letting go...finally
Options
Replies
-
"Don't children eat what is provided to them? Hmm?? It is sinful, selfish and unacceptable. "
Isn't it also sinful to judge? Set a good example and maybe it will rub off on them.
I know a family who has three kids that are all obese. The little girl is 5 and she is in all sorts of activities with my son (gymnastics, swim lessons, "fit kids"- a class at the community center. I have no idea why she is obese, but I can appreciate that her parents are trying. I have no idea if she has some sort of medical problem and you never, ever know what goes on behind closed doors or in someone's body.
I think we can all recognize that there are situations and circumstances that don't fit the mold. The poster, however, is talking about a situation she is DIRECTLY involved with. She knows the circumstances, and she is talking about the things within the parents control.
She is directly involved by judging. If she is so concerned for these children how has she tried to help them? Does she offer to take them to the park or to activities with her own kids? Has she sat the parents down and told them her concerns? What about sharing healthy recipes with them when they come to her house?
I personally do not think it is helpful to look down on families that are struggling with their weight. I think we need to educate and help, not condemn and talk crap about.
Also, I know a nurse who works for WIC who feeds her kids worse than anyone I have ever met, so NO ONE is above falling into the "quick-fast food meals" trap.0 -
This has been something I've actually struggled with in the other direction. I wasn't a fat kid, and didn't gain weight until my late teens due to circumstances outside of my control (keeping it on is all my fault, though lol). I've always been so afraid that my son would be fat that I've actually had to force myself to lean a little on the people around me to tell me if I'm being too strict with his diet. Granted, his diet is severely limited because of other concerns, but of course all the things that are bad for him, he loves and can have. He isn't even close to overweight, and I sometimes have to fight panic if my sister or mother give him what I deem "too much" of something.
It's been an uphill battle for me, and I feel so terrible every time I realize I'm pushing my own eating disorders onto my kid.
I think overall, people NEED to learn about nutrition. Too fat, too thin, our children are our responsibilities and it is OUR job to keep them healthy and happy.0 -
We have to start somewhere. Maybe these small changes can lead to something else. Most of us lose weight when we don't cut cold turkey, but over time.
If it was anyone else, I would probably agree with you and give her the benefit of the doubt. However, I happen to work with this woman every day and she just has not the slightest idea of how to eat healthy. I try all the time to politely sneak little tips in or help her switch one thing out for something else that's healthier and she just talks about how gross all of the healthy food is, and gets really rude about it. She also snubs me for eating healthy. Only so much I can do!
Does she ask you for advice?0 -
I feel it can be a form of child abuse, if you know all the circumstances. But I think just extending your good example would help them a lot. Like someone else mentioned, have them over and make a healthy lunch or snack. You have the ability to run off on them as much as your worried they will rub off on your children.
My 2.5 year old loves his veggies because we make such a big deal about them. He even got mad at me the other night. I cut up his chicken and gave it to him. The broccoli was finishing steaming. He brought his plate to me and said "mommy I need broccoli, where's my broccoli?"0 -
"Don't children eat what is provided to them? Hmm?? It is sinful, selfish and unacceptable. "
Isn't it also sinful to judge? Set a good example and maybe it will rub off on them.
I know a family who has three kids that are all obese. The little girl is 5 and she is in all sorts of activities with my son (gymnastics, swim lessons, "fit kids"- a class at the community center. I have no idea why she is obese, but I can appreciate that her parents are trying. I have no idea if she has some sort of medical problem and you never, ever know what goes on behind closed doors or in someone's body.
I think we can all recognize that there are situations and circumstances that don't fit the mold. The poster, however, is talking about a situation she is DIRECTLY involved with. She knows the circumstances, and she is talking about the things within the parents control.
She is directly involved by judging. If she is so concerned for these children how has she tried to help them? Does she offer to take them to the park or to activities with her own kids? Has she sat the parents down and told them her concerns? What about sharing healthy recipes with them when they come to her house?
I personally do not think it is helpful to look down on families that are struggling with their weight. I think we need to educate and help, not condemn and talk crap about.
Also, I know a nurse who works for WIC who feeds her kids worse than anyone I have ever met, so NO ONE is above falling into the "quick-fast food meals" trap.
She didn't share if she had offered anything like that, and I agree with you, that would be a good step to take. On the other hand I took this post as a rant about parents who abuse their children by not teaching them how to be healthy.
Also, you can't deem when help is necessary if you're not judging to begin with.0 -
Her kids don't play soccer, softball, or anything? Strange. My kids love those things and they take tennis and swimming in the summer. My kids spend most days at the swim pool.
