DATING QUESTION...

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Replies

  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member


    Just like the book says, when a guy wants to date you, you'll know. When he wants to be around you, you'll know. Guys aren't that complicated. They see what they want and they'll go for it.

    A guy once told me (thanks for that!!! you know who you are) that the guy who's interested in me and is worth it is one who will follow me around like a puppy dog. My boyfriend isn't a puppy dog per say (he's much cuter) but man he sure knows how to make me know he's likes ME.

    Soooo true. I didn't have to make any moves with my boyfriend. He contacted me, he asked me on dates, he brought me flowers and wine and chocolate without me even saying I wanted any of that. He worked to impress me. I didn't have to do anything...like you said, he saw what he wanted and went after it. That being said, the puppy dog thing starts to wear after a little while, for me anyway lol...once we had been dating for a while I let him know he could be more independent (because I needed it!). @chrishgt4: It's not that women *need* it (not all of them) but I think everyone likes honesty. I was very open with my bf about my feelings, no matter what they were. I liked how direct he was, but then I let him know to be less clingy and he relaxed. There was no mind-reading or guessing. That's what the 'no games' thing is about. IMO.

    Oh I totally agree with no mind games, and it seems we are on the same page re: clinginess... I just think from that excerpt shown above - it is suggesting that the only participation women need to make in a relationship is to be a pretty little flower and one day a magical man will come and make all their dreams come true.

    I think that should be the beginning of the courtship. I'm pretty traditional though; I think men and women have certain roles. I like a man to ask me out, buy me flowers, pay for the date, etc while courting. I like a man to be forward and mentally/emotionally strong. Then, when we decide to have a monogamous relationship, costs and effort are split 50/50. I still have no idea how to react when my bf cries during sad movies, but I know he's sensitive and that's his right. I just kind of pat him on the back. Sometimes I cry a little too. :laugh:

    I agree. I use the words from the book in my early dating. There are parts in there for when in a "relationship" (if you want to call it that) but mostly it's for the first part of figuring out whether the guy is really into you or not.

    With my bf, we've only been official for a week now. He loves to take me out but I don't want the burden on him alone. I'll pay every now and then. I let him do most of it as he's a pretty traditional guy from what I can tell but I also want him to know I appreciate all he does for me by giving back. I plan to continue doing so.
  • La_Amazona
    La_Amazona Posts: 4,855 Member
    So there are "rules" and if you want, you can play by them. He might be doing that.... I say send a message in a bit and see what he says.

    I've been on on tons of dates since January.. some that I met online, some that I met in person while out. Some of them would show interest yes, but then there'd be that overanalyzing. Why hasn't he called since 2 days ago? Why hasn't he texted me back? etc etc

    I recently started seeing someone. He is the picture of He's Just THAT Into Me. He called, texted, apologized if he was late to get back to me. He made the effort to see ME. He moved mountains (okay not really but you know what I mean, he came straight from work to Starbucks to buy me a coffee and see me) one afternoon to see me for 30 minutes before his fishing adventure with his brother. He's just that awesome and that into me.

    I have not ONCE been a mad woman with him. I have not once looked at my phone wondering when he's going to text or call. He's just always there, not clingy because we can go w/o talking for a while but I just have peace of mind that he's into me. He says it and backs it up with his words.

    Just like the book says, when a guy wants to date you, you'll know. When he wants to be around you, you'll know. Guys aren't that complicated. They see what they want and they'll go for it.

    A guy once told me (thanks for that!!! you know who you are) that the guy who's interested in me and is worth it is one who will follow me around like a puppy dog. My boyfriend isn't a puppy dog per say (he's much cuter) but man he sure knows how to make me know he's likes ME.

    From a guy perspective, this is pretty bang on. Ask him what's up, and don't take any B.S. and don't accept any games, life's too short for that. If he's into you, you'll know it, by what you've typed, I'm sensing he's not, but whatever find out. I'm in a relationship now, but when I was dating, if I was interested in someone, no matter how hectic life or work was, I'd take a minute to send a quick message or make a quick call just to say hi, just like La_Am... said.

    I have to strongly disagree with all of this.

    Who says he is playing games.

    Maybe he never got the text, or maybe the text wasn't something that really needed a reply.
    I can only speak for myself, but I don't think I'm alone on this one, guys aren't really chatters for the sake of chatting, and me personally, I'm not a fan of texting. I don't reply immediately because more often than not I will have something else going on. If the text seems like it doesn't need a reply, then half the time it doesn't get one.

    It isn't 'playing games' to not text each other. To be honest, I have been in this situation as the guy. Not texted since midweek, then on Saturday mid morning ish, whenever I wake up, I will text to confirm plans.

    With regard to the book - that is setting women up for a fall. If you expect that from a guy then get ready to be disappointed. But also if you expect that from a guy then perhaps you need to take a look at yourselves. Who wants someone like that, really?

    I'm my own person. I don't need to be in contact with you all day long. I expect you to be that secure also. Why do you need me constantly reassuring you?

    So anyway, out of interest how did the weekend go OP?

