Why are people so cruel

13

Replies

  • LadyVenom69
    LadyVenom69 Posts: 10 Member
    I worked in a nursing home a few months ago while I was pregnant, I was quite rotund in the tummy then. One of the women who lived in the home was a very large woman of approx. 300 pounds. She looked at me and said "Wow are YOU a big girl". Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!

    Since I was at work I had to be professional, so instead of saying what I wanted to all I could get out was "I'm six months pregnant". Meanwhile I wanted to use a few choice words and ask her what her excuse was.

    Some people are very rude, and its usually ppl who aren't comfortable within their own bodies who are the most critical of others.
  • u2fergus
    u2fergus Posts: 422 Member
    I dont see how this is so hard to comprehend.

    everyone judges everyone else by their outside appearance.. some people may change their initial impression easily once they get to know you, but EVERYONE judges by what they have.. and if they only have your outside appearance... thats what they go by.


    i realize this is the SUPPORT website, but sometimes reality has to jump in here. I am only saying this for PERSPECTIVE and not to be cruel or to make you feel bad.

    it doesnt matter that you are now eating right.
    it doesnt matter that you are now working out.
    until the YEARS of you NOT doing those things make you a not so large person, people will still judge you as the size you are.
    If you were 350lbs, and are now 270lbs... thats amazing, and I honestly admire the sheer work that takes. I understand.
    the random person on the street still sees a 270lb overweight person though.. not a person that just loss 80lbs.


    you cant take it personally, or you will be frustrated.
    take it as fuel and motivation to keep losing.... until the guy on the street sees you as you want to be seen.
    the person making the comment is just being more honest about his thoughts, then most people.
    most people keep them to themselves... but they're still thinking them.

    If she were 270 lbs, I could see your point, but she's NOT!!! Have you seen her picture? The guy's comment was completely uncalled for.

    Edited to say: NOT that this comment would be called for under any circumstances, no matter how big the person is. Obviously.
  • mfpcopine
    mfpcopine Posts: 3,093 Member
    He doesnt know me or my workout plans. What gives him the right to judge me on my weight? This is why alot of people have confidence issues dealing with there weight

    Not "people," WOMEN. Sexism and "the male gaze" are part of the problem. Some (many?) men still don't believe that women are fully human beings with a right to dignity, respect and not to be objectified.

    I once was in the presence of two older men. They were discussing a woman athlete. One commented on her enormous "can." He had a HUGE butt and gut. I was not at work, so I said, Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?

    First, he didn't get it -- he really did not make the connection. Then he got angry.

    Men are so inured to judging women on their appearance without pushback that they're actually shocked when you call them on it.
  • Miss_Chievous_wechange
    Miss_Chievous_wechange Posts: 1,230 Member
    I would have b!tch slapped his *kitten*!
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
    I dont see how this is so hard to comprehend.

    everyone judges everyone else by their outside appearance.. some people may change their initial impression easily once they get to know you, but EVERYONE judges by what they have.. and if they only have your outside appearance... thats what they go by.


    i realize this is the SUPPORT website, but sometimes reality has to jump in here. I am only saying this for PERSPECTIVE and not to be cruel or to make you feel bad.

    it doesnt matter that you are now eating right.
    it doesnt matter that you are now working out.
    until the YEARS of you NOT doing those things make you a not so large person, people will still judge you as the size you are.
    If you were 350lbs, and are now 270lbs... thats amazing, and I honestly admire the sheer work that takes. I understand.
    the random person on the street still sees a 270lb overweight person though.. not a person that just loss 80lbs.


    you cant take it personally, or you will be frustrated.
    take it as fuel and motivation to keep losing.... until the guy on the street sees you as you want to be seen.
    the person making the comment is just being more honest about his thoughts, then most people.
    most people keep them to themselves... but they're still thinking them.

    Um. Did you even look at the OP's pictures? She's not 270lbs - not even close (and even if she were, have some tact.. you can think to yourself "Wow, he/she shouldn't eat that!", but for God's sake you don't have to SAY it!). I see overweight people making poor choices all the time, but I don't walk up to them and say "Wow, no wonder you're fat -- you're eating crap!". My parents taught me manners - and what is appropriate to say and what isn't. Clearly, what he said was rude -- regardless of what HE thinks of her. Keep your mouth SHUT.
  • Lizabee84
    Lizabee84 Posts: 346 Member
    why you care what a random fat dude says to you ?

    This is what I was thinking.

    Next time this happens (and hopefully it won't) just smile and say "Thank you so much for looking out for me. What's your secret to such a fantastic physique?" Although judging by his comment you may need to explain that to him.

