Im extremly discouraged because of my MFPfriend/Spouse.

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Replies

  • cari4jc1
    cari4jc1 Posts: 233
    I feel ya! Although I'm in a little bit different of a situation. My husband is trying to GAIN weight. He just started losing MFP and the amount of calories he has to eat is crazy. He constantly talks about HAVING to eat and trying to find foods that are healthy and high in calories. blah blah blah. Makes me crazy. haha! But I would suggest having a real heart to heart with your spouse and make sure he understands how you are feeling about this. Clarify with him that he's not being supportive to you. If you've already done that then I wouldn't have a problem with deleting him as a friend. I'm not friends with my husband on here either. You have to do what you have to do to be able to take care of yourself. And as previous people have said, you have to focus on yourself and your weight loss and forget about everyone else. Every person's body is different and processes things differently. Your weight loss might feel slow, but there's probably always someone else out there that's going to be slower than you or faster than you. Just do your best and eventually you'll see the results you want. You CAN DO THIS! :)
  • littlelaura
    littlelaura Posts: 1,028 Member
    Make sure you are eating enough calories or your weight loss will slow down, and change your mindset, you may love your husband and be proud of him but you are envious of his success and that he is able to chow down things he likes, eat that steak with him and have one beer, you will still lose weight, count it all like he does and for godsakes woman stay away from that evil 5 lb inducing slice of bread (jk) deep breathe and refocus on your control,your ability to become what you visualize, let go of his being successful as your main mindset and retarget yourself onto only you, and please dont delete the spouse thats silly he will lean over your shoulder and say HI! LOL
  • cgsr
    cgsr Posts: 113
    A 16oz ribeye is only about 1,000-1,200 calories. Just sayin.

    :)
  • 180farm
    180farm Posts: 230
    Treat him like anyone else on mfp. If they're not helping you or actually making it worse they have got to go. Delete him. It's my fitness pal, not my fitness spouse. Keep him in real life but man, he's making you nuts on mpf so he's got to go.
  • bombkitty
    bombkitty Posts: 17 Member
    Just delete him. If he never comments on your posts, he probably won't notice anyway. My husband just ran a marathon and has no fat on him. I have at least 20 lbs left to lose, have lost 30 so far. We are on different journeys, I just have to remember that. He's trying to beat his high school 5K time and I'm trying not to eat everything in sight, LOL.
    Friend people who are on similar paths to you, it will be good encouragement. Friend me! :drinker:
  • amylynn96
    amylynn96 Posts: 114 Member
    Geez im reading this post back the next morning and i didnt realize anyone cared enough to keep replying so thank you to those who did, or should i say thank you to the ones with positive things to say. To those who just jumped to the shes jealous conclusion before anything else. I stated i wasnt jealous because im not jealous. Im not stupid i knew how the body works and i know men have quicker results than women and there metabolisms work faster. I understand all of that. Im not "jealous" of his success, im FRUSTERATED(key word here FRUSTERATED) with his continued logging and only having positive things to say to other "fit"friends on here.

    Only the handful of people who say they can relate can relate and know how i was feeling. To the guys who just jumped to judgement calling me jealous and not supporting him or insulting him, your out of your minds you dont know me or him. Just because i was feeling bad doesnt mean im not proud of him for sticking to this and having such good integrity. Hes my husband of corse im proud of him i look up to him in all hes able to do and im not yet able to keep up with, but hope to one day.

    I did end up deleting him and i told him why and later last night i felt like crap, i had this great workout yesterday i did something i've never been able to do before and the only person i cared about telling it to was him and its just put us in this awkward can we even talk about this anymore with eachother situation. So in the end i think anything i was feeling was just not getting enough support from him, he knows ive never tried so hard at losing weight and working out in my life and im just looking for a little rocognition from him, i need him to be my biggest cheerleader and just felt like he was more into himself and other people who keep up with him.

