Husband is constant opposition!!
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EEpling89
Posts: 152
Hi everyone. I have struggled with my weight, yo-yo dieted, all that stuff that everyone says. I feel like I've finally found a pretty good balance and am on the right track. However, my husband is like a constant opposing force to my health efforts.
He claims that he absolutely cannot stand to eat anything that "grows from the ground". I swear he only rejects things BECAUSE they're good for him. He will go the entire day without eating anything and come home and eat mass amounts of junk food. He NEVER drinks water, only Red Bull or soda, and I can tell he's severely dehydrated. I worry about his health all the time. All of his uncles are morbidly obese and all but one of them have type 2 diabetes. My husband is only about 30 lbs. overweight right now but his weight continues to creep up and up.
Sometimes I tell myself to just ignore it and let him figure it out for himself because he gets mad when I bring it up. BUT...he's a huge obstacle for me achieving my weight loss goals. I have two separate grocery lists of food to buy every week, one for me and one for him. I also end up having to cook two separate dinners every night. I've tried relentlessly to find healthy recipes that he will eat. He will eat what I cook sometimes, but he will modify it to make it not healthy (adding a ton of cheese, ranch dressing, mayo, picking the veggies out, etc.) and he will say it doesn't fill him up and then go to the gas station by our house and buy a bunch of junk food because he's "still hungry", which ends up costing us more in the long run (which is why I buy him his own groceries and make his dinner separate, it's cheaper). We absolutely can't afford the two grocery haul thing and I feel like I'm the one who is going to have to bend.
WHAT DO I DO???? It's like talking to a brick wall when I try to reason with him. Sometimes I think he wants me to be fat. He even makes me feel bad, calling me the "health Nazi" and saying I'm obsessed with my weight and that's no way to live.
HELP!!
He claims that he absolutely cannot stand to eat anything that "grows from the ground". I swear he only rejects things BECAUSE they're good for him. He will go the entire day without eating anything and come home and eat mass amounts of junk food. He NEVER drinks water, only Red Bull or soda, and I can tell he's severely dehydrated. I worry about his health all the time. All of his uncles are morbidly obese and all but one of them have type 2 diabetes. My husband is only about 30 lbs. overweight right now but his weight continues to creep up and up.
Sometimes I tell myself to just ignore it and let him figure it out for himself because he gets mad when I bring it up. BUT...he's a huge obstacle for me achieving my weight loss goals. I have two separate grocery lists of food to buy every week, one for me and one for him. I also end up having to cook two separate dinners every night. I've tried relentlessly to find healthy recipes that he will eat. He will eat what I cook sometimes, but he will modify it to make it not healthy (adding a ton of cheese, ranch dressing, mayo, picking the veggies out, etc.) and he will say it doesn't fill him up and then go to the gas station by our house and buy a bunch of junk food because he's "still hungry", which ends up costing us more in the long run (which is why I buy him his own groceries and make his dinner separate, it's cheaper). We absolutely can't afford the two grocery haul thing and I feel like I'm the one who is going to have to bend.
WHAT DO I DO???? It's like talking to a brick wall when I try to reason with him. Sometimes I think he wants me to be fat. He even makes me feel bad, calling me the "health Nazi" and saying I'm obsessed with my weight and that's no way to live.
HELP!!
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Replies
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That's a tough situation - but it sounds as though he has no desire to change his eating habits, so trying to force him today what you eat is only going to cause friction.
If it was me I would just stop discussing it - do what you need to do, don't put any pressure on him to change. If he wants to add or takeaway from the meal, thats his decision. At least by cooking healthy meals you are providing the option for him to change when he is ready to.0 -
I vote you do your grocery shopping and he do his.n sorry that's a hard situation to be in. I def. wouldn't cook him a new/separate dinner. Be like a mom. You eat what I cook or starve.
Go to the doctor together! Or watch "weight of the nation" on HBO and tell him even though he aggravates you you do want to grow old with him and that starts changing diet plans. Ease into it, I bake mashes bananas into brownie mix and cut out half the oil, spinach and feta cheese omelette with tomatoes.c . . .good luck!0 -
I had done great today with calories to spare. Then my husband bought Pei Wei Shrimp Lo Mein. After I ate it, I typed it in myfitnesspal and it was over 1,000 calories!!!
