Im extremly discouraged because of my MFPfriend/Spouse.
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have positive things to say to other ppl hes friends with (who are also very fit) but doesnt comment on my activity when i feel like i did well. Im discouraged i just feel like im never doing good enough, if he can do it why cant I? I just basically feel like hes being a showoff ,hes sucessful he knows it.. i know it and to me its just being rubbed in my face. He knows i feel this way and just says "sorry, im not trying to be a showoff". When its affecting your mental state and motivation and making you feel bad about yourself, my question is would you delete them off MFP even if it was your spouse? and how would you feel if you were in my situation?
Does your husband encourage and support you in face to face interactions and just not here on MFP or is his lack of support evident in your face to face interactions, too? If it's just here on MFP, try not to take it too personally. My hubby and I are on FB together and he rarely comments on things that I post - mostly b/c we talk about them face to face, so he doesn't see a need to post a reply and I don't comment on everything he posts, either. I'm pretty confident it would be the same on MFP if he were active here, but he very much supports my efforts to be fit/healthy. He, on the other hand, eats whatever he wants and is thin as a rail. Grrr. lol0 -
Hi,
I say that if it bugs you to the point that you are discouraged and you feel sad every time you read what he's doing on MFP, then you should definitely delete him and get some more supportive friends. You can add me if you like.
Try and focus more on what YOU are doing and feeling proud of your efforts and less on what HE's done or is doing. Be nice to yourself and try to do a little something special for yourself every day. . . a bubble bath, some new nail polish, give yourself a facial, get some new earrings, a new hairstyle. . , whatever it is that makes YOU feel good about yourself.
Give yourself a pep talk. Try and read something uplifting every day (try TheDailyLove.com). Listen to uplifting music or put on some dance music and do a little dance workout to lift your mood. Take a walk and breath and really look at all the beauty in nature. There is much to be grateful for if we pay attention and don't focus on all the negatives.
Please don't be so hard on yourself. Stay with your program and you will achieve your goals.
Remember, you are a beautiful child of God who adores you!
Blessings,
Jenny0 -
Ty so much for that Christi, i think that might also be part of the issue is that i really only have him and a few other family memebers on my MFP friends i dont have really anyone in my shoes for friends. I dont get very much motivation or "hey great job today!!" on my activity. i think i may just figure out a way to hide his activity or just delete him all together if its affecting how im feeling about my journey and my motivation then its in my best interest to and i would hope he'd understand that.
If you want more cheerleaders, you might need to add more friends. I love cheering on the people on my friends list and I get a decent amount of support in return.
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Have you specifically asked for motivation, encouragement, or help from him? Many men learn never mention a woman's weight at all, positive or negative. It only takes a single interaction like this, from any woman, to turn him off for life:
Man: "Hey, you look good. Did you lose weight?"
Woman: "WHAT! ARE YOU SAYING I LOOKED FAT? HOW DARE YOU!"0 -
Maybe you should not be friends with him on MFP. If it's messing with your head, just eliminate seeing his MFP activity.
THIS^^^^0 -
Now im not jealous its not jealously
Sure sounds like jealousy.0 -
First off, complaining about/being discouraged by the fact that your husband can eat more is pointless. Men are naturally bigger, naturally more muscular and are naturally going to need more calories to sustain themselves. This is just the way it is, nothing is going to change it so you might as well get over it.
Secondly, why not be proud of your husband's accomplishments? Unless he's shoving it in your face and taunting you, he's just happy and proud of himself - absolutely nothing wrong with that. The last thing you want to do is tear him down so that you can feel better about yourself. You say you're not jealous but come on, re-read your posts and pretend that someone else wrote them. You are so jealous your text is practically green. You're talking about how your husband eats whatever he wants, loses weight effectively, gets lots of support, looks good, etc.. These are all things that you are envious of and therefore you are purely jealous.
For perspective, my situation is somewhat reversed from yours. I bust my *kitten* in the gym 5 days a week for over a year now, and my wife has lost 10% more than me just by dieting alone (though she recently just started working out). Am I jealous? Of course not, she's my wife, I'm ridiculously proud of her. I think I brag about HER weight loss more than my own! I love seeing her weight loss ticker go up even though mine has actually gone down recently. You're should encourage, support and be happy for your spouse's success in all areas of life in my opinion.
Long story short, it is your own insecurity causing this problem so your best bet is to find a way to get over it or just delete/hide your husband's feed.0 -
Let me get this straight...you want to delete your spouse off your friend list b/c his weight loss was successful, and you haven't reached your goals yet? Do I have that right?0
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i would get annoyed if my spouse were encouraging others on here, but not me. i would mention it to him...nicely.0
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no i think she is getting frustrated that he is supporting others, but not her.Let me get this straight...you want to delete your spouse off your friend list b/c his weight loss was successful, and you haven't reached your goals yet? Do I have that right?0 -
I would tell HIM how you feel. Tell him you need more encouragement. That's part of being married.0
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There is a lot of good advice here. I will only add: your marriage is more important than your weight. Don't delete him. Instead, talk to him.
