Drinking Beer!!

applekiss13
applekiss13 Posts: 5
in Motivation and Support
Hey I was hoping to get some opinions on this situation that has been bothering me! Please let me know if I am out to lunch on this or if this is something that I should be worried about. I would say my husband is more of a sociable drinker, rather than someone who drinks often, This is what his typical year is like, he would go from NOT having anything to drink for weeks to a month or so and drinking more often in the summer time when we would be at the lake or on a hot day etc. Now these past couple of months he has been having 1-2 beer a day. It has been bothering me because this isn't how he usually is. And this past year he has hated his job more and we have been to the doctor to discuss mild depression. I notice that when we start to spat with each other he goes to the fridge to get a beer. I know that it is considered normal to have a drink a day and it is not like he is getting drunk ever, but alcohol has always made me feel uneasy because of what happens when people drink too much.

I have asked him why he feels he needs to have a drink everyday now and he just says because he wants to, it's only a beer or two!! I don't know I honestly feel torn between thinking this isn't a big deal, but then when I see him get a beer everyday it doesn't make me feel like it is okay. Oh and we have kids and it's seems like a "normal" thing for them to say at supper when setting the table is dad going to have a beer or do I set out a glass?
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Replies

  • applekiss13
    applekiss13 Posts: 5
    Someone....anyone....please!!
  • bradphil87
    bradphil87 Posts: 617 Member
    I personally struggled with alchohol in the past, but that was in college and was really just a faze. Do you think he's going through a faze or do you think it may be more serious?
  • kcashwheeler
    kcashwheeler Posts: 23 Member
    A couple of beers wouldn't bother me, but it sounds like you've got more of a complex problem going on here becuase you and your husband do not agree on how much drinking is acceptable. Sorry I am not more help...it doesn't seem easy to give advice on a situation such as this- from the outside looking in on what you've described.
  • Jackiales
    Jackiales Posts: 24 Member
    Hi. My biological parents and I are all lightweights so 1-3 beers for us and we're tipsy/slightly drunk. That being said we don't drink that often. I may have a drink once a weekend or so. My step father is a recovering addict, so I've seen my fair share of drugs and alcohol leading to violence, financial loss and health complications. As a social worker, there's a fine line for me between letting loose once in a while and depending on a substance. My long term bf is a party guys, who grew up in West Palm Beach, went to school in NYC and at a state university. He was a lacross captain and hasn't lost his wild party days yet. We've had this discussion many times. He used to tell me he'd never drink alone ever and that was his sign of alcohol abuse. That line for him ended when he had tough days at work and I'd return home to him drunk playing mario cart on the wii. Is it normal? idk the two of us grew up in completely differnent environments. Either way you and your hubby need to reach a common ground of what's comfortable for you both. If you feel it's affecting your relationship then you need to speak up, seek outside support and make a decision how long you want to live like this. But if it's raising concern like it did for me, but not "causing" any immediate harm, you may have to wait until it reaches his "threshold" as hard as that sounds.
  • vabrewer33
    vabrewer33 Posts: 185
    I would just say that you should look for advice from a counselor or mentor rather than on the internet. It sounds like there is a deeper issue than just drinking going on here. Please, talk to someone with a better knowledge base!!!
  • mikegohl
    mikegohl Posts: 68 Member
    He doesn't sound like a problem drinker to me.
  • zml_mom
    zml_mom Posts: 270 Member
    My husband drinks a few beers when he comes home from work or a glass of scotch if we have either. If not he won't go buy any and he drinks on the weekends every weekend.
    It doesn't bother me because he works hard and as long as he isn't getting drunk every night I don't care.
  • TeutonicKnight
    TeutonicKnight Posts: 367 Member
    If he never goes over 2 pints a day (or two 12oz bottles for that matter), it is nearly impossible for a 180lb man to feel anything from it.

    A person is more likely dependent on alcohol if they don't drink during the week then have over 3 on Friday and Saturday/Sunday.

    I average about one beer a day. It calms me, its delicious (I drink high end beer and beer only), and its showing my son to be responsible with 'adult drinks'.

    Is he drinking cheap beer or more expensive beers? Honestly, it says a lot about a person and their drinking habits.
  • dezi718
    dezi718 Posts: 118 Member
    I honestly would say it depends on how the one or two beers effects him. My husband drinks 1-2 almost daily as well and for him, it's seriously like water as far as how they effect him. Several days out of the week, I have one with him. Its just relaxing sometimes to have one or two. However, if they have any sort of negative effects on him or his behavior, I would say it may be something to worry about. Alcohol effects everyone differently, so you really have to look at the individual person.
  • trobinson0426
    trobinson0426 Posts: 2 Member
    By no means am I trying to be offensive, but your reaction seems a severe. This is not a problem with the alcohol especially if we are viewing it strictly through a scope of health management, but a relationship problem. The only thing you can do is sit down and say it makes you feel uncomfortable and try to compromise or try to come to some reconciliation that he is not doing this out of depression or as a way to escape, but simply because he enjoys beer occasionally. Attributing this to depression or his hatred for his job may pettifog the real issue at hand, and that issue is communication.

