Attachment parenting and that Time cover...

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Replies

  • wildearthmama
    wildearthmama Posts: 8
    My daughter will be 3 in August, and our nursing relationship is going strong! Different strokes for different folks... we both really enjoy the intimacy and bonding in our breastfeeding relationship. This is definitely not the norm in the U.S. though, particularly with as old as she is. For some reason I can't open the link, but the cover picture sounds like it's creating heat without light. Moms are under enough scrutiny as it is, why make it worse? Additionally, why taint the future breastfeeding relationships of young women? When they might have been nurturing, pure, and good, now they have more potential to be slightly warped. Baby can tell if mama's not comfortable during a feeding! I only pray that this picture and story (and others like it) don't destroy any potential breastfeeding relationships for moms and kids.
  • AshleyVeronica
    AshleyVeronica Posts: 69 Member
    I think WHO actually suggests 2 years minimum but I could be wrong. I breast fed my son until he was 2.5 and he self weaned. He just slowly began having less and less, then just bedtime, then he was good without. I would have gone on longer. I know even at 2 people treated me like a freak for still nursing him. The amount of ignorance around the topic really upsets me. So many children miss out on the opportunity to nurse as long as is best for them because people think there is something wrong with it. That's not to say that those who use formula or stop nursing much earlier are bad mothers. This headline is totally designed to imply that - at least enough to get people pissed off and talking about it. By saying "are you mom enough?" implies that those who don't breast feed for long are "not". That's just messed up. People have their own reasons for doing whichever they chose and what matters most is that the baby is fed and loved!!! I am immensely grateful that I was able to nurse my son but I know it took A LOT of effort and fighting just to have that opportunity (my milk supply needed help from Domperidone just to happen). I would ALWAYS recommend breastfeeding for as long as possible (and I honestly see NOTHING wrong with those who are still nursing their 7 year olds like in that youtube video!) but if someone can't then whatever. The only women who bother me are the ones who choose to not do it because they believe it's sexual or "creepy"...THAT freaks me out. There are mothers who choose for OTHER reasons though and for that its to each their own I guess. I think its disturbing that Time could do a cover with someone drinking from a cow and people would freak out LESS than they do for this. Drinking milk from an entirely different animal is perfectly ok til the day we die, but a mother feeding her CHILD is so messed up to people?! It is natural and endlessly beneficial...VERY unlike cow's milk...

    I agree with a commenter who posted elsewhere today about this - we need to stop buying into this crap that is deliberately placed in the media to pit women against women...we need solidarity especially in a "man's world". We can and should only judge our OWN parenting - not anyone else's (unless abuse comes to play I guess) and we need to stop ripping each other to pieces based on our own methods. I will always be gleeful whenever I hear someone I know is nursing - but I will not bash someone because they aren't either.
  • manda1002
    manda1002 Posts: 178 Member
    I must say, I'm quite offended by the title "Are you Mom enough?" My first son I bf until he was 8 months old, then I dried up, mostly because he just wasn't interested and wouldn't sit still. My youngest I PAINFULLY bf until he was 3 months, when we found out he's lactose intolerant and we had basically been starving the poor child that whole time. I wish I could have bf both of them much longer, but it just wasn't in the cards for us. And just because a mom can't, or won't, bf until the child is 3+ years old does not make them any less of a mom who does.
  • teresa3491
    teresa3491 Posts: 2
    I have always seen it as when your kid can just walk up, pull out your boob, and start chuggin.... its a good time to stop breastfeeding. Not that I am against breast feeding. Its the age thing.

    As far as the cover pic goes and its "vulgarness".... has anyone seen the swimsuit edition of Sports Illistrated? I think we need to protect our kids more from the practically naked, highly innapropriate, images of women being objectified than a perfectly natural process between mother and child,
  • AshleyVeronica
    AshleyVeronica Posts: 69 Member
    I personally don't care how long someone breastfeeds their kid, but that boy is going to need loads of therapy when he's in high school and the other kids paper his locker with that magazine cover. I mean seriously, did super-mom give even half a second of thought as to what junior will think of that photo in 10-15 years?

