DATING QUESTION...
Replies
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I respectfully yet completely disagree with those saying text him today. As a matter of fact I think that if he waits and then texts you tomorrow shortly before you're supposed to meet then be really sweet, but tell him since you didn't hear from him you made alternate plans. :glasses:
this
this is games. Games are bad.
If you want to text to confirm, which I certainly would, then do it. You have to be yourself FROM THE OUTSET. If you pretend to be someone you are not, by acting like someone you are not, you are effective lying to the other party. you want him to like you for you, right?
completely agree. Don't play games.
Times are different now women can be more forward, some men like the woman to be a tad bit more aggressive, like you said you don't know him that well, even with the asking of the second date maybe he is a afraid of coming on too strong. And that is what you are afraid of too which I get.
Dating and figuring out guys is so hard because of this "who should first stuff"
The best thing to do is be are "Are we still on for tomorrow" and wait for his reply, if he says yes then YIPPEE, if says no, then you can move on and forget about him.0 -
I respectfully yet completely disagree with those saying text him today. As a matter of fact I think that if he waits and then texts you tomorrow shortly before you're supposed to meet then be really sweet, but tell him since you didn't hear from him you made alternate plans. :glasses:
This sounds like games to me... take charge and text him, if he doesn't respond then you know... don't text him and wonder what the hell happened.0 -
So there are "rules" and if you want, you can play by them. He might be doing that.... I say send a message in a bit and see what he says.
I've been on on tons of dates since January.. some that I met online, some that I met in person while out. Some of them would show interest yes, but then there'd be that overanalyzing. Why hasn't he called since 2 days ago? Why hasn't he texted me back? etc etc
I recently started seeing someone. He is the picture of He's Just THAT Into Me. He called, texted, apologized if he was late to get back to me. He made the effort to see ME. He moved mountains (okay not really but you know what I mean, he came straight from work to Starbucks to buy me a coffee and see me) one afternoon to see me for 30 minutes before his fishing adventure with his brother. He's just that awesome and that into me.
I have not ONCE been a mad woman with him. I have not once looked at my phone wondering when he's going to text or call. He's just always there, not clingy because we can go w/o talking for a while but I just have peace of mind that he's into me. He says it and backs it up with his words.
Just like the book says, when a guy wants to date you, you'll know. When he wants to be around you, you'll know. Guys aren't that complicated. They see what they want and they'll go for it.
A guy once told me (thanks for that!!! you know who you are) that the guy who's interested in me and is worth it is one who will follow me around like a puppy dog. My boyfriend isn't a puppy dog per say (he's much cuter) but man he sure knows how to make me know he's likes ME.
Right before NYE, I started seeing this one guy. Our 1st date went great so he asked me what I was doing on NYE. I had no plans yet so I accepted his invitation. Of course he went poof and I didn't hear from him. I texted him about 3 days later and it was either a very short cold response or he didn't respond, I don't remember. Then he texted me he had been stressed out about blah blah. YEah yeah. I went ahead and made new NYE plans. Next!
WOW! Thank you for posting this. This is really some food for thought!!0 -
Absolutely DO NOT text him. You were the last to contact him, so it is his turn (It's different if you are in a relationship or something, but this is the very beginning). I don't think that is playing games at all. You don't want to seem too available. I imagine that you want to be with someone who is really into you and you should not have to be the one putting in all the effort. You only have one more day to wait, so you will have your answer by tomorrow.0
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So there are "rules" and if you want, you can play by them. He might be doing that.... I say send a message in a bit and see what he says.
I've been on on tons of dates since January.. some that I met online, some that I met in person while out. Some of them would show interest yes, but then there'd be that overanalyzing. Why hasn't he called since 2 days ago? Why hasn't he texted me back? etc etc
I recently started seeing someone. He is the picture of He's Just THAT Into Me. He called, texted, apologized if he was late to get back to me. He made the effort to see ME. He moved mountains (okay not really but you know what I mean, he came straight from work to Starbucks to buy me a coffee and see me) one afternoon to see me for 30 minutes before his fishing adventure with his brother. He's just that awesome and that into me.
