Being Shallow...
Replies
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I need some help understanding why when people begin to lose weight and begin a new life. They become shallow..your the same person you were when you had a couple of pounds, however now when you lose some weight and get back into shape you brain changes..you realize....WOW I look good and can be the stuck up person that everyone hated in High School. The one that walked around knowing they could have anyone in school, if they flexed their muscles or batted their eye lashes just right in your direction..
Why cant people just be who they were before losing weight..Why do they have to change what is on the inside too? I dont get it.
So I ask if anyone else has had a experience like this recently...
All time some people are just ignorant like that. I myself love the fact that I have lost the weight and am still me LOL I bat my eyelash just like the rest of them and smile pretty plus I tell it like it is nothing has ever changed with me. If anything I have become more aware of myself and try to control the urge to be to blunt or too much of a WITCH.
Ha I have actually enjoyed myself with the people I went to school with, who thought they were all that I sit back and look at them now some still act as though they are all that and they are the ones who are heavy and overweight, balding and don’t do nothing with themselves and still think they are King/queen of the pooh! “LOL†Others are working on who they are and are doing something about it. Comes right down to it though people are just plain ignorant and some will never change.
I just want to be and stay true to me and I try to be; nice and I even sometimes just grin and bear it.0 -
They didn't "become shallow". They were always shallow. It's just that they were fat and shallow, which meant they probably hated themselves because they were that which they sneered at.
Now that they are not fat, they are just shallow again.
We reward people on their physical appearance. We punish those that don't fit into what our society says is beautiful. The power to be shallow is given by us.
There tend to be three stages a person can exist in:
The stage where one is sneered at and japed at.
The stage where one is invisible to the world.
The stage where people are nice to you.
Have you noticed if you were fat moving towards not fat that the stages are changing for you?0 -
In my case I do notice an elitism tone in my voice when I talk with people who haven't jumped on the fitness bandwagon. Especially when offered food I don't want o eat anymore. I really have to pay attention and check myself when I catch that tone in my voice.0
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my weight loss has never effected me in this way. I still 'behave' as if I was 240 lbs even though I am 50 lbs lighter than my friends and resisted the urge to give them a dose of 'fat' jokes as revenge for the jokes they poured on me when I was 240 lbs..0
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I don't think it's people being shallow. I think it's people finally being confident in themselves.
Completely agree!
In general when your heavy, your self-esteem is low which reflects on every part of your life. When you start to lose the weight or lost the weight, your self-esteem goes up. This is why people say a "new life". Its not about thinking they're better then anyone (OK maybe some are like that but not most) or becoming more shallow. Its about reclaiming the life that God gave them and becoming a better version of themselves.
Its truly amazing how losing those add pounds can effect your life. I know it has for me in great ways and Im not even half way to my final goal weight. My husband and kids notice a big difference in how I approach everyday with a new outlook and love it.0 -
OMG...I so notice that happening on here, it's like stuck up skinny girls that used to be fat are acting like they ARE back in high school to make up for lost time.Why do people have to change everything about themselves..I can understand getting confidence and accomplishment...but you to go from being kind and considerate to God's gift to whatever....
NO not all, definitely not saying all members have done this but I sure have seen a large % of the population shift over to the 'I think I'm IT' and no one else matters.
Sad to see it on here but it's weight loss site and for whatever reason it does happen to some. Then with others I see them get healthy, and the inside is as beautiful as their new outside they've worked so hard for. Those are the type I have as friends, and wouldn't change it for the world.
:flowerforyou:
This is SO IT!! I think you hit the nail on the head with your response. That's the ugliness we see, the shallow personality that's always been there.They didn't "become shallow". They were always shallow. It's just that they were fat and shallow, which meant they probably hated themselves because they were that which they sneered at.
Now that they are not fat, they are just shallow again.0 -
low self esteem is the reason
frustrating to meet people like that
surround yourself with geniune people
michelle0 -
I suspect many people who have been overweight all their lives have always secretly envied the 'golden' kids - the beautiful ones for whom life seemed a dream, and whose looks got them a long way in life. I'll put my hand up and say that I have looked at girls with beautiful figures and thought how much easier, and more fun, life must be for them, even knowing logically that they probably have just as many problems as I do.
