Discrimination against skinny/fit women
Replies
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Hi, I'm just here to offer all the fit women a shoulder to cry on.0
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I really do not comprehend how you can associate that with anyone's weight. People suck at driving and are impatient with pedestrians GENERALLY. Parking lots are particularly awful in that regard because there are pedestrians everywhere, people driving backwards, cars swapping spaces, all sorts of stressful elements. People want to get the hell out of there and they know that their car can beat you across the crosswalk.As a side note; Everyday I have to cross the CROSSWALK to get from my car to the double doors of my gym. My gym in nestled in the same complex as a Costco. On numerous occasions I have started to cross, as pedestrians have the right of way, and have been nearly plowed over by car. The driver always fits the same description - a woman. I assure you that it is not a figment of my imagination. I am sure I have punctuational and grammatical errors in this reply, as well. No need to critique. Fortunately, I work with numbers for a living
If anyone is making judgments based on weight and sex in that situation, it's you. You're looking at a rude driver, and rather than saying, "Wow, what a jerk, I hope they get pulled over," you're saying, "Wow, that fat ***** must hate me because I'm thin." Maybe it's not about you.0 -
Can't say I've ever wanted to run over someone because of their weight.
IKR... that statement was a bit troubling.
I don't really comprehend this. I'm a tall big-boned woman so even if I get to my goal, I may not ever experience this. I have been thin, and I have been fat. I have never really been mistreated by other women. If so, I didn't notice because I don't make people matter when they don't. But last summer, after I started losing weight, I had a man ridicule me at the pool on my vacation and it was like being smacked with a 2x4. I had already lost 18 lbs. I think maybe our hard work to go from being fat to thin might possibly make us more sensitive than we might be otherwise.0 -
When I was skinny, I was hated on, as in 90lbs skinny.
When I was fat, I was hated on...we're talking tack on 70 lbs to that.
Now that I'm in the middle-ish, I don't notice any hating. Most women are actually nice to me, but it could be my attitude, and the way I carry myself. I've noticed some skinny girls carry themselves in a way that looks like "My s#it don't stink" and they don't get the best service. I would say I carry myself in a way that says "Hi, it's a great day today!" and I get great service. (The last few weeks, we've been going to bars with friends, and I like to people watch, so these are just my observations)
So, what I notice is that, women don't specifically 'hate' on a certain group (in most cases) they are just unhappy with themselves. I did see the post from the exotic dancer, and I have never heard of bigger gals going in there just to laugh...that's just disgusting!0 -
I have never been skinny....but I will replace the word with smaller.....Being smaller is worse than being bigger.....When I was heavy people were a little more sensitive to mentioning your weight.... now...they just tell you more like how you looking skinny, and getting to little...don't lose no more weight......0
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i have been heavy since i was in my teens.. and i am honestly suprised by this...
i dont hate skinny women, i dont hate super fat women. just like i dont hate anyone else who has never done anything out right spiteful to me or my family
i think it might be more in your head then in the rest of the world when you were overweight did you feel like everyone was constantly judging you for eating for trying to find a pretty dress.. for basically doing anything? if you do here is a secret for you... NO ONE REALLY CARES..
im not saying this to be catty im being honest... the people who love you love you no matter how you look and the people who hate your for how you look shouldnt have your time wasted on them...
and most of those judgemental looks are all on you... in the grand scale of life how thin the lady in the cross walk is, is not something i think people stew over...0 -
hey guess what!
since men were dragging us off by our hair we've had to compete for their attention. Women criticise and try to get the edge on each other.
Regardless of what size they are.
They will grasp at anything.
weight
height
financial stability
mental stability
the size of your tits
the whiteness of your teeth
the label on your purse
the height of your heels
the amount of workouts you do
how well you cook
how well you clean
whether you have motherly instincts
whether you went to school
it is an infinite list
and everything on it can be used in your favor or against you.
Because we are all trying to get fitter, it seems the weight issues may be flung at us more often than others, but its not weight discrimination- its just chicks being chicks.