    I HIGHLY doubt that anyone will even know who that kid is then...unless he goes around telling people (in which case he obviously won't care) then nobody would know it was him in this picture lol I also imagine that he will not be ashamed of it either as he will probably have the value of breastfeeding instilled in him...
  • Lovinmama
    Lovinmama Posts: 38
    As humans our natural weaning age is actually six!! the boy in the photo will be fine! that comment bugs me
  • Alexis14351
    Alexis14351 Posts: 23
    I don't care how long people choose to breastfeed their kids, your boobs = your choice. I nursed my daughter for 4 months and am nursing my son who is 7 months old, I plan to go the first year then we'll see. However, the title did upset me a little. I am so tired of the mompetition! People without kids hate you for having kids, people with kids hate you because you don't do it the "right way" like they do. I will admit I used to buy into this, but I've seen the light and will follow my own advice: "If you don't have anything nice to say, shut up"
  • laurapgmartinez
    laurapgmartinez Posts: 46 Member
    What I hate about that article is that it is setting up the mommy wars. We are competitive enough with each other and I hate that it is looking to shoot down each other. As mothers we should be looking to build each other up because lets face it - its a damn tough job.

    I also hate that picture. Seriously. They are trying to create controversy and I guess they've done it but they have a chosen a thin, beautiful hipster type mother, a large (thats a tall 3 year old) BOY looking at the camera and exposed her chest and posed them to get people talking. If they showed her cradling her child nursing him, it wouldn't have created the same buzz.

    And the title "Are you Mom enough?".....don't get me started.

    ^^^THIS EXACTLY! Well put!
  • teresa3491
    teresa3491 Posts: 2
    it may be the same memories as bottle feeding but how often do you see a 3 year old walking around with a bottle??? It seems just as strange to me. My son is about 2 and the day before his 1st birthday was the last day he ever got a bottle.
  • UticaBoy51
    UticaBoy51 Posts: 344 Member
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  • zeeeb
    zeeeb Posts: 805 Member
    yuck, it's just a bit gross. especially considering that the whole point of it, is about "the bonding / attachment" both are looking at the camera. it may be a little bit less gross if they were staring lovingly into each others eyes, showing the mum / child bond... the thing that grosses me out, is the fact that he's sucking on the boob, and looking at the camera, it just looks so un-natural.

    sorry, but i don't believe that children over 2 need breastmilk or formula, unless they have some kind of medical condition or nutritional problems, they can drink soy milk, almond milk, cows milk, water and eat food.

    and in saying that, i back it up with the fact that with my second child, i was on a forumal trial run through the hospital, and they supplied me with one years supply of free formula (i had low supply). surely if it was useful to their study for the children to drink the formula past one year old, they would have supplied it for longer?
  • run4yourlife
    run4yourlife Posts: 379 Member
    I agree that TIME magazine was going for shock value, and the slogan, "Are You Mom Enough?" insinuates that mothers who choose not to breastfeed their children beyond infancy, or even at all, aren't good mothers. As a reader in the article said, "That is not the look of a loving and caring Mother, but the look of a defiant woman, daring you to tell her to cover up and/or wean her child." Breastfeeding is a natural thing to do. However, since you're asking for my opinion, age 4 is too long. If a child is old enough to ask you in plain English to be nursed and to help himself to your breast, it's beyond time to quit. Having said that, I would never suggest that any mother who chooses to do so isn't "Mom Enough."

    I have two children and nursed each of them until they were one. Once I was able to give them cow's milk, I didn't see the point in continuing. Plus, I was ready to have my body back to myself and to be able to get some freedom to not have to be available to nurse every day. I love my children to death, but the minute my youngest turned one, I was off to NYC for the weekend! :laugh:

    I think that a lot of what stems from attachment parenting, only sets children up for a future of co-dependency. and as someone else already mentioned, I do not want my children to be able to "remember" being nursed. Bonding with your child is important, but you don't need to nurse them until they are in school to accomplish this. I want my kids to feel loved and accepted, but also independent and self-reliant.
  • lillebanon
    lillebanon Posts: 214 Member
    I think that cover photo and title are pretty ridiculous. That said, my son who turns 3 in August still nurses at bedtime.