I'm not there yet, but if I ever reach a point where I feel that my figure is as beautiful as those I've envied and coveted, I can see how easy it would be to slip into the trap of living as I've imagined those people do. I've always taken care of my appearance, but I can imagine that I might get a bit caught up in it if I too could buy any clothes I liked and know that they would not only fit but also look good. I've already spent too much this month on clothes - partly because I do need to replace some summer things, but partly because I can - I now fit into a UK16 dress, so my options are wider than they have been for years (no pun intended!).
Certain aspects of my personality might change too - I've always been on my guard around men because I expect to be rejected for my physique. Being confident about my body might well change that, and other aspects of my outlook as well. I don't think it's really about becoming shallow, it's about exploring things that may have been buried or seemed unattainable as you gain more confidence. If you're talking about a specific person - give it time. Once they've figured out who they are as a slim person, I would guess things will settle into a more balanced outlook.0 -
Auticus:
They didn't "become shallow". They were always shallow. It's just that they were fat and shallow, which meant they probably hated themselves because they were that which they sneered at.
Now that they are not fat, they are just shallow again.
We reward people on their physical appearance. We punish those that don't fit into what our society says is beautiful. The power to be shallow is given by us.
There tend to be three stages a person can exist in:
The stage where one is sneered at and japed at.
The stage where one is invisible to the world.
The stage where people are nice to you.
Have you noticed if you were fat moving towards not fat that the stages are changing for you?
and there you have it...0 -
Hell, as an adult I still envy the "golden eaters" who can eat and drink whatever they want and are thin. I love food and it just kills me that they can dive in without a care in the world and I need MFP to help manage my caloric intake.0
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We reward people on their physical appearance. We punish those that don't fit into what our society says is beautiful. The power to be shallow is given by us.
There tend to be three stages a person can exist in:
The stage where one is sneered at and japed at.
The stage where one is invisible to the world.
The stage where people are nice to you.
Have you noticed if you were fat moving towards not fat that the stages are changing for you?
Too true, and yes, I have noticed it. It makes me quite angry, and certainly more cynical.0 -
I think getting in shape has made me nicer.
When I hated the way I looked, I had less confidence, a "poor me--look at what all these children have done to me" attitude, and was often depressed. I also didn't feel as well physically when I wasn't taking care of myself. No energy meant I did less.
Now that I feel better, I extend more grace and kindness to myself, and I think I extend more grace and kindness to others. I feel like I have more to give.0 -
OMG, I am vain too! I really can't understand why Tom Hardy or The Rock aren't interested in me.
But on a serious note, people tell me I am vain but I can't make that connection and lose the weight yet. You would think I would be skinny.0 -
I have to say that I do understand how big weight loss can change people. They go from being taunted and shamed, to being someone they maybe thought they could never be, It is a powerful change, and can have a huge effect on people emotionally.
I lost a lot of weight as a teen and became a total snot about it. As someone pointed out, bad behavior of the recently thin is often overcompensation. I definitely agree, In the past ten years I put all the weight back on again, and done some growing up - I am 27 now. I do not want to lose kindness or compassion along with the pounds. It happened before, and I won't let it happen again. It is a poor show of character, and an obvious show of past emotional injury. A little introspection can go a long way.0 -
I can only speak for myself - but when I was a higher weight, I let people walk all over me, i had low self-esteem and would not be looking out for my best interests.
40 lbs later (not all on MFP...) I'm more confident and not willing to let people dominate me and control me...so I don't think it's shallowness, but maybe confidence in themselves and their ability to speak up.
I'm getting the impression this has something to do with a personal experience you had? If so, none of us can answer to that except for that person.
This.
They say that winning a bunch of money doesn't change you, it changes the people around you. I'd say similar things happen with weight loss.
Some people can become jerks. Most just get more confidence in themselves. Sometimes other people don't like that because they've enjoyed seeing that person as a doormat and don't want that to change.
