Being Shallow...

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  • MissTattoo
    MissTattoo Posts: 1,203 Member
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    Why do people have to change everything about themselves..I can understand getting confidence and accomplishment...but you to go from being kind and considerate to God's gift to whatever....

    I know several people like this. One that comes to mind is someone who had weight loss surgery. She looks great now but her attitude is terrible. She thinks she's God's gift to man (which is funny because I should have that attitude since my real name translates into "Gift from God" lol) and she's constantly posting photos of her new body with captions "You know you want this" or "I bet you jealous for passing this up." or "I know I'm fine. You don't have to tell me."

    I've since deleted her because I don't get it. I could see if you always had that attitude and I know some bigger girls who rock that attitude so I wouldn't be surprised if they lost weight and continued with that attitude.
  • AnninStPaul
    AnninStPaul Posts: 1,372 Member
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    Over compensating for the continuation of a low self esteem, maybe?

    ^^THIS
  • Onesnap
    Onesnap Posts: 2,819 Member
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    I'm the same as I was before. :) I don't think it happens to everyone.

    Maybe you did not love yourself before.
  • AnninStPaul
    AnninStPaul Posts: 1,372 Member
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    For me it's the silly changes that make me happy. At 230 lbs, there is no way I would walk down the street eating something. Ever. EVER. An apple, an ice cream, a fricking carrot. I felt like people were looking at me thinking, "ohhh, look at that girl eating. she's so gross, no wonder she's fat". No one ever did, but I suddenly thought myself a mind reader because I figure they were thinking it.

    75 lbs lighter, I somehow don't worry about it. It just happened. I'm not projecting my self-loathing onto people. And it's pretty damned good feeling. When you're heavy, sometimes it's the burden of unhappiness that's weiging you down too. It's not being shallow, it's feeling worthy enough to not wallow in shame. *shrug* I'll take it.

    Congratulations!! My brain isn't there yet....
  • bigdawg025
    bigdawg025 Posts: 774 Member
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    Why do people have to change everything about themselves..I can understand getting confidence and accomplishment...but you to go from being kind and considerate to God's gift to whatever....

    I see that a lot here... I wouldn't necessarily call it shallow, though. I think a lot of people (women especially) realize that they are worth so much more than what they believed before, and perhaps they were in less than desirable relationships and want to move in a different direction now that they've "seen the light" so to speak. It's a fine line I must agree... but when you make such a drastic change like this you begin getting a LOT of attention that you weren't used to getting before. For a lot of PEOPLE (men and women alike) that can go to their head very easily.
  • Bikini27
    Bikini27 Posts: 1,298 Member
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    Why do people have to change everything about themselves..I can understand getting confidence and accomplishment...but you to go from being kind and considerate to God's gift to whatever....

    As a woman that has always been overweight, I have settled for less than I wanted my entire life because I never felt as though I deserved better. I am not being shallow, I am not acting like I am God's gift, but I'm holding my head up high and I'm kicking *kitten*. This is why I am "changing" because like SugarLand says:"I ain't settlin' for anything less than everything!"
  • kabloozi
    kabloozi Posts: 119 Member
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    I hope to be a bit more confident but I know I won't change. I love me and people love me. I understand what you mean and some people are no longer friends due to that "change" in personality. Good topic!
  • MissFluffyBottoms
    MissFluffyBottoms Posts: 30
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    I am a sarcastic caustic dismissive moo-cow now and when I lose *mumble mumble* lbs, I shall just be a leaner meaner more sarcastic version of myself....... with a great bottom.

    I shall never be shallow though. That is just a vice too far :)

    I like you :)
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
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    I spent more of my life being 125/130 than I did at 230 being very overweight was just a bump in the road for me. Now I am getting back to what I consider normal I dont see why my personality should change. I will always be the little ray of sunshine I have always been

    very similar for me--I was fit and thin for most of my life, being overweight and unhealthy was a small amount of time in comparison. Now I just feel like I'm physically back to my old self, nothing else has changed. I do think I have more confidence now, but I don't consider myself shallow and I've always been kind to others...
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
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    I'm the same person but I do look better. I don't act stuck up, but I am definately confident. I'm attracted to the same type of guys I used to be... but now a lot more of them seem to be attracted to me back.

    When I see an overweight person, I know how it feels. I remember how unhappy I was and imagine how unhappy they are. I would never feel superior to someone else.