    Here is a list of some of the amazing, well-researched benefits of breastfeeding BEYOND infancy:

    http://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/ebf-benefits/

    And statements from real experts:

    * The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that “Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child… Increased duration of breastfeeding confers significant health and developmental benefits for the child and the mother… There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer.” (AAP 2005)

    * The American Academy of Family Physicians recommends that breastfeeding continue throughout the first year of life and that “As recommended by the WHO, breastfeeding should ideally continue beyond infancy, but this is not the cultural norm in the United States and requires ongoing support and encouragement. It has been estimated that a natural weaning age for humans is between two and seven years. Family physicians should be knowledgeable regarding the ongoing benefits to the child of extended breastfeeding, including continued immune protection, better social adjustment, and having a sustainable food source in times of emergency. The longer women breastfeed, the greater the decrease in their risk of breast cancer.” They also note that “If the child is younger than two years of age, the child is at increased risk of illness if weaned.” (AAFP 2008)
  • FrugalMomsRock75
    FrugalMomsRock75 Posts: 698 Member
    it may be the same memories as bottle feeding but how often do you see a 3 year old walking around with a bottle??? It seems just as strange to me. My son is about 2 and the day before his 1st birthday was the last day he ever got a bottle.

    It's actually a little different issue, as the extended use of a bottle can hinder proper jaw development (while breastfeeding actually helps it along), and the bottle can cause bottle rot of the teeth (where breastmilk rarely causes rot because of its antibacterial properties). If you pump a bottle of breastmilk and put it on the counter for an hour, it's going to have fewer bacteria than it started with (from the bottle itself, due to the antibiotics in the breastmilk), whereas a glass of milk or formula will have MORE bacteria after one hour.

    :)
  • FrugalMomsRock75
    FrugalMomsRock75 Posts: 698 Member
    I think that cover photo and title are pretty ridiculous. That said, my son who turns 3 in August still nurses at bedtime.

    Here is a list of some of the amazing, well-researched benefits of breastfeeding BEYOND infancy:

    http://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/ebf-benefits/

    And statements from real experts:

    * The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that “Breastfeeding should be continued for at least the first year of life and beyond for as long as mutually desired by mother and child… Increased duration of breastfeeding confers significant health and developmental benefits for the child and the mother… There is no upper limit to the duration of breastfeeding and no evidence of psychologic or developmental harm from breastfeeding into the third year of life or longer.” (AAP 2005)

    * The American Academy of Family Physicians recommends that breastfeeding continue throughout the first year of life and that “As recommended by the WHO, breastfeeding should ideally continue beyond infancy, but this is not the cultural norm in the United States and requires ongoing support and encouragement. It has been estimated that a natural weaning age for humans is between two and seven years. Family physicians should be knowledgeable regarding the ongoing benefits to the child of extended breastfeeding, including continued immune protection, better social adjustment, and having a sustainable food source in times of emergency. The longer women breastfeed, the greater the decrease in their risk of breast cancer.” They also note that “If the child is younger than two years of age, the child is at increased risk of illness if weaned.” (AAFP 2008)

    :flowerforyou:

    Giving your child continued immunity boosts daily+lowering mom's risk of lady cancers+lowering female breastfed child's risk of breast cancer=good enough for me! Besides, nothing NOTHING stops a toddler's crying from a booboo dead in its tracks like mommy's milk. :)
  • ashleymichaud
    ashleymichaud Posts: 119
    The subject in question doesn't bother me. Its the portrayal of the cover and the title. Like so many others have said, there is nothing really loving going on. It just looks weird and almost wrong and unnatural. And "mom enough?" We're all moms, whether natural birth, c-section or adoption and no matter what parenting decisions we choose to make. That's exactly what they are, choices. The fact that this woman decided to keep bf-ing her son is fine, however this attention seeking cover isn't. I decided to let my daughter wean herself. For her it ended up being around 19 months. I'm not sure what I would do if she wanted to nurse longer, but I guess that will be left up to my next child. What upset me more than the cover actually was the comments left by people on yahoo's website. Probably 90% of them were extremely rude and judgmental! I guess its easier to be an *kitten* from behind a keyboard. Pretty sure none of those people wouldn't have the guts to say that to that mom's face. Just my thoughts.
  • missym357
    missym357 Posts: 210 Member
    My kids both weaned between 2 and 2.5 (more like26-27 months-ish). I can't nail down an exact age because it was so gradual. There was nothing gross about it. My kids are now 11 and 8.5 and very well-adjusted boys that make me proud every day. I have no regrets here and am very happy that they got what they did. There are many MANY great reasons to nurse a baby past 1 and if I had more children, I would have for them too. Nursing was an extension of my parenting for sure.