It's not like ALL people who lose weight become arrogant pricks. You're thinking of someone specific. So whatever you're talking about relates only to them. Not everyone as a whole.0 -
i think that for some ppl, they think that losing weight is going to "fix" everything that's wrong. and yet, you lose weight and your problems are still there, or you've traded them for new problems.
if you don't work on all aspects of yourself - inside as well as outside - then you're still going to be miserable. and you work that hard to lose weight and look awesome, but you're still miserable? you can't let anyone know that. so you lash out.
therapy, ppl. therapy. it's good for you.0 -
Since looks have never been part of my allure, I doubt losing a couple pounds is going change me. Still going to have to work on my personality.
Same for me. Especially the personality improvement part.0 -
I've been up and down the scale so much that I don't act any different, and agree with those who say the person must've been shallow in the first place0
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I did not change my personality, I just became more energetic and confident in my appearance. I began to enjoy wearing nice clothes etc. I think DH struggled a little with enjoying my new look and energy and noticing I was being noticed more, but now he likes to notify me if I am being noticed, so in that respect - it helped us both (wink wink).0
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For me it's the silly changes that make me happy. At 230 lbs, there is no way I would walk down the street eating something. Ever. EVER. An apple, an ice cream, a fricking carrot. I felt like people were looking at me thinking, "ohhh, look at that girl eating. she's so gross, no wonder she's fat". No one ever did, but I suddenly thought myself a mind reader because I figure they were thinking it.
75 lbs lighter, I somehow don't worry about it. It just happened. I'm not projecting my self-loathing onto people. And it's pretty damned good feeling. When you're heavy, sometimes it's the burden of unhappiness that's weiging you down too. It's not being shallow, it's feeling worthy enough to not wallow in shame. *shrug* I'll take it.0 -
I don't think it changes people, but amplifies what's already there. It's like drinking alcohol.... Some people are the same if they're drunk or sober, and some people get the courage to be as obnoxious on the outside as they've always been on the inside.0
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I don't think it changes people, but amplifies what's already there. It's like drinking alcohol.... Some people are the same if they're drunk or sober, and some people get the courage to be as obnoxious on the outside as they've always been on the inside.
I tend to believe this!!!0 -
For me it's the silly changes that make me happy. At 230 lbs, there is no way I would walk down the street eating something. Ever. EVER. An apple, an ice cream, a fricking carrot. I felt like people were looking at me thinking, "ohhh, look at that girl eating. she's so gross, no wonder she's fat". No one ever did, but I suddenly thought myself a mind reader because I figure they were thinking it.
75 lbs lighter, I somehow don't worry about it. It just happened. I'm not projecting my self-loathing onto people. And it's pretty damned good feeling. When you're heavy, sometimes it's the burden of unhappiness that's weiging you down too. It's not being shallow, it's feeling worthy enough to not wallow in shame. *shrug* I'll take it.
Beautifully put!0 -
I dunno, I think that any major change that a person gos through has the potential to alter who they are fundamentally.
Smokers who quit often become the harshest ctitics of those who continmue to smoke.
Alcoholics can turn into the shrillest critics of drinking.
People who switch churches often become the arch-enemies of their former religion and the greatest evangelists of theit new one.
The way I see it is that in many cases - not ALL, mind you - that someone who goes through a change like that subconsciously fears that which they have left behind. Obviously they changed for a reason and if it was a najor change and took a while to accomplish, then it was something that had quite a hold on them. I believe that deep down there is a part of them that fears giving any power back to whatever it was they left.
Alos, people often need see their own struggles as universal, so they attribute their own fight to others. I know plenty of alcoholics who see anyone who ever drinks as an alcoholic and views the whole world as in denial and subject to the whims of the conspiracy of alcohol. I'm not even kidding. It's easier to see something as a universal scourge affecting everyon than it is to admit, "Hey, maybe this is just about me."
I see how people are talking about having new confidence and not letting others walk all over them, but in my mind that wasn't really what the OP was talking about. I see people who have lost a lot of weight sometimes become the very people they used to hate. Not our of mean-spritedness always, but worse: out of a twisted form of kindness - "I'm not being mean, I'm justb telling you like it is. You NEED to hear this!"