I have not ONCE been a mad woman with him. I have not once looked at my phone wondering when he's going to text or call. He's just always there, not clingy because we can go w/o talking for a while but I just have peace of mind that he's into me. He says it and backs it up with his words.
Just like the book says, when a guy wants to date you, you'll know. When he wants to be around you, you'll know. Guys aren't that complicated. They see what they want and they'll go for it.
A guy once told me (thanks for that!!! you know who you are) that the guy who's interested in me and is worth it is one who will follow me around like a puppy dog. My boyfriend isn't a puppy dog per say (he's much cuter) but man he sure knows how to make me know he's likes ME.
From a guy perspective, this is pretty bang on. Ask him what's up, and don't take any B.S. and don't accept any games, life's too short for that. If he's into you, you'll know it, by what you've typed, I'm sensing he's not, but whatever find out. I'm in a relationship now, but when I was dating, if I was interested in someone, no matter how hectic life or work was, I'd take a minute to send a quick message or make a quick call just to say hi, just like La_Am... said.0 -
There's nothing confusing about it, though it is a slam to the ego. Women do the same thing, it's not just guys.
If a person is interested in you they will keep in touch. If they go days without contacting you, they are not interested... period. There's no real way to misunderstand or miscommunicate apathy... if a guy is interested in a woman he will let her know. From my experience, the woman will let a guy know if she is interested in him as well.0 -
My answer? Send one more text. No response to that one? The guy wasn't worth it to begin with. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just telling it like it is, I've had quite a few friends that have had this happen to them, so I'm speaking from experience of what I've told them in the past.0
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So there are "rules" and if you want, you can play by them. He might be doing that.... I say send a message in a bit and see what he says.
I've been on on tons of dates since January.. some that I met online, some that I met in person while out. Some of them would show interest yes, but then there'd be that overanalyzing. Why hasn't he called since 2 days ago? Why hasn't he texted me back? etc etc
I recently started seeing someone. He is the picture of He's Just THAT Into Me. He called, texted, apologized if he was late to get back to me. He made the effort to see ME. He moved mountains (okay not really but you know what I mean, he came straight from work to Starbucks to buy me a coffee and see me) one afternoon to see me for 30 minutes before his fishing adventure with his brother. He's just that awesome and that into me.
I have not ONCE been a mad woman with him. I have not once looked at my phone wondering when he's going to text or call. He's just always there, not clingy because we can go w/o talking for a while but I just have peace of mind that he's into me. He says it and backs it up with his words.
Just like the book says, when a guy wants to date you, you'll know. When he wants to be around you, you'll know. Guys aren't that complicated. They see what they want and they'll go for it.
A guy once told me (thanks for that!!! you know who you are) that the guy who's interested in me and is worth it is one who will follow me around like a puppy dog. My boyfriend isn't a puppy dog per say (he's much cuter) but man he sure knows how to make me know he's likes ME.
From a guy perspective, this is pretty bang on. Ask him what's up, and don't take any B.S. and don't accept any games, life's too short for that. If he's into you, you'll know it, by what you've typed, I'm sensing he's not, but whatever find out. I'm in a relationship now, but when I was dating, if I was interested in someone, no matter how hectic life or work was, I'd take a minute to send a quick message or make a quick call just to say hi, just like La_Am... said.
And I honestly thought this was a myth.. That guys like this or guys that don't play the games, don't exist. Even in the movie (he's just not that into you) the main girl is talking to advice guy about how she shouldn't go out with anybody that doesnt' like her.. he's like UM YEAH. She says "well there's not going to be anybody left". :laugh:
We women can make up excuses for these guys such as maybe he's too busy, maybe he's stressed etc.. but honestly, how long does it take to send a freaking text? A quick 4 min phone call? Not long at all.
All I know is that if my bf and I break up, he's definately given me a higher standard to hold any other future guy up against.0 -
So there are "rules" and if you want, you can play by them. He might be doing that.... I say send a message in a bit and see what he says.