I am also happy that my kids take after my naturally thin hubby who is athletic.0 -
im still a new parent i think.. my daughter is going to be 1 very soon and i find myself learning everyday how to make the right choices for her.
when i was carrying her all i craved was fruits and veggies, red slurpees and the occaional slab of red meat. i was (and currently working to not be) over weight when i was prego and i lost weight because of my diet change (my daughter was over 8lbs). my friend who had a child the year before was upset with me when she found this out.
she has always been thin and had a habbit of eating little at meals and snacking durning the day. when she got prego that all changed. she started eating McDonalds and Taco Bell every day. sometimes 3 times a day, along with whatever she ate at home. she gained over 60 pounds (her son was just over 6 lbs.)
and something very similar happened with my sister as well, (my niece and nephew were both under 6 lbs.)
i would have thought their kids would have come out larger because of all the fats and such they were exposed to but i think, and this is just me talking i have no sorces to site or experts to quote, that they were smaller because they didnt get what they needed nutrition wise and so they couldnt gain and grow as "full"... all the babies are healthy and happy little people now, but in looking back over the last couple of years (their first years compared to my daughters) my daughter has had less issues with colds and flus. she has hit developmental mile stones earlier. and she enjoys a greater variety of foods in comparison.0 -
Does she ask you for advice?
It's not unsolicited advice if that's what you mean, and it's usually not direct advice. She and I sit right next to each other and truthfully we're on good and friendly terms. I will mention things I do or make suggestions when we're having a conversation about food or something. I talk to my co-workers alot about my gym and food experiences and they have watched me lose all the weight. So we end up talking about food alot. I don't just look over at her snacks and say 'ew gross, you should be eating this instead of that' I only give advice if someone asks my opinion or if it's part of a conversation. She is just *always right* no matter what and I think that's why she gets so rude about things. Like for example, I was comparing my mashed cauliflower/red skin potato recipe with another co-worker's recipe earlier this morning and the woman in question starts making faces and talking about how nasty that sounds. (it's really yummy btw!)0 -
It is sinful, selfish and unacceptable.
Seriously? You must be on here for a reason. It's a weight loss site. You say that you are blessed because your children take after your husband and blessed that they didn't follow YOUR old eating habits, but now that you are on the health bandwagon it's ok to bash others who haven't "crossed over" into healthy eating yet? I'm glad you aren't my friend. Maybe you would serve a better purpose by just living your life, with your new healthy habits, NOT throwing it in their faces or judging them, but just letting them see how much more energy you have and the great shape you are in-be shining light to them instead of a glaring face looking down on them. You never know when you might inspire someone to make a change, but judging them isn't going to be the way to do it. :noway:
How is it that some of us can live unhealthy lifestyles but as soon as we change for a bit we become hypocrites who are so quick to judge others that are in the shoes we previously wore?0 -
Seriously? You must be on here for a reason. It's a weight loss site. You say that you are blessed because your children take after your husband and blessed that they didn't follow YOUR old eating habits, but now that you are on the health bandwagon it's ok to bash others who haven't "crossed over" into healthy eating yet? I'm glad you aren't my friend. Maybe you would serve a better purpose by just living your life, with your new healthy habits, NOT throwing it in their faces or judging them, but just letting them see how much more energy you have and the great shape you are in-be shining light to them instead of a glaring face looking down on them. You never know when you might inspire someone to make a change, but judging them isn't going to be the way to do it.
How is it that some of us can live unhealthy lifestyles but as soon as we change for a bit we become hypocrites who are so quick to judge others that are in the shoes we previously wore?
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
to the person lame enough to post this to my situation....I am not a hypocrite. I admitted that I did have bad eating habits but I have offered several suggestions to her about her healthy eating, especially where her children are involved (they are not interested in sports or even walking for that matter). As I put in the original post which you must have so obliviously overlooked (shocker there) is that she is not open to suggestions AT ALL. I have not "crossed over" and still struggle too every day with eating choices, hence being on this site. My gripe is do what you want to your body but shame shame to those putting your children at risk. Thanks for your complete understanding of this painful situation.0 -
Her kids don't play soccer, softball, or anything? Strange. My kids love those things and they take tennis and swimming in the summer. My kids spend most days at the swim pool.
I am also happy that my kids take after my naturally thin hubby who is athletic.
Her kids don't do anything because her and her husband are too lazy to sign them up, take them to practices or show up an any event not involving food and televisions.0 -
Wow sarcasm and calling someone "lame" as a response...it's no surprise why your "friend" might not be open to your helpful suggestions.0
-
Why are you friends with someone you obviously have such a low opinion of?0
-
I personally think it's a form of child abuse.
YES YES YES...make me want to cryy0 -
I personally think it's a form of child abuse.
Well, if only the children of the world had YOU as their parent.
What's the solution, then? When a parent beats a child and locks them in a closet for a day it's pretty clear cut what should be done.
What are you going to do about fat kids? Take the kids away from otherwise loving parents and stick them in the already overburdened foster system? Manadatory, state run nutritional programs (where's the money gonna come from, and what if they just don't do it?)? What about skinny kids who eat like crap, are their parents to be punished too? Who decides just how much McDonald's a kid can get before it's abuse, and who's gonna track/enforce it? What about a fat kid who eats too many veggies, is that abuse too?
