Being Shallow...

Over compensating for the continuation of a low self esteem, maybe?

For me it's the silly changes that make me happy. At 230 lbs, there is no way I would walk down the street eating something. Ever. EVER. An apple, an ice cream, a fricking carrot. I felt like people were looking at me thinking, "ohhh, look at that girl eating. she's so gross, no wonder she's fat". No one ever did, but I suddenly thought myself a mind reader because I figure they were thinking it.

75 lbs lighter, I somehow don't worry about it. It just happened. I'm not projecting my self-loathing onto people. And it's pretty damned good feeling. When you're heavy, sometimes it's the burden of unhappiness that's weiging you down too. It's not being shallow, it's feeling worthy enough to not wallow in shame. *shrug* I'll take it.

Why do people have to change everything about themselves..I can understand getting confidence and accomplishment...but you to go from being kind and considerate to God's gift to whatever....

I am a sarcastic caustic dismissive moo-cow now and when I lose *mumble mumble* lbs, I shall just be a leaner meaner more sarcastic version of myself....... with a great bottom.

I shall never be shallow though. That is just a vice too far

They didn't "become shallow". They were always shallow. It's just that they were fat and shallow, which meant they probably hated themselves because they were that which they sneered at.

Now that they are not fat, they are just shallow again.

We reward people on their physical appearance. We punish those that don't fit into what our society says is beautiful. The power to be shallow is given by us.

There tend to be three stages a person can exist in:

The stage where one is sneered at and japed at.

The stage where one is invisible to the world.

The stage where people are nice to you.

Have you noticed if you were fat moving towards not fat that the stages are changing for you?

I dunno, I think that any major change that a person gos through has the potential to alter who they are fundamentally.

Smokers who quit often become the harshest ctitics of those who continmue to smoke.

Alcoholics can turn into the shrillest critics of drinking.

People who switch churches often become the arch-enemies of their former religion and the greatest evangelists of theit new one.

The way I see it is that in many cases - not ALL, mind you - that someone who goes through a change like that subconsciously fears that which they have left behind. Obviously they changed for a reason and if it was a najor change and took a while to accomplish, then it was something that had quite a hold on them. I believe that deep down there is a part of them that fears giving any power back to whatever it was they left.

Alos, people often need see their own struggles as universal, so they attribute their own fight to others. I know plenty of alcoholics who see anyone who ever drinks as an alcoholic and views the whole world as in denial and subject to the whims of the conspiracy of alcohol. I'm not even kidding. It's easier to see something as a universal scourge affecting everyon than it is to admit, "Hey, maybe this is just about me."

I see how people are talking about having new confidence and not letting others walk all over them, but in my mind that wasn't really what the OP was talking about. I see people who have lost a lot of weight sometimes become the very people they used to hate. Not our of mean-spritedness always, but worse: out of a twisted form of kindness - "I'm not being mean, I'm justb telling you like it is. You NEED to hear this!"

I wish sometimes those people could go back to who they were and remember how someone using that approach might have seemed to them back when the shoe was on the other foot.

Maybe I read the whole thing wrong.

But I think that there's no real way around it. Some people will go through this because they have still not realy dealt with the issues that led them to be where they were in the first place. They may have conquered a symptom, but the disease stil runs rampant through their bodies.

I dunno, I think that any major change that a person gos through has the potential to alter who they are fundamentally.

Smokers who quit often become the harshest ctitics of those who continmue to smoke.

Alcoholics can turn into the shrillest critics of drinking.

People who switch churches often become the arch-enemies of their former religion and the greatest evangelists of theit new one.

The way I see it is that in many cases - not ALL, mind you - that someone who goes through a change like that subconsciously fears that which they have left behind. Obviously they changed for a reason and if it was a najor change and took a while to accomplish, then it was something that had quite a hold on them. I believe that deep down there is a part of them that fears giving any power back to whatever it was they left.

Alos, people often need see their own struggles as universal, so they attribute their own fight to others. I know plenty of alcoholics who see anyone who ever drinks as an alcoholic and views the whole world as in denial and subject to the whims of the conspiracy of alcohol. I'm not even kidding. It's easier to see something as a universal scourge affecting everyon than it is to admit, "Hey, maybe this is just about me."

I see how people are talking about having new confidence and not letting others walk all over them, but in my mind that wasn't really what the OP was talking about. I see people who have lost a lot of weight sometimes become the very people they used to hate. Not our of mean-spritedness always, but worse: out of a twisted form of kindness - "I'm not being mean, I'm justb telling you like it is. You NEED to hear this!"

I wish sometimes those people could go back to who they were and remember how someone using that approach might have seemed to them back when the shoe was on the other foot.

Maybe I read the whole thing wrong.

But I think that there's no real way around it. Some people will go through this because they have still not realy dealt with the issues that led them to be where they were in the first place. They may have conquered a symptom, but the disease stil runs rampant through their bodies.

I don't know about shallow in my case. I am the same person that I have always been. I am generally a very kind, empathetic person. But the one thing that has changed is that I was willing to settle for many years, I wasn't worth enough to invest in myself. That's not the case anymore.