Husband is constant opposition!!
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Since you are the one who grocery shops I'd stop buying his junk food. If he wants to eat bad then he can go out and do his own shopping. Thats what I told my husband! lol That man can down a bag of dorritos in two days! I said I wont buy anything unhealthy for the sake of our family. So far its working...0
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He's a grown man. If he doesn't want to eat what you've cooked for dinner.....he can cook for himself.0
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for a minute, I thought you were talking about MY husband. He is the exact same and its hard trying to tell a grown man what to do. However, I refuse to cook fatty foods. I also substitute the type of meat I use and hide veggies in his meals. He doesnt know the difference if I do it right. Overall, they have to want better for themselves. I just pray for him and do the best I can to help.0
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Madness!!! It must be so damn hard on you when he is opposing your healthy eating habits so much to keep on track. I think you should definitely stick to your plan and make it your goal to get him on board! What do you mean he is ONLY 30lbs OVERWEIGHT? With his eating habits if they are as bad as it sounds, then this will quickly spiral out of control and you even face losing him. This is hardly a joke and he should know better as he is a grown up man. His doctor should lay all these facts in front of him and what he should expect from life if he continues like this.
I do hope you work it out! Sounds like you have a lot of work to do! Good luck!!!0 -
You can't force somebody to start eating healthy. It sort of a state of mind. Just like smoking cigarettes, you know it's bad for you and everyone tells you, but you aren't going to quit just because someone points it out to you.
I can sort of relate, because I live with my parents and siblings and I'm the only one watching my diet. You just have to be a good example and maybe he'll start to get interested on his own.
As for the financial part of it... you could do as someone else suggested and just quit buying all of the extra junk food he'd like and if he desperately needs it he can go buy it himself at a different time.0 -
I have a somewhat similar situation, just not as severe. I have my own job; therefore, my husband and I keep our money somewhat separate--I say this because I would be damned if I went grocery shopping with two different lists. He can carry his butt to the store and buy what he wants or eat what you buy. Same thing about what you cook. You cook it, and if he doesn't like it, he can cook his own meal. If he doesn't want help, then tell him to keep his mouth shut when he gets diabetes or other health issues. Tell him he has the opportunity now to change, and if not, it's not your responsibility in the future to deal with his problems brought on by his poor choices. Do what you need to do to be healthy. It takes a lot of will power to be healthy yourself when those around you refuse. Trust me--I know, but set your goals and be passionate about them so you'll stick to your plan. Goals are so important because that should be your motivation, and it should be something you would love to do if you were more healthy.0
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Hi everyone. I have struggled with my weight, yo-yo dieted, all that stuff that everyone says. I feel like I've finally found a pretty good balance and am on the right track. However, my husband is like a constant opposing force to my health efforts.
He claims that he absolutely cannot stand to eat anything that "grows from the ground". I swear he only rejects things BECAUSE they're good for him. He will go the entire day without eating anything and come home and eat mass amounts of junk food. He NEVER drinks water, only Red Bull or soda, and I can tell he's severely dehydrated. I worry about his health all the time. All of his uncles are morbidly obese and all but one of them have type 2 diabetes. My husband is only about 30 lbs. overweight right now but his weight continues to creep up and up.
Sometimes I tell myself to just ignore it and let him figure it out for himself because he gets mad when I bring it up. BUT...he's a huge obstacle for me achieving my weight loss goals. I have two separate grocery lists of food to buy every week, one for me and one for him. I also end up having to cook two separate dinners every night. I've tried relentlessly to find healthy recipes that he will eat. He will eat what I cook sometimes, but he will modify it to make it not healthy (adding a ton of cheese, ranch dressing, mayo, picking the veggies out, etc.) and he will say it doesn't fill him up and then go to the gas station by our house and buy a bunch of junk food because he's "still hungry", which ends up costing us more in the long run (which is why I buy him his own groceries and make his dinner separate, it's cheaper). We absolutely can't afford the two grocery haul thing and I feel like I'm the one who is going to have to bend.
WHAT DO I DO???? It's like talking to a brick wall when I try to reason with him. Sometimes I think he wants me to be fat. He even makes me feel bad, calling me the "health Nazi" and saying I'm obsessed with my weight and that's no way to live.
HELP!!
Why are you shopping and cooking for him? He's an adult who can make his own choices. My husband is aware that if he wants to eat crap, he has to take the time to go buy or fix it for himself.0 -
One thing that helped to change my way of thinking was the cost of our life insurance. In this economy we kind of see our life insurance as an inheritance for our children, and when I took the last Life Insurance Physical and they explained how my rates were going to go up and my coverage down because of this this and that... all health related issues, then it became less about my wife and I and more about security for our family. This gave me a little more motivation. Also my wife has lost quite a bit of weight in the last six months and it kind of made me feel less attractive being with her. Good luck...
