Drinking Beer!!

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applekiss13
applekiss13 Posts: 5
in Motivation and Support
Hey I was hoping to get some opinions on this situation that has been bothering me! Please let me know if I am out to lunch on this or if this is something that I should be worried about. I would say my husband is more of a sociable drinker, rather than someone who drinks often, This is what his typical year is like, he would go from NOT having anything to drink for weeks to a month or so and drinking more often in the summer time when we would be at the lake or on a hot day etc. Now these past couple of months he has been having 1-2 beer a day. It has been bothering me because this isn't how he usually is. And this past year he has hated his job more and we have been to the doctor to discuss mild depression. I notice that when we start to spat with each other he goes to the fridge to get a beer. I know that it is considered normal to have a drink a day and it is not like he is getting drunk ever, but alcohol has always made me feel uneasy because of what happens when people drink too much.

I have asked him why he feels he needs to have a drink everyday now and he just says because he wants to, it's only a beer or two!! I don't know I honestly feel torn between thinking this isn't a big deal, but then when I see him get a beer everyday it doesn't make me feel like it is okay. Oh and we have kids and it's seems like a "normal" thing for them to say at supper when setting the table is dad going to have a beer or do I set out a glass?
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Replies

  • applekiss13
    applekiss13 Posts: 5
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    Someone....anyone....please!!
  • bradphil87
    bradphil87 Posts: 617 Member
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    I personally struggled with alchohol in the past, but that was in college and was really just a faze. Do you think he's going through a faze or do you think it may be more serious?
  • kcashwheeler
    kcashwheeler Posts: 23 Member
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    A couple of beers wouldn't bother me, but it sounds like you've got more of a complex problem going on here becuase you and your husband do not agree on how much drinking is acceptable. Sorry I am not more help...it doesn't seem easy to give advice on a situation such as this- from the outside looking in on what you've described.
  • Jackiales
    Jackiales Posts: 24 Member
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    Hi. My biological parents and I are all lightweights so 1-3 beers for us and we're tipsy/slightly drunk. That being said we don't drink that often. I may have a drink once a weekend or so. My step father is a recovering addict, so I've seen my fair share of drugs and alcohol leading to violence, financial loss and health complications. As a social worker, there's a fine line for me between letting loose once in a while and depending on a substance. My long term bf is a party guys, who grew up in West Palm Beach, went to school in NYC and at a state university. He was a lacross captain and hasn't lost his wild party days yet. We've had this discussion many times. He used to tell me he'd never drink alone ever and that was his sign of alcohol abuse. That line for him ended when he had tough days at work and I'd return home to him drunk playing mario cart on the wii. Is it normal? idk the two of us grew up in completely differnent environments. Either way you and your hubby need to reach a common ground of what's comfortable for you both. If you feel it's affecting your relationship then you need to speak up, seek outside support and make a decision how long you want to live like this. But if it's raising concern like it did for me, but not "causing" any immediate harm, you may have to wait until it reaches his "threshold" as hard as that sounds.
  • vabrewer33
    vabrewer33 Posts: 185
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    I would just say that you should look for advice from a counselor or mentor rather than on the internet. It sounds like there is a deeper issue than just drinking going on here. Please, talk to someone with a better knowledge base!!!
  • mikegohl
    mikegohl Posts: 68 Member
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    He doesn't sound like a problem drinker to me.
  • zml_mom
    zml_mom Posts: 270 Member
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    My husband drinks a few beers when he comes home from work or a glass of scotch if we have either. If not he won't go buy any and he drinks on the weekends every weekend.
    It doesn't bother me because he works hard and as long as he isn't getting drunk every night I don't care.
  • TeutonicKnight
    TeutonicKnight Posts: 367 Member
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    If he never goes over 2 pints a day (or two 12oz bottles for that matter), it is nearly impossible for a 180lb man to feel anything from it.

    A person is more likely dependent on alcohol if they don't drink during the week then have over 3 on Friday and Saturday/Sunday.

    I average about one beer a day. It calms me, its delicious (I drink high end beer and beer only), and its showing my son to be responsible with 'adult drinks'.

    Is he drinking cheap beer or more expensive beers? Honestly, it says a lot about a person and their drinking habits.
  • dezi718
    dezi718 Posts: 118 Member
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    I honestly would say it depends on how the one or two beers effects him. My husband drinks 1-2 almost daily as well and for him, it's seriously like water as far as how they effect him. Several days out of the week, I have one with him. Its just relaxing sometimes to have one or two. However, if they have any sort of negative effects on him or his behavior, I would say it may be something to worry about. Alcohol effects everyone differently, so you really have to look at the individual person.
  • trobinson0426
    trobinson0426 Posts: 2 Member
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    By no means am I trying to be offensive, but your reaction seems a severe. This is not a problem with the alcohol especially if we are viewing it strictly through a scope of health management, but a relationship problem. The only thing you can do is sit down and say it makes you feel uncomfortable and try to compromise or try to come to some reconciliation that he is not doing this out of depression or as a way to escape, but simply because he enjoys beer occasionally. Attributing this to depression or his hatred for his job may pettifog the real issue at hand, and that issue is communication.

