for those who are entirely comfortable in their skin...

Options
BeautyFromPain
BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
in Chit-Chat
How have you reached this point in your life?

I have been trying and trying for the past year to try to accept my whole self, flaws and all but do not seem to be making any progress at all. Has anyone overcome massively low self esteem and how...?

I grimace at myself when I even look in the mirror and I cannot leave the house without makeup. I want to be able to change this.
«13

Replies

  • BrownEyedDiva
    BrownEyedDiva Posts: 35
    Options
    I know how you feel my low self esteem wont change until my body changes.
  • iceqieen
    iceqieen Posts: 897 Member
    Options
    Still a way to go, but feel much better about myself than often before. It sounds cheesy but looking in the mirror and complementing myself, focusing on the things I do like (physical and mental). When I feel like there's nothing I like I must force myself to find *something*

    NSVs have helped me a bunch.. to be able to run, or do certain moves in aerobic classes and such makes me feel awesome.

    Basically trying to develop a positive narcisistic attitude instead of the negative selfimage :P
  • selfishshellfish
    selfishshellfish Posts: 97
    Options
    The short answer is by doing a course of a cognitive therapy called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (aka ACT). There are some good books on the subject by Russ Harris.

    This therapy aims to shift your focus from your feelings of not being good enough on to the steps you need to take to build a life worth living. It's simple yet very profound.

    Good luck.
  • mummma
    mummma Posts: 402 Member
    Options
    i dont know if its that easy... i dont think that by getting to my goal weight ill be entirely comfortable in my own skin.. but i may feel a whole lot better in clothes lol.

    heres a pic of me from 2005... even then i wouldnt wear a bikini on the beach....

    DSCN0968.jpg
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
    Options
    I know how you feel my low self esteem wont change until my body changes.

    even though my body has changed though, my self esteem hasn't. it's more than skin deep...
  • goldfinger88
    goldfinger88 Posts: 686 Member
    Options
    I feel I'm quite comfortable in my own skin. But I think part of that is that I'm older and older people tend to accept themselves more as their are than younger people. While I'm losing weight so I'll be more fit and perhaps look a bit better in the mirror, I could stay where I am and be comfortable with it. I think the best thing anyone can do to help themselves is to learn to accept themselves, flaws and all, without reservation. If we can't accept ourselves, how can we expect others to?

    And, I'm not sure it's something you can "try" to do but something you have to learn to do. I remember when large women, women with curves, were admired. Women who were thin were looked on as "lower class" and unattractive. It was a point of distinction for a woman to be heavy. So, in a way, regardless of where we are in our weight loss or our life, we can consider ourselves at a good place. The best way to be a peace with yourself is to never, never compare yourself to others.
  • Dragonnade
    Dragonnade Posts: 218 Member
    Options
    10 years, faking it till I made it, and having some of the best friends in the world - most of whom were found online through shared interests.

    It's been so long, I can barely remember how I stopped being suicidal - I just sorta realised one day I either went ahead or did it, or I picked myself up and changed my life. Chose the latter, worked stupidly hard, and now I find myself looking at my life in disbelief because I'm so proud of what I've achieved.

    I don't really know how to advise, but what worked for me was identifying what was wrong and ways to fix it and being a determined s0d who refuses to give in. Ever. And if I don't like what I'm doing, is it really worth doing it?

    I can offer hugs and well wishes of good luck though, and assurances that learning to love yourself is the greatest thing you can do, for everything that comes with it :)
  • 05HeatherLouise05
    05HeatherLouise05 Posts: 178 Member
    Options
    I more or less went from "Not giving a Cr@p" to "Proud to be me whatever the case may be". I didn't really have a Low point. But i hope you start feeling better about yourself, because body image is as much about your mind as it is your body, maybe more so.
  • impyimpyaj
    impyimpyaj Posts: 1,073 Member
    Options
    I just read an article in Whole Living about living without a mirror. This woman did an experiment where she did not look at her reflection for 30 days. She realized by the end of it that she still had flaws, and she still did not love those flaws, but she didn't *think* about them anymore. They were there, and it was ok, because she was thinking about other things. When I read that, I realized that's kind of where I am. I don't love my flaws. I don't love my saggy belly and my stretch marks. I don't love my uneven, acne-prone skin. I don't love my feet. There are a lot of things about me that I don't love. But I'm to the point that I just don't think about them anymore. I'll notice them in my reflection, and I'll think, "Man, that's a bummer." But then I just move on. Because I'm more than bad skin and stretch marks. I have a lot to offer the world. And I've learned that most people don't even see all that stuff, especially the people who care about me. They see me for ME, not for my physical flaws.

    It also helps to realize that nobody is as perfect as you see in the magazines, not even those models/actresses/singers. They're all Photoshopped beyond recognition to look that perfect. The reality is, some of them have acne scars and stretch marks. Some of them have "bingo wings" or flabby butts. And if you ever ran into them on the street with no makeup, you'd see that. But we only see the highly edited version of them. EVERYONE has flaws and things they'd like to change. The trick is to realize that there is more to you than those things, and stop thinking about them so much.
  • gpstrucker
    gpstrucker Posts: 930 Member
    Options
    At 50 years old, yeah I am comfortable with myself, warts and all. I have never suffered from a self esteem problem anyway, but these days I am quite happy with who I am.
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
    Options
    It's just hard when you are told constantly that you are an ugly, selfish b!tch like every day of your life...
  • Pokermom10
    Pokermom10 Posts: 78 Member
    Options
    For me the answer is an unequivicol (sp?) YES. Are there still things about me I want to change, certaintly. Being older (I'm 43) helps. But I really just decided one day that low self esteem was not getting me anywhere so why not try to change my attitude. It took a while (a few years) of acting confident on the outside before I actually was confident on the inside, but now I truly am confident. Self esteem is something you give yourself, not something anyone else can give you or take away from you. Concentrate on the positive, ignore the negative, hold your head up high and walk down the street like you own it. People will notice and you will start to change.

