Why are people so cruel

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  • LadyVenom69
    LadyVenom69 Posts: 10 Member
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    I worked in a nursing home a few months ago while I was pregnant, I was quite rotund in the tummy then. One of the women who lived in the home was a very large woman of approx. 300 pounds. She looked at me and said "Wow are YOU a big girl". Talk about the pot calling the kettle black!

    Since I was at work I had to be professional, so instead of saying what I wanted to all I could get out was "I'm six months pregnant". Meanwhile I wanted to use a few choice words and ask her what her excuse was.

    Some people are very rude, and its usually ppl who aren't comfortable within their own bodies who are the most critical of others.
  • u2fergus
    u2fergus Posts: 422 Member
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    I dont see how this is so hard to comprehend.

    everyone judges everyone else by their outside appearance.. some people may change their initial impression easily once they get to know you, but EVERYONE judges by what they have.. and if they only have your outside appearance... thats what they go by.


    i realize this is the SUPPORT website, but sometimes reality has to jump in here. I am only saying this for PERSPECTIVE and not to be cruel or to make you feel bad.

    it doesnt matter that you are now eating right.
    it doesnt matter that you are now working out.
    until the YEARS of you NOT doing those things make you a not so large person, people will still judge you as the size you are.
    If you were 350lbs, and are now 270lbs... thats amazing, and I honestly admire the sheer work that takes. I understand.
    the random person on the street still sees a 270lb overweight person though.. not a person that just loss 80lbs.


    you cant take it personally, or you will be frustrated.
    take it as fuel and motivation to keep losing.... until the guy on the street sees you as you want to be seen.
    the person making the comment is just being more honest about his thoughts, then most people.
    most people keep them to themselves... but they're still thinking them.

    If she were 270 lbs, I could see your point, but she's NOT!!! Have you seen her picture? The guy's comment was completely uncalled for.

    Edited to say: NOT that this comment would be called for under any circumstances, no matter how big the person is. Obviously.
  • mfpcopine
    mfpcopine Posts: 3,093 Member
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    He doesnt know me or my workout plans. What gives him the right to judge me on my weight? This is why alot of people have confidence issues dealing with there weight

    Not "people," WOMEN. Sexism and "the male gaze" are part of the problem. Some (many?) men still don't believe that women are fully human beings with a right to dignity, respect and not to be objectified.

    I once was in the presence of two older men. They were discussing a woman athlete. One commented on her enormous "can." He had a HUGE butt and gut. I was not at work, so I said, Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?

    First, he didn't get it -- he really did not make the connection. Then he got angry.

    Men are so inured to judging women on their appearance without pushback that they're actually shocked when you call them on it.
  • Miss_Chievous_wechange
    Miss_Chievous_wechange Posts: 1,230 Member
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    I would have b!tch slapped his *kitten*!
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    I dont see how this is so hard to comprehend.

    everyone judges everyone else by their outside appearance.. some people may change their initial impression easily once they get to know you, but EVERYONE judges by what they have.. and if they only have your outside appearance... thats what they go by.


    i realize this is the SUPPORT website, but sometimes reality has to jump in here. I am only saying this for PERSPECTIVE and not to be cruel or to make you feel bad.

    it doesnt matter that you are now eating right.
    it doesnt matter that you are now working out.
    until the YEARS of you NOT doing those things make you a not so large person, people will still judge you as the size you are.
    If you were 350lbs, and are now 270lbs... thats amazing, and I honestly admire the sheer work that takes. I understand.
    the random person on the street still sees a 270lb overweight person though.. not a person that just loss 80lbs.


    you cant take it personally, or you will be frustrated.
    take it as fuel and motivation to keep losing.... until the guy on the street sees you as you want to be seen.
    the person making the comment is just being more honest about his thoughts, then most people.
    most people keep them to themselves... but they're still thinking them.

    Um. Did you even look at the OP's pictures? She's not 270lbs - not even close (and even if she were, have some tact.. you can think to yourself "Wow, he/she shouldn't eat that!", but for God's sake you don't have to SAY it!). I see overweight people making poor choices all the time, but I don't walk up to them and say "Wow, no wonder you're fat -- you're eating crap!". My parents taught me manners - and what is appropriate to say and what isn't. Clearly, what he said was rude -- regardless of what HE thinks of her. Keep your mouth SHUT.
  • Lizabee84
    Lizabee84 Posts: 353 Member
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    why you care what a random fat dude says to you ?

    This is what I was thinking.

    Next time this happens (and hopefully it won't) just smile and say "Thank you so much for looking out for me. What's your secret to such a fantastic physique?" Although judging by his comment you may need to explain that to him.