    Another change is that I actually believe people when they compliment my physical appearance because I like me too!
  • delilah47
    delilah47 Posts: 1,658
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    Yes, OP, I've seen it too. Only the person losing the weight called it a new found confidence. Confidence doesn't mean you are better than everyone else. It means you carry on your daily life satisfied with your demeanor and performance. It doesn't mean you lord over people who are now heavier than you and that being confident raises your status on the pecking order. It doesn't mean YEAH IN YOUR FACE, SO THERE! Just remember where you came from if you realize your goals and you will appreciate them all the more. And... you never know.. you may be back.
  • ampa916
    ampa916 Posts: 189 Member
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    I don't know that it was ever "who they were" being big kind of makes you be that kind loving person or you'd be alone, so losing weight I guess lets people feel like they can be who they "really" are. I just see that behavior as something I am not interested in. Losing weight does make a person gain confidence but I agree that some people take it too far.

    I had a friend who was married, she had gastric bypass and started losing weight. Once she really started seeing a difference she was all about how she could do better than her husband etc etc.It was like she was only with him because he would marry her. IDK but that kind of person is not the kind of person I want to be around.
  • adamb83
    adamb83 Posts: 719 Member
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    I'm definitely more confident, but I don't think I'm shallow.

    In fact, I think I have a much more empathetic side, knowing where I was and where I cam from - and how unhappy/unable I was.
  • MissFluffyBottoms
    MissFluffyBottoms Posts: 30
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    They didn't "become shallow". They were always shallow. It's just that they were fat and shallow, which meant they probably hated themselves because they were that which they sneered at.

    Now that they are not fat, they are just shallow again.

    We reward people on their physical appearance. We punish those that don't fit into what our society says is beautiful. The power to be shallow is given by us.

    There tend to be three stages a person can exist in:

    The stage where one is sneered at and japed at.

    The stage where one is invisible to the world.

    The stage where people are nice to you.

    Have you noticed if you were fat moving towards not fat that the stages are changing for you?

    ^Awesome!^
  • MJ7910
    MJ7910 Posts: 1,280 Member
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    I need some help understanding why when people begin to lose weight and begin a new life. They become shallow..your the same person you were when you had a couple of pounds, however now when you lose some weight and get back into shape you brain changes..you realize....WOW I look good and can be the stuck up person that everyone hated in High School. The one that walked around knowing they could have anyone in school, if they flexed their muscles or batted their eye lashes just right in your direction..

    Why cant people just be who they were before losing weight..Why do they have to change what is on the inside too? I dont get it.


    So I ask if anyone else has had a experience like this recently...


    i have experienced moments like this but then i realize i too came from somewhere i didn't like and i might feel and look good now but a lot of people don't and they struggle. i think people that do become shallow maybe do out of a feeling of power, that now they can be more choosy about what they do, what they eat, who they associate with. it's a psychological thing where someone feels bad about themselves and then suddenly they feel good and know they are fit. i can't say i blame anyone for doing it, it is quite a powerful feeling to look good and finally feel like you ahve the body you deserve. however, being rude to others isn't something i support and i could see how that would be a really bad thing if that happens as a result of weight loss.
  • thetrishwarp
    thetrishwarp Posts: 838 Member
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    I'm not the same person on the inside anymore. I've been at this for almost two years, and in that two years I graduated high school, moved out, started university, got out of an abusive relationship, and went through therapy.

    In terms of being shallow - I look hotter. Hotter guys hit on me. I don't mean to sound snooty or anything, it's just a fact. That doesn't mean I won't talk to people who are less than gorgeous. It also doesn't change that the guy I'm after is getting on the chubby side, and that doesn't phase me in the slightest.

    That said, I do get some sort of sick satisfaction when I realize I've succeeded over someone who was horribly mean to me in high school. Not because I think I'm hot *kitten* because I've lost weight, necessarily, but because it feels like they're getting their just desserts.
  • Cindy311
    Cindy311 Posts: 780 Member
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    Sometimes it's the person, and sometimes it's others people's perception of the person. I fit into clothes that I've always wanted, I like to do my hair and my make up more now than I ever did. I'm not shallow, I just realized that I'm worthy of taking care of me and making myself happy :)
  • SinIsIn
    SinIsIn Posts: 1,865 Member
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    It's called making up for LOST TIME!!! LOL
  • Chelle_Davis
    Chelle_Davis Posts: 241
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    I hope to heck nobody thinks I'm shallow since I've lost weight. I try to be friendly to everyone, and am probably more social now than I was 102 pounds ago.

    I have found, however, that certain people at work will actually speak to me now, when they completely ignored me in the past. I find THEM to be shallow as they appear to treat me different now that I've lose weight.

    Amen to this.
  • Thin_Perfection110
    Thin_Perfection110 Posts: 3
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    Well I don't think i was shallow but when i went from 180 to 130 i was way more confidant. I was louder, happier and more out going. I don't think I was ever full of myself. Maybe some people just OD on this new confidence and don't know how to handle it. The world treats you different when your skinnier and to those who have never been there it's a lot. I know for me everyone seemed nicer and more people talked to me. I had people wanting to hang out and do stuff with me. The more attractive you are the more power you have.

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