Stay on the Journey0 -
It sounds like you're being a little over sensitive combined with the fact that you seem envious of your husband's ease of success. It doesn't sound like he is doing anything wrong or hurtful.0
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A 16oz ribeye is only about 1,000-1,200 calories. Just sayin.0
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De-friend him here. You don't need an internet site causing problems in your relationship.
Second, try not to compare yourself to him or anyone. All people are very different. All you are doing is making yourself more frustrated. Keep up the good work. Compete only with yourself. You've got this.0 -
I kinda find your post and your attitude towards your spouse a bit insulting.
Why do you feel the need to jump on him just because he has had success? Has he done anything to inhibit your success?
You are upset he is still logging? Have you ever thought that the reason some people STAY in shape is because they continue to monitor their health and fitness levels.....FOR LIFE? Not just when you need some drastic change.
I can understand your desire for him to support you more, but you really should rethink your entire attitude towards him.0 -
I wanna know if im being too sensitive or if others would feel the same..
Im on a weightloss journey trying to lose 30lbs. As a women whos had kids and never got the weight off right away as some of you know its not easy, it takes a lot with results that just take forever, its a slow process.
My husband started out with me with about 12-15lbs to lose, he was never fat a day in his life just trying to get in better shape and be at a more comfortble weight, well of corse hes a guy and hes pretty active the weight fell off of him hes already reached his goal and still logs and excercises to "mantain"...understandable. However hes at the point where he literally eats an 18oz steak and drinks 6 beers on a saturday night and nothing changes, but he still logs it. Me...i eat a peice of bread i shouldnt and gain five pounds overnight(not literally,you know what i mean). Now im not jealous its not jealously im feeling im proud of him for working hard to get to where he wanted to be, im extremly discouraged when i feel like i kill myself working out and watching carefully what i eat and nothing changes for me. Its irritating to me hes fit and healthy and still feels the need to log it and have positive things to say to other ppl hes friends with (who are also very fit) but doesnt comment on my activity when i feel like i did well. Im discouraged i just feel like im never doing good enough, if he can do it why cant I? I just basically feel like hes being a showoff ,hes sucessful he knows it.. i know it and to me its just being rubbed in my face. He knows i feel this way and just says "sorry, im not trying to be a showoff". When its affecting your mental state and motivation and making you feel bad about yourself, my question is would you delete them off MFP even if it was your spouse? and how would you feel if you were in my situation?
Sounds like you need to change your thinking entirely. Why not use his success as motivation. You can do this. Looks like you lost as much as he has so far BUT, you had more to lose. You are not him and you never will be. He probably is sorry but this is YOUR problem, not his.0 -
One important thing here is, try to look at things from his point of view. Does he deserve to not be able to keep himself on track and positively motivate others because you are struggling? It isn't his fault your bodies burn and store fat differently. He can't make you loose weight faster, he can't make you be able to eat whatever and still be "fit". There is nothing he can do to make your situation better. Did you try specifically telling your husband you need him to motivate you more? Maybe he doesn't really understand that you want him to congratulate you on your small goals and NSV (non scale victories), that they are important to you. Some times it can help to spell things out and not assume someone "gets" what you need. l!
In the end it may just be best for all parties if you delete him or block his posts from MFP. I suggest talking to him and explaining why before you do it of course. At the end the hardest part of loosing weight can be that it really is up to you and you alone. You are directly responsible for your success or failure in any situation. If you know your body can't recover fast or well from a "cheat meal" but your husbands will ... expect that and use that to weigh whether a "cheat" is worth that much to you. Remember if life was fair none of us would be overweight in the first place ;-p
This is about accepting responsibility for your own actions good or bad. Sure things in life will make us weak and we all stumble and give in. Don't guilt yourself, as one MFP said on a post I read before... "If you fall just pick yourself back up and carry on, remember, the race is in front of you not behind you."
Be your own motivator! Also, don't forget there are so many awesome MFP people on here who are wonderful and may just be going through the same exact thing.0 -
Sadly, the worst thing you can do as a woman is compare yourself to a man. Men have higher metabolisms, don't store fat like we do, and most of the men I know can eat whatever they want as long as they are active.
I don't think he INTENDS to hurt you but maybe you need to separate yourself from him in terms of fitness goals if you're having a hard time with your self-esteem because of it. I don't discuss fitness with my SO of 7 years - I have fitness goals with a couple of real-life friends and the MFP community, and we probably have a better relationship because the competition doesn't come between us. Your SO doesn't need to be a motivator in every aspect of your life, I've learned that my friends are a much better support group because we have more similar goals.0 -
If it will make YOU feel better, just delete him. It's mfp, it;s not a huge deal to delete someone you look at every single day, lol. You also can just hide him from your newsfeed... but don't forget, you might be his best support. Don't let his success keep you from finding your own!
My husband also loses weight "easily" and I seem to gain lbs just thinking about food- so I can understand what you're saying.
THIS!!!!!! ^^^^ agree!!!0
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