I've been on on tons of dates since January.. some that I met online, some that I met in person while out. Some of them would show interest yes, but then there'd be that overanalyzing. Why hasn't he called since 2 days ago? Why hasn't he texted me back? etc etc
I recently started seeing someone. He is the picture of He's Just THAT Into Me. He called, texted, apologized if he was late to get back to me. He made the effort to see ME. He moved mountains (okay not really but you know what I mean, he came straight from work to Starbucks to buy me a coffee and see me) one afternoon to see me for 30 minutes before his fishing adventure with his brother. He's just that awesome and that into me.
I have not ONCE been a mad woman with him. I have not once looked at my phone wondering when he's going to text or call. He's just always there, not clingy because we can go w/o talking for a while but I just have peace of mind that he's into me. He says it and backs it up with his words.
Just like the book says, when a guy wants to date you, you'll know. When he wants to be around you, you'll know. Guys aren't that complicated. They see what they want and they'll go for it.
A guy once told me (thanks for that!!! you know who you are) that the guy who's interested in me and is worth it is one who will follow me around like a puppy dog. My boyfriend isn't a puppy dog per say (he's much cuter) but man he sure knows how to make me know he's likes ME.
From a guy perspective, this is pretty bang on. Ask him what's up, and don't take any B.S. and don't accept any games, life's too short for that. If he's into you, you'll know it, by what you've typed, I'm sensing he's not, but whatever find out. I'm in a relationship now, but when I was dating, if I was interested in someone, no matter how hectic life or work was, I'd take a minute to send a quick message or make a quick call just to say hi, just like La_Am... said.
And I honestly thought this was a myth.. That guys like this or guys that don't play the games, don't exist. Even in the movie (he's just not that into you) the main girl is talking to advice guy about how she shouldn't go out with anybody that doesnt' like her.. he's like UM YEAH. She says "well there's not going to be anybody left". :laugh:
Love that movie! Worst case, make it a chick flick night with a bottle of nice vino and watch that.0 -
It applies for both..a man or a woman..if they are interested, you will know!0
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This ^^^^ makes me think...a lot...I have been checking my damn phone too much...hmmm!
READ THE BOOK if you haven't yet!!!
Heres my favorite quote.. I have it on my fridge actually lol.
"a picture of what you'll never see when you are with a guy who's really into you: You'll never see you staring maniacally at your phone, willing it to ring. You'll never see you ruining an evening with friends because you're calling for your messages every fifteen seconds. You'll never see you hating yourself for calling him when you know you shouldn't have. What you will see is you being treated so well that no phone antics will be necessary. You'll be too busy being adored."
I'm not trying to say my bf is the best (but he is! :bigsmile: ) but I haven't called him but maybe 2 times at the most, in the 3 weeks we've dated. I have texted him, I'm sweet to him and I definately let him know he's on my mind but I haven't had to initiate much.
If I'm not mistaken the author of the book mentioned this. He said during his courtship with his wife, she NEVER initiated a call. It was all him because he was just that into her.
Now maybe this is a high standard but I'm living it right now that it's possible. A guy can be that crazy for you.
What she said.....when someone is into you.... you never have to wonder about it, you know and it's there. I say forget about him, if he wanted to do something tomorrow, you would have heard from him already.0 -
MOVE ON! In my experience, if a guy is not overly pursuing you or doing everything to meet up, then he prob isn't worth it. I used to have this guy who liked me at the gym I went to who you used to call/IM me nearly every day!! I knew he liked me....No doubt about it..This other guy would contact me once a year, and I wouldn't hear from him in months despite his "interest." Whatever..The person with the lowest interest level always have the most control in a relationship. If you contact him again, and he doesn't respond, you have your answer. I wouldn't call or text him. You shouldn't have to...IMO! A man will not give up on a girl they REALLY like!0
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This ^^^^ makes me think...a lot...I have been checking my damn phone too much...hmmm!
