Motivating a Spouse

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  • bradphil87
    bradphil87 Posts: 617 Member
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    Hello All,

    I hope you are all having a happy Monday. I could use a bit of help/advice/guidance. I am currently having trouble motivating my husband and didn't know if anyone had some words of wisdom.He has decided to join me in a goal of a healthy lifestyle, however feels like he is failing. I don't know how to motivate him to take positive steps. I have tried to lead by example, but I often feel like bad choices are made when together. Like I will give in to getting a milkshake or going out to eat. I realize that you need these every now and again, but think we/he have them more than necessary. I don't want to turn into a nagging wife, but do want us to have a healthy lifestyle. I try to keep only "healthy" items in the house. But he still feels like he is struggling with both eating proportions and the motivation to exercise. I don't want to be his drill Sargent, but I do what to help keep him motivated. We both have a long way to go. I would appreciate any words of wisdom.


    THANKS!

    Love your post! Why? Because never once did you mention his weight in relationship to his looks! That is so refreshing and amazing :) so many people want their s/o to lose for vain reasons and you want him to be healthy :) there is a couple I know where the husband is on the big side, she said it didn't bother her a bit until the dr. Said to get his blood pressure and cholesterol down. She just told him that she wants him around for the next 50+ years and that motivated him. Perhaps just tell him that you want him to be healthy because you love him so much you want to keep him around for a long time lol
  • gendoll
    gendoll Posts: 89 Member
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    What's worked well for me is that my husband and I are both very competitive people. We usually make mini goals and then challenge each other to see who makes it first. We each get to pick our "reward" as long as it doesn't involve food. Being a smart woman I know there is no way I'm going to actually lose 15lbs before he does but if it keeps him motivated then it works for me. Plus it pushes me to work harder and to make better choices.
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
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    Trying taking him to BJ's Wholesale and maybe pick up the DVD box set for "BJ & the Bear". Go home and watch it. Then, put some Bon Jovi or Billy Joel. Check YouTube for old videos of famous athletes like decathlete Bruce Jenner, sprinter Ben Johnson, tennis star Billie Jean or the great Bo Jackson.


    I see what you did there.
  • kandaceleehans
    kandaceleehans Posts: 11
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    What's worked well for me is that my husband and I are both very competitive people. We usually make mini goals and then challenge each other to see who makes it first. We each get to pick our "reward" as long as it doesn't involve food. Being a smart woman I know there is no way I'm going to actually lose 15lbs before he does but if it keeps him motivated then it works for me. Plus it pushes me to work harder and to make better choices.

    That is something I havent thought of... playing the manly competitive nature. I like it.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
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    Foot to *kitten*.

    Seriously though. There is nothing you can do but offer support or nag. He has to make the choice to become aware and to take action upon the choices that will bring him to a healthier being.

    Brief and to the point...but 100% true.
  • sobriquet84
    sobriquet84 Posts: 607 Member
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    encourage a challenge between him and "the guys". egg it on. encourage them to make a bet.

    men are competitive creatures.
  • momma3sweetgirls
    momma3sweetgirls Posts: 743 Member
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    With holding sex is always a good motivator, I know loads of people that do that to their partners and get their way. Something like if you don't lose any weight this week no sex next week, it's me or the milkshake or go for a jog or no sex might help, it motivates quite a few guys I go to the gym with.

    You know I was thinking the exact OPPOSITE. Have lots of sex. Lots and lots. Extra endorphins will make you both in a great mood and more likely to make better choices. Of course, I have no scientific studies to back this up!
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
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    I ignore bad behavior and reward the good. when my wife want's to go out somewhere I get a salad and beer. she gets whatever and I just ignore it. she's tiny but always feels like crap after a bad meal. when she does awesome we go out and have fun. we're both training for a 5k in a few months and that has helped. work towards a goal together and just do the positive praise thing, well that's what I "try" to do anyways
  • kelseyhere
    kelseyhere Posts: 1,123 Member
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    One thing you can do to avoid the temptation of dining out or take-out is to thoroughly plan meals for the a week or two at a time. That way if someone wants to go out to dinner, you can say "sorry, I've got thawed chicken that needs to be cooked or it'll spoil" or "I've already got a stew ready in the crock pot".

    ^This one works well for me as wasting money is a big red flag at my house. If my BF thinks food is going to spoil, he'll gladly eat the healthy stir-fry instead of stopping for wings and beers on the way home.

    Why not also try "mini workouts" at home, when you're watching your favorite shows together? I used to do this with my mom in high school and it worked well to keep each other accountable. We made a chart with one box for everyday of the week for push-ups and crunches. We started with 25 push-ups and 50 sit-ups each per night, adding 25 push-ups and 50 crunches every other week. It's not much, but those little efforts to get each other moving can turn into something much greater. If we skipped a night, we had to do double the next night to make up. It can also lead to fun after, holding each other feet for crunches might turn you on ;)

    Another one that my man likes now is to use a resistance band while watching TV. Sons of Guns while improving his guns, I say yes! And like another poster said, he's more competitive with his guy friends than with me, so try that route also. You can suggest racquet ball or basketball to start, and chances are it will become a frequent thing.

    Last idea, motivate your husband by offering to reward him with a massage! Tell him to get in the gym and then you'll take care of his sore muscles after. What guy wouldn't work hard for that?!

    And finally, lots and lots of encouragement and positive motivation and compliments. Good job on setting an example, that's the first and most important step.
  • kelseyhere
    kelseyhere Posts: 1,123 Member
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    I ignore bad behavior and reward the good. when my wife want's to go out somewhere I get a salad and beer. she gets whatever and I just ignore it. she's tiny but always feels like crap after a bad meal. when she does awesome we go out and have fun. we're both training for a 5k in a few months and that has helped. work towards a goal together and just do the positive praise thing, well that's what I "try" to do anyways

    This is good too!! When my BF tells me no sometimes I resent him, but I feel proud when he says "good choice." We set rules sometimes before going out- i.e. I'm not allowed to drink alcohol. We always set them BEFORE so there is no arguing on the spot, and then he polices me because when my will power isn't so strong. The thing is make the rules when you're not hungry so when the craving hits, you can stick to them.
  • kandaceleehans
    kandaceleehans Posts: 11
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    Thanks again guy and gals! I appreciate the words of wisdom. I think he is starting to get on the healthy wagon. He has join MFP and is taking more initiative when it comes to working out. He just had to find that rhythm for himself.

    I will definately try the jar and nightly work out gigs and see how that goes, could be fun. As for the male motivation, he moved down the week before we were married so he doesnt really know many guys here yet. But I think we are heading in the right direction for a health life together!

    THANKS!! :D Have a Great Weekend!
  • lizg1979
    lizg1979 Posts: 22 Member
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    I sometimes struggle with keeping motivated as does my husband. We always say we will be strong for one another but in all honesty when one is having a "bad day" the other is usually "too quick" to give in and allow the "cheating" to happen with the food. It has been crazy hot in our house with the temps the last few days and all to often (in the past) we use the excuse "its too hot to cook lets order in" well we have a brand new bbq this year and so far have been doing rather well at not ordering in.

    Anyway what we "try" to do is not "force" eachother to give up the milkshake or pizza or whatever but rather question each other like....."do you really want that you have been doing soooo good why not wait till this weekends family bbq to give yourself that extra little treat" or something like that.

    Otherwise you can't and won't get him to do it unless he wants to....good luck :D
  • BigBrewski
    BigBrewski Posts: 922 Member
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    With holding sex is always a good motivator, I know loads of people that do that to their partners and get their way. Something like if you don't lose any weight this week no sex next week, it's me or the milkshake or go for a jog or no sex might help, it motivates quite a few guys I go to the gym with.

    ^^^this, I seem to remember a "fun" book somewhere that was called the sex diet (you can probably google it I am at work currently and don't want that to show up in my history) where each day you complete your calorie / exercise goal you get to reward each other with specific sex acts.

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