Need to vent
GTOgirl1969
Posts: 2,527 Member
My husband is turning into a selfish irritating little turd:explode: !! I came home from speed skating ( my only "me time" for the entire week) and the house was a disaster, the kids were running wild, and the dog had done his business in the hallway. I asked him why he didn't clean it up, and he said, *brace yourselves* "It's my day off!!:mad: :mad: :mad: " I then ran around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to get dinner on the table, serving the food, (I didn't get to sit down and eat until about a half hour after everyone else). I then got the kids bathed and ready for bed, and they were acting up. All he did is say, "Can't you do something with these kids!?!?!" I was doing ten things at once while all he was doing is ASSuming the horizontal position and making sure the couch didn't go anywhere.:laugh: :laugh: He basically said that it was my job to do everything because I'm a woman
:explode:
I told him about how well I did at speed skating practice, and he said, "You could have used that time to clean the house." I hate to think of how he will act when he has to take one hour a week out of his busy schedule to take care of the kids when I go to practice.
Sorry the post was so long, I had to get it off my chest and talking to him is like talking to a brick wall....no wait, I would get more of a response out of the bricks. When I try to tell him something is bothering me, he just says, "If you don't like it there's the door!"
:explode:I told him about how well I did at speed skating practice, and he said, "You could have used that time to clean the house." I hate to think of how he will act when he has to take one hour a week out of his busy schedule to take care of the kids when I go to practice.
Sorry the post was so long, I had to get it off my chest and talking to him is like talking to a brick wall....no wait, I would get more of a response out of the bricks. When I try to tell him something is bothering me, he just says, "If you don't like it there's the door!"
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My husband is turning into a selfish irritating little turd:explode: !! I came home from speed skating ( my only "me time" for the entire week) and the house was a disaster, the kids were running wild, and the dog had done his business in the hallway. I asked him why he didn't clean it up, and he said, *brace yourselves* "It's my day off!!:mad: :mad: :mad: " I then ran around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to get dinner on the table, serving the food, (I didn't get to sit down and eat until about a half hour after everyone else). I then got the kids bathed and ready for bed, and they were acting up. All he did is say, "Can't you do something with these kids!?!?!" I was doing ten things at once while all he was doing is ASSuming the horizontal position and making sure the couch didn't go anywhere.:laugh: :laugh: He basically said that it was my job to do everything because I'm a woman:explode:
I told him about how well I did at speed skating practice, and he said, "You could have used that time to clean the house." I hate to think of how he will act when he has to take one hour a week out of his busy schedule to take care of the kids when I go to practice.
Sorry the post was so long, I had to get it off my chest and talking to him is like talking to a brick wall....no wait, I would get more of a response out of the bricks. When I try to tell him something is bothering me, he just says, "If you don't like it there's the door!"0 -
Sorry he's bein such a jackazz sweetheart , I think I'd show HIM the door. Easier said than done I know. Just remember there is a whole forum of people who think you are awesome.:flowerforyou: 0
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YOU NEED TO GIVE HIM A BILL FOR WHAT IT WOULD COST TO HIRE SOMEONE TO DO EVERYTHING YOU DO.
1. LAUNDERER
2. HOUSE KEEPER
3. BABYSITTER
4. COOK
5. DISHWASHER
ETC..., ETC... ETC...
WHILE HE SITS HIS LAZY BUTT ON THE COUCH!!!0 -
universal thing there maybe our hubbies should move in togeather mine is a dork at times too i so have no energy to tidy this place and do stuff as everytime i do within 24hours its back where it started and i have to do that room or whatever again so i dont seem to be able to get around the house in order. no wonder my kids do nothing and its a fight to get them to help.
at least i worked out where my hubby got it from his mother is one of those ones that does it all for their kids hell they still ahve the 33 yr old at home.
good luck and just remember your not alone.0 -
I still can't believe men have this mentality....although there is a lot of women out there who don't do anything about changing this mentality that women do everything; clean, cook, take care of kids and be a servant to their husbands.
he need a friggin reality check. This is probably why I refuse to get married. lol0 -
Ugh, I'm so sorry you had a day like this. My husband can be the same way. He will watch my daughter get in the garbage and then get mad because I "let her" get in the garbage. I'm thinking--you are right there watching her! Do something!!!!
I tried to take a walk by myself last week and he was so mad that I wouldn't take the baby with me...and she was napping!!!! How hard is it to watch her when she is sleeping?