    Also: When you drink out of depression it is not in moderation, but more aligned with binge drinking. He is having 1 or 2 beers a night. If he was occasionally coming home and killing a 12 pack just before passing out naked in your child's bedroom I would tell you to get help, but it really just looks like a guy who enjoy a beer to help himself relax.

    Sit down and talk with him. Ask about his work, and ask if he has been drinking more because of his work. Make certain to him that you are not trying to get him to drop drinking. Your tone should be one of curiosity not of scrutiny.
  • majordlite
    majordlite Posts: 266 Member
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    My husband drinks a beer or two every evening during the week, and drinks non-alcoholic beer on the weekends (?). But he's done this since I've known him, and I've never even seen him tipsy. He says he used to drink a lot when he was younger, and he doesn't want to go back to that life.

    My point is that this is normal for him. It seems that your husband's pattern of drinking has changed, and it seems related to some stressors in his life. That's what would be worrying me, that it might spiral.

    Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that I'm an alcoholic. I started out not drinking every day, just socially; then stressful situations led to my drinking more to cope with social anxiety to the point that I drank up to three bottles of wine a DAY, just to get through the day. I haven't had a drink in over 10 years, after rehab and counseling. More than anything, I wish I had gotten a handle on my drinking before it took over.

    I wouldn't make a big deal about it with your husband as long as he has it under control, but I don't blame you for being concerned. Perhaps you can convince to bring it up in any counseling sessions that he attends. The therapist might have some good advice or an assessment that your husband would listen to. Best of luck to you!
  • bradphil87
    bradphil87 Posts: 617 Member
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    The one thing I do know for sure, is the amount does not matter, if you need to have a drink everyday (even if it's one) it's becoming a problem. Ask him to go without on weekdays, thats what I'd do.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
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    I don't think it's time to worry yet, but I have had periods in my life where my drinking was my vice and my crutch to get through hard times. I'm exceedingly happy now, and my life is about as close to perfect as it gets, and I still have one or two beers a night.. usually one when I get home and I sit next to the pond and relax, and one with dinner. Also, I think it's important to teach kids some form of responsible drinking, so having a beer with dinner is probably a good thing in that regard.


    All of that aside, I don't think it would hurt to keep talking with him about his struggles at work and his depression. Keep an eye on him and let him know that you just want to make sure he's doing the best he can for his health. If he starts drinking more frequently, or like, first thing in the morning on weekends (unless you're doing home remodeling. We start beers right after breakfast during home remodeling!), or if he starts to exhibit behaviors or possibly hiding his drinking, then maybe it would be time to talk about his habits.
  • mustangbass
    mustangbass Posts: 18 Member
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    If I only drank a couple beers a day my weight problem would have never been! I wouldn't worry about a couple of drinks a day but it sounds like there is something else going on in your lives that needs to be addressed. Good luck.
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
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    You need to talk to him, or a professional. Not MFP'ers.
  • deniseearheart
    deniseearheart Posts: 919 Member
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    I have 1-2 beers or glasses of wine each night.... alcoholic??? No but some would say yes.. I would start to worry if he is drinking in the mornings or binge drinking
  • rthompson81
    rthompson81 Posts: 305 Member
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    People have different definitions of what "problem" drinking is. The reality of it is that "problem" drinking, in whatever stage, can lead to alcoholism, which is a nasty, nasty disease, and is usually dual diagnosed with depression or other mental illnesses. The fact that you are concerned about his drinking, no matter the amount, is important. I suggest you seek counseling, because everyone here will have a different idea of what is okay and what is not. It's your relationship, and you and he are the only ones who really know.
  • rocketqueen81
    rocketqueen81 Posts: 35
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    I don't think it's a big deal at all to have a couple beers after work, everyday if you want. And more on the weekend. Just my opinion of course and i'm sure I'll be attacked for it. As long as he's not being a belligerent *kitten* that is.
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,611 Member
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    I don't drink during the week but back when I was in a bit of a darker place, I drank to excess, I didn't stop at 1 to 2 beers. Having a couple drinks after work to unwind can be healthy. Question, does his mood change when he doesn't get his drink?
  • TheNewDoug
    TheNewDoug Posts: 56
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    Beer is a gateway drug! Stop him now... no, seriously I wouldn't sweat it.

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