I wish sometimes those people could go back to who they were and remember how someone using that approach might have seemed to them back when the shoe was on the other foot.
Maybe I read the whole thing wrong.
But I think that there's no real way around it. Some people will go through this because they have still not realy dealt with the issues that led them to be where they were in the first place. They may have conquered a symptom, but the disease stil runs rampant through their bodies.0 -
I am a sarcastic caustic dismissive moo-cow now and when I lose *mumble mumble* lbs, I shall just be a leaner meaner more sarcastic version of myself....... with a great bottom.
I shall never be shallow though. That is just a vice too far
:laugh: Good for you! :drinker:
Thank you, I try 0 -
Idk Im just a bi**ch now lol well to most guys but thats because ive been in some pretty bad relationships but watever thats another topic
"back then they didnt want me now im hot n they all on me"-mike jones lol0 -
Sad as this my sound, no matter how much weight I lose, when I look in the mirror, I'm still going to see a fat girl.0
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They didn't "become shallow". They were always shallow. It's just that they were fat and shallow, which meant they probably hated themselves because they were that which they sneered at.
Now that they are not fat, they are just shallow again.
We reward people on their physical appearance. We punish those that don't fit into what our society says is beautiful. The power to be shallow is given by us.
There tend to be three stages a person can exist in:
The stage where one is sneered at and japed at.
The stage where one is invisible to the world.
The stage where people are nice to you.
Have you noticed if you were fat moving towards not fat that the stages are changing for you?
Although I have no doubt that people can be discriminated against due to their appearance, I think that our own biggest challenge sometimes is ourselves. We create the stage. It's more a matter of perspective. Generally speaking, I think that if you are kind to people, people are kind to you.
... which is why I have no friends. BUWHAHAHAHAHAHA!! ;P0 -
I hate to admit this, but I'm shallow when it comes relationships. Let me explain:
If I'm not attracted to a person, there's no way I'd kiss her. Now, not every woman I'm attracted too is attractive, not to others anyway. But to me, she'll be gorgeous.
I don't treat people differently, but when it comes to dating, I have that one rule, which apparently shallow.0 -
I dunno, I think that any major change that a person gos through has the potential to alter who they are fundamentally.
Smokers who quit often become the harshest ctitics of those who continmue to smoke.
Alcoholics can turn into the shrillest critics of drinking.
People who switch churches often become the arch-enemies of their former religion and the greatest evangelists of theit new one.
The way I see it is that in many cases - not ALL, mind you - that someone who goes through a change like that subconsciously fears that which they have left behind. Obviously they changed for a reason and if it was a najor change and took a while to accomplish, then it was something that had quite a hold on them. I believe that deep down there is a part of them that fears giving any power back to whatever it was they left.
Alos, people often need see their own struggles as universal, so they attribute their own fight to others. I know plenty of alcoholics who see anyone who ever drinks as an alcoholic and views the whole world as in denial and subject to the whims of the conspiracy of alcohol. I'm not even kidding. It's easier to see something as a universal scourge affecting everyon than it is to admit, "Hey, maybe this is just about me."
I see how people are talking about having new confidence and not letting others walk all over them, but in my mind that wasn't really what the OP was talking about. I see people who have lost a lot of weight sometimes become the very people they used to hate. Not our of mean-spritedness always, but worse: out of a twisted form of kindness - "I'm not being mean, I'm justb telling you like it is. You NEED to hear this!"
I wish sometimes those people could go back to who they were and remember how someone using that approach might have seemed to them back when the shoe was on the other foot.
Maybe I read the whole thing wrong.
But I think that there's no real way around it. Some people will go through this because they have still not realy dealt with the issues that led them to be where they were in the first place. They may have conquered a symptom, but the disease stil runs rampant through their bodies.
I completely agree with this entire post. In my opinion, we tend to be hardest on others who have qualities that we ourselves have/or used to have. I have a friend who lost 70lbs and now is hyper critical of every "lazy" person who waits to park at the front of the grocery store as opposed to getting the empty parking space all the way at the end and walking. I'm very self aware and when I find someone to be off putting...it doesn't take me long to realize what it is...I don't like them because they do some of the things I don't like about myself!0
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