    I don't think the book is setting me up for a fall. Again, it focuses on the beginning where women are overanalyzing and overthinking most of the time (not all women but most of us do, especially if we like the guy). Just like there are things you guys read in us to know whether or not we're interested, the advice in the book is simple. It's nothing hard!! It's all about shutting up our minds and our imaginations and telling us to just SEE what's in front of us. Instead of making up an excuse for a guys disinterest (he's scared, etc), look at what he's saying with his actions. Simple. And this doesn't only go for dating.. this can be something to use in everyday life.

    I don't expect my bf and I to be in this honeymoon stage forever but I sure as hell expect him to treat me with love and respect not only by words but by his actions. That's what I plan to give and what I want back.

    And I don't need reassurance. That's the whole point of this. I don't need it.... yet he does it because he's just that into me. And about the pretty little flower.. yeah no. I wasn't a pretty little flower waiting to be picked. I was out dating and enjoying being single and then 1 guy showed up that was worth me giving up my freedom. It was just that simple.

    And you should read the book! I'd love to see what guys think of this book. I hear it again and again from women (including myself) how it's changed their outlook on dating.
  • Bassafrass80
    Bassafrass80 Posts: 69 Member
    To everyone wondering...no we did not go out. I texted him Friday afternoon and he responded with some wishy washy crap. I asked him point blank if he was even interested in going out again as I didn't want to waste my or his time and he used the "I'm just really busy with work, I don't have time for a relationship, blah blah" excuse which is crap because, HELLO, you're on a dating site and you put down "Looking for long term relationship" So I told him that was fine and that I was no longer interested and went on with my life. No worries, plenty more fish in the sea!

    And I love the book and movie He's Just Not That Into You. And I guess I knew that all along. :)
  • coachblt
    coachblt Posts: 1,090
    Happy for you that you found out early and not too late. What a tool...an immature one at that.
  • Doreen_Murray
    Doreen_Murray Posts: 396 Member
    Rock on sexy mama! :smokin:
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
    Ah bad times. Not everyone is going to like everyone else, world would be too boring. Guess he was hoping it would just go quietly.

    On to the next one...
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    To everyone wondering...no we did not go out. I texted him Friday afternoon and he responded with some wishy washy crap. I asked him point blank if he was even interested in going out again as I didn't want to waste my or his time and he used the "I'm just really busy with work, I don't have time for a relationship, blah blah" excuse which is crap because, HELLO, you're on a dating site and you put down "Looking for long term relationship" So I told him that was fine and that I was no longer interested and went on with my life. No worries, plenty more fish in the sea!

    And I love the book and movie He's Just Not That Into You. And I guess I knew that all along. :)


    Better to find out right away that he's an *kitten* and you can move on to someone much nicer:flowerforyou: Good Luck out there!!
  • tamspat
    tamspat Posts: 23
    It's so hard to know what the other person is thinking.........especially in the beginning when you don't really know each other yet. Why not text and say something like, "is tomorrow still on or do we need to reschedule?"

    This let's him know you're still interested - in case he's wondering how you're feeling
    And also gives him the out - if he's not interested.

    I'd only send one text.

    If he really wants to see you, he'll make a point of getting in touch with you.

    I totally agree with this one ^^
  • TinkrBelz
    TinkrBelz Posts: 866 Member
    Awww....sorry. But really better of this way. It would have been polite if he had just let you know on his own that he was not interested. That's OK, just go out and find another hottie!!! :flowerforyou:
  • jenj1313
    jenj1313 Posts: 898 Member
    I'd just wait it out.
  • FaugHorn
    FaugHorn Posts: 1,060 Member
    I respectfully yet completely disagree with those saying text him today. As a matter of fact I think that if he waits and then texts you tomorrow shortly before you're supposed to meet then be really sweet, but tell him since you didn't hear from him you made alternate plans. :glasses:
    Actually I think this would be very rude. As far as I can tell they made plans and there was no indication that the plans changed. She would just be standing him up because he didn't constantly reassure her.

    Exactly what I was thinking
  • DeeJayTJ
    DeeJayTJ Posts: 355 Member
    dont play games!

    if you want to text him, text him.. if you dont want to txt him then dont. dont worry about "seeming desperate"
  • scapez
    scapez Posts: 2,018 Member
    To everyone wondering...no we did not go out. I texted him Friday afternoon and he responded with some wishy washy crap. I asked him point blank if he was even interested in going out again as I didn't want to waste my or his time and he used the "I'm just really busy with work, I don't have time for a relationship, blah blah" excuse which is crap because, HELLO, you're on a dating site and you put down "Looking for long term relationship" So I told him that was fine and that I was no longer interested and went on with my life. No worries, plenty more fish in the sea!

    And I love the book and movie He's Just Not That Into You. And I guess I knew that all along. :)
    Sorry to hear it, but I can't say I'm surprised. If he was that into you...you would have known it. His excuse IS crap, but it's only because...wait for it..."he's just not that into you". I hope the next one you meet...is! :flowerforyou:
  • woou
    woou Posts: 668 Member
    I was smiling while reading all of this! I did online dating for years before meeting my boyfriend online two years ago. I totally understand what you are going through... been there many times!!

    How do you do it? I started dating again and am pretty disheartened after one month. You did it for years? :noway:

    As for OP, go ahead and text him to see what's up. If he doesn't respond or responds vaguely, then you have your answer. At least, you know you gave it a shot, and there's no doubt. I'm a woman, too and don't really agree with all this wait around for the guy business. It is 2012!

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