He loves to either cook or buy take-out. In the evening when I am tired and hungry (and vulnerable), he fixes something and insists it is low fat and healthy. Next time I will type the food in myfitness pal first, then decide if I will eat it.
I did that for lunch today. Made pasta, typed it in, and decided that I didn't even like it that much in the first place, so I didn't eat it.0 -
Yeh. That's not good, is it?
Let him make his own dinner. . .of course, your relationship and mine are totally different. Wait. I don't have a relationship.
Coincidence?0 -
This is a REAL tough one.......I really don't know what I would do in your situation? I am incredibly lucky where my husband supports me 100% through anything I do, I just couldn't imagine him not? BUT if he didn't, it would make me more determined to make him see sense!!! I just can't fathom someone not wanting to be healthy? is he jealous of you? or just plain ignorant? I'm really sorry you are going through this, I know other women who say their partners don't compromise either and I think it is completely selfish, if you love a person don't you want them to be happy, make them happy, especially when its something like this, he should be proud you are so focused and be more supportive.....x0
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This is a REAL tough one.......I really don't know what I would do in your situation? I am incredibly lucky where my husband supports me 100% through anything I do, I just couldn't imagine him not? BUT if he didn't, it would make me more determined to make him see sense!!! I just can't fathom someone not wanting to be healthy? is he jealous of you? or just plain ignorant? I'm really sorry you are going through this, I know other women who say their partners don't compromise either and I think it is completely selfish, if you love a person don't you want them to be happy, make them happy, especially when its something like this, he should be proud you are so focused and be more supportive.....x
I'm not sure it's that he doesn't support me. I just don't think he realizes how difficult he makes it for me, even though I try to explain it to him. I spend about $200 on groceries EVERY WEEK (for just the two of us) and spend a good chunk of my day planning meals and cooking (even though I work full time). He also doesn't understand how hard it is when he always has a ton of candy and junk food lying around. He will tell me how proud he is of my determination and that I look like I've lost weight, but he wouldn't go as far as to change what HE'S doing to help me. In the past, after I'd "fallen off the wagon", I sensed relief from him because he didn't have that pressure hanging over him anymore.0 -
One thing I know I wouldn't do in this situation: I wouldn't enable this kind of behavior.
I know it's tough. My husband is rather similar. I told my husband point blank that I intend to eat healthier, lose weight, and gain muscle so I can be a fit individual who lives a long and happy life. He says he is on board but... I get the sighing and the nit picking at the meals, too. I don't feel sorry for him. I told him that if he wanted to eat unhealthy foods he had to make his own meal plans, go to the grocery store, buy his own foods, and prepare his own meals - while still working and supporting this family. Also, there will be less money for hobbies - no video games, no movie night with the guys, whatever. It's not my job to support his bad habits, if he wants to act that way he can make his own sacrifices to do it. Make him work for his unhealthy lifestyle and realize just how much you really do for him.
Luckily, my husband isn't as verbal with his insecurities as yours is. Saying you're a health nazi and that you're obsessed with your health while implying that isn't any way to live is only him putting his own problems onto you. He's scared. I would seek therapy so that you can work on communicating through this and hopefully bring him to the realization that if he just lets you help him while helping yourself it can benefit him greatly in the long run.0 -
One thing I know I wouldn't do in this situation: I wouldn't enable this kind of behavior.
I know it's tough. My husband is rather similar. I told my husband point blank that I intend to eat healthier, lose weight, and gain muscle so I can be a fit individual who lives a long and happy life. He says he is on board but... I get the sighing and the nit picking at the meals, too. I don't feel sorry for him. I told him that if he wanted to eat unhealthy foods he had to make his own meal plans, go to the grocery store, buy his own foods, and prepare his own meals - while still working and supporting this family. Also, there will be less money for hobbies - no video games, no movie night with the guys, whatever. It's not my job to support his bad habits, if he wants to act that way he can make his own sacrifices to do it. Make him work for his unhealthy lifestyle and realize just how much you really do for him.
