Husband is constant opposition!!

That's a tough situation - but it sounds as though he has no desire to change his eating habits, so trying to force him today what you eat is only going to cause friction.

If it was me I would just stop discussing it - do what you need to do, don't put any pressure on him to change. If he wants to add or takeaway from the meal, thats his decision. At least by cooking healthy meals you are providing the option for him to change when he is ready to.

I had done great today with calories to spare. Then my husband bought Pei Wei Shrimp Lo Mein. After I ate it, I typed it in myfitnesspal and it was over 1,000 calories!!!

He loves to either cook or buy take-out. In the evening when I am tired and hungry (and vulnerable), he fixes something and insists it is low fat and healthy. Next time I will type the food in myfitness pal first, then decide if I will eat it.

I did that for lunch today. Made pasta, typed it in, and decided that I didn't even like it that much in the first place, so I didn't eat it.

This is a REAL tough one.......I really don't know what I would do in your situation? I am incredibly lucky where my husband supports me 100% through anything I do, I just couldn't imagine him not? BUT if he didn't, it would make me more determined to make him see sense!!! I just can't fathom someone not wanting to be healthy? is he jealous of you? or just plain ignorant? I'm really sorry you are going through this, I know other women who say their partners don't compromise either and I think it is completely selfish, if you love a person don't you want them to be happy, make them happy, especially when its something like this, he should be proud you are so focused and be more supportive.....x

One thing I know I wouldn't do in this situation: I wouldn't enable this kind of behavior.

I know it's tough. My husband is rather similar. I told my husband point blank that I intend to eat healthier, lose weight, and gain muscle so I can be a fit individual who lives a long and happy life. He says he is on board but... I get the sighing and the nit picking at the meals, too. I don't feel sorry for him. I told him that if he wanted to eat unhealthy foods he had to make his own meal plans, go to the grocery store, buy his own foods, and prepare his own meals - while still working and supporting this family. Also, there will be less money for hobbies - no video games, no movie night with the guys, whatever. It's not my job to support his bad habits, if he wants to act that way he can make his own sacrifices to do it. Make him work for his unhealthy lifestyle and realize just how much you really do for him.

Luckily, my husband isn't as verbal with his insecurities as yours is. Saying you're a health nazi and that you're obsessed with your health while implying that isn't any way to live is only him putting his own problems onto you. He's scared. I would seek therapy so that you can work on communicating through this and hopefully bring him to the realization that if he just lets you help him while helping yourself it can benefit him greatly in the long run.

I guess I certainly have been an enabler. I guess it made me feel guilty to not provide any food for him, but I do. I provide him with healthy food, which I'm sure any person on this site would love to have someone cook them healthy meals every night! I admire your standing your ground with your husband. I need to take note.

I would let you come cook healthy food for me! I would even clean up afterwards! :flowerforyou:

Seriously, it took a long time to realize that my husband and I both enabled each other in our bad habits. The problem was that when I decided to ditch mine, he didn't like that he was no longer being enabled. Unfortunately, they're grown and will have to deal with it because we can't make their decisions for them. I love my husband dearly, he can be a great support, but he just doesn't get it yet and I know it's going to take time and some tough love to get there. Just yesterday he was telling me in such a proud tone how he'd done me a "favor" and ate Oreos in the car at work so that he wouldn't bring them home and hurt me - only to come home and whine about being tired and demand pizza for dinner. :noway: Yeah, thanks babe - you're doing us both great "favors". :grumble: Just stand your ground, either he'll come around or you'll find a middle ground. Either way you'll feel less pressured to support his bad habits and that will give you some distance from the temptations.

It may sound mean but I would suggest you start shopping separetly and if he wants something different to what you've cooked let him cook it.Try to make him realise just how difficult planning and preparing a meal can be.

Talking to him clearly isn't working from what you've said, so take action and make him take action. I am sorry I can't offer any other advise it sounds like a very unfair situation.

I was that husband for years. My wife did things to please me. If I didn't like the food I would cook my own(rarely), buy cheap fast food or buy crap snacks from the grocery store.
My stubbornness and her enabling only prolonged the situation.....for years.
Having kids and a tight budget did not put a stop to my affair with food.
Your husband is being childish just like I was.
He is afraid, comfortable and addicted.
He may not come around to your way of thinking, it might have to be HIS idea.

I think the longer you enable his behavior the harder it will be to lead a healthy life for you, him and any future children.
It will be difficult, there might be fights and feelings will be hurt.
There is no guarantee of success.
You may not get him healthy but he can at least respect your need to be healthy.

Something else to think about.
If you have kids will he enable them with candy, sodas, energy drinks and other garbage?
When mom cooks a healthy meal why bother eating it if dad will have little partners in food crime.?

Sorry, this kinda held a mirror up to me and my habits.

Maybe sit him down and explain just how much getting fit and healthy means to you... for your health, your confidence. I know for me, on some of my past "fat days" I barely felt like leaving the house, that's how little self esteem I had! If you're the same, tell him! I'm sure he really wants you to be happy, he might just not know how much you want this.

Also, it's possible he's feeling a little defensive that you're eating healthy, nutritious food and he's not. The "health Nazi" comment is probably just a defensive quip because deep down he knows his eating habits are bad for him. If all else fails, maybe... to each their own?

He kind of sounds like an *kitten*. Please tell me there is something good about your marriage too.