Seriously... think about it- you dont see men do this. Nope, they just watchus go nuts and shake their heads and roll their eyes and pick one of us to carry off at the end of the day.
*the caveman portions of this comment were mostly for comic relief, but also cause Im horny and I dig that behavior in a man.0 -
Okay, so I have been fat and I have been thin, and/or fit. I have found that there are two types of discrimination. Discrimination from skinny people (mostly women) against fat women and the contrary - fat women against skinny women.
I will tell ya, I have a new appreciation for women who have looked good their entire life. Having been on both sides of the discrimination, I have found that skinny women are far more tolerant of overweight women then the other way around. These days, heaven forbid should I want to cross the road and a heavy set woman is driving my way. She'd just assume run me over then let me cross. OR, if I am walking into a building behind an overweight woman, she'd just assume let the door hit me in the face than hold it. Things like this keep happening and happening to me. Although, when I was fat, I had a small degree of this from skinny women, the contrary far out weighs those experiences. I have had women say, very seriously, "I hate you" or "You B*&^ch" because of my weight loss. Thoughts and experiences on the subject?She'd just assume run me over then let me cross.
Lol. I think that's just applicable to bad/impatient drivers in general. To equate it with someone's weight is just silly.
As a side note, and because I'm a grammar nerd, I have to say:
You meant "..of overweight women THAN the other way around," not "then."
"Just assume" should be: "just as soon."
You meant "THAN let me cross," not "then."
Also.... I think, if this is true (which seems hard to believe, considering I've known A LOT of awful skinny/thin/fit people - male and female), then people might be nicer to you when you're fat because they're hypocrites. They're nice to your face when your fat because they feel bad for you - they aren't "accepting" you, they just might assume* you have a hard/rotten enough life already, so they'll be kind to your face and then talk *kitten* about you later.
Thank you for your grammatical tips. After I posted and reread, the "than" and "then" became apparent to me. With regard to the phrase, that was my blonde coming through
.
Now, with regard to your opinion I have to say that because you are a man you're less likely to have a creditable opinion on the matter LOL. I'm sorry, but the male/female dynamic is not the same as the female/female dynamic. Although you may have known a lot of skinny/thin/fit people, the question is really only relative to those who are or have been living as fat or thin woman. As a side note; Everyday I have to cross the CROSSWALK to get from my car to the double doors of my gym. My gym in nestled in the same complex as a Costco. On numerous occasions I have started to cross, as pedestrians have the right of way, and have been nearly plowed over by car. The driver always fits the same description - a woman. I assure you that it is not a figment of my imagination. I am sure I have punctuational and grammatical errors in this reply, as well. No need to critique. Fortunately, I work with numbers for a living
Wow. You really think that heavy women intentionally try to mow you down in parking lots? Did it ever occur to you that Costco is where a lot of stay at home moms and moms in general do their shopping? I shop there and there is probably one guy for every 10 women while I'm there. And, yes, a lot of them are overweight, just because its a common thing for moms, who would be most likely to be shopping at Costco, to struggle with weight after kids. So I'd venture to guess the odds are in favor that if someone was going to almost hit you in a crosswalk at Costco - it would probably be an overweight woman. And if you're almost getting hit by cars often enough to make generalizations about it, I would suggest that you may be the one who needs to pay attention while crossing the street.
By the way, since you will probably take this as a bitter overweight woman trying to bring you down... I'm not. Yet somehow I don't experience any of this "hatred". You're not being persecuted by fat women. I think its all in your head.
I wish I could say it is all in my head, hence, the question posed. If it were in my head, it would make it a lot easier for me to see this world as a better place. However, if you read all of the posts, this is not the only example I gave. There are several. Nevertheless, the men always stop to allow me to cross and there is a striking number of women who would agree that they, too, have experienced some sort of shunning for their weight. Furthermore, I have been going to the same gym for quite some time. Day in and day out; even was I was fat. Oddly, I never had this issue before. It is not as if I am bolting out into the middle of the road without regard for oncoming cars.