Luckily, my husband isn't as verbal with his insecurities as yours is. Saying you're a health nazi and that you're obsessed with your health while implying that isn't any way to live is only him putting his own problems onto you. He's scared. I would seek therapy so that you can work on communicating through this and hopefully bring him to the realization that if he just lets you help him while helping yourself it can benefit him greatly in the long run.
I guess I certainly have been an enabler. I guess it made me feel guilty to not provide any food for him, but I do. I provide him with healthy food, which I'm sure any person on this site would love to have someone cook them healthy meals every night! I admire your standing your ground with your husband. I need to take note.
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I guess I certainly have been an enabler. I guess it made me feel guilty to not provide any food for him, but I do. I provide him with healthy food, which I'm sure any person on this site would love to have someone cook them healthy meals every night! I admire your standing your ground with your husband. I need to take note.
I would let you come cook healthy food for me! I would even clean up afterwards! :flowerforyou:
Seriously, it took a long time to realize that my husband and I both enabled each other in our bad habits. The problem was that when I decided to ditch mine, he didn't like that he was no longer being enabled. Unfortunately, they're grown and will have to deal with it because we can't make their decisions for them. I love my husband dearly, he can be a great support, but he just doesn't get it yet and I know it's going to take time and some tough love to get there. Just yesterday he was telling me in such a proud tone how he'd done me a "favor" and ate Oreos in the car at work so that he wouldn't bring them home and hurt me - only to come home and whine about being tired and demand pizza for dinner. :noway: Yeah, thanks babe - you're doing us both great "favors". :grumble: Just stand your ground, either he'll come around or you'll find a middle ground. Either way you'll feel less pressured to support his bad habits and that will give you some distance from the temptations.0 -
Unfortunately trying to change someone's eating habits is nearly impossible. However that does not mean you should give up on him. He has to come to the realization himself that he is damaging his body but often that doesn't happen until there is a health scare. Just keep loving him and slowly and gently offering him new foods. My guy won't eat "green stuff" but there are heaps of other things like mushrooms, pulses, potatoes etc. that he likes. A difficult situation for you, money wise and health wise for him and I wish you luck.0
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It may sound mean but I would suggest you start shopping separetly and if he wants something different to what you've cooked let him cook it.Try to make him realise just how difficult planning and preparing a meal can be.
Talking to him clearly isn't working from what you've said, so take action and make him take action. I am sorry I can't offer any other advise it sounds like a very unfair situation.0 -
Hey EEpling89 . Like everyone else so far I agree you're in a tough position. Out of all the reply's you've received, I feel Rubybelle's advice is bang on. Nice one Ruby.
You gotta do what you gotta do succeed for yourself and hopefully your husband will realized that he should have been doing the same this whole time. The great news is , when he IS ready to change his ways , you'll be right there to support him the whole way through ... man does he got it good! Keep up the great work EEpling89! You'll be so proud when you reach your goals and so will he.0 -
I was that husband for years. My wife did things to please me. If I didn't like the food I would cook my own(rarely), buy cheap fast food or buy crap snacks from the grocery store.
My stubbornness and her enabling only prolonged the situation.....for years.
Having kids and a tight budget did not put a stop to my affair with food.
Your husband is being childish just like I was.
He is afraid, comfortable and addicted.
He may not come around to your way of thinking, it might have to be HIS idea.
I think the longer you enable his behavior the harder it will be to lead a healthy life for you, him and any future children.
It will be difficult, there might be fights and feelings will be hurt.
There is no guarantee of success.
You may not get him healthy but he can at least respect your need to be healthy.
Something else to think about.
If you have kids will he enable them with candy, sodas, energy drinks and other garbage?
When mom cooks a healthy meal why bother eating it if dad will have little partners in food crime.?
Sorry, this kinda held a mirror up to me and my habits.0 -
STOP BUYING THE BAD FOOD AND DRINKS! If the only thing left in the house is good food then he will have to eat it or he will have to go out and get his own food and cook it for himself.
Wish him luck.