My hubby wants baby #2 but I am seriously considering making some "house rules" before that. Like I get an hour a day to myself, or every other Saturday I get the whole day. He would be surprised how much of a bother that would be for him! Other times I think I shouldn't push him because he does so much around the house or because he works. Then I read something like this and it reminds me that I have to stick up for myself because no one else will!
I hope your week gets better!0 -
Ok, it depends. If I am the one paying all the bills and my wife is not then I have reasonable expectation that she will take care of the house. Though the way I do is that I atleast clean only my dishes and at the most dont leave any of my stuff in common place. Really my wife do that and yes at times she is really mad about that. Just giving my honest husbandy feedback. However, if you are sharing some of the bills then the guy need to be active.0
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When I make plans to do something for ME, he goes out of his way to make me so damn aggravated that I just say, "forget it" and don't do whatever it is I'm wanting to do.
Part of me hopes that I don't make the speed team because it'll be such a hassle...when I have a meet or an event, I know I'll have to hear a bunch of crap from him...he isn't supportive of what I want to do but if the situation is reversed, I'm supposed to drop everything....:ohwell:0 -
And certainly its not your job b/c you are woman. I would love to switch the job with my wife if that is possible. Atleast I would be able to watch Oprah
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My feeling is, if you are both making an equal share of the mess, then you should be doing an equal amount of the housework. My partner and I have also have different chores that we do, like, he does the laundry and I do the dishes. We take care of all of our own papers, etc. left out in the living room.
The point: I don't think it should be just one person's job in the relationship to do ALL of the housework! I mean, c'mon, who can seriously just leave a dog mess on the floor?!?0 -
My husband is turning into a selfish irritating little turd:explode: !! I came home from speed skating ( my only "me time" for the entire week) and the house was a disaster, the kids were running wild, and the dog had done his business in the hallway.
Don't get stuck in the position of an enabler. Tell him firmly and not angrily, that at least one night a week, possibly two, you need a break. Spell it out, that you need to be able to do something (like speedskate) and come home to the children already in bed (hopefully asleep) and the house in some semblence of order. Make sure the evening/s are not days that he has to get up especially early, and not days he is doing heavy exhausting labor. Remind him that you do not get a day off from being a mother, but that you need one. Heck, even God rested on the 7th day! Just kidding, as if He needed any; but as an example to us.... we need a break.
Good luck!0 -
I mean, c'mon, who can seriously just leave a dog mess on the floor?!?
he said that he didn't know that the dog had peed
on the floor...but anyone with a nose could smell it.0 -
HHHMMMM-no sex
HHHMMMM-no sex
HHHMMMM-NO SEX
I am sorry you had to deal with that. I would drive that GTO somewhere:laugh: Slow gear nice and slow.
Some men really need to trade jobs with the wives to see what it is like. Sure he may work all week, but, family is a unit not and individual thing. He needs to help out.
Good luck to you, and I am glad you enjoyed your speed skating. Keep it up, you are a strong woman from what I see here. Don't let the turd get to you, and remember no matter what, you are awesome and you are doing an awesome job:flowerforyou: :drinker:0 -
Dammit....he's trying to provoke me into ANOTHER argument, so he can have an excuse to storm out.
:mad: :explode: I think he does that to make it look like I'm the one with the problem. GRRRRRRRR....his sucky attitude is almost enough to make me say, "Ahhh, f*** it" and just give up. Almost, but not quite.0 -
My suggestion is this: If he has the weekends off work, it's time for you to do something special for yourself, just take off for the whole weekend. This way he will be forced to do what you have to do everyday, and hopefully start appreciating you and acknowledging (OMG think I forgot how to spell!) what you do instead. I keep telling my husband that some day I'm just not going to do any housework at all, just so he can see for himself that I do not sit on my *kitten* all day! I have major issues with people thinking that just because I'm on maternity leave that I've got it easy, Believe me I've never sat through a whole episode of Oprah once. I'm too busy with the whole feeding, changing diapers, doing laundry, cleaning kitty litter, dishes, dusting, excersising, taking baby for a walk in the fresh air, making beds, picking up, homework helping, making lunch, supper, and Oh God the list could go on and on!0
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Is this the same guy who wants you to dress more sexy? Is that while your cleaning up after the dog? Taking care of each other and all that we have should be a joint thing and not a hassle. I have similar stuff in my life however have decided if it ticks him off then he can just scratch his mad spot and carry on!! I'm getting really tough now that the age is creeping up and the older you get the less of crap you are willing to buy into!0
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"He basically said that it was my job to do everything because I'm a woman"
What the h***??????? :mad: Oh honey-child, since you're posting here & not sitting in jail, you handled it better then I would have.
