Feel like a bad mom

First of all, thanks to everyone again. I really appreciate it. I am going to ponder on some of the things I am reading and see what is best. But let me respond to the questions ask here:

Its great that you are aware that this issue needs addressing, and your concern shows your a fab mum. there are so many things to consider, without the focus having to be on locking up cupboards;
1. he is a growing boy - maybe he is going through a growth spurt and be genuinely hungry. you talk about him 'stealing' the food - do you have a rule about him not taking food when he wants it? are you providing enough food to sustain him through the day? also, have you noticed if he eats breakfast? im a teacher and a huge majority of my big boys come to school without breakfast and then eat rubbish because they are then starving during the day. i also know of a huge number of boys who dont eat lunch at school cos 'its not cool' - check when/what he is eating.
2. don't compare him to his siblings - i am the middle sister - i am 5ft6 and battled with weight all my life, my sisters are both over 6ft and gorgeous size 10s(uk). comparison will just make the matter worst. you're trying to fight genetics.
3. have you thought about WHY he is eating? mental health is so important. if we are not mentally strong, we can not possibly fight the food demons. is he happy? are you sure he isnt being bullied at school? after all, i'd say for a huge majority of us on this site, whilst genetics play a huge part, there is often something behind our eating. and it inevitably leads to low self esteem. do you spend enough quality time listening to your son? and remember that with boys we have to listen carefully for the full meaning!! is he choosing to spend his time with a computer and tv, rather than his mates, for a reason?
4. i think you need to consider the messages that you and your husband give out about food - think about the things you say and do around eating. are you demonstrating a negative relationship with food that he has observed all his life? what eating behaviours have you taught him? you need to be modelling good healthy eating patterns too.
Hope these ideas help. Like a few other posts have said, dealing with weight issues is such a fragile area. i think you need to be really careful about making a huge issue of it. i would put the information out there, but it has to be his choice to deal with this. Good luck

1. Yes, he is a growing boy, but both my husband and I aren't tall and he has my husband build and of course both our tendencies to be overweight. And yes he does know he isn't just supposed to get snacks, except for fruits. When he goes to school he gets to slices of bread to school and has 2 slices in the morning for breakfast, so yes he does eat breakfast. I know for sure he does, because i am there. We cycle to school every day, so he gets some moving there too. for a snack in the morning he always has a piece of fruit, this can be an apple, banana, or grapes, or mandarines.

2. You are absolutely right, I wouldn't compare him. Well in my head of course I do at times, but never to him or his siblings, that wouldn't be right.

3. He does have friends and goes out to play, but once he is going to the ones in our neighbourhood, I don't always know if he is inside then, or outside.

I had a private message from someone and I gave a bit more of an explantion about him to her, so I will copy that bit here too:

My daughter was bullied at one of her schools, not beat up badly or something like that, but words, attitude. It was bad enough, since we changed school for it. So i took her out of that school, but also had to take the boys out of that school. And from the start I felt it would be the hardest for my middle son, Joshua. He was 8 then. So I took him seperate and explained it. He cried and found it hard. He settled in though. At some point I did find out other kids found him a bit weird at times. He is 11 and doesn't always act like an 11 year old. He is more playful and loving, loves his cuddles. Sometimes he really annoys his sister, by making weird sounds, just squealing or something. Maybe he is emotionally just a little behind, I don't know. It isn't bothersome to me really, he just does this occasionally. Usually I just tell his sister to stop telling him to stop it. Let me handle it. I know he doesn't behave like that at school, I asked him. What kids find strange, is that he likes Mickey Mouse, and that stuff. He loves to play his DS and can talk forever to you about a certain DS Game, especially Mario. So I tell him, not to do that all the time. But besides that he just has to stay who he is, but just watch it a little. Anyways, he was being called names, lazy, Joshua Bacteria, etc. So he told me about this and I asked him who did that and what happened. And he said that the teacher got the director of the school into it and she had a talk in the class. And she is keeping an eye on it. And of course I am too, I ask him at times how school went. They had break this week, so will see how it goes after that.

4. You are right, not sure what kind of message he is getting from my husband in that sense, because he is out most of the day working. He definitely is getting wrong messages from me, since I am overweight. Which I have tried to work on before, which he knows about. And now I am working at it again. He knows I go to the gym again and the days that I don't, that I do Wii fit plus or some other thing for the Wii. So I am letting him do that from today on as well. So I hope from now on, I hope gets the message. I know he used to drink loads of milk a day, called him the milkmonster. He doesn't do that as much now, but he was drinking juice a lot, not liters or anything, but I told him today, that he doesn't always have to drink juice or milk (not sure how much milk a day is healthy). But that he can also drink water, so I hope he will continue to do that. I will surely keep an eye on it.

Thanks again so much. I am so happy that I have a place to ask about this now. It helps. I am not decided on contacted a dietician yet, but if I am going to email about me, I might just ask her a few questions about him, without him being there.

Sorry that it became such a long post. Going to bed now.