Friend Failure

annahiven
annahiven Posts: 177 Member
in Motivation and Support
So... Today, I reached a major milestone in my weight loss.

For over a year I've told myself, when I was below 165, I would reward myself with a tattoo. It has been the weight goal that I've had ever since I was overweight, and I've worked super hard to get there.

Well... I have a close friend that means a lot to me. I have romantic feelings for him, which he does not return, but we're still friends (probably because he finds me attractive and we've had a sexual past). We've both been exercising, and he has known about this goal for a long time and heard me vent through my plateau, etc.

Well this morning when I reached my goal, I took a picture of my scale showing 164.8 and I texted it to him.

He has not said a single word about it all day. :-( I know he has seen it, and I've been chatting with him online a little, but he will not even touch the subject of my success. I KNOW he has seen the text message.

This has hurt me so incredibly much, and I don't understand why anybody would act that way. It has made me so angry, I am thinking that this friendship just needs to end when someone can't even say congrats to you.

Someone please tell me what a jerk he is, and how I should just drop his stupid behind :(
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Replies

  • fiftyfour23
    fiftyfour23 Posts: 11 Member
    Maybe he didn't get it. Sometimes I don't always get my text/picture messages other people send me. Ask him if he seen it first before cutting him loose. If he tells ya he seen it, yea, he sucks then.
  • annahiven
    annahiven Posts: 177 Member
    Oh no, he got it.
  • fiftyfour23
    fiftyfour23 Posts: 11 Member
    Not very nice then. And since I didn't mention it either, good job.
  • oreyna
    oreyna Posts: 88 Member
    Congrats on reaching your goal!!! Be proud and screw what anyone else thinks... Don't give anyone the authority to rob you of your joy!!!
  • infernomark
    infernomark Posts: 33
    Awesome work,

    What tattoo are you getting?
  • TriciaZ944
    TriciaZ944 Posts: 317 Member
    Don't let him ruin your successes. Go out and celebrate! Congrats!!!
  • uniqsol
    uniqsol Posts: 36
    Weird. I'll def give peeps the benefit of the doubt until they really prove me right about how stupid they are (haha - glass half full, eh).
    What about just calling him out & asking where the heck are your props for reaching your goal??
    As your friend & someone you're known for some time, he has to know/should know how important that is to you. (I don't really like confrontation, but sometimes you just gotta lay it out there in convo.)

    BTW, awesome work!!! :wink: :flowerforyou:
    What tatt are you getting/considering??
  • Papillon22
    Papillon22 Posts: 1,160 Member
    You know, it might be difficult for him to find what to say. We all know weight is a touchy subject. Just my 2 cents.
    Congrats on your loss, btw!
  • jhealy1191
    jhealy1191 Posts: 56 Member
    Maybe hes a little jealous or resentfull that youve lost weight. Has he been trying also?

    Id say forget about him. If he truly values your friendship hell come back.
  • annahiven
    annahiven Posts: 177 Member
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/arminder8/6357329361/

    That is the one I am getting! It is GORGEOUS!
  • bikermike5094
    bikermike5094 Posts: 1,752 Member
    Why do women always think men should think the way they do? He may have thought.. cool.. and never thought to comment. i dont comment on every little thing my wife or daughter send me, i look at them, give them their due attention and move on. Why do you need to put this on him? Maybe he just didnt think of it.. men arent as emotional as women.....
  • jasper186
    jasper186 Posts: 134 Member
    You could be right, but somehow I think if she had told him once she reached her goal she would celebrate by having sex with him again (she mentioned they had a sexual past) the jerk would have taken the time to acknowledge her hard work and success!

    Just saying!
  • dbanks80
    dbanks80 Posts: 3,685 Member
    Why do women always think men should think the way they do? He may have thought.. cool.. and never thought to comment. i dont comment on every little thing my wife or daughter send me, i look at them, give them their due attention and move on. Why do you need to put this on him? Maybe he just didnt think of it.. men arent as emotional as women.....


    That is a good point. I live in a household of men (Hubby and two sons) and over the years I've become to think more like a man. And if I want to know something in particular I've learned to ask the question direct. Not beat around the bush not make assumptions and not read between the lines. Men are not in tune with YOUR emotions/thoughts unless you tell them.

    OP -> BTW Congrats on making your goal!!!! :drinker: :drinker:
  • samiam321123
    samiam321123 Posts: 38 Member
    I'll say it, he's a jerk and you should drop his stupid behind.

    When a friend can't even say congrats when you hit your goal (and they know you've hit your goal), what kind of friend are they?
  • Jmd1970
    Jmd1970 Posts: 13
    First off, congratulations on your success!! I had a similar "friend" who just couldn't for the life of him, be encouraging to me. He is no longer in my life, though I miss him. But what's real is that you can push him aside (or out of your life altogether) to make room for friends who WILL be there for you and cheer you on. He obviously has some kind of problem with your success. On another note, go get that tattoo! I have 2 and love them. When done well, they are truly works of art! I wish you much success.
  • 1stladygigi
    1stladygigi Posts: 17 Member
    Great job
  • stevewynjones
    stevewynjones Posts: 1,052 Member
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/arminder8/6357329361/

    That is the one I am getting! It is GORGEOUS!

    WOW...if you are confident enough to carry this off.......marry me! lol

    Well done on your success
  • djtessatessa
    djtessatessa Posts: 54 Member
    Why do women always think men should think the way they do? He may have thought.. cool.. and never thought to comment. i dont comment on every little thing my wife or daughter send me, i look at them, give them their due attention and move on. Why do you need to put this on him? Maybe he just didnt think of it.. men arent as emotional as women.....