If you can get a sitter, go out where it's just the two of you & see if you can work out a compromise in a relaxed setting. :flowerforyou:0 -
Ok, it depends. If I am the one paying all the bills and my wife is not then I have reasonable expectation that she will take care of the house. Though the way I do is that I atleast clean only my dishes and at the most dont leave any of my stuff in common place. Really my wife do that and yes at times she is really mad about that. Just giving my honest husbandy feedback. However, if you are sharing some of the bills then the guy need to be active.
um, well, um. All GTO is asking is for an hour a week. so, because she might be a stay at home mom, she can't have that? hmm
GTO - I say go away for the weekend. Make up something if you have to. Mom is going through a depression, whatever. Be unreachable.
If that's not possible - don't do anything. Watch your kids, of course, but say, "I'm taking the weekend off just like you." No dishes, no cooking, nada.
This pissed me off and I'm not in that situation. I can't imagine what it did to you. I got to go workout now.0 -
GTO - I say go away for the weekend. Make up something if you have to. Mom is going through a depression, whatever. Be unreachable.
If that's not possible - don't do anything. Watch your kids, of course, but say, "I'm taking the weekend off just like you." No dishes, no cooking, nada.
This pissed me off and I'm not in that situation. I can't imagine what it did to you. I got to go workout now.
I don't mind taking care of the house (in fact, I pride myself on keeping a clean house), but I don't like being EXPECTED or COMMANDED to do it. Why should I bring my "A game" if he isn't willing to do the same? It's hard to make someone happy when their standards are impossibly high.0 -
Gosh GTO I don't even know what to say. I guess I am very lucky because my husband is pretty wonderful but I know that not all women are so fortunate.
I hate the thought that just because the man gets paid for the work he does that he should be able to come home and just occupy space and be disrespectful to his wife!! There is nothing more disgusting then that attitude.
I love that SOME men view a stay-at-home mom's work as beneath their own occupation. It's true that we are at home and that we don't get paid for the work we do...that's too bad because if they tried to pay someone for all that a stay-at-home mom does they would realize that they couldn't afford the help!
In addition, these men get vacation, personal days, holidays and salary increases. Meanwhile most stay-at-home moms don't get money, they are rarely told by their spouses how mcuh they are appreciated and don't even get me started on personal holidays, vacation, etc. HA! Most of the time these men rarely acknowledge their S.O. and the work they do as valuable. We work 24 hours a day doing things that are mind-numbing and monotonous and often times are met with attitude and disrespect for those we do things for (spouses and children). I am educated and worked until my first chld was 2 years old then I went to part-time until the birth of my second son. This job (being a stay-at home Mom) is the hardest job I have ever had. Don't get me wrong, I love what I am doing and know that I am blessed to be able to do so...but I do believe it to be a sacrifice-one that I am willing to make for a while.
Maybe you should explain to your husband that you are doing a much harder job then he would ever, obviously, be able to do...you are trying to raise human beings. You are trying to train children into moral, ethical and respectful men and women who will one day have to lead not only their own lives and family but wil eventually aid in running the country. I think what you are doing is an amazing job. Unfortunately one that does get enough credit.
(I should say- I don't want to be gender biased here...whether it's the man that works and the woman that stays home or vise versa....my feelings are the same. The stay-at-home parent is certainly under appreciated much of the time)
Don't you dare succomb to his pig-headed ways and thoughts. You absolutely deserve some time to take care of you, to rejuvenate your mind and soul. Hang in there. We're here to support you!0 -
Marriage is supposed to be 50/50. I don't see that here. I agree that if the husband is out working and the wife doesn't then the house should be clean when he gets home etc... etc...etc.. But it works both ways. The wife stays home all day with the kids and the house and deserves some alone time. I would have stuffed my foot in his mouth or elsewhere when he said it was your job because you are a woman! I thought men had come so much farther in this day and age. Guess I was wrong. He has a day off but you deserve one too. Being a stay at home mom is not an easy job. I have never been a stay at home mom but I know it isn't easy. He should count his lucky stars he has you!!!!0
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GTO - I say go away for the weekend. Make up something if you have to. Mom is going through a depression, whatever. Be unreachable.