    I usually dont let stuff like this bother me but a complete stranger calling me fat is hurtful. I felt like i was making progress and for someone to see me that way made me doubt myself. I hate the word "Fat" it is a ugly hurtful word.
  • andreanicole686
    andreanicole686 Posts: 406 Member
    Wow, what a jerk! You should of told him to take his own advice. I'm sorry you had to deal with that!
  • cbcw1964
    cbcw1964 Posts: 43 Member
    there is no excuse for people who are ignorant...take it from me...i am a mom to an autistic daughter and have had my fair share of stares and misjudgements....you have to fluff off those kinds...look at who you are dealing with....and stay true to yourself...its your journey and no one elses...don't let anyone steal your sunshine!
    :glasses:
  • hk2008
    hk2008 Posts: 49 Member
    I know i'm beating a dead horse here. Don't let him get to you. You are beautiful and adorable and definitely not fat. Some people see beauty and need to try and destroy it because that makes them feel better. He is the one with all the issues. You did the right thing. If you had responded you would have given him exactly what he was hoping for.
  • aliciamarieUF
    aliciamarieUF Posts: 226 Member
    Ok mini vent too..This morning one of the girls in the office recieved a box of chocolate dipped strawberries from edible arrangements and decided to offer me one. Needless to say neither of us are skinny. There was a customer in the lobby at this time, Male with the stomache of a pregnant woman. So I selected one. The guy then says" you know if you eat that you will only get fatter than what you are" "You know men like skinny woman." I didnt reply because I like my job and the words coming out of my mouth wasnt going to be pretty. So I ate all my 140 calories strawberry and gave him eyes that could kill. He doesnt know me or my workout plans. What gives him the right to judge me on my weight? This is why alot of people have confidence issues dealing with there weight

    Only in this effed up country would people consider you fat. You are NOT fat. Where I am from, men love women with curves. America puts so much emphasis on women being super thin. It's disgusting. I can't wait to leave this country. Processed foods, skinny women who look like they're dying. No thanks, not my scene.
  • mslack01
    mslack01 Posts: 823 Member
    I don't think I have ever heard of anyone being so rude! I probably would have been fired because my temper would have gotten the best of me. Keep up the hard work and don't let *kitten* get you down.
  • SaketoKim
    SaketoKim Posts: 254 Member
    Most people attack others out of insecurities with theirselves. I wouldn't sweat it, and kudos on not responding. It takes more than a comment like that to get my goat! Have a great FRIDAY!!!!
  • TourThePast
    TourThePast Posts: 1,753 Member
    I think I would have raised my eyebrows.....laughed...then snickered while pointing at his belly.
    He's not even worth a thought to you. :flowerforyou:
    That would probably be close too my reaction too.

    Though I certainly wouldn't point, that would be unsubtle and rude. Just looking straight at his stomach, looking him in the face, raising an eyebrow and giving him a wry smile would be more my style.

    What would he do, go to your boss and complain that "she smiled at me"? :bigsmile:
  • trish1960
    trish1960 Posts: 39
    Have you heard of the new movie coming out 'Think Like a Man'. Well that's what you have to do. You should have stuck that strawberry in your mouth and then grinned at him and said "Don't worry, I'm going to work these calories off later". You could have been talking about going to the gym or walking but he would have his mind in the gutter. You get your strawberry and leave the idiot with his own perverted thoughts.
  • cpegasus01
    cpegasus01 Posts: 400 Member
    I think I would have raised my eyebrows.....laughed...then snickered while pointing at his belly.
    He's not even worth a thought to you. :flowerforyou:

    Definitely what I would have done!
  • littlebeans
    littlebeans Posts: 36 Member
    if a man or anyone for that matter said that to me at work, I'd give him a piece of my mind AND report him to HR.
  • beckyinma
    beckyinma Posts: 1,433 Member
    You know there is nothing wrong with a straightforward polite reply. Such as sir that is wildy inappropriate to say to someone you don't know. Embarrass him and make him feel like a small child. Thats not unprofessional and I bet you he feels like an *kitten* and doesn't dare say another word.


    THIS x1000!
  • Captain_Tightpants
    Captain_Tightpants Posts: 2,215 Member
    What a knob. His testicles + your foot = problem solved.
  • djsupreme6
    djsupreme6 Posts: 1,210 Member
    some people are downright cruel is right...for a variety of reasons...some have problems with themselves..some just like to try and get attention outta another individual whether negative or positive...some just enjoying bringing others down and that is for sure a cruel thing...what happened to you is something that happens to lots of people. Its hurtful, disgusting and people like that will always get exactly what they deserve...you are beautiful...no matter what you're weight is...use it as fuel but not to consume you...just to have as a little added incentive to what you already got coming from within you...when this happens...laugh at it...crack something right back with a quick wit...if someone said that to me...i'd immediately smile..laugh and let them know that bascially what they say don't really matter...i'd tell them you have that right to an opinion...look at his gut and tell him...nice ab..no need of more then just one huh
  • TourThePast
    TourThePast Posts: 1,753 Member
    if a man or anyone for that matter said that to me at work, I'd give him a piece of my mind AND report him to HR.
    He was a customer, not a colleague.
  • Heaven71
    Heaven71 Posts: 706 Member
    Ok mini vent too..This morning one of the girls in the office recieved a box of chocolate dipped strawberries from edible arrangements and decided to offer me one. Needless to say neither of us are skinny. There was a customer in the lobby at this time, Male with the stomache of a pregnant woman. So I selected one. The guy then says" you know if you eat that you will only get fatter than what you are" "You know men like skinny woman." I didnt reply because I like my job and the words coming out of my mouth wasnt going to be pretty. So I ate all my 140 calories strawberry and gave him eyes that could kill. He doesnt know me or my workout plans. What gives him the right to judge me on my weight? This is why alot of people have confidence issues dealing with there weight

    Be happy that you are not as clueless and classless as he is.
  • Lizabee84
    Lizabee84 Posts: 346 Member
    if a man or anyone for that matter said that to me at work, I'd give him a piece of my mind AND report him to HR.
    He was a customer, not a colleague.