Oh.. one more thing. It sounds to me like you are a good wife, health Nazi or not keep doing what you do.0 -
By clueless and insensitive, do you mean the type of person who'd make sweeping generalizations about an entire gender?Men can be pretty brain dead and sometimes it takes a mediator to call them out on their actions in order for a guy to see how clueless and insensitive they can be.0 -
I understand your situation. I'm in a simular situation except my husband doesn't have a pound to lose, the completed opposite of me. Which means i have to cook two seperate meals for him and the kids. But he do support my weightloss efforts. But in the end do whats best for you and your health. And he sure can shop and cook for himself if he chooses to. I hate to say it but sometimes partners do feel threatened by the changes especially if they have weight to lose. But don't you bend. Live for yourself thats your body and we only get one.0
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As you are both young I am sure he feels invincible and may prefer to do as he pleases with his diet. I would do seperate grocery lists. Perhaps once he sees how well you are doing maybe he will get on board. On the flip side as he ages and continues on this path his health will decline it really is not if it is when. I would stay on top of him and his habits he will thank you in the end. Maybe he could try some new things he might find that he likes them be persuasive in a loving way.
Stay on your path and be patient with him. He may come over to your side eventually. Usually it takes a trip to the Dr. to set they guys on the right path. Good Luck!0 -
He will eat what I cook sometimes, but he will modify it to make it not healthy (adding a ton of cheese, ranch dressing, mayo, picking the veggies out, etc.) and he will say it doesn't fill him up
My boyfriend does this exactly. In the beginning, I let it bother me a lot. I would cry, or think my food wasn't good because he was altering it. But I came to realize he does the same thing everywhere - at his moms, my moms, and even restaurants. He has different tastes or likes extra toppings. Whatever, he's the one eating it - focus on your plate.
You have to stop putting the pressure and blame on yourself. Focus on you, and let him take care of himself. Cook what you want, and make him and extra side of something to help fill him up. But stop putting up with his behavior and making a complete seprate meal. Once in while I will cook my boyfriends favorite dish as a treat for him, but not everyday. He needs to appreciate you and your effort and he never will if you keep babying him.
I don't mean to be harsh, but I hate to see you putting all the blame and pressure on yourself.0 -
I vote you do your grocery shopping and he do his.n sorry that's a hard situation to be in. I def. wouldn't cook him a new/separate dinner. Be like a mom. You eat what I cook or starve.
Go to the doctor together! Or watch "weight of the nation" on HBO and tell him even though he aggravates you you do want to grow old with him and that starts changing diet plans. Ease into it, I bake mashes bananas into brownie mix and cut out half the oil, spinach and feta cheese omelette with tomatoes.c . . .good luck!
Good point. At least you don't have to enable him. This is a matter of integrity and care for your husband. If you know that diet is slowly killing him, then don't buy or cook the food for him. He'll either fend for himself or come around out of convenience. Just possition it as a caring guesture and respect for your own integrity, not a manipulation tactic.
Emma0 -
Wow! That is a tough situation, but I have been in it and it can get better. My husband was the same way, everytime I would be on a "diet" he would complain that I only buy food for me and nothing good for him and the kids. Now that I have transitioned from dieting to eating healthy as a lifestyle choice it is creeping its way into my family and husband as well.
I here other people here saying don 't enable him by buying the stuff, but I know if your situtation is like mine, your husband would just go get fast food or junk at the convenience store and that adds up very quickly.
What I have done and it has taken a few years, so be patient, is I make an effort to find really good recipes with healthy foods that he will eat, like shrimp and fish. I try and throw in steak once a week because he does get sick of chicken. I have eliminated one unhealthy thing a month from my grocery list and last week the final thing was eliminated which was chips. My son complained twice, but now I have not heard a thing about it. My entire family is now eating very healthy, drinking water etc and cutting out mindless snacking.
It may take time, but I found that slowly but surely, it is improving. He even cooked turkey burgers and asparagus for dinner last night while I was at the gym.
He has never been overweight and is quite fit, but has high cholesterol. We are also drinking green smoothies every morning now and that was just a new addition to his diet 2 weeks ago. You put about 3 handfuls of raw spinach or two heads of romaine lettuce in the blender with 20 oz water, a whole orange, 5-6 strawberries and anything else green you want to add. I add a scoop of whey protein and you get about half your daily serving of fruits and veggies first thing in the morning. He drinks them regularly and even makes them on his own now.
