"You Don't Know Her Like I Do"
Hey old friend, thanks for callin'
It's good to know somebody cares
Yeah she's gone, but I don't feel like talkin'
It might be just too much to bear
To hear somebody say it stops hurting
Or to hear somebody say she ain't worth it
'Cause you don't know her like I do
You'll never understand
You don't know we've been through
That girl's my best friend
And there's no way you're gonna help me
She's the only one who can
No, you don't know how much I've got to lose
You don't know her like I do
I can't forget, I'm drowning in these memories
It fills my soul with all the little things
And I can't cope, it's like a death inside the family
It's like she stole my way to breathe
So don't try to tell me I'll stop hurting
And don't try to tell me she ain't worth it
Cause you don't know her like I do
You'll never understand
You don't know we've been through
That girl's my best friend
And there's no way you're gonna help me
She's the only one who can
No, you don't know how much I've got to lose
You don't know her like I do
You don't know her like I do
You'll never understand
You don't know we've been through
That girl's my best friend
There's no way you're gonna help me
She's the only one who can
No, you don't know how much I've got to lose
No, you'll never know how much I've got to lose
You don't know her like I do
Not like I do
Never understand
That girl's my best friend
That girl's my best friend
That girl's my best friend.
It will take time to mourn the loss of my friend. I know more people than naught are simply telling me to forget him, and just leave, I do deserve to be treated at least the way I treat others, it's just hard to believe that there's someone else out there, that has a heart as big as mine.
Anyway...enough blubbering thank you.
Awwww. That's sad. :frown: You totally know what you want though. You want someone to treat you the way that you treat them. You want someone that sees you as you see them. Or at least closely! You deserve that! Just have to go through with the process.0 -
Also - no matter what you are going to have to go back to being single for a period of time, that is unless you get someone lined up to go to which is not a good idea because a) that is essentially cheating (in fact, in my opinion, it is worse on a lot of levels)
I agree with this comment completely. That's not just cheating, that's cheating and using the other person on top of it. My ex was a professional at this. It's ****ty on all levels.0 -
It's up to you, but that would be a deal breaker for me.0
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Just a quick question....
Are you really the farmers daughter from all the jokes?
you may continue0 -
Well said Roaddog!!!! I have been a big (fat) girl all my life, I was when I got married almost 18 years ago, and even though I have lost a little . My hubby still gives me that "How you doin" look that curls my toes!!! True love, knows no bounds. No matter what size you are, everyone deserves to be loved like that!!!0
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Do not ever settle for a man who merely accepts you. If he doesn't want you desperately, you are wasting your time.
She hit the nail right on the head with this comment. A man whose not passionate about you is just bidding his time with you until he finds someone he is passionate about .0 -
Just a quick question....
Are you really the farmers daughter from all the jokes?
you may continue
Well, I'm not sure what the jokes are (I'm sooo naieve) but I really am the farmers daughter if that's any consolation 0
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