Love & Relationships

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  • ProjectTae
    ProjectTae Posts: 461 Member
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    I am writing about love for a final exam in my philosophy of emotion class right now! This is a super interesting question and it makes me think about what exactly is going on when we say we love somebody. Clearly you can love more than one person at once (I can love my mother and brother at the same time as a girlfriend or spouse). I think the only problem people have with loving more than one person romantically is a moral one, why should romantic love be limited to one single person out of the six billion in this world? I find it hard to believe that loving somebody means you can't love anyone else.

    hmm interesting, I've never studied emotion, but I think loving someone and being in love with someone are two completely different things, the way a mother loves her child and the way she loves her husband are completely different, the love that I have for my father and the love I have for my boyfriend are completely different.
  • meljane1992
    meljane1992 Posts: 16
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    Every Relationship has falls and just because you met someone else doesnt mean you dont love the person your with, you need to stay true to your partner and let it slide, you are only human like the rest of us and want things you cant have -my opinion..
  • Kityngirl
    Kityngirl Posts: 14,332 Member
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    Honestly, I think you would have to make the choice to be open to falling in love with someone else in order to do it. Life is choices and love does not "just happen". You can fall in love with as many people as you will allow yourself to.
  • bigswedeman
    bigswedeman Posts: 139 Member
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    If people spent more time on tending to their own grass, instead of admiring the grass on the other side...

    Their own grass would be just as healthy.
  • sthrnchick
    sthrnchick Posts: 771
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    I think many confuse lust for love... I think that you if are in love with someone...you can not possibly LOVE someone else...nor would want to...
  • Amorelove
    Amorelove Posts: 9
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    I enjoyed the different view points. I asked this ? because
    I saw two people going through this situation. For some monogamy
    hurts like giving
    birth. For others it's the moral thing to do.
  • ChrisStoney
    ChrisStoney Posts: 479 Member
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    I think many confuse lust for love... I think that you if are in love with someone...you can not possibly LOVE someone else...nor would want to...

    now we are talking!! Love is Ok, Lust is bad.... but are they really different?
  • Marper8521
    Marper8521 Posts: 160
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    I have never experienced this, but have seen it in action with some of my friends and it rarely works!!! I just wonder why are people so uptight about someone being in love with more than one person! Again, only in this country do we find so many life situations to place the scarlet letter upon!! Shame! To each his own and it's none of my business what they do as long as it does not infringe on my life!! Chill people.
  • cjpg
    cjpg Posts: 433 Member
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    Love is not an object that you acquire in one solid way. Love is multi-layered and comes in different levels.
    You can love someone, but not trust them. My example of this is my own brother - i love him unconditionally, but could not trust him to simply pick me up from the station even if it was on his way home.
    You love everyone that is close to you. Family, friends... the difference between these levels comes down to one factor: being *in* love with someone.
    When you are *in* love with one person in this world, all other people in the world drift away. When you are *in* love with someone, no words, no actions - nothing on this earth can break that bond. Being *in* love with someone is basically letting your soul twine with one another to the point where you are no longer one person. Being *in* love with someone is from your spirit. The essence of who you are. No person on this earth can share that with more than one other person.
    So for you, I'd say you need to ask yourself a simple question: out of all the potential 'futures' you see yourself going down, is there any potential future that does not have your partner in it? Does it have another?
    If the answer is anything but an unequivocal "yes, they all have my partner in it!", you are not *in* love with them. You love them, want to share yourself with them, but it is unfair to keep them at bay when you're reserving your feelings for another. The sad truth at the crux of it is you believe that you at some level deserve more. You are keeping your options open.
    If you don't respect your partner, value your partner and appreciate your partner for who they are you simply do not deserve them.
  • ineptguru
    ineptguru Posts: 1
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    There's a group of people who identify as polyamorous- that is, loving multiple people. It's not necessarily the same as polygamy. I have several friends who identify under various identities, so I know love certainly exists in many forms.

    The first questions to ask yourself, if you're in a relationship, would be:

    A) Is it love or lust?
    B) Is it an desire or a perceived obligation to stay with one partner keeping you from moving on to another?
    C) Is the relationship healthy?

    If you can answer those honestly and say that you still love your partner, then I'd say it's perfectly natural. Love is a multifaceted thing. You have to approach the situation based on your own emotions, not on the social mores. When you can honestly answer yourself, then you need to evaluate your situation and all involved.

    Basically, if you're in love with multiple people, you have to figure out whether you really want to be with both/all of them or if you want just one as a close friend. After all, love shouldn't hurt- it should enhance life. Be responsible about it and you'll be fine.

    The two most important things are respecting yourself and respecting your loved ones. No cheating, no skirting around, etc. You have to respect the desires of your partner- they have the right to decide whether or not they feel comfortable in such a situation. And you have to be comfortable with your own actions.

    TL;DR: Perfectly natural. Make sure you know yourself and be honest when assessing what it is what you're really asking. Don't do anything to hurt anyone, don't hurt yourself. Respect yourself, respect your loved ones. Do what makes you ALL happy.
  • maddmaddie
    maddmaddie Posts: 160 Member
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    There are many types of love. But the most "complete" love has 3 aspects. Passion, Intimacy, and Commitment.

    Passion = Infatuation
    Intimacy = liking
    Commitment = empty love

    Intimacy + Passion = Romantic love (people who are dating, no commitment)

    Intimacy + Commitment = Companionate (usually stalkers! lol)

    Passion + Commitment = Fatuous Love (relationships/marriage commited without forming a friendship. Usually don't last).

    Intimacy + Passion + Commitment = Consummate love (is the most ideal type of love between two people)
  • ChrisStoney
    ChrisStoney Posts: 479 Member
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    There are many types of love. But the most "complete" love has 3 aspects. Passion, Intimacy, and Commitment.