I like to think I examine situations logically, and I cannot honestly say that I have found a logical explanation with the differences in the way I was treated when I was fat vs. thin except for either there is a clear and distinct discrimination OR that it is all in my head. Being that there are other woman who share in my experiences, I tend to believe it is the former and not the latter0 -
I tend to hate everyone equally.
Makes life simpler.
And I can't wait to be hated on for being a sexy b*tch.
You are a sexy b*&^%0 -
hey guess what!
since men were dragging us off by our hair we've had to compete for their attention. Women criticise and try to get the edge on each other.
Regardless of what size they are.
They will grasp at anything.
weight
height
financial stability
mental stability
the size of your tits
the whiteness of your teeth
the label on your purse
the height of your heels
the amount of workouts you do
how well you cook
how well you clean
whether you have motherly instincts
whether you went to school
it is an infinite list
and everything on it can be used in your favor or against you.
Because we are all trying to get fitter, it seems the weight issues may be flung at us more often than others, but its not weight discrimination- its just chicks being chicks.
Seriously... think about it- you dont see men do this. Nope, they just watchus go nuts and shake their heads and roll their eyes and pick one of us to carry off at the end of the day.
*the caveman portions of this comment were mostly for comic relief, but also cause Im horny and I dig that behavior in a man.
You are awesome :laugh:0 -
Women suck.
jk0 -
I havent read everything here but I agree. i catch a lot more **** about my size now than I ever did when I was fat. (well outside of school but kids don't know better) If people had been so vocal about my being overweight then I would have lost weight sooner.0
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So true!
Ive been big my whole life and I can honestly say that Ive never been mean to thinner women. All my friends have been slimmer than me all my life but I have suffered it the other way round even from people that I thought were my friends. But at the end of the day women are women and no matter who we are or what we look like we're all beautiful and we should be proud of who we are and cheer on the others for who they are too.0 -
first row is hotter.
Ahhh, thank you for the productive addition to the conversation! So necessary!0 -
I need to be careful with what I say, because I could labeled as a skinny *****. But, in real life, I have not noticed this. All of my friends are overweight. But, we all get along easily.
But here on these forums, if I am attacked, it is usually by a heavier woman. I mean honestly, I could care less what they think, but it does seem like they are angry, so they make themselves feel better by cutting someone down...and I guess that I look like an easy target. I will snap back, but not in a way that would make me look like I am being rude, because I know that will make me look like a ***** even though I was attacked first.
BUT, that is not true for all overweight women. I have over 200 friends, all females, almost all are moms, and all different sizes....and we all get along and we encourage each other....regardless of size.
I do see your point. But, I think the overweight women that are serious about getting fit are not like that, they have the same mindset as thinner fit women. So, maybe it is just with overweight women that are not serious or care about getting fit,maybe those are the ladies that are rude. Maybe skinny fit women and overweight/potentially fit women are happier because we all know that working out is good for us mentally as well....so we are just more happy!0 -
Count me in...I have someone who went from being a pretty close friend to being down right nasty to me on a daily basis just because I've lost weight over the last 5 months. I hear comments like "skinny *****" and "former heifer" from her all the time. It's tough to take...and I'm far from skinny. It's not my fault that she weighs over 300 pounds and chooses to do nothing about it.
My highest weight ever was 252...my lowest weight was 151...I'm currently at 160 and I'm 5'4". I've been all over the spectrum and I can proudly say that I have never given anyone bullsh!t based on their size.
I don't talk about my healthy lifestyle to her at all. I never bring it up. I'm working on my fitness, so good for me, right? Don't hate!0 -
I tend to hate everyone equally.
Makes life simpler.
And I can't wait to be hated on for being a sexy b*tch.
Yep. Why do you all care so much what people think of you? I've been on both sides of the spectrum, and I am working towards what makes ME comfortable. I could give a schnitz what anyone else thinks MY body should look like. Everyone has their own view of what beauty is. All you can do is take care of yourself. No matter what body you end up with, the result will be the same. You'll have haters, and you'll have lovers (you know what I mean there). What matters is how you feel about yourself. Forget the rest.0 -
I have been reading through the responses and think it is very funny...
