Already... a Mother's Day argument with my husband.

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  • UpEarly
    UpEarly Posts: 2,555 Member
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    My husband and I don't spend Mother's Day together. He goes to see his mom and I go to see mine. We don't have children, so we don't need to celebrate my motherhood. It seems to work pretty well for us. Is there a reason that you and your husband need to both spend Mother's Day with his mom?
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    It's simple really...you go do your thing, he goes and does his thing.

    I don't get what's so difficult about this??
  • russmo31
    russmo31 Posts: 4 Member
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    I can see both sides of this, but i also had wonderful advice when growing up...watch how a man treats his mother and you will have a good gage on how he will treat his wife. Sounds like a keeper to me lol. Maybe if you took the time to visit you mother's grave at a different time it would help keep the peace. Your mom would understand and your husband will appreciate the effort. Hope this helps.
  • sculley
    sculley Posts: 2,012 Member
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    ummm id be pissed too! it needs to be a 50/50 split. my husband doesnt really care to go see his mom bc things have been rocky but he has the choice. have u talked to him about it? men really need things spelled out sumtimes....

    ^^^^ This. MEN really do need things spelled out that's the biggest problem in my marriage I will say something in a nice way and he will never get it I literally have to be mean blunt sometimes... and then he complains about how mean I am I have to go hunny remember yesterday when I said this and then I said this and that....uh yea...well I was trying to talk to you about it.....OH...

    UGH... lol
  • teresacc26
    teresacc26 Posts: 91 Member
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    I have talked with him, and all he can say is that his mom would just be devastated if we didn't spend the day with her. Well, that's fine and dandy.... but you can't give me a freaking hour to go and sit with my mom?

    I completely understand b/c my mom has passed also so i Spend Every Mother's Day at her grave with Fresh flowers.....He's Ur husband yes and he doesnt understand what it is to lose a mom But he should Respect what u want to d and try and sympathize with U! If he cant than say fuk it and go Anyway.this is about Loyalty to ur mom...

    If HE wants to go spends days with HIS mom then he ca go alone,...jus like U going to Ur mom's grave Alone!

    Im going to see my mom's grave Sunday and she's 2 hours away !!! But its important and my kids look forward to it (even tho she died when I was 9 yrs old)

    Go to Ur mom...U will feel sooooo much better once U do! :)
  • Kminor67
    Kminor67 Posts: 900 Member
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    I say go to your mom in law's, and take a couple hours while there to go visit your mom. You could present this as private bonding time for mother and son, but you're there to help him for most of the time. This way you both win.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
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    I can see both sides of this, but i also had wonderful advice when growing up...watch how a man treats his mother and you will have a good gage on how he will treat his wife. Sounds like a keeper to me lol. Maybe if you took the time to visit you mother's grave at a different time it would help keep the peace. Your mom would understand and your husband will appreciate the effort. Hope this helps.

    He isn't exactly treating his wife very well ...

    How in the world do you see "both sides"?? She wants an hour or two out of the day to honor her mother and he won't give her the respect and understanding to do so.

    Like I said before, I hope this is not a pattern with him and it really is just this one thing that's an issue.
  • Martucha123
    Martucha123 Posts: 1,093 Member
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    you go to cementery
    he goes to visit his mom

    solved
    it's mother's freakin day, she is not your mother
  • StarvingDiva
    StarvingDiva Posts: 1,107 Member
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    And I'm not even a mom, except to four-legged furry babies.

    Please be my voice of sanity, mfp family!

    After no discussion whatsoever, my husband told me that on Saturday, after his sister leaves his mom's, "we" are spending the weekend with his mother at her house to help take care of her after her minor surgery. (Technically, all she had done was a re-stitch of an old hernia surgery) His plan: to be at her house by noon on Saturday, and stay until around 9pm Sunday night, cooking dinner, taking care of her, waiting on her hand and freaking foot, never letting her raise her arms over shoulder height, ... all that bull___. My first thought, it's Mother's Day, but .... when do I get to go to the cemetery to spend time with MY mom??? Ever since I've been with my husband (8 years), we have spent all of our Mother's Days with HIS mom. Not once have I gotten to go to the Cemetery and visit my mom. We've always been "too busy." (Once, I went the weekend after mother's day. I just feel like a sh!tty daughter if I go after.) Well, after mentioning that I was going to the cemetery, he kinda huffed and said, "Well,.... how long will you be?" Excuse me a-hole, but Mother's day isn't just about the Mom's that are WITH us. I'm so angry, flushed, shaking ,etc...... Am I overreacting???

