Husband is constant opposition!!

I have a similar thread going...

But with regard to having two different menus. I have three kids in addition to my DP. I try to eat clean 90% of the time, my kids will NEVER eat that clean. One claims she's a picky eater, the other has a severe Sensory issue that went undiagnosed and untreated he's 14 now and his dad laughed at me when I suggested he got to OT, and the youngest will eat just about anything. Then there's DP who tells me what a great cook I am one night and the next begs me to just order out.
My solution isn't two menus but the same thing one Healthy version and one not so healthy.
Pizza for example, my kids love, DP loves. I make pizza of them, I make a pizza for myself and DP that's thin crust and full of vegetables..and offer a salad.
Earlier this week we had Burbon Street Chicken, with white rice and greenbeans. Very ho hum meal, but for the kids I made a box of mac n cheese. Everyone was happy.

Tonight I plan on Quessadillas, made with whole wheat tortillas, and 2% milk cheese. I will make one for myself with roast red peppers and grilled chicken and NO sour Cream. The kids will ahve the same sans chicken and peppers.

I'm not a professional, but it does sound like he may have a deeper issue to deal with. You can not own his problems. You can tell him: "I feel like you are sabotaging my healthful living goals," "I feel like you are asking me to watch you kill yourself," "I feel like...[insert statement here]." He can not argue with how you FEEL (so don't start sentences with "You are doing.." or "You are making me..."). And if he wants to argue, stop it with "I love you too much to argue about this, we'll talk more when you are able to speak to me calmly" - you don't have to go to every argument you are invited to. (Check out Love and Logic techniques here!)

Absolutely make him buy his own garbage, and make his own meals. You provide good food and meals, so he can eat them or deal with it himself. When he sees how much discretionary $ he's losing, that may be a wake-up call.

Ultimately, it's up to him to decide how he's going to live his life, you can only control your choices and your reactions to his choices.

Good luck!

All of us have had to overcome obstacles in order to lose weight. I'm sorry that your husband, who should support you, is not helping. But I agree that harmony at home is really important... I don't think you should nag him about eating, because he's clearly not receptive to criticism. I wonder why you have to cook his meals? Let him cook his own food and do his own grocery shopping. If he complains, tell him that yes you may seem like a "food nazi" to him, but your outlook on your health has changed and so you're going to be giving it a bigger priority in your life. It's ok to tell him that you're not going to bother him about what he eats, but that if he resists anything that you want to make for yourself, he is now responsible for his own dinner.

I'm a really busy person with very little time to make dinner, but I lost weight because I found lunches and dinners that I could make ahead of time and reheat (lots of delicious soup and make-ahead salad recipes).

In order to maintain harmony (and sanity) you are probably going to have to distance yourself from your husband in terms of food and nutrition, and just accept that things are the way they are. You may make a good impression on him. All partners are resistant to change that upsets their comfort.... But I think in time he will acclimate to your healthy change and may at some point be more open to compromising with you.

A) Stop fixing him his own dinner...treat him like I do my kids...if you don't like what I prepared (after taking at least one bite) you can go make yourself a PB&J or a turkey sandwich....

Ignore him - if you keep up on him it will probably drive him to keep rejecting anythign you try and tell him...he has to come to the conclusion himself and change because he wants to change - just make sure his life insurance is up to date

This is a REAL tough one.......I really don't know what I would do in your situation? I am incredibly lucky where my husband supports me 100% through anything I do, I just couldn't imagine him not? BUT if he didn't, it would make me more determined to make him see sense!!! I just can't fathom someone not wanting to be healthy? is he jealous of you? or just plain ignorant? I'm really sorry you are going through this, I know other women who say their partners don't compromise either and I think it is completely selfish, if you love a person don't you want them to be happy, make them happy, especially when its something like this, he should be proud you are so focused and be more supportive.....x

I'm not sure it's that he doesn't support me. I just don't think he realizes how difficult he makes it for me, even though I try to explain it to him. I spend about $200 on groceries EVERY WEEK (for just the two of us) and spend a good chunk of my day planning meals and cooking (even though I work full time). He also doesn't understand how hard it is when he always has a ton of candy and junk food lying around. He will tell me how proud he is of my determination and that I look like I've lost weight, but he wouldn't go as far as to change what HE'S doing to help me. In the past, after I'd "fallen off the wagon", I sensed relief from him because he didn't have that pressure hanging over him anymore.