As for you. You are doing this for you and your health. You cant make others do things they dont want to do. But you dont have to support it.0 -
Maybe sit him down and explain just how much getting fit and healthy means to you... for your health, your confidence. I know for me, on some of my past "fat days" I barely felt like leaving the house, that's how little self esteem I had! If you're the same, tell him! I'm sure he really wants you to be happy, he might just not know how much you want this.
Also, it's possible he's feeling a little defensive that you're eating healthy, nutritious food and he's not. The "health Nazi" comment is probably just a defensive quip because deep down he knows his eating habits are bad for him. If all else fails, maybe... to each their own?0 -
Yeah I would stop buying the food you don't want in the house. If he wants to eat then he can buy his own food. Don't buy what he wants if it's not going to help both of you. He sounds like he's acting like a child (I don't eat food that grows out of the ground? Seriously?)0
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He kind of sounds like an *kitten*. Please tell me there is something good about your marriage too.0
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In our house I am also the chief cook and I feel somewhat guilty if I don't make dinner. My way of handling the two menus is to make extra veggies for me, and to make sure he has his rice/potatoes whatever. The non-compromise is that I make the entree for my diet. If he wants to doll it up with dressing that's fine with me. I have to turn the other way when he eats a lot of nuts or cheese before dinner, and I remind myself that I'm the one who decided to lose weight.
Your situation doesn't sound particularly supportive, but I agree with the other posters who said don't comment. You'll just create further tension around the food. Just take care of what you need to eat to lose the weight, make sure your husband has dinner without making him starve, too. You'll be okay.0 -
I say cook the healthy meal and if he doesn't like it then he can go cook his own dinner. Trying to eat healthy and be fit and active does not make you a health nazi. It just makes you smart. It took me getting diabetes and high blood pressure to wake up and realize I was slowly killing myself with food/alchohol/smoking. It may take your husband becoming very overweight or some other medical issue for him to wake up as well. You do what is right for you. You can't change someone else. They have to be willing to change themselves.0
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You are in charge of you and if he doesn't accept that, then he's not respecting what's important to you. When disrespect happens, then it leads down a path of anger, discontent, and eventually lack of passion, IMO. I've seen it lots of times with my married female clients. Good luck on how you try to fix this, but at some point you need to put your foot down and convey to him that he can't take this lightly if you're serious about it.Hi everyone. I have struggled with my weight, yo-yo dieted, all that stuff that everyone says. I feel like I've finally found a pretty good balance and am on the right track. However, my husband is like a constant opposing force to my health efforts.
He claims that he absolutely cannot stand to eat anything that "grows from the ground". I swear he only rejects things BECAUSE they're good for him. He will go the entire day without eating anything and come home and eat mass amounts of junk food. He NEVER drinks water, only Red Bull or soda, and I can tell he's severely dehydrated. I worry about his health all the time. All of his uncles are morbidly obese and all but one of them have type 2 diabetes. My husband is only about 30 lbs. overweight right now but his weight continues to creep up and up.
Sometimes I tell myself to just ignore it and let him figure it out for himself because he gets mad when I bring it up. BUT...he's a huge obstacle for me achieving my weight loss goals. I have two separate grocery lists of food to buy every week, one for me and one for him. I also end up having to cook two separate dinners every night. I've tried relentlessly to find healthy recipes that he will eat. He will eat what I cook sometimes, but he will modify it to make it not healthy (adding a ton of cheese, ranch dressing, mayo, picking the veggies out, etc.) and he will say it doesn't fill him up and then go to the gas station by our house and buy a bunch of junk food because he's "still hungry", which ends up costing us more in the long run (which is why I buy him his own groceries and make his dinner separate, it's cheaper). We absolutely can't afford the two grocery haul thing and I feel like I'm the one who is going to have to bend.
WHAT DO I DO???? It's like talking to a brick wall when I try to reason with him. Sometimes I think he wants me to be fat. He even makes me feel bad, calling me the "health Nazi" and saying I'm obsessed with my weight and that's no way to live.
HELP!!
A.C.E. Certified Personal Trainer/Group Fitness Instructor
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0
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