    The cover? Meh, that sort of thing is for shock value, plain and simple. How people choose to parent is none of my business.
  • pamperedhen
    pamperedhen Posts: 446 Member
    I/we practiced attachment parenting and self~weaning. My children are all in their teens now and have fond memories of nursing when they were younger. They said they all plan to practice the very same parenting with their mates. But, to each his own....whatever decision people have with their own children is THEIR BUSINESS!!

    Let's just celebrate life and its joys!:drinker:
  • Ely82010
    Ely82010 Posts: 1,998 Member
    I agree that TIME magazine was going for shock value, and the slogan, "Are You Mom Enough?" insinuates that mothers who choose not to breastfeed their children beyond infancy, or even at all, aren't good mothers. As a reader in the article said, "That is not the look of a loving and caring Mother, but the look of a defiant woman, daring you to tell her to cover up and/or wean her child." Breastfeeding is a natural thing to do. However, since you're asking for my opinion, age 4 is too long. If a child is old enough to ask you in plain English to be nursed and to help himself to your breast, it's beyond time to quit. Having said that, I would never suggest that any mother who chooses to do so isn't "Mom Enough."

    I have two children and nursed each of them until they were one. Once I was able to give them cow's milk, I didn't see the point in continuing. Plus, I was ready to have my body back to myself and to be able to get some freedom to not have to be available to nurse every day. I love my children to death, but the minute my youngest turned one, I was off to NYC for the weekend! :laugh:

    I think that a lot of what stems from attachment parenting, only sets children up for a future of co-dependency. and as someone else already mentioned, I do not want my children to be able to "remember" being nursed. Bonding with your child is important, but you don't need to nurse them until they are in school to accomplish this. I want my kids to feel loved and accepted, but also independent and self-reliant.


    Well said!

    I am happy that I am way beyond the childbearing years so I don't have to deal with this crap, and I feel sorry for the younger female generation that are being pressured to adapt or deal with whatever is the social norm of the day.

    I think that the picture is borderline pornographic because that is not the look or the demeanor of a "loving" mother nursing her baby, nor is the look in the child's face (not a baby anymore). It is the look of a defiant woman trying to prove whatever point she is thinking about. There is no bliss in that picture, only contempt and defiance.

    I showed the picture to my husband, and his expression (WTF!!!), said it all. He also thought that the husband/father must be a lunatic allowing his wife and son to be portrayed in the cover of Times Magazine. Must be the money thing…

    So, those of us that choose/or could not breastfeed, or adoptive mothers for that matter, we are not “Mom enough?” If you didn’t sleep with your baby until he was ready to go to school, you were not Mom enough? If you didn’t carry your child with you 24/7 and didn’t allow him/her to cry, you were not Mom enough? Give me a break!
  • rextcat
    rextcat Posts: 1,408 Member
    the cover is a bit much and the bf'ing for that long is OLD NEWS
  • bikinibeliever
    bikinibeliever Posts: 832 Member
    I breastfed until my son was almost 7 months. I would have gone longer but he would NOT take a bottle while I was at work. I would have probably stopped at a year, maybe 18 months. I know someone that breastfed until her son was 3, no biggie for me. Don't think I would have done that, not from the breast. Maybe pumped and given in a cup, if the doctor thought the health benefits were much better than milk.
  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member
    Interesting WSJ article from a week or so ago:

    http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304356604577340214170952638.html

    review of a book called THE CONFLICT.