    Bull****
  • happyfeetrebel1
    happyfeetrebel1 Posts: 1,005 Member
    That tattoo is so beautiful, I'd do that in a heartbeat if my body looked like that lol.

    Congrats to you :)
  • Kap10
    Kap10 Posts: 229 Member
    He maybe a jerk or he maybe a dumb male - we can be - drop him a text and ask him what he thinks of your success ... you'll be able to tell by the tone of his reply how supportive he is. Don't blow your relationship with him before you are sure.

    Ps Let us know how you get on
  • Drawberry
    Drawberry Posts: 104 Member
    Why do women always think men should think the way they do? He may have thought.. cool.. and never thought to comment. i dont comment on every little thing my wife or daughter send me, i look at them, give them their due attention and move on. Why do you need to put this on him? Maybe he just didnt think of it.. men arent as emotional as women.....

    This bolded bit here. I text Boyfriend and don't expect to hear back every single text.It's very possible he may have just thought "Oh that's cool" and never thought to comment otherwise. Instead of automatically assuming that he's ignoring or brushing off what you've sent him, just ask him.

    "Hey did you get my text message? I am pretty excited about hitting my goal!"

    It sounds more like deep seeded issues you have with having a past sexual history with him, but not being fulfilled in a romantic one that you know he isn't interested in and are lashing out by an apparent lack of interest. Instead of assuming this or that, just bring it up to him that you're excited, but you can't expect everyone to always have a response for you and you can't hold your relationship desires above his head and want him to react to you the way you WANT him to.
  • melbot24
    melbot24 Posts: 347 Member
    Why don't you just ask him?

    Something like...

    You: "Hey, I sent you a photo of my scale. I've finally reached my goal weight today! I'm super excited about it. Did you get it?"
    Him: "Oh yeah, I saw that"
    You: "What do you think? As a friend your support and kudos would mean a lot to me"
  • Jezebel9
    Jezebel9 Posts: 396 Member
    you could try something like this: "When I tell you I have reached a goal that has meant so much to me and you do not respond, I feel (fill in the blank). Why did you do that?" If he doesn't come up with something pretty amazing, I'd reconsider the relationship. People who cannot be supportive in -some- way are taking up space and air in my world. By the way... you totally rock! Awesome on achieving your goals!
  • VeggyGal
    VeggyGal Posts: 25 Member
    I don't know, that's a tough one. Only you know when it's time to move on. I gotta say I can relate....my long distance boyfriend and I celebrated that we made the first year mark together and I sent him a more than great email with music and celebration. I gotta say he has always been more than a little oblivios, thick headed. He didn't send an email back not one word! When I Skyped him two days after our anniversary I had to ask if he received it. I couldn't believe it and it made me seriously doubt if he was good enough for me. He's a really good guy and when he came back to town we had a terrific time together but there are times when I feel really hurt because he doesn't show he cares in a reciprocating manner. I think he really cares but is somewhere else and forgets that he even likes it when I reciprocate. Boys are just thick sometimes, I don't know why. If it really bothers you I would tell him and not let his seemingly detached behavior change your celebration. Do it for yourself! Don't let his moodiness affect your happiness.
  • Cathleenr
    Cathleenr Posts: 332
    lol. boys ARE dumb. Plus, they can't read minds as well as we can :).
    Like a couple of other posters have already said, I'd just out and out ask him "hey, you see that scale pic? what yu think?"
    if yu do it over text you will most likely get some sort of emoticon back, in person you might not get the over-the top reaction you were hoping for. In either case, you gotta be your own cheering section first and not rely on the reactions of other people to quantify your sucesses.
    also, THAT is a cool tatt! Now I want it. If I get mine on teh other side, we could stand side bu side and make a pretty picture :)
  • ScarletShopaholic
    ScarletShopaholic Posts: 169 Member
    Well done you! Not so well done him! But sometimes men are just not aware they are supposed to do something. If you ask him and he has no decent reason why he didn't congratulate you, drop him.
  • SkinnyTopher
    SkinnyTopher Posts: 35
    As a few people have stated, it's a tough call. Yes, your friends should be supportive of you and be celebratory towards your success. But if they don't act the way you expect, you should definitely communicate with them about it. Anyone can sit and ponder the "what ifs" about life but those that find the most satisfaction are those that go find out for themselves. Go talk to him about it. And if he gives you some bullcrap excuse that you're really not content with, THEN you should reevaluate the situation and decide whether or not to loosen the tether and maybe look for new, more supportive friends.
  • STLaferty
    STLaferty Posts: 38
    Congratulations on achieving your goal!
    I have had a friend who would refuse to respond or talk about milestones or happy events in my life, if the same thing wasn't happening for her. I was telling someone about the situation, and that person said "Why do you call her a friend? That doesn't sound much like friendship to me. " I approached the subject with her, and she went on about how hard it was to hear me so happy when she was so miserable, blah, blah...I dropped her.
    Life is way to short to waste time on negative people. Ask him about it, and if the answer doesn't sit well with you, he's gone. Makes more room for a real friend.
  • iva001
    iva001 Posts: 162
    maybe he doesnt like the tatoo so he isn't pretending to be happy?
  • mbajrami
    mbajrami Posts: 636 Member
    Congratulations!

    While I have also had experiences with unsupportive "friends", I think that before jumping to conclusions and allowing your feelings to be hurt and potentially ending a friendship you should say something to him.

    After people share the most intimate parts of themselves (physically and emotionally), they shouldn't feel like they can't be candid with each other and talk about things openly. Maybe that's just me though, I dunno.

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