Are you sure you are paying close attention to the thin people or are you expecting them the treat you nice while the heavier ones to miss treat you?
I say this because when I go out most of the complements I get are from over weight women loving my dresses and they don't know me at all. I also get complemented by thin women, over weight men, and thin men too.
I know there are hateful people out there, and have experienced their tyranny (not so direct though, no one would dare tell me they hate me, or that I am ugly to my face) What I have experienced and this is from thin and fat women (very rare by the way) is when coming to a new group one will try to isolate me out of the group. I don't take it personal, cause frankly I don't give a $it!! I will spend time with people who appreciate me and I will appreciate them in return.
Be careful when it comes to expectations luv, what we expect is what we look for and we will usually find what we are looking for even when it's not really there...:flowerforyou:0 -
i definitely get this one, i have a best friend who is over weight & when i would bring her to a family function my grandparents would say comments like your too skinny cant you eat like a normal person like your friend here. and like mentioned i think the comments to a skinny person saying you're to thin, and all that are just as hurtful as if someone were to say to a bigger person you look fat or are you really going to eat that. in my family its you dont want more? how are you full.
sometimes it really sucks. but ive never been rude to someone overweight only because ive had my ED in the past, & its just as threatening being underweight as it is overweight so why would i want to trigger someone more, plus i know how the comments feel from my side, and i wouldnt want to put someone else through that.0 -
I have read all the posts, and I'm not saying that this NEVER occurs, but I think a huge portion of them are the result of reading meaning into things that just isn't there. If someone expressly says, "I hate X because she's skinny" or "thin women are this way," then I'll accept that at the reason. But if there are other probable explanations, and no reason whatsoever to believe that it's more likely to be weight than anything else, I simply don't believe that the perception of a weight bias is likely to be realistic.I wish I could say it is all in my head, hence, the question posed. If it were in my head, it would make it a lot easier for me to see this world as a better place. However, if you read all of the posts, this is not the only example I gave. There are several.
Don't get me wrong, I believe that you're telling the truth. However, it seems to me that some cognitive or confirmation bias is an issue here and may be coloring the way you're viewing things. Think about when you're thinking about buying a new car or trying to find a new apartment. Suddenly, that car model and vacant apartment signs are EVERYWHERE. They were always there, but now you notice. Similarly, now that you've found that pattern, you're more likely to remember the instances that match than the ones that don't.Nevertheless, the men always stop to allow me to cross and there is a striking number of women who would agree that they, too, have experienced some sort of shunning for their weight. Furthermore, I have been going to the same gym for quite some time. Day in and day out; even was I was fat. Oddly, I never had this issue before. It is not as if I am bolting out into the middle of the road without regard for oncoming cars.
You may well be right that you are treated differently now, but it's not necessarily because of the weight change itself. You likely act differently, respond differently to situations, or think in ways you didn't before. People might react to any of those things entirely without recognizing any relationship to your weight. In that case, no, it's not all in your head that people are treating you differently than they used to. They could be. But it's not necessarily unfair bias, prejudice, or discrimination from resentful fat women.I like to think I examine situations logically, and I cannot honestly say that I have found a logical explanation with the differences in the way I was treated when I was fat vs. thin except for either there is a clear and distinct discrimination OR that it is all in my head. Being that there are other woman who share in my experiences, I tend to believe it is the former and not the latter0 -
Having been underweight my whole life, just naturally skinny, I have had some horrible horrible things said to me, but all sorts of people, from strangers to job managers to medical staff) both as a highschooler right through to an adult woman. I am actively trying to gain right now, and it is not going on easy. the thing is I want to grainy healthy weight and muscle, not just fat, so eating 2000+ a day being at least slightly heath conscious can be a challenge. I was actually surprised but how mean people can be to skinny people on MFP, esp those trying to gain, like you are lying, you don't eat, or you have an ED. its a constant bombardment of "go eat a burger" jokes. I suppose there is the same meanness directed at fat people too in the real words (you are lazy, you eat too much, you don't "work at it enough" etc) I think the thing that I always found hurtful were those kinds of pics (like the one in this thread) that's say real women have curves, etc, etc, well, even after 2 baby's, I just never got curves, so what does that make me?? I would give anything for some curves and a bit of butt, I don't even have any freaking hips!