READ THE BOOK if you haven't yet!!!
Heres my favorite quote.. I have it on my fridge actually lol.
"a picture of what you'll never see when you are with a guy who's really into you: You'll never see you staring maniacally at your phone, willing it to ring. You'll never see you ruining an evening with friends because you're calling for your messages every fifteen seconds. You'll never see you hating yourself for calling him when you know you shouldn't have. What you will see is you being treated so well that no phone antics will be necessary. You'll be too busy being adored."
I'm not trying to say my bf is the best (but he is! :bigsmile: ) but I haven't called him but maybe 2 times at the most, in the 3 weeks we've dated. I have texted him, I'm sweet to him and I definately let him know he's on my mind but I haven't had to initiate much.
If I'm not mistaken the author of the book mentioned this. He said during his courtship with his wife, she NEVER initiated a call. It was all him because he was just that into her.
Now maybe this is a high standard but I'm living it right now that it's possible. A guy can be that crazy for you.
What she said.....when someone is into you.... you never have to wonder about it, you know and it's there. I say forget about him, if he wanted to do something tomorrow, you would have heard from him already.
A million percent agree! A few years ago that book became my dating BIBLE!0 -
ok now I just wanna cry....
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ok now I just wanna cry....
No don't, feel empowered. If you haven't read it I suggest you get on it. It will change the way you think. The movie is good too but the book goes into great detail.
I had a friend whom I had feelings for and I would read certain chapters over and over again to get it through my thick head he just wasn't into me. It was a struggle but deep inside I knew he just didn't feel for me what I wanted him to. I even printed out a lot of quotes and put them on my fridge to remind me.0 -
I respectfully yet completely disagree with those saying text him today. As a matter of fact I think that if he waits and then texts you tomorrow shortly before you're supposed to meet then be really sweet, but tell him since you didn't hear from him you made alternate plans. :glasses:
Agree. If you text someone once and they don't text you back, I would personally wait until they say something. It's a give-take thing. I get when you're serious with someone or it's a serious friendship it doesn't matter, but getting to know someone, throw the ball in their court, they throw it back, you throw it, etc.
ETA - saw other people wondered if these were solid plans or whishy-washy plans. I'm curious to that as well.0 -
thanks sweetie!!ok now I just wanna cry....
No don't, feel empowered. If you haven't read it I suggest you get on it. It will change the way you think. The movie is good too but the book goes into great detail.
I had a friend whom I had feelings for and I would read certain chapters over and over again to get it through my thick head he just wasn't into me. It was a struggle but deep inside I knew he just didn't feel for me what I wanted him to. I even printed out a lot of quotes and put them on my fridge to remind me.0 -
He should contact you to confirm the date.
And agreed that a guy who is into you will let you know! My bf absolutely smothers with love me sometimes hehe ^_^0 -
So there are "rules" and if you want, you can play by them. He might be doing that.... I say send a message in a bit and see what he says.
I've been on on tons of dates since January.. some that I met online, some that I met in person while out. Some of them would show interest yes, but then there'd be that overanalyzing. Why hasn't he called since 2 days ago? Why hasn't he texted me back? etc etc
I recently started seeing someone. He is the picture of He's Just THAT Into Me. He called, texted, apologized if he was late to get back to me. He made the effort to see ME. He moved mountains (okay not really but you know what I mean, he came straight from work to Starbucks to buy me a coffee and see me) one afternoon to see me for 30 minutes before his fishing adventure with his brother. He's just that awesome and that into me.
I have not ONCE been a mad woman with him. I have not once looked at my phone wondering when he's going to text or call. He's just always there, not clingy because we can go w/o talking for a while but I just have peace of mind that he's into me. He says it and backs it up with his words.
Just like the book says, when a guy wants to date you, you'll know. When he wants to be around you, you'll know. Guys aren't that complicated. They see what they want and they'll go for it.
A guy once told me (thanks for that!!! you know who you are) that the guy who's interested in me and is worth it is one who will follow me around like a puppy dog. My boyfriend isn't a puppy dog per say (he's much cuter) but man he sure knows how to make me know he's likes ME.