    Also: When you drink out of depression it is not in moderation, but more aligned with binge drinking. He is having 1 or 2 beers a night. If he was occasionally coming home and killing a 12 pack just before passing out naked in your child's bedroom I would tell you to get help, but it really just looks like a guy who enjoy a beer to help himself relax.

    Sit down and talk with him. Ask about his work, and ask if he has been drinking more because of his work. Make certain to him that you are not trying to get him to drop drinking. Your tone should be one of curiosity not of scrutiny.
  • majordlite
    majordlite Posts: 266 Member
    My husband drinks a beer or two every evening during the week, and drinks non-alcoholic beer on the weekends (?). But he's done this since I've known him, and I've never even seen him tipsy. He says he used to drink a lot when he was younger, and he doesn't want to go back to that life.

    My point is that this is normal for him. It seems that your husband's pattern of drinking has changed, and it seems related to some stressors in his life. That's what would be worrying me, that it might spiral.

    Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention that I'm an alcoholic. I started out not drinking every day, just socially; then stressful situations led to my drinking more to cope with social anxiety to the point that I drank up to three bottles of wine a DAY, just to get through the day. I haven't had a drink in over 10 years, after rehab and counseling. More than anything, I wish I had gotten a handle on my drinking before it took over.

    I wouldn't make a big deal about it with your husband as long as he has it under control, but I don't blame you for being concerned. Perhaps you can convince to bring it up in any counseling sessions that he attends. The therapist might have some good advice or an assessment that your husband would listen to. Best of luck to you!
  • bradphil87
    bradphil87 Posts: 617 Member
    The one thing I do know for sure, is the amount does not matter, if you need to have a drink everyday (even if it's one) it's becoming a problem. Ask him to go without on weekdays, thats what I'd do.
  • infamousmk
    infamousmk Posts: 6,033 Member
    I don't think it's time to worry yet, but I have had periods in my life where my drinking was my vice and my crutch to get through hard times. I'm exceedingly happy now, and my life is about as close to perfect as it gets, and I still have one or two beers a night.. usually one when I get home and I sit next to the pond and relax, and one with dinner. Also, I think it's important to teach kids some form of responsible drinking, so having a beer with dinner is probably a good thing in that regard.


    All of that aside, I don't think it would hurt to keep talking with him about his struggles at work and his depression. Keep an eye on him and let him know that you just want to make sure he's doing the best he can for his health. If he starts drinking more frequently, or like, first thing in the morning on weekends (unless you're doing home remodeling. We start beers right after breakfast during home remodeling!), or if he starts to exhibit behaviors or possibly hiding his drinking, then maybe it would be time to talk about his habits.
  • mustangbass
    mustangbass Posts: 18 Member
    If I only drank a couple beers a day my weight problem would have never been! I wouldn't worry about a couple of drinks a day but it sounds like there is something else going on in your lives that needs to be addressed. Good luck.
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
    You need to talk to him, or a professional. Not MFP'ers.
  • deniseearheart
    deniseearheart Posts: 919 Member
    I have 1-2 beers or glasses of wine each night.... alcoholic??? No but some would say yes.. I would start to worry if he is drinking in the mornings or binge drinking
  • rthompson81
    rthompson81 Posts: 305 Member
    People have different definitions of what "problem" drinking is. The reality of it is that "problem" drinking, in whatever stage, can lead to alcoholism, which is a nasty, nasty disease, and is usually dual diagnosed with depression or other mental illnesses. The fact that you are concerned about his drinking, no matter the amount, is important. I suggest you seek counseling, because everyone here will have a different idea of what is okay and what is not. It's your relationship, and you and he are the only ones who really know.
  • rocketqueen81
    rocketqueen81 Posts: 35
    I don't think it's a big deal at all to have a couple beers after work, everyday if you want. And more on the weekend. Just my opinion of course and i'm sure I'll be attacked for it. As long as he's not being a belligerent *kitten* that is.
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,576 Member
    I don't drink during the week but back when I was in a bit of a darker place, I drank to excess, I didn't stop at 1 to 2 beers. Having a couple drinks after work to unwind can be healthy. Question, does his mood change when he doesn't get his drink?
  • TheNewDoug
    TheNewDoug Posts: 56
    Beer is a gateway drug! Stop him now... no, seriously I wouldn't sweat it.
  • taso42
    taso42 Posts: 8,980 Member
    I'd say it's ok. A beer or two a day is nowhere near anything to be concerned about. I went for a long time having 2-6 pints pretty much every night, and look at me.. I turned out fine :bigsmile:
  • TexanThom
    TexanThom Posts: 778
    I would just say that you should look for advice from a counselor or mentor rather than on the internet. It sounds like there is a deeper issue than just drinking going on here. Please, talk to someone with a better knowledge base!!!