    Passion = Infatuation
    Intimacy = liking
    Commitment = empty love

    Intimacy + Passion = Romantic love (people who are dating, no commitment)

    Intimacy + Commitment = Companionate (usually stalkers! lol)

    Passion + Commitment = Fatuous Love (relationships/marriage commited without forming a friendship. Usually don't last).

    Intimacy + Passion + Commitment = Consummate love (is the most ideal type of love between two people)

    Makes sense, so Lust and Passion are pretty much the same.... so you can be in Love with more than two people but can only have 'complete' love with one.. Thanks!
  • Judanjos
    Judanjos Posts: 87
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    ^^ Haha, totally didn't see that someone else posted the same thing!

    :) And to think there were so many pics to go with that quote. You know what they say..great minds think alike lol ...however this kind of relationship situation totally sucks.

    I love that pic :love:

    So what side have you been on? falling in love with two people, or being the 'first' one? just wondering.

    And yes, it does suck. Been there, done that.

    Both. I've been the one who fell for another...and left. I have also been left. Trial by fire thing. I don't know when I'll repair from it if ever but I know who I am now and who I need and don't need. Like I said sucks but makes you stronger.
  • mustangbass
    mustangbass Posts: 18 Member
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    True Dat!
  • meljane1992
    meljane1992 Posts: 16
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    The outcome to this question flucturates on the person i have no idea about the relationship or committment in this scenario but i have been in this situation dating a guy for 2 years and i got a new job, met new people and ended up falling inlove with my current bf i couldnt help the feelings i knew were there and seeing him 5 days a week i knew i wanted to spend my life with him because i knew id be happier, im not a spontanious person but i took a chance at love and im lucky enough it went my way. fingers crossed it goes your friends way aswell!

    All i know is people go through life not loving at all, so be grateful =)
  • cloud2011
    cloud2011 Posts: 898 Member
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    Hmmm. When you're married and you think you start to develop feelings for someone else, it's really comparing apples and oranges.

    Let's say you're in a down period of your marriage, even if temporarily. Then you meet someone or know someone who's becoming a little more special to you, because you can talk about important things.

    You're not cheating, but you're noticing that you like to be around that person. The attention is fulfilling some sort of craving or need you have... that right now, your spouse can't or won't meet.

    Or maybe it's just a little excitement you're after, even though your spouse tries hard to give you everything you need.

    I honestly think this is the more likely scenario rather than "falling in love" with someone other than your spouse. You spend time with someone who doesn't ask about the laundry, dinner, the bills, the kids, and so on. It's seems very appealing at first.
  • ExplorinLauren
    ExplorinLauren Posts: 991 Member
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    This ? is for those of you who are married or in a committed
    relationship. Is it at all possible to love or be in love with more
    than one person? Let's say you're happily married & you meet
    someone, initially you're just friends but slowly you gain feelings
    for this person. Does your love change for your spouse? Have any
    of you experienced that?


    My husband and I developed and eventually got together from an affair. I was married to my ex, and he was married to his ex...and she was my best friend since 6th grade.
    My ex husband (who I was with when I met my current husband) was not someone I truly wanted to be with. Plain and simple. We got together young, and I think I was A. on a mission to prove we COULD make it and B. we had children together.
    In this regard I think it is possible to be in love with more than 1 person. But its a diff kind of love. For instance, I was in love with my ex, I had been with him for 10 years, we had kids, he knew me, I was comfortable. It was comfortable normal love.
    But my current husband... was a diff kind of love. It was amazing, sexy, sultry, passionate, leave every insecurity you have at the door,hit me hard, knew he was my soulmate, cant live with out you... kind of love. And in this regard no... you can not be in love with more than one person if your HAPPILY married.

    The key is happiness. No one in this world could ever make me cheat on my husband. Nothing in this world would keep us apart. No one on the planet was made for me...besides my husband. I didn't feel that way before with my ex , and thats why I was able to do what I did.

    I wouldn't trade anything I have now for all the power, money or anything else in the entire world. I think listening to your heart is the most important thing in life... you only have one life. Live it like you mean it.
  • ifyouknew
    ifyouknew Posts: 68 Member
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    I wouldn't say it's impossible, but it has never happened to me. In my past, not-great relationships, I would sometimes fall for someone else. But since I've been in my current, great relationship (x11 years) I have never once felt the slightest twinge of attraction for anyone else. I only want the one I've already got. (Maybe after 20 or 50 years that will change, though I hope it doesn't!)
  • gdr1976
    gdr1976 Posts: 460 Member
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    My husband and I developed and eventually got together from an affair. I was married to my ex, and he was married to his ex...and she was my best friend since 6th grade.
    My ex husband (who I was with when I met my current husband) was not someone I truly wanted to be with. Plain and simple. We got together young, and I think I was A. on a mission to prove we COULD make it and B. we had children together.
    In this regard I think it is possible to be in love with more than 1 person. But its a diff kind of love. For instance, I was in love with my ex, I had been with him for 10 years, we had kids, he knew me, I was comfortable. It was comfortable normal love.
    But my current husband... was a diff kind of love. It was amazing, sexy, sultry, passionate, leave every insecurity you have at the door,hit me hard, knew he was my soulmate, cant live with out you... kind of love. And in this regard no... you can not be in love with more than one person if your HAPPILY married.

    The key is happiness. No one in this world could ever make me cheat on my husband. Nothing in this world would keep us apart. No one on the planet was made for me...besides my husband. I didn't feel that way before with my ex , and thats why I was able to do what I did.

    I wouldn't trade anything I have now for all the power, money or anything else in the entire world. I think listening to your heart is the most important thing in life... you only have one life. Live it like you mean it.

    This!!
    I know someone going through this right now.

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