    I usually dont let stuff like this bother me but a complete stranger calling me fat is hurtful. I felt like i was making progress and for someone to see me that way made me doubt myself. I hate the word "Fat" it is a ugly hurtful word.
  • andreanicole686
    andreanicole686 Posts: 406 Member
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    Wow, what a jerk! You should of told him to take his own advice. I'm sorry you had to deal with that!
  • cbcw1964
    cbcw1964 Posts: 46
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    there is no excuse for people who are ignorant...take it from me...i am a mom to an autistic daughter and have had my fair share of stares and misjudgements....you have to fluff off those kinds...look at who you are dealing with....and stay true to yourself...its your journey and no one elses...don't let anyone steal your sunshine!
    :glasses:
  • hk2008
    hk2008 Posts: 49 Member
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    I know i'm beating a dead horse here. Don't let him get to you. You are beautiful and adorable and definitely not fat. Some people see beauty and need to try and destroy it because that makes them feel better. He is the one with all the issues. You did the right thing. If you had responded you would have given him exactly what he was hoping for.
  • aliciamarieUF
    aliciamarieUF Posts: 226 Member
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    Ok mini vent too..This morning one of the girls in the office recieved a box of chocolate dipped strawberries from edible arrangements and decided to offer me one. Needless to say neither of us are skinny. There was a customer in the lobby at this time, Male with the stomache of a pregnant woman. So I selected one. The guy then says" you know if you eat that you will only get fatter than what you are" "You know men like skinny woman." I didnt reply because I like my job and the words coming out of my mouth wasnt going to be pretty. So I ate all my 140 calories strawberry and gave him eyes that could kill. He doesnt know me or my workout plans. What gives him the right to judge me on my weight? This is why alot of people have confidence issues dealing with there weight

    Only in this effed up country would people consider you fat. You are NOT fat. Where I am from, men love women with curves. America puts so much emphasis on women being super thin. It's disgusting. I can't wait to leave this country. Processed foods, skinny women who look like they're dying. No thanks, not my scene.
  • mslack01
    mslack01 Posts: 823 Member
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    I don't think I have ever heard of anyone being so rude! I probably would have been fired because my temper would have gotten the best of me. Keep up the hard work and don't let *kitten* get you down.
  • SaketoKim
    SaketoKim Posts: 254 Member
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    Most people attack others out of insecurities with theirselves. I wouldn't sweat it, and kudos on not responding. It takes more than a comment like that to get my goat! Have a great FRIDAY!!!!
  • TourThePast
    TourThePast Posts: 1,753 Member
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    I think I would have raised my eyebrows.....laughed...then snickered while pointing at his belly.
    He's not even worth a thought to you. :flowerforyou:
    That would probably be close too my reaction too.

    Though I certainly wouldn't point, that would be unsubtle and rude. Just looking straight at his stomach, looking him in the face, raising an eyebrow and giving him a wry smile would be more my style.

    What would he do, go to your boss and complain that "she smiled at me"? :bigsmile:
  • trish1960
    trish1960 Posts: 39
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    Have you heard of the new movie coming out 'Think Like a Man'. Well that's what you have to do. You should have stuck that strawberry in your mouth and then grinned at him and said "Don't worry, I'm going to work these calories off later". You could have been talking about going to the gym or walking but he would have his mind in the gutter. You get your strawberry and leave the idiot with his own perverted thoughts.
  • cpegasus01
    cpegasus01 Posts: 400 Member
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    I think I would have raised my eyebrows.....laughed...then snickered while pointing at his belly.
    He's not even worth a thought to you. :flowerforyou:

    Definitely what I would have done!
  • littlebeans
    littlebeans Posts: 36 Member
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    if a man or anyone for that matter said that to me at work, I'd give him a piece of my mind AND report him to HR.
  • beckyinma
    beckyinma Posts: 1,433 Member
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    You know there is nothing wrong with a straightforward polite reply. Such as sir that is wildy inappropriate to say to someone you don't know. Embarrass him and make him feel like a small child. Thats not unprofessional and I bet you he feels like an *kitten* and doesn't dare say another word.


    THIS x1000!
  • Captain_Tightpants
    Captain_Tightpants Posts: 2,215 Member
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    What a knob. His testicles + your foot = problem solved.
  • djsupreme6
    djsupreme6 Posts: 1,210 Member
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    some people are downright cruel is right...for a variety of reasons...some have problems with themselves..some just like to try and get attention outta another individual whether negative or positive...some just enjoying bringing others down and that is for sure a cruel thing...what happened to you is something that happens to lots of people. Its hurtful, disgusting and people like that will always get exactly what they deserve...you are beautiful...no matter what you're weight is...use it as fuel but not to consume you...just to have as a little added incentive to what you already got coming from within you...when this happens...laugh at it...crack something right back with a quick wit...if someone said that to me...i'd immediately smile..laugh and let them know that bascially what they say don't really matter...i'd tell them you have that right to an opinion...look at his gut and tell him...nice ab..no need of more then just one huh
  • TourThePast
    TourThePast Posts: 1,753 Member
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    if a man or anyone for that matter said that to me at work, I'd give him a piece of my mind AND report him to HR.
    He was a customer, not a colleague.

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