Do Long Distance Relationships Work?

24

Replies

  • kekl
    kekl Posts: 382 Member
    I've been in one but it didn't even last a month after we moved away from each other (different colleges)
    Personally, I just can't handle them... However I have the communication skills of a rock. :drinker:

    I've seen them work though. It's hard but if you're both committed to it, it can happen. Good luck!
  • lucylousmummy
    lucylousmummy Posts: 348 Member
    i've never done it personally but a good friend of mine has, they came from the same town, he enlisted in army at age 17, went off to do god knows how many tours, about 1995 after being together 2 years she had had enough of sitting about twiddling her thumbs waiting for him to be home on leave, so moved from the UK to New york for a year with some family friends to be the kids nanny, when he was on leave he just went there to visit her, she moved back to the UK in 1996 after missing her parents, they got married about 2000 ish and from then on she moved about with him, altogether they have been together 20 years
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    Jersey to England is a long way, but every relationship is different. Of course it can work, but that depends on the people involved.

    My Buffalo, NY, to Boston, MA, relationship failed after a year, but that's because he was a huge DB and his mother was insane.
  • BrideToBe101212
    BrideToBe101212 Posts: 81
    I had a crush on someone in Middle School but they were "dating" my best friend at the time. We ended up going to different high schools. Then the summer of 2008, I had to take on another job, so I was working a full time and part time. While the boss was looking through the computer to find my employee number, I saw the guys name! I ran home, and realized I was friends with him on facebook.

    That summer we began to date a little, then he had to go back to Tennessee for school. Our families both lived in Delaware. The long distance continued ( with trips inbetween) until the May 2010. It was HARD! For both of us... There were moments we were not able to share together, but those trips were the best days ever. The drive is 8-10 hours depending on traffic, and he took it over a weekend just to spend my birthday with me!

    May 2010, I moved down to Tennessee with him. September 25th, of this year he proposed to me and we are getting married October 12th, 2012 (our official bf/gf date).

    A few things I suggest for anyone in a long distance relationship:

    Be open with communication- Do not tell important things through text message, they can be read the wrong way

    Start 2 notebooks- Each of you gets a notebook, write in it through the time. You can write when you miss them, when you had happy moments, draw pictures, whatever! When you see each other again, switch notebooks. You will be able to read everything
    they wrote and start new entries.

    Start a skype day: We had a date every Sunday night. It was nice talking on the phone and texting through out the day, but I always looked forward to Sunday nights when I would be able to see him.

    Are long distance relationships for everyone? No. However, with the right dedication from both parties, they can work.
  • knay112
    knay112 Posts: 45 Member
    YES! It can work. It's hard, not gonna lie... but you can make this work. We have, and we have been married for 10 years now. Come to think of it, I'm not sure how we did it, it was the era where there was no Skype etc. But boy, did we had phone bills *LOL*
    Hang in there... oh, and find the BritishExpat website. That website tells you everything you need to know, and then some!
  • CassieReannan
    CassieReannan Posts: 1,479 Member
    They can work.. I met my fiance online in 2009 fresh out of school. Although it wasnt really "long distance" we only live an hour away from eachother.. But we can only see eachother once a week.
  • uk_ja
    uk_ja Posts: 143 Member
    My wife and I met online back in 97, I lived in the UK and she was in the US. We did the long distance with 2-3 visits a year for about 3 years until I got my visa and moved to the US and we got married in 2000.

    If both people are committed it will work regardless of distance or how much contact you have but it will not be easy and there will be hard times that you will both have to get through.

    Here is a website I suggest you take a look at if you are serious about moving to the US


    http://www.familybasedimmigration.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?s=9726c18a3505c01806ee283aadc6a674&f=2

    Also as a quick link read through this about 10 times so you have an idea of what it will take to apply and complete the visa process.

    http://www.familybasedimmigration.com/forum/k1visa.php
    Good luck
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    Yes, absolutely, if you work hard for it. I met my girlfriend online last year, and I'm currently in her house at the end of a two week stay after helping redecorate and build furniture for her mother.
  • HorrorChix89
    HorrorChix89 Posts: 1,229 Member
    No, they don't work
  • kapeluza
    kapeluza Posts: 3,434 Member
    Yes. My husband spent 2 years away from home due to the military. At first we only saw each other 1-2 times a month then after 8 months that switched to every weekend. Anyway, bottom line is that both have to put in the effort for a relationship to work. He is no longer stationed away from us but yes, we are still together! :)
    Good luck!
  • iam_thatdude
    iam_thatdude Posts: 1,266 Member
    Long distance can work, but I think it depends on how long term the distance will be. There has to be an end game where you're both in the same place.
  • mrsdizzyd84
    mrsdizzyd84 Posts: 422 Member
    Yep. My husband and I are celebrating 3 years married this June, and we dated for almost 4 years before we got hitched. We spent 2 years in a distance based relationship followed by 1 month living together then another year of distance. We've lived together now for a year and a half or so. There is probably more distance in our future since his job requires him to move around every couple years.
  • jtheroux89
    jtheroux89 Posts: 48 Member
    They can, it depends on the people in the relationship. I met my ex in Georgia where I live and where he went to school, we dated for a few months, then he went home to NC (6 hours away) and we were long distance for a year. It was hard because it took him awhile to get a job and get things together, so we fought a lot because he wasn't very considerate and had to depend on his parents $$. A year later though he got back into the school here in GA and things were great for another year, until he dropped out again because of grades. Long story short, we aren't together because he wasn't a very motivated person. Forgetful of birthdays, holidays, etc...and he still doesn't have a job, so it wouldn't have worked out anyway! So it really depends on the people in the relationship to make it work... honesty and consideration of the other is #1.