    I did send him a new friend request with an apology for being too sensitive and explaining how i need his support more than anyone elses.
    Ty to the great people with positive words for me and for the friend requests, everyone deserves a support system and everyone deserves advice without judgement.
  • va_va_voom
    va_va_voom Posts: 467 Member
    I'm glad you added him back with the explanation that you gave him and pray that he will respond positively to your request to be more supportive of your efforts.
  • Bronx_Montgomery
    Bronx_Montgomery Posts: 2,284 Member
    Why would you delete him off your MFP. Everyone is not built the same. What works for him doesn't work for everyone. Also woman's bodies are so different then men. Just be patient. Everyone is built differently. I know it can get discouraging when you work so hard for such small success but everything takes time and dedication.
  • MissC787
    MissC787 Posts: 175 Member
    I deleted my husband....haha Not for the same reason. He was not as active with MFP as I am, and he gets on my nerves that he doesn't log daily. Then tries to get me to tell him what he ate all week as a result. (Not it!) :)

    I would suggest to you that you either use him as motivation. OR.... delete him, and surround yourself with support.
    Good luck!!
  • jpuderbaugh
    jpuderbaugh Posts: 318 Member
    well at least your partner isn't trying to GAIN weight.

    My boyfriend is trying to gain weight because he can't seem to keep on weight and therefore eats everything in sight including fast food, soda and cookies/candy/sweets.

    it is SOOOOOOO frustrating. I'm over here working my butt off to look good and it seems like I have one bad weekend and gain 4 pounds where if he doesn't eat the proper amount he LOSES weight, without even trying. GAH.

    My husband also eats however the hell he wants, and is frustrated being the weight he is. He boo hoos when he steps on the scale and sees 125, but basically throws a party when he reaches 130. He's such a hog and eats everything. And then I see it and my cravings go into extreme overdrive and it can derail me sometimes. I've expressed my frustrations with him over this, and now if I'm in the living room, he'll scarf down the cupcake he wants in the kitchen so I don't see it. Or if I'm in the kitchen he'll go eat in the living room if it's something he knows I will want when I see it. And his weight will go right back down to 125 without even trying. That boy is lazy as hell. If I try to get him to do zumba with me (just so he isn't sitting there watching me because I don't like to be watched) he can become soooooo cranky! Ugh! Dealing with a 12 year old in a 32 year old man's body. And I even upgraded him from 10!
  • CatchMom11
    CatchMom11 Posts: 462 Member
    There's absolutely nothing wrong with deleting him. As long as you simply explain to him why and that it's not that you're bitter, but that it's something that you have to do for yourself. As women, we sometimes let things get into our heads and it effects us... you're simply removing it.

    Now you may find that once you remove him that it wasn't him at all. There's nothing wrong with it though. You should ask him why he isn't more supportive though.
  • amylynn96
    amylynn96 Posts: 114 Member
    Why would you delete him off your MFP. Everyone is not built the same. What works for him doesn't work for everyone. Also woman's bodies are so different then men. Just be patient. Everyone is built differently. I know it can get discouraging when you work so hard for such small success but everything takes time and dedication.

    I deleted him because im a girl with stupid girl emotions, he was making me feel badly and my head was in a place where if he was making me feel badly then why even have him in that part of my life where i need nothing but positive and no negitive feelings. After a very good workout kicking my own *kitten* in frustration and then not feeling like i could share how it went with him , i realized i now felt bad again because i need him, i need to be able to talk to him about everything and i need to hear the "great job babe im proud of you".
  • MissC787
    MissC787 Posts: 175 Member
    I deleted my husband....haha Not for the same reason. He was not as active with MFP as I am, and he gets on my nerves that he doesn't log daily. Then tries to get me to tell him what he ate all week as a result. (Not it!) :)

    I would suggest to you that you either use him as motivation. OR.... delete him, and surround yourself with support.
    Good luck!!

    I didn't see that you had deleted him, and added him back already. Good for you. I may be judged for my respose as well, but I don't care. I have to do what works for me. My hubby and I talk all the time in person, and I told him why he was deleted. He didn't care.
  • traceyjayne64
    traceyjayne64 Posts: 262
    Keep going, dont delete him, you want him to see how well you are doing, even ounce by ounce. Men are funny creatures, they dont think like we do, im sure he hasn't even realised how much he has hurt you by not responding to your news feeds...and if he does it again, give him a big fat nudge and tell him to his face :smile:

    And why dont you try adding a few of us on here for support, i for one would be happy for you to add me, i try to be supportive and respond to as many feeds as i can and i never turn a friend request down.