This is totally off topic but when I first saw your profile pic I thought they were boobs hahaha0 -
it sounds to me like you are discriminating yourself. A "heavy-set "woman wanting to run you over? An "over-weight" woman not holding the door for you-sounds like YOU have the issue.
Sounds like these people are just rude but you are choosing to focus on their size as a reason for their behavior.
people are rude! In all shapes and sizes!
I know you don't know me, but I WAS fat. My mother is obese...actually my entire family is obese and so was I at one point in time. I am not so confident and egotistical as to say I will never be overweight, or obese, again so to assert that I am prejudice or discriminating is almost laughable. You do have a point though, I DO have a problem! My problem is that I cannot for the life of me understand why it would seemingly appear as though I am treated differently, overall, at a lower weight. I simply wanted feedback from other women and for them to share in their experiences. I am inclined to agree that: 1- people are jerks, at any level. 2- The size of the person is probably not the determining factor, but rather the attitude and size of the person combined. 3- There is a discrimination that exists, just as common (or uncommon) as prejudices against race, color, and/or creed that is based on weight. Nevertheless, although I would prefer that everyone extend the same respect that I would extend to them, that is not the case and the best bet is to shrug it off0 -
I have read all the posts, and I'm not saying that this NEVER occurs, but I think a huge portion of them are the result of reading meaning into things that just isn't there. If someone expressly says, "I hate X because she's skinny" or "thin women are this way," then I'll accept that at the reason. But if there are other probable explanations, and no reason whatsoever to believe that it's more likely to be weight than anything else, I simply don't believe that the perception of a weight bias is likely to be realistic.I wish I could say it is all in my head, hence, the question posed. If it were in my head, it would make it a lot easier for me to see this world as a better place. However, if you read all of the posts, this is not the only example I gave. There are several.
Don't get me wrong, I believe that you're telling the truth. However, it seems to me that some cognitive or confirmation bias is an issue here and may be coloring the way you're viewing things. Think about when you're thinking about buying a new car or trying to find a new apartment. Suddenly, that car model and vacant apartment signs are EVERYWHERE. They were always there, but now you notice. Similarly, now that you've found that pattern, you're more likely to remember the instances that match than the ones that don't.Nevertheless, the men always stop to allow me to cross and there is a striking number of women who would agree that they, too, have experienced some sort of shunning for their weight. Furthermore, I have been going to the same gym for quite some time. Day in and day out; even was I was fat. Oddly, I never had this issue before. It is not as if I am bolting out into the middle of the road without regard for oncoming cars.
You may well be right that you are treated differently now, but it's not necessarily because of the weight change itself. You likely act differently, respond differently to situations, or think in ways you didn't before. People might react to any of those things entirely without recognizing any relationship to your weight. In that case, no, it's not all in your head that people are treating you differently than they used to. They could be. But it's not necessarily unfair bias, prejudice, or discrimination from resentful fat women.I like to think I examine situations logically, and I cannot honestly say that I have found a logical explanation with the differences in the way I was treated when I was fat vs. thin except for either there is a clear and distinct discrimination OR that it is all in my head. Being that there are other woman who share in my experiences, I tend to believe it is the former and not the latter
I like your train of thought. Thought provoking0 -
it sounds to me like you are discriminating yourself. A "heavy-set "woman wanting to run you over? An "over-weight" woman not holding the door for you-sounds like YOU have the issue.
Sounds like these people are just rude but you are choosing to focus on their size as a reason for their behavior.
people are rude! In all shapes and sizes!