I say cook the healthy meal and if he doesn't like it then he can go cook his own dinner. Trying to eat healthy and be fit and active does not make you a health nazi. It just makes you smart. It took me getting diabetes and high blood pressure to wake up and realize I was slowly killing myself with food/alchohol/smoking. It may take your husband becoming very overweight or some other medical issue for him to wake up as well. You do what is right for you. You can't change someone else. They have to be willing to change themselves.

I have a similar problem with my husband's eating. I've always had to cook differently even when I wasn't eating healthy and my husband LOVES junk food. So I realized I had to accept that this was the situation, that I couldn't change him and work around it somehow. And cooking two meals got old fast.

Here was the practical solution I came up with. FREEZER COOKING on a large scale...and trust me you'd be amazed at the fact you can freeze just about everything. Not only that you can save money doing it. People that really get into it can do one or two days of cooking to cook for the entire month but that's always too much for me. I always have to break it down.

Initially I started out doing most of it for him, making side dishes I could toss in for him when I had salads or other healthier sides with a meat portion. One of my biggest fall backs is I'd get the miniature bread loaf pans and buy like 20lbs of potatoes. Then I'd watch a movie and peel all of them and use my recipe called "make ahead mash potatoes". I'd also make things he likes like meatloaf, spaghetti and meatballs, etc. and freeze all of it. Then I took it even further and started doing alot of freezer cooking for myself to take to work so I could get off the fast food track. Let me know if you like and I'm more than happy to share the recipes.

Anyway don't know if this will help you but this is my "work around" because I can't make my husband eat differently and I was in the same boat. The upside was he was very appreciative that I went to the trouble to make sure he was well fed on his favorites and could even go to the freezer and pick what he wanted himself when I was working. And even if he didn't lose weight, me filling him up on real food instead of him junking out kept him from gaining.

If he is that opposed to eating healthy, then I would give him his portion of the grocery money and tell him that he is in charge of feeding himself and that includes cooking his own meals. Then you only have to worry about your own groceries and your own meals. When he sees that you are getting smoking hot, and he's only growing wider, he might change his tune. I'm lucky that my hubby is totally on board, but if he acting like yours, that is exactly what I would do!

I had a guy at work who asked me nearly every day why am I eating crap / vomit / rabbit food etc (that was his thoughts of healthy food). So I decided to pull the bull by the horns and ask him outright "if you can prove to me that my food is unhealthy and yours is healthy then I may consider eating the same as you." He eventally stopped nit-picking my food after a few grunts and moans.
Now he is eating healthly and losing weight. Don't harp on how bad is food is and how good yours is coz he will just dig his heels in. he will see slowly come round.

I think a lot of people here are missing the point.

You do cook healthy meals and he does ignore them and goes out and buys his own junk food "because he is not full".

I am going to give you a few incidents from my perspective.

When I was really in a bad place food wise, I would eat fast food for breakfast lunch and then after work I would grab a burger because I knew my wife was going to make something low fat and healthy and that it wouldn't fill me up. I did this all the time, it was a beginning of an over eating disorder. Sometimes my wife would make me lunch and I would just toss it and go buy food on a credit card and eat out with a buddy at work. then I would get my usual pre dinner dinner. I would get home, tell my wife YUM that was awesome and then think nothing of it.

Sounds like maybe your husband is kind of doing the opposite, lashing out on your change of behavior and being insecure about it which in turn he is probably turning the stress into eating the crap.

That is a possibility, or he is just a douche and is purposefully resisting your attempts at a healthy lifestyle for all the same reasons significant others do that (insecurity - thinking that you are bettering yourself and moving on from them and so forth)

Or you can be over exaggerating and you were triggered from one or two occasions that he did not like your cooking... who knows.

I lean towards the beginning of an over eating disorder simply because he is showing a lot of signs of stress eating...

A few suggestions:

Make a budget, if the double grocery shopping is causing a problem - show him that you have to cut back on other expenses to make ends meat like entertainment and so on

Now, I am not condoning any sort of stupidity like withholding sexual activity BUT, maybe address his sexuality and reaffirm that you think he is sexy and that you are working on toning up and losing weight to improve your sex life. It is amazing how stupid us men can be and we would go for that

The bottom line is; it is your body and you cannot use his behavior as an excuse to stop you from becoming a healthier you. That could very well be a possibility with this too but from the looks of it probably not. If you have to make separate meals and you don't feel its necessary communicate with him and let him know that he has to start making his own food.

Quite honestly though if none of the above work this would be a deal breaker for me. This would show an obvious lack of compassion and ability to compromise if he was resistant on you becoming healthier and but before you call the divorce attorney I would suggest exploring the idea that he may be stressed out, creating an eating disorder, enveloped in his own insecurity or he is simply an *kitten* hat.

Good luck I don't envy you! My wife is thankfully 90% supportive about all this !

Unfortunately trying to change someone's eating habits is nearly impossible. However that does not mean you should give up on him. He has to come to the realization himself that he is damaging his body but often that doesn't happen until there is a health scare. Just keep loving him and slowly and gently offering him new foods. My guy won't eat "green stuff" but there are heaps of other things like mushrooms, pulses, potatoes etc. that he likes. A difficult situation for you, money wise and health wise for him and I wish you luck.

Well said!! i was thingking same thing, your good example might eventually change him. keep it up girl, we are here to support you.