    This is perfect advice......
  • asamuels85
    asamuels85 Posts: 170 Member
    I see your struggle comes from the why is he drinking and not so much hat he is or is not and how much per night. Am i right? It may just be that you feel a retain way about it and need to discuss that in a mor usurious way. I fit something that is new, that you are concerned is in response to your relationship, do some talking. He may be the one that needs to reassure you and not any of us. I admire that you are seeking opinions about what is eeptable in other families. I am sure you care about him a lot and his health is important to you. If you feel like it will eventually affect your lifestyle or children's role model father, deal with it sooner and be open to compromise.

    On a lighter note, nothing probably make him want a second beer more than the stress of being nagged at about the first one, so pick your battles funny. :)

    Best wishes
  • semeyer
    semeyer Posts: 282 Member
    Its most likely he has just escaping through having a beer. I know when I'm having a rough day I like to go home and have a couple drinks. I don't necessarily get drunk, and I don't have a drinking problem, but I associate having a couple beers with happy times and it usually gets my mind off whatever is bothering me. :drinker:
  • asamuels85
    asamuels85 Posts: 170 Member
    quoted
    On a lighter note, nothing probably make him want a second beer more than the stress of being nagged at about the first one, so pick your battles funny. :)

    Best wishes
    [/quote]

    Hunny lol
  • mkaluzny
    mkaluzny Posts: 508 Member
    Any change in a behavior pattern can be a cause of concern. If he is already seeking outside help, he should address this issue. You also should talk to someone, other than us (As we are probably not all qualified to handle this); this change is affecting you and your perception of your husband.

    It sounds like the beer has become a crutch as is used as a way to avoid confrontation. This could be due to the depression or not. There are so many factors.
  • aprilalex41
    aprilalex41 Posts: 1
    Maybe its mid-life crises! Depression, or bad nerves maybe. Anything extra stressful going on? I consider myself an alcoholic, and when I got upset, I ran for the vodka! But then as time went on, my body had to have it, or i would withdraw.....you don't have to drink alot everyday to be dependant on alcohol...contact someone at "AA", they could give you better advice.
  • grannygethealthy1111
    grannygethealthy1111 Posts: 422
    problem drinker
    Substance abuse A person who meets 2 of the 3 criteria in the last 12 months, for alcoholics. See Alcohol, Binge drinking. Cf Social drinker.
    Problem drinker
    5+ alcoholic drinks on any one occasion at least once/month–'heavy drinking'
    One or more alcohol-related social consequences–eg, drunk-driving, public drunkenness arrests, alcohol-related criminal arrests, traffic or other accidents when drinking, confrontations about alcohol-related health problems by a medical practitioner, alcohol-related family or on-the-job problems
    One or more symptoms of alcohol dependence–eg, having an alcoholic drink upon awakening–an 'eye-opener', shaking hands, awakening not remembering the events that occurred while drinking JAMA 1992; 268:1872oc
  • Ash_76
    Ash_76 Posts: 186 Member
    its a couple of beers not a full keg, if a beer helps him chill and come down from a hard days graft whats the problem,
    i think the worst thing you can do is hassle him about it, unless there is serious health issues involved, but to me it sounds it like he just needs a bring me down. normal for a hard working male

    by the way i am from England the binge drink capital lol
  • Harmony924
    Harmony924 Posts: 2 Member
    My husband was concerned about me when I was having a glass or two of wine each night. He has alcoholism in his extended family and so he has been very careful about his own drinking and sensitive to the issue in general. I was so glad he brought up his concern about me in a respectful, non-confrontational manner. I immediately stopped drinking so often and proved to both of us that it was not a crutch for me. Later on, I gave up drinking for Lent (with some exceptions for March Madness when I went out with my husband to watch the games). Both breaks were good for us and for me.
    I agree that you should seek out a professional therapist. I have done that myself a couple of times and it made a great difference even though it meant a lot of hard work and soul searching. Not all therapists are a good match, though. If you don't seem to be making progress, try a different one. And go, whether or not your husband will go with you. Even when your problems are centered around your relationship, changing yourself can improve the relationship. By understanding myself better, I became stronger and happier with myself, less resentful and less defensive. Best of luck!

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