Would you lie to someone about their weight?
Microfiber_wechange
Posts: 640
in Chit-Chat
A colleague asked me if she'd lost weight. I gushed that she had and looked slim and all of that when in actual fact, she looks bigger than the last time I saw her but I thought, "I'm not ruining her day"!
She was very pleased at my compliment :flowerforyou:
She was very pleased at my compliment :flowerforyou:
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Replies
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Doesn't she have a scale?
I would never ask that question of someone and it's never been asked of me. What a way to put someone on the spot, and very rude!
I wouldn't gush about it, but I would probably mumble a "yeah, sure."0 -
That's an unfortunate situation to be put in, but maybe the encouragement you gave her will push her to keep on it. Maybe next time you see her you will see a positive difference!0
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Difficult situation. I don't think I would have told her shed lost as she might carry on doing what she already is thinking she will loose more, I probably would have told her I wasn't to sure... Definitely tricky! X0
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Nope. You ask for my opinion, you are gonna get it.0
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I think that if you initiated the weight conversation, then yeah, make her feel good. If she started it, then she is, by rights, opening up herself for a hard dose of reality. Tactful like, the top/pants don't show it, you hadn't noticed, a "maybe" with a high voice inflection....0
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I wouldn't lie. I'm very honest and upfront about things.0
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I guess it depends on who was asking. I would be honest with a close friend or family member, but a colleague or acquaintance? I would probably sugar coat my response just to keep the peace.0
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I did the same thing the other day... Some gal that I am not close with was ranting and raving about how great I looked, and then went on to ask if she looked bigger than she did the LAST time I saw her. Well, in truth, she DID look bigger, but I wasn't about to SAY that!!! Seriously, I don't know how you CAN be honest in a situation like that....It would just be hurtful.
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I'm sure I would lie. It is a weird thing to ask someone. I love it when people who haven't seen me in awhile volunteer that I look good or have lost weight, but I could never bring myself to ask someone. It sounds like they were fishing for a compliment and I think you did what most anyone would do.0
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I would never ask that question of anyone its fishing for compliments. However, I don't think I could have crushed her either but it is giving her false hope that what she is doing is working0
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"I'm a guy. We're not, as a species, very observant. So, sorry, I haven't noticed either way, but I refer you to the first part of my sentence. The 'I'm a guy' part."0
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No, that's inappropriate for her to ask anyway.
If a colleague asked me that I would just say: Sorry I don't pay much attention to that.
If it was a friend I'd probably just say: I don't know, have you checked your scale?0 -
That sounds like a baited question and someone fishing for a compliment. Pick your battles, she obviously was looking for a positive response and you obliged. Ultimately she knows what she's eating and her activity level, sometimes being nice and polite is just the best way to go in social situations like that.0
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That sounds like a baited question and someone fishing for a compliment. Pick your battles, she obviously was looking for a positive response and you obliged. Ultimately she knows what she's eating and her activity level, sometimes being nice and polite is just the best way to go in social situations like that.
^^^^^^^^^ Totally agree w/ this!!0 -
I dont' like to lie, but I also wouldn't want to make her feel bad. I would have said "I notice a difference in the way you look, how do you feel?" No lie there and you open it up for a dialog. Maybe she is execising and feels better. Not to mention if you haven't seen her in a bit, maybe she gained 15lb and is on her way back down, and you just didnt' notice the gain, before. No need being a killjoy, but I wouldn't have gushed either.0
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It totally depends on context, how they asked, why they asked etc. You can usually tell my tone of voice and how well you know the people whether they are seriously asking and want you to be honest, or if they have just had a rough day and need a compliment even if it is a lie. For example, I know I'm not a stick person, If I'm not sure about an outfit I ask my roomate it I look ok, or if what I'm wearing is too tight, etc, and I want an honest answer, I'd rather find out before I go out of the house and everyone else points and laughs... then again If there is nothing they can do about how they look at the moment then why ruin their day, go ahead and tell them they look nice... I was at a wedding not long ago where all 3 of us bridesmaides were bigger girls, and the bridezilla bride picked out these horrendous bubble gum pink dresses that would only look good on a super tan size 2 girl (if that). We definately got a couple sympathy 'oh you look nice' comments... were they lying? YES. Would I rather they lie to me? YES!0
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No, I would say something like this you look great what is your program so we can do it together, so we both lose together0
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My ex-girlfriend once asked me if the pants she had on made her butt look fat to which I replied with your butt makes your butt look fat. Now she knew that was going to come out of my mouth but also knew that was one of her great “assets”. I'm pretty sure that your friend knew what you would say and maybe needed a little confidence booster that day.0
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Not fair! :grumble:"I'm a guy. We're not, as a species, very observant. So, sorry, I haven't noticed either way, but I refer you to the first part of my sentence. The 'I'm a guy' part."0 -
honestly depends on the situation.
if i feel the person would get easily offended, i'd lie.
but if i know the person can take no, i'll tell them.
i've been put in this situation before and i've done both.0 -
A colleague asked me if she'd lost weight. I gushed that she had and looked slim and all of that when in actual fact, she looks bigger than the last time I saw her but I thought, "I'm not ruining her day"!
She was very pleased at my compliment :flowerforyou:
Wow, no I've never been asked that, but if I was put on the spot like that I might have to quickly say something noncommittal like "I thought something was different! You look great" Not really saying you noticed she lost weight or anything but not saying that she looked like she gained weight either.0 -
I want to add a question. When an overweight person makes a jab at them-self for being fat what do you say? I always feel awkward in that situation. If they were not fat I would say something like "oh be quiet, you look amazing", but when they are it's just an awkward silence.0
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no, but then I HOPE to NEVER be put in that situation....0
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lol. NOPE. she asked, be HONEST
on it's face, a liar is a liar no matter the situation0 -
Give someone a compliment and they feel good for an hour.
Teach them to fish for a compliment and they become a pain in the *kitten* for a lifetime.0 -
I believe a little encouragment goes a long way. In that situation i would try to change the compliment around to something like her outfit or her hair then you are just ignoring the fact that she has put on weight. Then suggest this website or some awesome food you found with little calories.0
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I want to add a question. When an overweight person makes a jab at them-self for being fat what do you say? I always feel awkward in that situation. If they were not fat I would say something like "oh be quiet, you look amazing", but when they are it's just an awkward silence.
I am always quiet too, I mean what do you say? I am sometimes that girl that says stuff like that. But when people who are small already say something about them being fat I roll my eyes, I always feel like they are fishing for compliments and I feel like compliments should be given freely. I know when I comment on my weight it is because I am feeling self-conscious and I want someone to say something to make me feel better!0 -
Bry do I look fat lmao jk jkno, but then I HOPE to NEVER be put in that situation....0 -
I want to add a question. When an overweight person makes a jab at them-self for being fat what do you say? I always feel awkward in that situation. If they were not fat I would say something like "oh be quiet, you look amazing", but when they are it's just an awkward silence.
I had a former co-worker that did this all the time at work. We were the 2 biggest women in the office but by this time I was taking the steps to change my lifestyle so it was equally awkward. I think her "humor" was her way of not feeling so bad about herself but it just came across completely uncomfortable. I usually just ignored her as I had no clue what to say!0 -
I've had that happen before and I always try to respond with the.. "I noticed something was different" and then compliment them on something that I think is great about them. It's tough, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.. but I don't want to point blank lie either.0
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