    I'm pretty sure he is a big boy and if he wants to spend the weekend doing that for his mother, he certainly can, unless YOU were going to do everything and he was just going to sit around taking credit for it all. I say go to spend as much time as you need at the cemetery, your husband and his mother will still be there when you are done.
  • foxy2311
    foxy2311 Posts: 179
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    This will be my fiance's first mother's day without his mom who passed last Septemeber. What does his dad decide to do? Spend it with the new woman he met online and HER kids....my guy is super pissed and hurt.
  • BriskisGrl
    BriskisGrl Posts: 461
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    We used to do half and half, but now we don't have the options of seeing our mothers at all. We have no family around us and haven't since we moved outta AZ in 06. It's just us and our two children. Your mother may have passed on but that doesn't take away the relevance and love you still have with her. I say go, but find a way to compromise so it's a win win for both of you.
  • amymeenieminymo
    amymeenieminymo Posts: 2,394 Member
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    You're absolutely not overreacting. I lost my mom almost 8 years ago and when I first met my husband it was too painful for me to spend Mother's Day with his family, seeing him and his sibs all happy to get to be with their mom. The second year was easier because everyone else did their own thing so it was just me, my husband and my inlaws. Since then I can handle spending it with them, and I love my MIL, she's amazing. But, this year I'm having a harder time with it. I always miss my mom, but this was suposed to be my first mothers day too but I miscarried early on and haven't had luck getting pregnant again yet. I will send a card with love, but I told my husband he can go see his mom and I will be spending the day with my grandma visiting my mom's grave.

    Maybe try explaining to your husband that it's very hard without your mom, and spending time at the ceremtary is a way for you to feel closer to her. Some people just don't understand the value in visiting a grave. My husband has only been to his grandma's grave once in five years and has no plans to go again. When my mom first died I was at her grave every week for a while, and it's lessened over the years but we try to go every few months and then sometimes I just go when I need to. I feel close to her there, peaceful.

    If he cannot be reasoned with and doesn't understand the need, see if you can compromise. Does his mom live close enough that you could leave her for a bit on Sunday to go to the cemetary? Or leave her house earlier on Sunday so you can go on the way home? If he still isn't agreeable to that, just tell him to go spend the weekend with his mom, and you'll be spending it with yours. There is really no reason you both have to be there to care for his mom anyway. Good luck.
  • foxy2311
    foxy2311 Posts: 179
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    And to answer your question, I don't think you're overreacting. Go see your mom. Like others have said...your husband and his mother will be there when your down with your time.
  • StarvingDiva
    StarvingDiva Posts: 1,107 Member
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    I can see both sides of this, but i also had wonderful advice when growing up...watch how a man treats his mother and you will have a good gage on how he will treat his wife. Sounds like a keeper to me lol. Maybe if you took the time to visit you mother's grave at a different time it would help keep the peace. Your mom would understand and your husband will appreciate the effort. Hope this helps.

    With all due respect where is the respect and understanding on his side? She lost her mother and she would like a little time out to visit the cemetery and his concern is how much time it will take up from her spending time with his mom who is still here. I feel like we read a totally different post here. It doesn't sound like her husband is being very understanding of her feelings at all. Also, I am not a fan of her always having to accommodate him, so to keep the peace, she should go and visit her mothers grave another time? She should accommodate his feelings only apparently. How about he go see his mom and than after her hour or so visit she can go to his moms, after all they are spending practically 2 whole days there, I think he can accommodate her for a couple hours to pay her respects.
  • ElizabethRoad
    ElizabethRoad Posts: 5,138 Member
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    "I'm going to the cemetery."
    "How long will you be?"
    "As long as it takes."

    You've always caved so of course he is going to expect you to do so again. Stand up for yourself and don't make it a big deal. He can ask you to spend the day with his mom but he can't force you.
  • zmzmzm19
    zmzmzm19 Posts: 155 Member
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    Since it is his Mom, I would tell him after you get to her house, that you are going to go visit your Mom at the Cemetary, any person, be it a husband or whoever, should be more than ok with that.(I would hope he could hold the fort down with his Mom while you are out) Best wishes to you-you certainly deserve time to visit your Mom. :flowerforyou:
  • Blaireli
    Blaireli Posts: 31 Member
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    I'm really sorry you're going through this. :( I think if you feel as though you should be with your mother, so be it. He needs to respect you and your decisions. His mom might appreciate having some one on one time with him. <3 Hopefully this isn't too hard of a weekend for you.
  • stargazer008
    stargazer008 Posts: 531
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    No you're not overreacting, I'd be angry too if a husband said that to me.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,780 Member
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    My wife's mother passed away about 10 years ago, and I can't imagine telling her that she couldn't see her on mother's day (or any other day, for that matter).

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