How come no one ever thinks they're the BAD one?

How come no one ever thinks they're one of the bad ones?

Everyone ELSE is always "lazy" or "stupid" or "selfish" or "mean" or "wrong" or "hurtful" or whatever else. So, tell me...why aren't YOU ever the one who effed up? Or continuously effs up?

"Most people" claim that "most people" are ___insert negative adjective here___ and assume a position of superiority. I've never heard someone say, "Hey, my boyfriend and I broke up. Why? Because I'm a lazy, immature dirtbag who doesn't give a *kitten* about other people. Also, I'm a big-time moron. We're talking SUPER dumb."

I'm willing to bet that most people who think they're in the right, be it in personal or professional matters, are as much a part of the problem as, or more than, the person they're vilifying when they retell the story to their pitchfork and torch-weilding bandwagoneer friends.

I've certainly grown a lot in the last decade (I'm 27...so that sort of makes sense) but there have been plenty of times where I was the jack@ss in the equation. I'm sure there will be times like that in the future, even.

So...tell me, MFPals...when were YOU the bad guy?

I am often the bad guy when I am tired or hungry, and my patience has grown thin and brittle. I finally gave up the fight to be right and realized that I can actually learn something when I'm willing to be wrong. I still argue about stuff, sometimes passionately. And sometimes I'm wrong.

I don't see being the "bad guy" as just being wrong. I think you or I can be the bad guy and be right. Thinking you are in the right can be confidence, arrogance, or assholence. Kinda depends on how you portray your thinking you are right. I have done all three.

I think language and word choice is important. I think we commonly put others on the defensive without even realizing it. For example, look at the opening of your original post. You ask why no one ever thinks they're the bad ones. You continue with "Everyone..." I know what you meant. But that language isn't really asking for discussion. It's asking for debate. Which is fine. But I think people are surprised by the reactions they get when they make sweeping generalizations. I see it all the time here, on Facebook, and socially.

RE: your post, I think what you may be getting at is accountability. Blame-share, right? I believe the amount of blame someone is willing to own is inversely proportional to how defensive or angry they feel at the time.

I'm the opposite. I blame myself for everything.

While perhaps more common, and maybe more socially acceptable, I think this is just the other side of the same coin. It's no worse or better than never accepting any blame.

Accurate accountability is a skill. We're not born with it (go ask a toddler why the plant was knocked over). It takes practice. Hopefully we get some guidance from our parents and later surround ourselves with friends that will call us on our BS. Despite the temptation to surround ourselves with people who will high five all the time, surrounding ourselves with people who will keep us accountable is the best way to learn accountability. When we don't have that, it increases the odds of becoming an ego-centric megalomaniac. I am convinced it's why sports stars who have been fawned over since high school can act like sociopaths. During their formative years and beyond, no one dared to say "Hey man, you might want to tone it down a notch, you're acting kinda like a jerk" because that friend might get kicked out of the inner circle.

I wish being told we're wrong wasn't weighted so heavily for some many people. I think as social human beings, we need to be told we're wrong. I think we need to learn how to navigate that. I think it's how we learn perspective, social norms, and how to present our ideas differently. This is why I'm a proponent of honest criticism on MFP (and any other online forum or social group I belong to).

Also important is how much weight I give to you accepting your own blame. In other words, if we have a conflict and we're both at fault, am I satisfied if we reconcile and I own my part in the conflict? Or do I also need you to own your part in the conflict to move forward? Even if I'm willing to accept my part in our conflict, if I can't move forward without you satisfying what I deem a worthy amount of blame acceptance, then I've got other issues.

I will openly admit that I am often a selfish witch.

I'm not the bad one. I am always the victim of someone else's stupid actions. I am perfect, sweet, and do everything right the first time!! Its true, I swear!! My mom told me so!!

How come no one ever thinks they're one of the bad ones?

Everyone ELSE is always "lazy" or "stupid" or "selfish" or "mean" or "wrong" or "hurtful" or whatever else. So, tell me...why aren't YOU ever the one who effed up? Or continuously effs up?

"Most people" claim that "most people" are ___insert negative adjective here___ and assume a position of superiority. I've never heard someone say, "Hey, my boyfriend and I broke up. Why? Because I'm a lazy, immature dirtbag who doesn't give a *kitten* about other people. Also, I'm a big-time moron. We're talking SUPER dumb."

I'm willing to bet that most people who think they're in the right, be it in personal or professional matters, are as much a part of the problem as, or more than, the person they're vilifying when they retell the story to their pitchfork and torch-weilding bandwagoneer friends.

I've certainly grown a lot in the last decade (I'm 27...so that sort of makes sense) but there have been plenty of times where I was the jack@ss in the equation. I'm sure there will be times like that in the future, even.

So...tell me, MFPals...when were YOU the bad guy?

Some people, Like me, blame myself for everything. I usually always say I did this wrong or that wrong. even if there was no way I could have been the bad guy (drives my husband crazy) because I really beat myself up over it, I get mad and it takes me awhile to realize that not every situation problem or relationship I could control. And just because it turned out bad or what not does not mean that it was ALL my fault.Just thought I would share from the other perspective. Although I know a lot of people who let me take on all the responsibility of being the bad guy because they don't want to be.

I can think of dozens of situations where I was the one who messed up. I am very conscious of my own faults. I know when I'm being irritable, rude, etc. And I will make every effort to stop and apologize. Heck one time I remember saying something to a waiter at a restaurant that sounded sort of weird to me. I asked my wife if I came off rude and she said yes. When he came back I told him I was sorry and that I didn't intend for it to come off rude at all and that he was doing a great job for us.

I can admit when I'm wrong. I can apologize. I regularly reflect on myself and think about the changes I can make to improve who I am. So I don't think no one ever thinks they're the bad one...I do think though that if more people would admit their own faults the world would be much less frustrating.

I'm a naughty girl

I'm one to admit when I'm wrong. In fact I just did that today. Guess I can be fairly snotty and crabby from time to time. But I'm also pretty groovy. You might find a small percentage of people who can admit their wrong. But everyone is wrong at some point or another. Yep.. I can't stand the ones who never admit it. Know ones perfect.

this has nothing to do with the topic, just had to say i lOVE your ticker!

This is so funny to me, I always laugh when someone is talking negatively about someone else. Typically because I can only imagine how they must fell about themselves to talk so harshley of others. Some people just need to do that to make them feel better about themselves. I guess being a psych nurse I just get that and let them be on their way.

Me on the other hand...I was raised by true hippy-esque parents who taught nothing but to love yourself and others and beyond all else ALWAYS be able to laugh at yourself. I'm proud of my "bad" points. You know what, alot of times I'm a lazy, self-centered, burping, farting, slurping my milkshake kinda girl. Yes, gross, but luckily I have an amazing husband who puts up with my *kitten*.

I seem to be the one that screws up on a daily basis in some form or another and the bad guy all the time. Just something I am use too!!