    Basically it's about women at war with other women over "DOING IT RIGHT"; home births, attachment parenting, family bed, breastfeeding until ? (I'd personally throw homeschooling in there too, but the book and article do not).

    Some of these people are really militant in what they consider to be a "good mother" (basically only people exactly like them, ha).

    I know a woman like this. She's a doula and she is CONSTANTLY posting on FB and sending emails to everyone about "Nurse-ins" and "perfect" births (home births only). She recently posted a video of someone birthing at home and said "this is how a birth is meant to be! this woman has achieved something special and now she can be happy". WTF? She had all these other women commenting on how they felt so sad and depressed bc they had birthed at a hospital, or they had had c-sections. Really? I had to post the following question: "did you get a baby? then you did it right!!"

    Anyway, this woman has 2 bio kids; 1 birthed at home, and the other, an emergency ride to the hospital and birthed there (the horror!), and she has a kid that she adopted at the age of 7 mos and she relactated to nurse her. She still nurses the 5 year old and posts pics on FB of all the kids wearing T-shirts that say "breastfeeding is not a crime".

    I personally had 3 c-sections, and nursed my 3 bio kids for 14 mos, 11 mos, and 12 mos. I did NOT relactate to nurse my adopted child (she had cleft palate and I adopted her at 17 mos, but anyway I wouldn't have relactated regardless), so you can how sad she is for me.

    She was really into attachment parenting too -- with her first, but I guess she couldn't carry around more than the one, so once the others came she stopped talking about it constantly (ha). I remember going for coffee with this woman when my 2nd child and her 1st child were infants. I carried my baby in, sleeping, in the car carrier, and set it down next to me. She woke up her sleeping baby and transferred him from the car carrier into a sling and walked in with a screaming child. She attempted to breastfeed him in the coffee shop (he did not want to feed, he wanted to sleep), and consequently she couldn't drink her coffee or eat her cake. She actually asked me, with a full-on straight face, while her baby was screaming, "don't you feel guilty with your baby there alone in his carrier seat?" I looked at my sweet sleeping baby, finished the last of my latte and cake and said, "nope".

    :laugh:
  • FrugalMomsRock75
    FrugalMomsRock75 Posts: 698 Member


    She was really into attachment parenting too -- with her first, but I guess she couldn't carry around more than the one, so once the others came she stopped talking about it constantly (ha). I remember going for coffee with this woman when my 2nd child and her 1st child were infants. I carried my baby in, sleeping, in the car carrier, and set it down next to me. She woke up her sleeping baby and transferred him from the car carrier into a sling and walked in with a screaming child. She attempted to breastfeed him in the coffee shop (he did not want to feed, he wanted to sleep), and consequently she couldn't drink her coffee or eat her cake. She actually asked me, with a full-on straight face, while her baby was screaming, "don't you feel guilty with your baby there alone in his carrier seat?" I looked at my sweet sleeping baby, finished the last of my latte and cake and said, "nope".

    :laugh:

    Did you really just call your baby "IT"??? O.o

    I do attachment parenting, but even I am not stupid enough to wake a sleeping baby. lol
  • ThreesCompanee
    ThreesCompanee Posts: 33
    I don't give a crap what people do as far as when they wean. It's a personal decision. But I have to say, that pic was completely tasteless and was taken to shock and stir up controversy. I just hope it doesn't strike fear in future mothers who may have considered breastfeeding.
  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member


    She was really into attachment parenting too -- with her first, but I guess she couldn't carry around more than the one, so once the others came she stopped talking about it constantly (ha). I remember going for coffee with this woman when my 2nd child and her 1st child were infants. I carried my baby in, sleeping, in the car carrier, and set it down next to me. She woke up her sleeping baby and transferred him from the car carrier into a sling and walked in with a screaming child. She attempted to breastfeed him in the coffee shop (he did not want to feed, he wanted to sleep), and consequently she couldn't drink her coffee or eat her cake. She actually asked me, with a full-on straight face, while her baby was screaming, "don't you feel guilty with your baby there alone in his carrier seat?" I looked at my sweet sleeping baby, finished the last of my latte and cake and said, "nope".

