When did Support turn into bash a person????

I don't know the details of your friend's experience, but I find that on the forums, people tend to read "bashing" into things that are only offering advice without sugar-coating. For example, on threads where people are upset at going on a huge binge, any response that isn't, "It's totally fine! Everyone does it!" is seen as criticism or bashing. It seems like taking the realistic viewpoint of "it's NOT fine and here's how to prevent it in the future" is taken as a personal attack for some reason.

Support doesn't mean stroking someone's ego or telling little white lies to make them feel better; sometimes the best support is a firm (but kind) wake-up call.

I agree with this. The key word to me is "kind" - you can be realistic with someone without being mean and rude. When you are doing something detrimental to your goals, sometimes you need someone to stop holding your hand and say "wait a minute, you're upset because you overate/gained but what are you doing to change it? you can't expect to do the same thing over and over but get different results". That's not being cruel or unsupportive, its another method of support. Plus one has to keep in mind its just an opinion - and opinions are meant to be an individual's thoughts on a subject. Doesn't make it right, doesn't make it wrong - its just an opinion. YOU are the one who gives it weight and importance.

You are so right! Gosh we have it hard enough just beating up ourselves after a binge or setback but when your pals in here do it, that is not good!

Support doesn't mean bashing. It also doesn't mean fawning over, coddling, or otherwise sugar coating and protecting the other person.

Besides, if one person is consistently giving negative feedback about the way someone is eating, to me, that says the person that's eating needs to fix something. I'd be more concerned about that than I would be about the way the person giving the feedback is wording themselves.

My diary is locked - no-one needs to know what I eat - I'm the only one that is qualified to judge me!

Your friend could unlock her diary if she wants and just share it with her friends & delete the person who has been unkind. Insulting someone or deriding them for what they have eaten is only going to cause more harm and possible comfort eating.

How can you comment on someone's eating habits if you don't know their height/weight/BMI?

Your friend can add me if she wants more support.

Knowledge is power and sometimes falls into the wrong hands?

It annoys me when they act like I got to eat exactly like THEM and the ones that act like you can't feel good about yourself till you reach your goals. I don't need those types in my life AT ALL. :noway:

Both support and constructive criticism are important. What some people forget is that in an online forum is that tone of voice (a very powerful communication tool) does not come across in the written word, nor does sarcasm. Generally, written words are taken extremely literally even though the intent may or may not have been so literal. Some people also don't know that there is a very significant difference between constructive and destructive criticism, both on the giving and receiving end. Not knowing you, your friend or the situation you're referring to I can't comment beyond this: In general I've found people on this website to very supportive both to their personal friends and out right strangers. There are always gong to be people who feel entitled to point out and pick on flaws in other people. When I come across people like that, I call them on it and if they show they can't change then I cut them out of my life and remind myself that if they are that bad on the outside how bad are they to themselves on the inside.

No matter how suggestions are phrased, there could still be a nugget of information worth having that will help in the battle.

Help me back on the wagon with a gentle nudge or kick me back on with a size 12 boot either way I will take all the help I can get

I wonder how perfect the "basher's" diary is. Is theirs open for people to see? There is a difference between helpful advice and negative comments. Just unfriend them. They are probably putting you down to make themselves feel better about what they are eating. Don't waste any more energy on this person.