    If you have a bad day, don't dwell on it. Every new day is a new chance to have a good day. :)

    Head up, boobs out and SMILE. You are worth a million bucks. Act like it. :)
  • Pokermom10
    Pokermom10 Posts: 78 Member
    Options
    It's just hard when you are told constantly that you are an ugly, selfish b!tch like every day of your life...

    Get this person out of your life -- asap.
  • impyimpyaj
    impyimpyaj Posts: 1,073 Member
    Options
    It's just hard when you are told constantly that you are an ugly, selfish b!tch like every day of your life...

    Well, if someone is telling you that, you're gonna need to get that person out of your life. Or, tell them to eff off. If neither of those are an option, do positive affirmations with yourself, so whenever you hear that, either spoken aloud or just remembering it, you tell yourself, "I am beautiful, I am worthwhile, I have a lot to offer the world."

    Another thing that might help is to get out into the world and volunteer. Do some community service at a soup kitchen or a nursing home or an animal shelter. Somewhere that you can do good for others just by giving your time. Doing good for others is always a good self-esteem boost.
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
    Options
    It's just hard when you are told constantly that you are an ugly, selfish b!tch like every day of your life...

    Get this person out of your life -- asap.

    I can't unless I wanna go live in my car again.
    There is more than one. :/
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
    Options
    It's just hard when you are told constantly that you are an ugly, selfish b!tch like every day of your life...

    Well, if someone is telling you that, you're gonna need to get that person out of your life. Or, tell them to eff off. If neither of those are an option, do positive affirmations with yourself, so whenever you hear that, either spoken aloud or just remembering it, you tell yourself, "I am beautiful, I am worthwhile, I have a lot to offer the world."

    Another thing that might help is to get out into the world and volunteer. Do some community service at a soup kitchen or a nursing home or an animal shelter. Somewhere that you can do good for others just by giving your time. Doing good for others is always a good self-esteem boost.

    I have told them to eff off many times, hasn't made any difference. I was going to volunteer but since I'm working full time and studying full time atm decided to sponsor a little boy from Africa instead :)
  • lacroyx
    lacroyx Posts: 5,754 Member
    Options
    It's just hard when you are told constantly that you are an ugly, selfish b!tch like every day of your life...

    Get this person out of your life -- asap.

    I can't unless I wanna go live in my car again.
    There is more than one. :/
    \ o=
    as for me nope. not one bit. I been faking it as well. probably the biggest reason I am Forever Available ( alone just sounds negative, lol) I don't care what others see, think or say. It does help a bit when others say they are happy, proud, encouraged, inspired etc etc by my weight loss. I just focus on myself and put myself out there as an example to encourage others. maybe someday but not right now that's for sure.
  • impyimpyaj
    impyimpyaj Posts: 1,073 Member
    Options
    It's just hard when you are told constantly that you are an ugly, selfish b!tch like every day of your life...

    Well, if someone is telling you that, you're gonna need to get that person out of your life. Or, tell them to eff off. If neither of those are an option, do positive affirmations with yourself, so whenever you hear that, either spoken aloud or just remembering it, you tell yourself, "I am beautiful, I am worthwhile, I have a lot to offer the world."

    Another thing that might help is to get out into the world and volunteer. Do some community service at a soup kitchen or a nursing home or an animal shelter. Somewhere that you can do good for others just by giving your time. Doing good for others is always a good self-esteem boost.

    I have told them to eff off many times, hasn't made any difference. I was going to volunteer but since I'm working full time and studying full time atm decided to sponsor a little boy from Africa instead :)

    Good! I'm assuming these people are at home, yes? So try to stay out of the house when you can. Do your studying at the library or in the park when possible. Or go to a Starbucks and camp out -- you don't have to drink coffee if you don't want to. Order a tea and sit and study. Take walks when you have free time. Just go home to make food and sleep. There's no reason you have to be around to listen to that crap more than necessary.
  • MLgarcia3
    MLgarcia3 Posts: 503
    Options
    I've finally come to that point in my life.. I don't know if it's because I'm older and know better, or because of what lifting weights has done to my body.. But one main thing I've learned is to surround myself with supportive people. And to not be afraid to cut any drama out of my life. I've been much happier since then and definitely choose my friends more wisely now.
  • Dragonnade
    Dragonnade Posts: 218 Member
    Options
    OK, ASAP doesn't have to mean tomorrow, but definitely get people that get you down, out of your life. Long term goal - the day you need never say 'hello' to them again.

    Everything that you're currently doing, it's a means to an end. The studying is fabulous as it does open up the world to you. The working is brilliant for getting you out, meeting people and keeping you busy.

    Mini targets are also always good. And helping others will help yourself majorly, as you improve their life, and the gratitude is guaranteed to make you stand up taller cos You did that; You made their life better.

    Challenging yourself is great too - realistic goals, so when you reach them, you're awesome. If you think of something you definitely want to do, but it'll take ages to get there, break it up with mini-goals along the way so you don't get disheartened. And you WILL drag yourself to a better place and then you can turn around and stick two fingers up at whoever's been grinding on you - but chances are when you're there, you'll just pity them and move on.

Categories