    He was a customer that deals with the Oil Company I work at.
  • philOHIO
    philOHIO Posts: 520 Member
    find out who he is and just sic the dog on him! What an *kitten*!
  • tashaa1992
    tashaa1992 Posts: 658 Member
    You will get people like that in life, and I know how much it hurts but all you can really do is walk away. I've had comments about my weight from strangers in the street and also my sister and a few ex friends. I'm not the type of person who will argue back or anything, I walked away every single time. They don't know how much their comments hurt you.
    People make horrible comments usually because their self esteem isn't high, commenting on you or your achievements gives them a boost. It's so wrong and I find it disgusting that people behave this way but there's nothing I can do about it. Don't give them the satisfaction of commenting back or having a slanging match.
  • kalynn06
    kalynn06 Posts: 368 Member
    Like other people have said, it was wildly inappropriate no matter your weight, but you're not even close to fat. From your pictures, you look great and actually smaller than average. He must be projecting his own weight issues.

    I think that sometimes you don't even have to say anything in situations like that. Most people can't maintain eye contact for long. Just look pointedly at his belly, give a half smile and look in his eyes quietly. After he looks away, laugh softly and relish the strawberry. What is going to do, complain to your boss that you looked at him? Quiet contempt combined with (fake if necessary) confidence is a much underrated strategy for dealing with unmitigated @holes.
  • ChristineDiet
    ChristineDiet Posts: 719 Member
    God damn - some people are just so rude. And isn't there a saying "calling the kettle black" maybe he should have looked in the mirror at himself and thought for a moment how he would feel if someone said anything like that.

    Judging by your pick - you don't look fat at all. Maybe he's just an idiot - sounds like it to me.

    Don't let it stress you. x
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
    Ok mini vent too..This morning one of the girls in the office recieved a box of chocolate dipped strawberries from edible arrangements and decided to offer me one. Needless to say neither of us are skinny. There was a customer in the lobby at this time, Male with the stomache of a pregnant woman. So I selected one. The guy then says" you know if you eat that you will only get fatter than what you are"

    What the hell. Bizarre that he thinks it is ok to say that. They often say we dislike in other people what we dislike in ourselves. I suspect he feels guilty about his own weight problems but is too lazy to use a site such as this to improve himself.

    Besides, strawberries is one of your five a day and chocolate contains antioxidents and serotonin. I hope you saved one for me. :-D

    Wait a sec. I just looked at your profile pics. You're hardly fat!
  • HowieTwoPointZero
    HowieTwoPointZero Posts: 494 Member
    Cause he's an *kitten*.

    Really, you don't need more then that. Don't try to figure out his behavior, don't give him a second more thought then you need to. Some people are just *kitten*, accept it, move on.
  • jennylsapia
    jennylsapia Posts: 236 Member
    I dont see how this is so hard to comprehend.

    everyone judges everyone else by their outside appearance.. some people may change their initial impression easily once they get to know you, but EVERYONE judges by what they have.. and if they only have your outside appearance... thats what they go by.


    i realize this is the SUPPORT website, but sometimes reality has to jump in here. I am only saying this for PERSPECTIVE and not to be cruel or to make you feel bad.

    it doesnt matter that you are now eating right.
    it doesnt matter that you are now working out.
    until the YEARS of you NOT doing those things make you a not so large person, people will still judge you as the size you are.
    If you were 350lbs, and are now 270lbs... thats amazing, and I honestly admire the sheer work that takes. I understand.
    the random person on the street still sees a 270lb overweight person though.. not a person that just loss 80lbs.


    you cant take it personally, or you will be frustrated.
    take it as fuel and motivation to keep losing.... until the guy on the street sees you as you want to be seen.
    the person making the comment is just being more honest about his thoughts, then most people.
    most people keep them to themselves... but they're still thinking them.

    MR. DUDE are you blind??? She is no where near obese!!!! Definitly no where near 270 lbs!!! Now if she was my size ok I get your point!!! You are no better than the fat dude at her job!!! And yes everyone judges everyone else....its human nature but at no point is it ok!!! It is NEVER ok to make a comment on someone's weight especially when you are bigger than the person you are comenting on!! Ugh people like you frustrate me!!!


    NO more than frustrate me....people like you PISS ME OFF!!!
  • Captian_Dathon
    Captian_Dathon Posts: 73
    I'm going to be honest here; That is the very reason I am embarrassed to eat anything but salads in front of people.

    He had no right to think that you weren't already aware of your body and were already doing things for your body.

    I agree with some of the others, though; He probably was just jealous he couldn't have a delicious chocolate covered strawberry.
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