Maybe if you ever come across a REAL abuse situation, where a child is actually and immediately in danger you will be educated about what child abuse is and not throw the word "abuse" around. Until then you should probably just stop talking about it.0 -
I share you're frustration. I work for WIC, and for those of you who are not familiar with the program its a suplimental nutrition program for pregnant women and children up to the age of 5. Some days its like I'm talking to a wall when it comes to children and healthy eating. Moms would rather take them to McDonalds or heat up a frozen dinner then cook or provide a healthy meal. Its sad when a child has gained so much weight they can't play and run around. All we can do it set a good example for the people in our lives. And in my case try and educate the parents on the health risks associated with their child's eating paterns. As a parent you have a responcibility to your child to provide healthy foods and teach them how to be healthy. I wish more parents took that responcibility a little more seriously.
Ok rant over thanks for giving me the opportunitty to get that off my chest.
First of all, I am so thankful for WIC. I don't have children personally but I know people who do and WIC is an absolute life saver.
Second of all, how do they afford McDonalds if they qualify for WIC???
I know when my kids were little and we were on WIC McDonalds was not something I could afford to do on a regular basis. That stuff was, and still is, for special occasions only.
My family had plenty of money but fast food was still considered a special treat for me, too! It is expensive and bad for you. I used to love having a babysitter because I would always get KFC that night! LOL! I agree with everyone saying providing the awful foods that lead to childhood obesity is abuse. Ok, so perhaps there is an occassional medical reason....but come on, that is very, very rare for a young person!!!! I am not a perfect eater and I allow my kids to enjoy treats once in awhile, but there is NO excuse for an obese child! It is heartbreaking and 100% PREVENTABLE!0 -
i agree that their example is hurting their children, which is abuse. And to the person who said that the patently are struggling with their weight...they aren't struggling...they are choosing to be that way. If you are working to be healthy, but weight isn't coming off, that would be struggling. it takes work to struggle.0
-
I am happy so many people have apparently never seen child abuse first hand. Looking at a bruised and battered child, and especially the fact that the child was injured by the people meant to protect and nurture them is heartbreaking.
Chubby kids isn't abuse. Maybe a 200 pound 2 year old counts, but your run of the mill fat kid is not a "victim" of "child abuse", and it's ignorant and insensitive to say so. Their parents are ignorant and not a great example of healthy eating, but definitely not abusers.0 -
You are so right, kids eat what they are provided. I try very carefully to teach my kids how to be healthy eaters and how to stay fit. I like that they see me work out and they know mommy goes on lots of walks (for now) and they know I run when I'm not pregnant. I think it's so important to lead by example!
I once got in an argument with my MIL about their eating habits; while me and my husband were on a cruise she gave them chopped veggies for a snack (yay!) and ranch to dip it in..ugh! They were 4 and 5 and had NEVER had ranch. Now of course, they ask for ranch all the time and get really upset at times if they get told no. Do I really believe they would have gone their whole lives never touching a bottle of ranch? No.. but did I feel like she "ruined" them with it a little bit? Yes! Kids are so impressionable, especially when it comes to eating! They want what tastes good! If you introduce them to such unhealthy things, especially for no reason at all (they never complained about plain veggies) then you're opening the door to more poor choices. She still thinks I'm crazy, but I think she's crazy too so it evens out :P She was never overweight until she was an adult so I don't think she understands where I'm coming from. I was a "fat kid" all my life and I refuse to let my children have to live through that too when I know at this point it's all in my control!
I guess daycare ruined my kids then. They get things provided to them there, which even though state guidelines are followed, are not the healthiest. When these same kids come home and refuse to eat what I provide them, still not the healthiest, but I'm trying to do better than fast food, am I to send them to bed without dinner? I find that to be child abuse. I have extremely stubborn children (16 months and 5 years) and both have gone until 8:30pm before refusing to eat what I have made for dinner. (No, I don't make them sit there and stare at it or anything, but my 16 month old will say no and throw it off her highchair and my 5 year would just go to bed hungry rather than eat something he doesn't want to). So, I give in sometimes...I try to offer healthier alternatives like peanut butter, yogurt, applesauce...but veggies are hard to work in ( I even hide baby food carrots in the spaghetti sauce just to try to work them in). My point is...being a parent is hard and getting your strong willed kids to eat "right" can be hard, so let's be a little less judgmental. Sorry...I realize this is *not* exactly what OP was talking about (seeing as how neither of my kids are overweight--both are below 50% in their age group--picky, picky kids), but I guess I took offense to the sweeping generalization that kids will eat whatever they are provided. Not always...not at my house anyway.0 -
I agree while allowing your children to become obese is negligent, it is not child abuse. Children do often copy their parents and that includes bad habits such as overeating, cursing, playing too many video games, and neglecting spiritual and intellectual growth. Each person finds their way as they grow up. and although it will be a more difficult path, obese children/ teenagers can make the correct choices as they get older. As a parent of 5 grown children and 7 grandchildren- I have learned to be much less judgmental. My goal is to lead by example; be a happy person others can relate to, and offer advice only when asked. Often unasked for advice crushes the spirit and makes situations worse.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 392K Introduce Yourself
- 43.5K Getting Started
- 259.8K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.7K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 400 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.4K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 990 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.4K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions