Tell me about your rock bottom

For me it was a little over a week ago when my 38 year old sister (who's one of my best friends) had a heartattack. I do NOT want that to be me in 6 years! I've tried to lose weight and had a good amount of success before only to fall off the wagon and stop. Now I'm back with a vengeance!

My family had a really old scale that underestimated my weight by 20 lbs. Ouch. Getting weighed by the doctor for the first time in years was an eye-opener. Also, realizing I was only 15 lbs less than my dad (a pretty large man) was shocking.

I lost my job, sat at home, at mcdonalds every day, sometimes three times a day, drank about 4 days a week, slept until noon, never moved off of the couch accept to go get food, smoked a half a pack a day, and then I could not take the heart breaking look in my two year old eyes when he asked me play with him and all I would ever say was no, and mommy is sorry.
Ugh I was sick of myself and my stupid *kitten* excuses for everything. I was ruining my sons health along with mine. I disgusted me. I had enough. I went and got a membership at the YMCA. my son and I go in the mornings, play for an hour, then I work out for two hours. I also go for a two hour walk at night as well. Along with all of that I quit smoking, lost 15 pounds so far, not sure how many inches as I strength train everyday, and improved my endurance so much in 5 months that I went from not being able to run for a minute to running a half marathon two weeks ago. I have more energy then I can ever remember having. I love working out and have found a new addiction. And I will always say yes to my son when he asks me to play.

For me my Rock Bottom started off going to the Dr. the first of December in 2009 and when getting my test results back, my doctor looked at me and said, "Tiff, I'm not gonna tell you to lose a bunch of weight, but if you would just lose 20 lbs. I SWEAR you will feel so much better." I was pre-diabetic, high cholesterol, my blood pressure that day was 156 over 127. She told me I was stroke level. Damn it I was 30 years old and killing myself. Well, I did what any one would do...I decided to eat and stuff my face since I was so ashamed by those numbers. At that Dr. appt I weighed 292. 3 weeks later we went on our Christmas Vacay to Great Wolf Lodge and when I took the pic sitting on my husbands lap below, I about DIED!!! What the hell was I thinking!! That wasn't cute at all. We got home on Sunday night from the trip and Monday morning I decided to change my life. My weight that morning was 304 lbs!! I had put on 12 lbs in 3 weeks. I NEVER wanna ever go back to the person I used to be.






AND ME NOW!

my rock bottum was when I knew my relationship was over, that was 2.5 years ago, I weighed almost 300lbs, I have come a long way but have a long way to go yet. Im 225 now and would like to be between 150 and 160, Im doing this because of my little girl, I want to be healthy for her I want to live a long time for her and to be there for all of those special Mother Daughter moments. I love myself again and I just want to be the best I can be. Its not an easy task to lose the weight but the out come will so be worth all of the hard work. the losest that I have been in the last year is 190 then I went an finished my co-op placement for my Early childhood education degree and I have now graduated and have gained 35lbs back from stress and not being able to work out. Now there are no excuses an no reason why I can't lose the weight. I up and running now, I have a job in my felid and I have another interview for a part time position in my feild, life is pretty amazing.

My husband is in Afghanistan and our oldest daughter is a high school senior. She was on homecoming court a few months ago and I had to escort her out onto the basketball court during crowning. The pictures of that were the start of my rock bottom.

Rock bottom hit hard about 10 days ago. I happened to check my hubby's email, we have each other's passwords. There were emails back and forth between he and a female co worker who was on R&R. He said nothing at all inappropriate but she sent him her phone number and asked if he could call her, said she 'missed his *kitten*' and kept asking him to sign into yahoo chat. While I was logged into his email, it also logged into chat and she sent him a message. Her picture popped up and she's very attractive. I was nice to her, said it was me and that he never signs in there but it turned me into a hysterical mess. I was crying and throwing up for days. My husband kept asking me what was going on and I wouldn't tell him, I kept blaming other things. Finally, he called me in the middle of the night to tell me he knew I'd read his emails and talked to her and that she's just a friend, she just talks like that to everyone and he was really disappointed and hurt that I hadn't just told him why I was so upset. I was SO embarrassed that he knew I had checked his email and that I had been so upset over something so dumb. We've been together 20 years, my husband is a really, really good guy. All of that was solely based in my insecurities, most of which are based on my weight/body issues. I'm still mortified that I acted like I did, even if he wasn't here to witness it. I'm also so thankful that he's been 100% supportive and been careful to give me constant reassurance since all this happened.

He works out and keeps himself in great shape and always has. After four kids over the course of 14 years and 9 miscarriages due to health issues, I was terrified that no matter how hard I work, I'll never be satisified with my body again. My marriage and respect for my husband matter way too much for me to let fear stand in the way of at least giving this my very best. I may never have the body I'd like to have but it will certainly be a whole lot better than it is now.

I was tagged in an image on facebook from a wedding I had attended and didn't even recognize myself. I didn't know I had let my weight get so out of control.

5 years ago, i ended a marriage that was toxic.. i was now a single mom with two kids... four years ago my father who was my hero and best friend died suddenly of a heart attack....those two things started the spiral down.....

a year ago i went on a date (met him online) to a movie.. we went into the movie.. and he said he had to go and get a drink... he never came back.. i got a text saying I was too big for him to be seen with.

You would think when this happened.. i would have right then and there been like end of story time to change... i got depressed... i began to spend time at home.. i didnt want to leave.. and i would eat.. i would eat because it never hated me.. it never made me feel like i was a loser or gross.. it made me happy... i would eat ice cream or whatever else i could find.. I loved the burger shack near my house that served the most amazing fat filled burger ever.. ( so high in calories they wouldnt even tell you how many...) i would have take out or mcdonalds because i was too tired to cook..

all the while my kids watched me balloon and lose complete control... i would hide food in my closet so people wouldnt know. I would drink a 12 pack of pepsi or 2 liters if that was on sale..

then i stepped on the scale and the reality hit me.. i sat on the couch alone on new years eve... no one to hug no one to kiss.. by myself.. and i had done it to myself.. i was fat and because i was fat i cut myself off from everyone...

as the clock struck midnight i was in my cupboards and fridge getting rid of everything that had assisted me to do this to myself...

i sit here now writting this thinking back and i realize.. if i hadnt done this. i would be dead and not because of the weight but i was so depressed that i would have taken my own life.

today... i am 54 lbs lighter.. 47 inches smaller.. i am addicted to the gym.. healthy food is all that i have in my home.. and i smile alot.. and i play with my kids.. every day i do something fun with them... and i love it....

a friend of mine and her girlfriend had been hitting the gym hard, toning up for their beach holiday. then they told me how much they weighed i realised i weighed more than the pair of them put together. enough was enough

Mine is kinda like yours.

My rock bottom was when I realized I was 7 pounds away from being 2 of my husband. We are both 5' 5" he is 125 pounds and all muscle and I was at 243...all fat. That is not good.

I wouldn't say there was really a "rock bottom". I miscarried in December, and after having 934750937840598304958309485093840598358309458093845093845093840598345 fertility treatments, the weight just packed on- and QUICK.

Last month I had to travel out of state for a training class, and one of my coworkers told me about a few comments that were made about me (specifically, that I was "fat").

I wouldn't say it bothered me, but it motivated me to start MFP again. I was VERY successful with it last year before my husband and I started fertility treatments, but somewhere along the way I got lost. Now I'm back on track, determined never to get at that place again, and I can only thank the one who called me fat.