From a guy perspective, this is pretty bang on. Ask him what's up, and don't take any B.S. and don't accept any games, life's too short for that. If he's into you, you'll know it, by what you've typed, I'm sensing he's not, but whatever find out. I'm in a relationship now, but when I was dating, if I was interested in someone, no matter how hectic life or work was, I'd take a minute to send a quick message or make a quick call just to say hi, just like La_Am... said.
I have to strongly disagree with all of this.
Who says he is playing games.
Maybe he never got the text, or maybe the text wasn't something that really needed a reply.
I can only speak for myself, but I don't think I'm alone on this one, guys aren't really chatters for the sake of chatting, and me personally, I'm not a fan of texting. I don't reply immediately because more often than not I will have something else going on. If the text seems like it doesn't need a reply, then half the time it doesn't get one.
It isn't 'playing games' to not text each other. To be honest, I have been in this situation as the guy. Not texted since midweek, then on Saturday mid morning ish, whenever I wake up, I will text to confirm plans.
With regard to the book - that is setting women up for a fall. If you expect that from a guy then get ready to be disappointed. But also if you expect that from a guy then perhaps you need to take a look at yourselves. Who wants someone like that, really?
I'm my own person. I don't need to be in contact with you all day long. I expect you to be that secure also. Why do you need me constantly reassuring you?
So anyway, out of interest how did the weekend go OP?0 -
Ok....what was the verdict? Did he call or text? Did you guys go out on the date?0
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Just like the book says, when a guy wants to date you, you'll know. When he wants to be around you, you'll know. Guys aren't that complicated. They see what they want and they'll go for it.
A guy once told me (thanks for that!!! you know who you are) that the guy who's interested in me and is worth it is one who will follow me around like a puppy dog. My boyfriend isn't a puppy dog per say (he's much cuter) but man he sure knows how to make me know he's likes ME.
Soooo true. I didn't have to make any moves with my boyfriend. He contacted me, he asked me on dates, he brought me flowers and wine and chocolate without me even saying I wanted any of that. He worked to impress me. I didn't have to do anything...like you said, he saw what he wanted and went after it. That being said, the puppy dog thing starts to wear after a little while, for me anyway lol...once we had been dating for a while I let him know he could be more independent (because I needed it!). @chrishgt4: It's not that women *need* it (not all of them) but I think everyone likes honesty. I was very open with my bf about my feelings, no matter what they were. I liked how direct he was, but then I let him know to be less clingy and he relaxed. There was no mind-reading or guessing. That's what the 'no games' thing is about. IMO.0 -
Just like the book says, when a guy wants to date you, you'll know. When he wants to be around you, you'll know. Guys aren't that complicated. They see what they want and they'll go for it.
A guy once told me (thanks for that!!! you know who you are) that the guy who's interested in me and is worth it is one who will follow me around like a puppy dog. My boyfriend isn't a puppy dog per say (he's much cuter) but man he sure knows how to make me know he's likes ME.
Soooo true. I didn't have to make any moves with my boyfriend. He contacted me, he asked me on dates, he brought me flowers and wine and chocolate without me even saying I wanted any of that. He worked to impress me. I didn't have to do anything...like you said, he saw what he wanted and went after it. That being said, the puppy dog thing starts to wear after a little while, for me anyway lol...once we had been dating for a while I let him know he could be more independent (because I needed it!). @chrishgt4: It's not that women *need* it (not all of them) but I think everyone likes honesty. I was very open with my bf about my feelings, no matter what they were. I liked how direct he was, but then I let him know to be less clingy and he relaxed. There was no mind-reading or guessing. That's what the 'no games' thing is about. IMO.
Oh I totally agree with no mind games, and it seems we are on the same page re: clinginess... I just think from that excerpt shown above - it is suggesting that the only participation women need to make in a relationship is to be a pretty little flower and one day a magical man will come and make all their dreams come true.0 -
Just like the book says, when a guy wants to date you, you'll know. When he wants to be around you, you'll know. Guys aren't that complicated. They see what they want and they'll go for it.