^winner!0 -
Having been underweight my whole life, just naturally skinny, I have had some horrible horrible things said to me, but all sorts of people, from strangers to job managers to medical staff) both as a highschooler right through to an adult woman. I am actively trying to gain right now, and it is not going on easy. the thing is I want to grainy healthy weight and muscle, not just fat, so eating 2000+ a day being at least slightly heath conscious can be a challenge. I was actually surprised but how mean people can be to skinny people on MFP, esp those trying to gain, like you are lying, you don't eat, or you have an ED. its a constant bombardment of "go eat a burger" jokes. I suppose there is the same meanness directed at fat people too in the real words (you are lazy, you eat too much, you don't "work at it enough" etc) I think the thing that I always found hurtful were those kinds of pics (like the one in this thread) that's say real women have curves, etc, etc, well, even after 2 baby's, I just never got curves, so what does that make me?? I would give anything for some curves and a bit of butt, I don't even have any freaking hips!
My mom is a personal trainer and Healthy Lifestyles Program director (she just got that last title btw, go mom!) and one of her clients is a woman pretty much exactly like you. She's married, has 2 children, and despite having children, she is still incredibly slim. It's genetic, her parents are both very slim and her brother is the same way. She is extremely self conscious about it, and I can only imagine. I had a good friend growing up who was the same way. It boggles my mind how people think they can say some things to people, fat or thin. Body shaming is never cool, we've all got things we want to work on! Hope you've been able/are able to find some good supportive friends on here that you can relate to because that's such a huge part of being successful!0 -
I must be extremely lucky. I was thin for most of my life until a few years ago, and then I got very fat, and I'm now probably a stone and a bit over where I used to be, and I have never had negative comments made to my face regardless of what size I was - not one.
I have seen it though - years ago I was friends with a very skinny girl, and people just constantly asked her if she ate. It wasn't only bigger women, it was all women.0 -
I've been targeted by overweight women when i've been thin. "skinny b*tch" "anorexic wh*re" i've been called.
I've been told many times that some person who has never spoken to me (a classmate, a friend of a friend, a friend's sister or girlfriend) has been telliing people I'm mean or that I'm stuck up. It's always been an ecceptionally overweight woman, and it's only happened when i've been thin.
I once had a girl I thought was my friend systematically go out of her way to try to poison all mutual friends against me, started rumors, broke me and my boyfriend up, and sabotaged my car to prevent me from getting a job. When I confronted her, tearfully, about all of it, she said it was because she "hated skinny b*tches" and told me i didn't deserve to be happy.
When I gain weight i'm invisible. No one talks to me or bothers me. When I'm thin, I get negative attention and occasional blind hatred.
This is why I have had an unhealthy self image, and have struggled with food and weight, my whole life. This is also why most of my close friends are male.0 -
I have known many women who are very thin and it's just as painful for them to have women look at them with hate in their eyes as it is for someone to 'moo' at me at the mall. One friend I had could NOT gain weight. She would cry herself to sleep at night because she was so bony. She finally gained some weight due to having to go on steroids and she was SO HAPPY with her new shape.
I generally don't notice except when a woman who is a size 2 and so thin I can see through her is complaining about how 'fat' she is and how she needs to lose 10lbs, OMG porker! *rolleyes* Then I might have something hateful to say.0 -
I've been thin most of my life. I never really had a weight problem at all until I was about 40, and even then I was just a few lbs over. I've never been obese so I can't comment on how it feels to be fat. But I can honestly say I never felt discrimination from fat women. Or I didn't notice it at least. But I can be pretty stupid about stuff like that at times.
I have gotten the occasional "you wouldn't understand since you're naturally thin" (I'm not, I've watched my diet since Jr. High and I stay active), or other such commments but I always took those as more of the person commenting trying to justify why they are fat rather than an insult to me.0 -
As a side note, and because I'm a grammar nerd, I have to say:
You meant "..of overweight women THAN the other way around," not "then."
"Just assume" should be: "just as soon."
You meant "THAN let me cross," not "then."
I love you for this.0
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