You might also sit down with him and ask him if there is one thing he would agree to do differently and not cut out all at once.0 -
In our house I am also the chief cook and I feel somewhat guilty if I don't make dinner. My way of handling the two menus is to make extra veggies for me, and to make sure he has his rice/potatoes whatever. The non-compromise is that I make the entree for my diet. If he wants to doll it up with dressing that's fine with me. I have to turn the other way when he eats a lot of nuts or cheese before dinner, and I remind myself that I'm the one who decided to lose weight.
Your situation doesn't sound particularly supportive, but I agree with the other posters who said don't comment. You'll just create further tension around the food. Just take care of what you need to eat to lose the weight, make sure your husband has dinner without making him starve, too. You'll be okay.
This works best in my home^^
I often cook a meat/entree that we all can eat, a side such as rice or potatoes that I can sometimes have in moderation, and a side of veggies that I can eat as much as I want of. One meal, one menu, everybody eats. Occasionally, I will fix the family something they love that I don't eat and very occasionally I cook something for me that no one else is particularly fond of. You can't make him change, but reducing the tension and setting a good example are great ways to help him want to. It may take a long time or never happen, but you are on the right track with making changes in your life. If you can't get him to stop buying his own expensive junk food, you might (might!) consider talking about a budget. He may have no clue how much all his unhealthy convenience items are adding up to. Keep in mind though, that if you are struggling with each other over food, the stress can be unhealthy, and for me at least, stress makes me want to eat!0 -
I read your post and my heart aches. I wish I would have had the chance years ago to think like you in worrying about my health... and with my husband's ..... so things might be different today.....but I dont have that luxury.... and now am widowed.... healthy now...but alone. I wish things were different...that we both could be healthy together....enjoying this "newness" i feel in being healthy for the first time in my life.
My husband and I ate pretty much anything we wanted..twasnt healthy at all and junk was a main staple. We stayed away from docs and grew in size over our 25 years together....not to mention had health issues....but kept our heads in the sand and neglected everything. That came to a gringing hault in september 2009. His story is on a site I built in his memory... http://penile-cancer.ca under Curtis' Wish.
Needless to say all efforts to regain health was lost for him....and I continued on after his death in July of 2010 on my journey to health. I could not go backwards after watching his struggle for every bit of life that he couldnt regain.
Neglecting health is something that one doesnt realize sometimes until too late. I know many of us have the thought of being untouchable...that it wont happen to me.... but things do happen.... and when we finally do realize it's too late. Dont let it be too late for yourself...and I hope your husband doesnt either.
Your story brought tears to my eyes. My husband is supportive and eats healthy with me. But, on his own he does not make good choices. He is over 50 now and had always been trim and athletic. He now has a big belly, high blood pressure, and is going pre-diabitic. He refuses to go the the doctor. It makes me very sad as I try to stay on top of things for my own health. After reading your story I am going to push him again for a Dr. visit.0 -
Cut him off...0
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I can totally relate. It's hard. I was coming home at 8pm some nights from work and cooking two meals. He's told me a few times that my new "obsession with exercise" is taking away time from him and our girls (I normally exercise at 11pm...so this was not even a valid argument). He brings in soda's, snack cakes, chips...all kinds of things. He will eat chicken on occassion, but it's mostly beef for this man. All American...burgers, hamburger helper, steak. Corn, sometimes peas are the only veggies I see him eat. It's been a real frustration. His family is also obese, and I've watched his waist line grow over the last few years and I worry. I get discouraged from time to time thinking he wants me to stay overweight.
It was tough, and I'm not saying it's the right solution for everyone. As a woman, I want to be a great wife, I love my husband and my kiddos. I have a mothering nature and just want to take care of everyone. But I finally had to say enough. I go home and I cook dinner, if he doesn't like it, he has to find his own meal. He's actually getting pretty good with the grill! I've also asked that he keeps the junk food in the pantry and second refrigerator located in our laundry room and not in the kitchen out on the countertops. I had to have a heart-to-heart and just tell him why it was so important to me to lose the weight, and that I wasn't taking time from him and the kids, I was giving them more time. I've expressed my concerns with his health, but until he is ready to make a change, all I can do is continue to tell him how much I love him and how much I want him to be there with me in my elderly years.
Good luck to you. I know it's hard, but I believe that you will be able to find what works for you and your hubby and you will succeed. Best wishes.0 -
Hi everyone. I have struggled with my weight, yo-yo dieted, all that stuff that everyone says. I feel like I've finally found a pretty good balance and am on the right track. However, my husband is like a constant opposing force to my health efforts.