Stop enabling him. The chief cook sets the menu and anyone who doesn't like it can have a bowl of cereal. In my house, that means cereal with <10g of sugar per serving -- more than that and we call it dessert.

A lot of people are saying 'zomg how dare he, he'll eat what you cook and LIKE it or you should castrate him and serve him his balls overeasy'.

That's a pretty combative way of approaching the scenario. As she had said he does 'fend for himself'...by going out and getting junk food that she feels they cannot afford.

You mention he likes covering the healthy meals you make with cheese or ranch. Have you looked at low or no calorie ranch? Part skim cheese?

What kind of meals are you cooking? Would you be willing/able to modify them slightly if you thought that you both would enjoy them?

Faux fried chicken (greek yogurt+spicy bread crumbs and baked instead of fried)
Lean Steak and brown rice with veggies and a sweet potato
Meatloaf with lean beef and tomatoe sauce instead of ketchup with sauted onions and broccoli
Baked french fries and hamburgers stuffed with mushrooms, cheese, and onion
Take whatever you want to eat, and add bacon to it for him.

Healthy and good for you doesn't have to look like rabbit food.

As for leaving junk food all over, you could try starting by limiting the areas where such food is kept. Do you have a pantry? Give him a shelf and cover it where he can leave things he likes but that's still out of sight for you. Section off a part of the fridge, maybe one of the bottom drawers or something.

I personally feel working with the person is more likely to yeild results than going in with a 'my way or the highway' attitude.

Yeah...you're going to have to put a foot down. No one should have to "lose" in this situation. Just tell him his snacks are now limited. Too bad for him. He doesn't need to get diabetes anyhow.

I vote you do your grocery shopping and he do his.n sorry that's a hard situation to be in. I def. wouldn't cook him a new/separate dinner. Be like a mom. You eat what I cook or starve.

Go to the doctor together! Or watch "weight of the nation" on HBO and tell him even though he aggravates you you do want to grow old with him and that starts changing diet plans. Ease into it, I bake mashes bananas into brownie mix and cut out half the oil, spinach and feta cheese omelette with tomatoes.c . . .good luck!

^This!

You are his wife, not his mother. Stop babying him! Don't buy junk food, don't make two dinners. Make a good healthy meal, he either eats it or not! Good God woman! What are you thinking! Don't make an issue of it, just do it! I have a wonderful caring husband ( of 30 yrs) who cares enough about me to fix what is healthy when he cooks. There are a couple of nights a week when I am not home for dinner - he has pizza or fast food then! Now, I know he is eating junk food sometime as he has not lost a single pound even eating healthy with me, but hey, not my problem! He doesn't do it in front of me and he doesn't store the junk food in the kitchen. Sneaky little devil!

It really is tough. As you must have experienced yourself, motivation for change must come from within. You're doing a great job by being a good example, keep it up.

One thing that may be helpful is the type of reinforcement you give. For example, I used to negatively motivate my boyfriend to go to the gym "oh I'm afraid you'll die before me. You're losing muscle mass. You're so lazy. Your guts must be decaying" but that didn't help at all. He just got mad about the whole thing. Instead I started saying "I love it when we go to the gym together. It's like a little date *kiss*", "It's so nice to enjoy a good home cooked meal together *smiles kisses*.". "Look at you eating that nice salad, wow!".

Trying rewarding and making a good deal out of any little thing he does. Even if it's just eating meat and potatoes for dinner instead of pizza or chips. Baby steps, you can get the greens in later.

Good luck.