A guy once told me (thanks for that!!! you know who you are) that the guy who's interested in me and is worth it is one who will follow me around like a puppy dog. My boyfriend isn't a puppy dog per say (he's much cuter) but man he sure knows how to make me know he's likes ME.
Soooo true. I didn't have to make any moves with my boyfriend. He contacted me, he asked me on dates, he brought me flowers and wine and chocolate without me even saying I wanted any of that. He worked to impress me. I didn't have to do anything...like you said, he saw what he wanted and went after it. That being said, the puppy dog thing starts to wear after a little while, for me anyway lol...once we had been dating for a while I let him know he could be more independent (because I needed it!). @chrishgt4: It's not that women *need* it (not all of them) but I think everyone likes honesty. I was very open with my bf about my feelings, no matter what they were. I liked how direct he was, but then I let him know to be less clingy and he relaxed. There was no mind-reading or guessing. That's what the 'no games' thing is about. IMO.
Oh I totally agree with no mind games, and it seems we are on the same page re: clinginess... I just think from that excerpt shown above - it is suggesting that the only participation women need to make in a relationship is to be a pretty little flower and one day a magical man will come and make all their dreams come true.
I think that should be the beginning of the courtship. I'm pretty traditional though; I think men and women have certain roles. I like a man to ask me out, buy me flowers, pay for the date, etc while courting. I like a man to be forward and mentally/emotionally strong. Then, when we decide to have a monogamous relationship, costs and effort are split 50/50. I still have no idea how to react when my bf cries during sad movies, but I know he's sensitive and that's his right. I just kind of pat him on the back. Sometimes I cry a little too. :laugh:0 -
I was thinking the same about the cling factor, but I feel out of the norm with other chicks who really dig the flowers and romance up front (like most of my girlfriends). Guys who dish romance in overabundance in the beginning freak me out. That said, I'm on the independent side and prefer partnering with someone who also is independent: tricky balance! That's just me though. Not into games as some interpreted--I'm a pretty blunt and honest person, but I do enjoy my boundaries and think they're important when managing busy life, parenting, dating, etc. When I first dated post divorce I had zero boundaries and quickly dating became the forefront of my social life and I was a hot mess!!! Now that I have learned a little, boundaries are a big must. Dating is just one piece of the puzzle. It's so much easier this way and enjoyable. Just sharing my bits! Hopefully the OP had an awesome weekend no matter what happened and boo hiss to Monday.0
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I respectfully yet completely disagree with those saying text him today. As a matter of fact I think that if he waits and then texts you tomorrow shortly before you're supposed to meet then be really sweet, but tell him since you didn't hear from him you made alternate plans. :glasses:
I don't understand why all the confusion. If I tell my friend/coworker/lover/mother/sister/drunk guy at bar I'm going to meet them at the -wherever- at 5 pm, and they agree, I show up. I don't need to ask again, or confirm, or have anyone reassure me. If they don't show up, RUDE. If its my mom, I forgive her because she is old. Anyone else, I'm mad at you.0 -
Not sure what happened with the guy.
But I was also going to bring up the book "He's Just Not That Into You."
Seriously will change your outlook. Basically, there are no games. If he doesn't call, leaves you hanging, he's not into you. Move on.0 -
I don't understand why all the confusion. If I tell my friend/coworker/lover/mother/sister/drunk guy at bar I'm going to meet them at the -wherever- at 5 pm, and they agree, I show up. I don't need to ask again, or confirm, or have anyone reassure me. If they don't show up, RUDE. If its my mom, I forgive her because she is old. Anyone else, I'm mad at you.
This entire post can stand on its own merit, regardless of context lol.0 -
Huh....wonder if he showed up?????:huh:0
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Huh....wonder if he showed up?????:huh:
That's what we're all wondering!?!?!?! Hellooo OP?!?!!??!0 -
We need an update...anyone???0
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