He claims that he absolutely cannot stand to eat anything that "grows from the ground". I swear he only rejects things BECAUSE they're good for him. He will go the entire day without eating anything and come home and eat mass amounts of junk food. He NEVER drinks water, only Red Bull or soda, and I can tell he's severely dehydrated. I worry about his health all the time. All of his uncles are morbidly obese and all but one of them have type 2 diabetes. My husband is only about 30 lbs. overweight right now but his weight continues to creep up and up.
Sometimes I tell myself to just ignore it and let him figure it out for himself because he gets mad when I bring it up. BUT...he's a huge obstacle for me achieving my weight loss goals. I have two separate grocery lists of food to buy every week, one for me and one for him. I also end up having to cook two separate dinners every night. I've tried relentlessly to find healthy recipes that he will eat. He will eat what I cook sometimes, but he will modify it to make it not healthy (adding a ton of cheese, ranch dressing, mayo, picking the veggies out, etc.) and he will say it doesn't fill him up and then go to the gas station by our house and buy a bunch of junk food because he's "still hungry", which ends up costing us more in the long run (which is why I buy him his own groceries and make his dinner separate, it's cheaper). We absolutely can't afford the two grocery haul thing and I feel like I'm the one who is going to have to bend.
WHAT DO I DO???? It's like talking to a brick wall when I try to reason with him. Sometimes I think he wants me to be fat. He even makes me feel bad, calling me the "health Nazi" and saying I'm obsessed with my weight and that's no way to live.
HELP!!
This is a rather easy fix... If he won't eat what you cook and goes and spends more money on food from a gas station... Big problem....
Solution A : take his debit card or take the money out of the bank or take the money and put it in a savings account....
Solution B : Don't give him no play... I don't care who it is, if your old lady isn't putting out your going to do what it takes to get some... Its called MALE INSTINCT
IMO of the situation...
I see you quoted "grows from the ground" well I don't either for the most part its very common. I don't eat anything all day sometimes but when I do I eat like 1500 calories in one sitting. Then my belly is full... Typical American Male to eat till your belly is full. Yes his problem could be a health issue later down the road but it isn't now. Don't try and force him to eat things he doesn't want to eat... That could very controlling of you even though its in his best interest. Instead of worrying about what groceries to buy him you should be thinking what groceries to buy y'all. When you cook dinner it doesn't have to be too different meals. YOU are making it more difficult then it really is.Chicken is my house holds best friend. My gf is pretty much a vegetarian she eats meat but mostly green stuff. If you want him to change then let him do it on his own... He'll end up with diabetes or something and then guess what... He'll start dieting... All I drink is soda as well yes its a dirty addiction... However he is a GROWN man and NOBODY can tell me what I can and cannot do with my body. My advice to you is live with it or live without him. I know he's an obstacle right now but who gives a crap? Your the one on the diet not him, your meals should be changed not his. You chose to live this new healthy way time to pay the consequences of that choice.
So what I do is cook ALL The FOOD, in seperate dishes. I don't put the corn in the rice or broccoli in my soup... Everything is cooked, then people can make their own plates. It makes for more dishes but who cares? They have to get done anyway right?
I'll add more later but as of right now I'm in trouble with my Platoon SGT...0 -
My ex-husband was extremely unsupportive to me losing the weight I put on after we started dating (guess who was always putting yummy muchies under my nose). I finally sat down with him one day and asked him to just listen to what I had to say, and that he wasn't supposed to talk until I was done. I explained that I was unhappy with myself at my current weight, it made me not want to go out and to do things, etc. I explained that feeling like that about myself lowered my sex drive. I told him that his lack of support in me getting back in shape, exercising regularly, and making healthier choices for my own food choices--and his constant negative comments were starting to make me depressed. I felt like the person I loved hated me for who I was when we met and who I wanted to be. I told him he could eat how he chose, but I wasn't paying for it (we both worked), so he could spend his 'fun' money on ice cream if he wanted it that bad. I told him that he didn't have to worry, I wasn't going to eat his treats. Then I asked him if this was his intention, and if he knew that he was hurting me so badly. He told me that I should just go get prescribed anti-depressants and get over myself because I was being silly and childish. When I refused he decided to try and lock down and control my entire life. That's when I left. He wanted me to be fat and miserable, and since our divorce has admitted that he was truly trying to keep me from getting back in shape because he preferred when other men thought I was less attractive. It wasn't that he was afraid I was going to leave, he just didn't like other guys looking at me. I've told him he needs to get help, serious help, and that he needs to start with this problem of his if he's going to ever have a happy, healthy, successful relationship. He still has yet to see anyone and it's been a year and a half since we had that conversation. Sometimes, the person you married is hiding a dark part of themselves, sometimes they just don't realize how much they are hurting you.0
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