If that's not possible - don't do anything. Watch your kids, of course, but say, "I'm taking the weekend off just like you." No dishes, no cooking, nada.
This pissed me off and I'm not in that situation. I can't imagine what it did to you. I got to go workout now.
I don't mind taking care of the house (in fact, I pride myself on keeping a clean house), but I don't like being EXPECTED or COMMANDED to do it. Why should I bring my "A game" if he isn't willing to do the same? It's hard to make someone happy when their standards are impossibly high.
Someone who has that high of standards is trying to manipulate you. Don't let them.
and what memaw said.0 -
I would have stuffed my foot in his mouth or elsewhere when he said it was your job because you are a woman!
Believe me, I was sorely tempted to do so:mad: :explode: :devil:0 -
he probaly would have called the cops on me , cause I would have been punching him ! throwing all HIS stuff all over the house , oh OPPPS did I break something of yours ...gosh sorry , just so busy didnt even notice YOUR crap ! LOL ....
Well whatever your situation make sure you never put up with neglect or abuse !
Stay strong and always believe in yourself , with or without him you can still make it in life!!
GOOD LUCK :flowerforyou:0 -
It's weird though....he never expressly forbade me from having any "alone time", but he has made it damn near impossible for me to do so. Every time I go somewhere-even to the grocery store-by myself, it's "How long are you going to be?" One night I wanted to go to the local pub to shoot a few games of pool (something I am good at) and he pitched a holy fit because HE would have been at home with the kids.
But he thinks NOTHING of going out for a few drinks at least once a week....double standard, anyone?0 -
When these types of situations come up in my relationship I think "is this something I can live with for the next 50+ years?" Just think about that..if it's bothering you this much now, just think about 1 year, 5 years, 10 years..etc, down the road! Relationships are all about compromise and understanding..if he isn't willing to do that for you, there might not be much you can do about that. It sounds like he wants more of a "mommy" to take care of him, rather than a partner in life.0
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HUMMM! SOUNDS LIKE WHAT I WENT THROUGH.........YOU KNOW WHAT.......HE IS NOW MY EX-HUSBAND!!
You should never let a man treat you in this manner, ever! I'm re-married now to a man that is younger than me. Treats me like his equal.
Sounds to me like he want's a maid and a mother to take care of him.
Don't you remember what it was like to have your own life? I do, and my children are so much happier with the mother they have now, not the one that was living a lie and the abuse!
Start living life again and kick his *kitten* to the curb! You do matter and you are worth a million!0 -
And certainly its not your job b/c you are woman. I would love to switch the job with my wife if that is possible. Atleast I would be able to watch Oprah
Edited by civilshah on Sun 04/20/08 07:57 PM
OH NO YOU DIDN'T! You think that a stay at home mother of your children has time to do is watch Oprah? Let me tell you, when I was a stay at home mother of two, that is the last thing you are doing is watching television.
Men that think this are in a class of their own! What you tell us when you think like this, is that we should be slaves to our husbands. That we are lazy and have no meaning on this earth other than to please you. Get a clue men, woman are the back bone of this society!0 -
And certainly its not your job b/c you are woman. I would love to switch the job with my wife if that is possible. Atleast I would be able to watch Oprah
Edited by civilshah on Sun 04/20/08 07:57 PM
OH NO YOU DIDN'T! You think that a stay at home mother of your children has time to do is watch Oprah? Let me tell you, when I was a stay at home mother of two, that is the last thing you are doing is watching television.
Men that think this are in a class of their own! What you tell us when you think like this, is that we should be slaves to our husbands. That we are lazy and have no meaning on this earth other than to please you. Get a clue men, woman are the back bone of this society!
[/quote]0 -
And certainly its not your job b/c you are woman. I would love to switch the job with my wife if that is possible. Atleast I would be able to watch Oprah
Edited by civilshah on Sun 04/20/08 07:57 PM
OH NO YOU DIDN'T! You think that a stay at home mother of your children has time to do is watch Oprah? Let me tell you, when I was a stay at home mother of two, that is the last thing you are doing is watching television.
Men that think this are in a class of their own! What you tell us when you think like this, is that we should be slaves to our husbands. That we are lazy and have no meaning on this earth other than to please you. Get a clue men, woman are the back bone of this society!0
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