    :laugh:

    Did you really just call your baby "IT"??? O.o

    I do attachment parenting, but even I am not stupid enough to wake a sleeping baby. lol

    No, I called the car carrier "it" :noway:
  • ThreesCompanee
    ThreesCompanee Posts: 33
    We weaned our first when he was a freshman in college.

    Well at that point you pretty much have to. I mean, it's just a scheduling nightmare.


    ^^^This cracked me up! :)
  • FrugalMomsRock75
    FrugalMomsRock75 Posts: 698 Member


    She was really into attachment parenting too -- with her first, but I guess she couldn't carry around more than the one, so once the others came she stopped talking about it constantly (ha). I remember going for coffee with this woman when my 2nd child and her 1st child were infants. I carried my baby in, sleeping, in the car carrier, and set it down next to me. She woke up her sleeping baby and transferred him from the car carrier into a sling and walked in with a screaming child. She attempted to breastfeed him in the coffee shop (he did not want to feed, he wanted to sleep), and consequently she couldn't drink her coffee or eat her cake. She actually asked me, with a full-on straight face, while her baby was screaming, "don't you feel guilty with your baby there alone in his carrier seat?" I looked at my sweet sleeping baby, finished the last of my latte and cake and said, "nope".

    :laugh:

    Did you really just call your baby "IT"??? O.o

    I do attachment parenting, but even I am not stupid enough to wake a sleeping baby. lol

    No, I called the car carrier "it" :noway:

    Sorry. Misinterpretation. Your sentence, grammatically, reads as if you called your baby "it." I carried my baby in, sleeping, in the car carrier, and set it down next to me. <~~ remove the "fluff" between the commas, and you have "I carried my baby in and set it down next to me."

    Sometimes my love of grammar makes me read things too literally, I suppose.
  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member

    Sorry. Misinterpretation. Your sentence, grammatically, reads as if you called your baby "it." I carried my baby in, sleeping, in the car carrier, and set it down next to me. <~~ remove the "fluff" between the commas, and you have "I carried my baby in and set it down next to me."

    Sometimes my love of grammar makes me read things too literally, I suppose.

    I guess, while it wouldn't be grammatically incorrect if I had called my baby "it", you found it otherwise incorrect. Thank you for correcting whichever error you prefer. Good job out-momming me, but I still have more kids, so that must count for something. :tongue:
  • sdlszombicidal
    sdlszombicidal Posts: 5
    My kids both weaned between 2 and 2.5 (more like26-27 months-ish). I can't nail down an exact age because it was so gradual. There was nothing gross about it. My kids are now 11 and 8.5 and very well-adjusted boys that make me proud every day. I have no regrets here and am very happy that they got what they did. There are many MANY great reasons to nurse a baby past 1 and if I had more children, I would have for them too. Nursing was an extension of my parenting for sure.

    The cover? Meh, that sort of thing is for shock value, plain and simple. How people choose to parent is none of my business.

    Very, VERY well said :) I breastfed my son for a year and a half and plan on nursing my daughter until shes a year, I dont care how long people nursefor. I think its completely natural and a beautiful thing :) As for that cover, well I actually like it haha
  • christine24t
    christine24t Posts: 6,063 Member

    Yes. This. As a mom that is currently breastfeeding a 4 year old and a 2 year old (tandem), I rarely stand like that and have my breast that way. I love child led weaning. I love that my body continues to give my children antibodies (no; they do NOT outgrow this need at a year, as a child's immune system is not fully developed until somewhere around age 6) and nutrition. I don't force them to nurse (much to the surprise of people who say that moms who BF past a year only do it for themselves). BF is hard. BF for four years is harder! It isn't for myself! It's for my babies. However, we never have any tacky displays of it. We are discreet.

    Though I'll tell anyone about it. ;)

    Just curious - do your kids eat food too or just breastmilk?
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