    Sorry for the length!! :)
  • pinkpascal
    pinkpascal Posts: 75 Member
    You are all so amazing posting your LDR stories for me. It gives me so much hope for the future, also thanks to the people who posted website links about the visas I will look at those when I finish work. I love idea of the notebooks and will see if he wants to do that when I speak to him later :)
  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
    It can work... but both of you have to want it... and you have to communicate almost daily (though daily is preferred to make up for the lack of face time)... It worked for me and my now husband... we had a bumpy start, but then made it work because it's what we wanted.
  • Fairybow
    Fairybow Posts: 11
    I'm in a long dstance relationship for about 7 months now and if you want to make this work, it will work. Distance is a ****ing killer and you always have to fight if you want the relationship to stay alive but aslong as you know why you want this to “stay alive” it will never be a problem. It’s hard, but I love my boyfriend and it's definitly worth it.
  • StephTheBookworm
    StephTheBookworm Posts: 177 Member
    I liked reading everyone's stories, how nice! I am also in a long distance relationship and of course I think they can work! LOTS of people have made it work, so why not? I met my guy online, on this site actually, and we are currently in different states but he's coming in June to visit and it will be the best time ever. :happy: Good luck to you, girl!!! Be strong. If the love and communication is there, it will all work out in the end. :flowerforyou:
  • DAMNCHARLIE
    DAMNCHARLIE Posts: 569
    no
  • 7acatl
    7acatl Posts: 3
    Yes they can work, I have been with my boyfriend for two and a half years. In July of 2011 I had to return to the United States so we have been together long distance for almost a year now, but we are still going strong. We skype everyday and we both have whats app on our mobiles so we can message one another as well. I'm not to lie and say its always easy having a long distance relationship, there are times when I miss him so much. But we make it through together. In fact my boyfriend and I were talking the other day about it and we both mentioned that we are even stronger now as a couple then we were before. We both are just looking toward the future when we can be together again. So hang in there!!!
  • pinkpascal
    pinkpascal Posts: 75 Member
    i just booked another holiday to go and see him in January so it makes it about 4 months of seperation between trips. Already counting down the days until august when i can spend 2 weeks with him in Walt Disney World :smile: He loved the notebook idea so thank you to the person who posted it, we are going to see if it works.
  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 992 Member
    Not sure how they manage, but my step-sister and her husband live in two different towns, in different provinces! I believe frequent visits, skype and phone conversations help! :flowerforyou:
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    Over a very, very long term... No, they don't work, because if there's no end of the distance in sight, and you don't get to spend regular time together, what's the point?

    But they only have to last long enough to get to the point where the relationship is no longer long distance. :smile: As long as the distance is a temporary situation, it's fine.

    My husband and I were long distance to start. Once we realized there was something there, we worked to get in the same place. I know married couples who were once from Texas and North Carolina, and Massachusetts and Spain, and Canada and Australia!
  • scapez
    scapez Posts: 2,018 Member
    Absolutely. I live in Australia, and my boyfriend lives in America. Long distance relationships take work, but they can work. You just have to trust each other 100%.
    Holy smokes, you guys bring new meaning to the term long distance! And I thought being separated by a few states was tough. :laugh:

    OP - If the love, trust, communication, and desire is there for both of you...it can work! :flowerforyou:
  • karenjoy
    karenjoy Posts: 1,840 Member
    My Husband was in Toronto and I lived on a small offshore island in the UK, we met online and talked for a year before we met, he was only with my in person for less than a fortnight and went home, sold up and emigrated to England to be with me, we have been together eight years, married two and a half
  • BamaMomma
    BamaMomma Posts: 53
    i don't think this is a question that's looking for a "yes or no" answer....it either will or will not, depending on each party's level of commitment. some people need their partner there more often than not, but some can handle distance. personally, i've been through it and it sucked. i'm the type that enjoys the physical aspects of a relationship just as much as the emotional part of it. i want the cake, and i want to eat it, too!
  • ChristinaOlliver
    ChristinaOlliver Posts: 57 Member
    I've been in one for 2 years now and we're still going strong. I think for us it was important that we had already been together for 2 years before I moved away - if we had started out long distance I don't think it would have worked. We also make sure to visit each other fairly recently.
  • mrmanmeat
    mrmanmeat Posts: 1,968 Member
    I have, and it didn't work, but that was bc of me.

    They can work, yes.
  • ElizaRoche
    ElizaRoche Posts: 2,005 Member
    My bf got translated to Seattle after being together 1 1/2 years. It was hard Im not gonna lie, but at the end, if you love each other the distance instead of being a disadvantage, will be an advantage.
    Bf had to be there 2 years, UGH, soul came back to body when he was back :) Been together since then.
  • LauraAshley95
    LauraAshley95 Posts: 70 Member
    My boyfriend (Maryland) and I (Colorado) will be together for 4 years on May 16th. We've definitely had our ups and downs, but we're planning out future and talk about it a lot. Of course they work, you just have to have tons of patience and commitment. (:

    And we didn't start off close, we've always been separated.
  • christyd4
    christyd4 Posts: 191
    My boyfriend lives in Munich and I live in Arkansas, we have been together for a little over a year now. Absolutely it can work. It just takes a little more trust and understanding. We email a lot. He works nights over there so it works out that we are both at work at the same time.
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