comments from parents?

I guess telling him a father should never have a mouth that big is out of the question, huh?

I'm sorry he says stuff like that to you. My father never said anything about me specifically, but his opinions on women in general are pretty abhorrent, and I can't imagine that he didn't see that I, too, am a woman and he was therefore insulting both me and my mother. I shot back somewhat nasty comments of my own, but with a smile, so we both knew we were "joking." It was satisfying, but not very mature, hehe.

My dad now suffers of a form of dementia and he's a lot nicer, but the memory of things he used to say sticks with me.

My parents did some major damage to my body image when I was growing up. They constantly compared my body to my sister's body - we have totally different body types! I never got a straight compliment out of them. It was always followed by some kind of disclaimer... "You look nice in that outfit, but you'd look better if you lost 5 lbs" "You're pretty, but you're a different kind of pretty than your sister" (the reason I was told no when I wanted to apply to the same teen modeling program she was in at that age), "You're too "this"... you're not enough "that". The comments were pretty regular.

I owned a lot of them for a long time. Whether they were true or not doesn't really matter - they were damaging in the way that they were delivered.

Even just recently, I made a comment to her that I didn't want to be as thin as I was just 10 years ago b/c I was looking at pictures and could see bones sticking out in places they shouldn't have been sticking out. Her response was that *she* would want to see those bones sticking out on her if she was me. *smh* Un.Healthy.

Thankfully, I am now able to see the comments for how unrealistic and damaging they are now (for the most part). My current body issues are my own. lol But, when I struggle, I remind myself that I just gave birth to baby #4 a few months ago and need to be patient with my body as it recovers.

When your dad says something like that, thank him for sharing his opinion - then remind yourself that it's *just his opinion* and let it go. Most parents honestly mean well, they just don't realize how hurtful their comments come across and pointing it out to them just makes them defensive.

I love my mother very much, but she's the queen of idiotic pseudo-compliments. I know first hand how much it hurts when someone points out something that you're already sensitive about. The only thing to do is allow yourself to hurt, and move on. Our parents are often set in their ways. I've told my mother countless times how her little jabs hurt me, but she simply isn't capable of understanding WHY they hurt.

When you think of it in that light, they become just people, as flawed as anyone, and instead of anger and hurt, I just feel bad for her that she must be in a pretty bad place if she's so set on pointing out my every flaw. Have compassion and realize that your life is only yours, and your father can't take that away.

My dad, both my parents really, had that kind of power over me for a long time. I am 36 and a parent now myself and what I started doing is I do not tell them much. If I am trying to write or get a job or lose weight, I usually keep it to myself so they do not discourage me. Also, as I ahve gotten older I no longer see them as parents as much as I see them as people. They are flawed, damaged, hurt people just like I am. They do not know more than I do anymore. In a lot of cases they know less. My life is mine now. They cannot dictate how it will go. They do not decide who I am.

Now from a parent's perspective, I am not perfect. I feel gulity a lot. Sometimes I say things I should not say to my children. I say things like "You are lazy." or "You are never organized." I am labeling them and hurting them possibly for life when I do this. And when I look at myself in the mirror I see the truth. I am only saying to them WHAT I THINK ABOUT MYSELF.

When we put others down we are seeing in them what we refuse to see in ourselves. Your dad is insecure about his own weight and he is reflecting that onto you. What he says means nothing. It does not change the fact that you are thin, unless you let it.

I am sorry you are going through this. Try as much as you can to detach from his words. Try to know they are meaningless and it takes nothing away from all that you have done, all your successes.

Thanks for your honesty. I , too find myself sharing less with my mom. At one time her approval meant the world to me, but now she no longer has any authority. As you have said. She is older than me, not necessarily smarter. Any comments she makes, no matter what the subject are actually critiques coming for her own unhappiness. I have also labeled my kids, shamefully so, and am making great efforts to no longer do so. I hope they can see that I am flawed but am trying to make changes for the better. I do not want them to see me as I sometimes see my mom. I find myself less angry at my mom and more sorry for her as I get older.

wow, if you can see your abs, your tummy obviously isn't big!!
I'm guessing he's probably just upset that you're doing something he isn't and seeing progress
that he isn't working for so it's making him mad...
but him being a parent and saying that is beyond ridiculous no matter how much he's upset about it.

you're doing great!
use it as motivation! and tell him to eff off