    You are doing brilliantly, keep your chin up :smile:
  • jpuderbaugh
    jpuderbaugh Posts: 318 Member
    That would irritate me too if my husband was on here and didn't ever tell me he was proud of the work I was doing or that he was proud of how well I ate that day. To me it would say "I only care about myself, you are on your own. I don't think you're doing enough, you should be losing weight like me!" Don't let it put a thorn in your marriage. Either do like somebody else mentioned and hide his activity on here, or maybe talk to him about it. Tell him you would like more support from him, as he is your husband and he should be more of a rock than he is being.
  • jchrisman717
    jchrisman717 Posts: 780 Member
    "Ty so much for that Christi, i think that might also be part of the issue is that i really only have him and a few other family memebers on my MFP friends i dont have really anyone in my shoes for friends. I dont get very much motivation or "hey great job today!!" on my activity. i think i may just figure out a way to hide his activity or just delete him all together if its affecting how im feeling about my journey and my motivation then its in my best interest to and i would hope he'd understand that."

    ^^This

    I am so glad my husband is not on MFP. Yes it is great to do it as a couple and be supportive of each other - but sometimes I need to vent about things that he wouldn't understand and I really don't want him to know. Its nice to keep the two separated.

    That being said - I feel your pain! Feel free to add me - I do a lot on the boards and my wall. I've been trying since Dec to lose about 20 lbs. I've had a hard time. I had myself convinced my scale was broke. So my husband steps on it the other day and goes - gee I've lost 8 lbs since I weighed last (which was in about two weeks). I wanted to throw him and the scales out the window! I just smiled and said that's great baby - and walked in the other room and gritted my teeth!

    I don't know how I would handle it if he was already on MFP with me - but maybe you could just act like he's not and start getting your own support of friends on here.
  • CharlieBarleyMom
    CharlieBarleyMom Posts: 727 Member
    I know this is pretty much closed already because you've "done what needed to be done" - deleted and readded him... but I wanted to point out that on page one you should definitely read what Va Va Voom said. She made the point that if your husband is giving you the encouragement FACE-TO-FACE then that is what really counts. Just because he doesn't write it out on a website page for you doesn't mean he doesn't care and notice and support you. Your marriage is real not virtual. Don't live in a virtual world versus a real world and lose your real life over this. Grab hold of your emotions and your husband and talk to each other about it. Talk for EVERYTHING. Don't allow things to fester... they get uglier in your head as time goes on and then it gets really ugly.
  • DEEDLYNN
    DEEDLYNN Posts: 235 Member
    Sorry....I'm gonna have the minority view on this. But...here goes...and I hope this is helpful to you.

    1) Would you delete any of your other MFP friends because they experienced success? That's our entire goal to support and be supported. Some are better supporters....some need more support......and sometimes that changes as people build confidence.

    From your post, I feel like you need to experience the confidence building (that is my own personal biggest struggle). The more confidence that you have in YOU...the less frustrating living with the success story that has already happened, will be.

    I've read food diarys in here, from very successful friend, and I'm like....GOOD GRIEF, if I ate that...I'd blow up like a whale. But, I understand that we are all different, we all have different journeys, we all have different time frames of reaching our goals....for a myriad of reasons. But...I take the best and leave the rest...if I read something that I know won't apply to me---such as a big steak and six beers on the weekend....I smile....great someone can do that...but I have to move on, because that won't work for me.

    He has accomplished his goal and deserves to be happy in it. Sounds, like he may forget to congratulation you on reaching some small goals and working towards your ultimate goal. But the more you resist his celebration of his success, I think the less likely you are going to pull him into your celebrations along the way.

    Once you reach your goals, you can celebrate together.....think about that. Let his success BOOST your motivation. Don't think about what he can have that you can't. Don't concentrate on the food. Concentrate on the feeling of success.

    Find a way to turn the negative into a positive. I can see countless ways to do that in this situation. At least he is not a sabatoer bringing you goodies. He's just enjoying his own success.

    YOU CAN DO THIS AND BE RIGHT THERE WITH HIM!!!!

    GO GIRL!
  • shimewazaMan
    shimewazaMan Posts: 413
    I did send him a new friend request with an apology for being too sensitive and explaining how i need his support more than anyone elses.
    Ty to the great people with positive words for me and for the friend requests, everyone deserves a support system and everyone deserves advice without judgement.
    :) I'm glad you guys worked it out! Nothing on Earth motivates me like my honey giving me a compliment!
  • DEEDLYNN
    DEEDLYNN Posts: 235 Member
    I like Happy Endings!!!!! :)
  • Starsighter78
    Starsighter78 Posts: 62 Member
    I like Happy Endings!!!!! :)

    That's what she said. :)

    In all seriousness, I'm glad that you were able to open the lines of communication about the feelings you were having. In the long run, it will be beneficial to you and imperative for your relationship. Keep at it chica! You can do it.
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