Disordered thoughts, beyond obsession?

Standing up and feeling so weak you have to sit back down again is your blood pressure becoming too low for you to survive, long term, and a sign that you may be damaging your heart! I had the same problem when I was anorexic in high school and now have a heart murmur because of it. You need help, you need to eat more. Take care of yourself and do it soon. I am outright frightened for you.

I can totally relate to everything you said! Also, I agree totally about the B vitamins. When I am deficient in B vitamins, my mood is off, my cycles are messed up, my EVERYTHING is wonky. (Scientific terms )

To the OP: I tell people I quit my job in dietetics because I wasn't making enough money. I really quit because I was counseling a teen girl dying of cancer and I secretly wished I could be as skinny as she was. I was giving nutrition advice to people with eating disorders, and I kept telling them to do things that I couldn't do myself. You obviously have a history of disordered eating. Please seek help. No one here is going to tell you that what you're doing is healthy, but you know this already. Best of luck to you!

I have OCD, so if I'm not careful, I can get stuck in a loop of being obsessed with my calories and exercise. A major trigger is if I get deficient in B vitamins. Perhaps since your food intake is so low, a vitamin deficiency is making your more obsessive. Do you take a vitamin supplement? Sleep deprivation can also affect obsessive thoughts. I know everyone wants to talk about calories first, but I know from experience you have to help yourself mentally before physically, so if you can get the thoughts under control first, your calorie intake will be much easier to manage.

I'm just going to keep it real and let you know that you do sound like that there may be a mental issue there and you should seek help,

I was bulimic at 15, the recovery left me heavier than when I started. Maybe I haven't fully dealt with the thought pattern related to the disorder. I think my problem is admitting there is a problem. Doctors freak me out.

i agree... i think you aren't fully recovered from that ED. especially since you're so focused on food and it's all you can think about. 600 cals a day is not enough to run on and you're probably not losing weight because your body is in starvation mode, so it holds onto every single calorie you give it so it can keep running. you have to give your body enough food so that it can function. then it won't be so stressed to let some of those calories go. you'll start losing weight if you can eat more. you cannot exercise off more calories than you eat because you already burn about 1900 a day just by existing. exercising is just extra... so if you're eating 600, exercising 700, and burning 1900 just by being alive and moving around doing your day-to-day things, then you will definitely not lose weight. your body just needs the fuel. it won't give up the few calories you're putting into it.

bottom line... you still have a problem with ED. you aren't fully recovered. you need to get some help.

my best friend since forever has dealt with this her whole life and i've been with her every step of the way, so i can see the tell tale signs and you've got them, my friend.

feel free to add me if you like i'm only here to help others who would like it.

I haven't thoroughly read every single reply on here, but I can tell you that for the most part I understand where you are coming from.
My husband still thinks my goal of losing 20lbs is WAY too much... and asked me "Will you stop losing weight after you lose 20lbs? Or are you still going to be unhappy?" He knows me too well. I am NEVER good enough. No matter what I weigh, I am still fat. When I look in the mirror all I see is lumpy legs, bumpy hips, flat chest, stretch marks ( i could go on and on)
I think its called body dysmorphic disorder? Or something?
I will not preach to you and tell you what you need to do, I just want you to know that drastic measures and doing things the "easy" way, (ie not eating, taking diet pills) work temporarily but you are going to have some long term risks and side effects. I used to take diet pills a lot when I was a teenager. I had no concept of how things worked. Like dont eat for two days, take a lot of diet pills and I will get skinny! Nope. I was my heaviest then because my body was starving and when I did eat, i ballooned up!
I don't personally like talking to doctors, but I have in the past as I have had a lot of issues since I was a teenager. So I understand that you may not feel comfortable with that, but at least have someone that you can talk to and rely on and who will not judge you for how you feel. No one can change the way you feel about yourself, only you can, but we can all be here to help and support one another. Sometimes it just takes a special moment in your life to realize your worth and beauty and importance. I haven't exactly had my moment yet, but I hope to one day!
Sorry for the rambling.

It's really hard to say the right thing to someone struggling with food in this way--just about anything can be read the right or wrong way depending on your mindset. I'm just going to pipe in that a good therapist is there to listen and understand but going to treatment doesn't make you give up your autonomy. Whether or not you agree that there is a problem, it does seem you would like to talk about it. Good luck to you!