for those who are entirely comfortable in their skin...

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Replies

  • km_jenn
    km_jenn Posts: 107
    I think there is a lot more to it then body image, although that is a major part. It's like a cycle... your body image makes you feel bad about yourself, when you feel bad about yourself you get depressed, when your depressed you think negatively. You let things affect you differently, you perceive things differently and react differently to situations. These affect on you can damage relationships and cause a host of other issues in your life. It gets hard to really decipher where things begin and end.

    I would encourage you to work hard at your goals. That is one of the small things in life we control. Eat right, exercise... and most importantly, be proud of yourself. Appreciate yourself for all your efforts, and determination. That will be the start to not only the weight loss goal you have, but build the confidence needed to help you get to that happy place, that allows you to embrace life. Good luck hun, hope that helps!
  • Dragonnade
    Dragonnade Posts: 218 Member
    Also, given you've moved out once, it does get easier to get along when there's distance between you. I get on fine with my mother, until I've been home for a couple of days - then at each other's throats. She used to call me fat when I was 16, and now thinks I'm mad for doing MFP and can't understand - me, who I am now! Which is her problem, and she's entitled to her opinion, but that doesn't make her any less wrong in that opinion.

    Try not to be riled by comments. If you've confronted and it doesn't work, it likely never will. Acceptance that someone's an idiot with their own issues is huge. Because though hurtful, their opinion becomes meaningless. I care more if a stranger insults me than if my mother does, because I know she doesn't understand anything about me and her opinion is therefore flawed ab initio.
  • LorinaLynn
    LorinaLynn Posts: 13,247 Member
    I'm sorry you have someone who's putting you down. That just sucks. But realize they say that because... THEY SUCK. It's their ugliness - on the inside - that causes them to say that, and it has nothing to do with you.

    But that's the thing about self-esteem. It doesn't, shouldn't, have anything to do with what other people say. It's about you and how you feel. That's where the "self" part comes from. :wink: And it's a process. Little by little, you care more about how you feel about yourself, and less and less about how other people might perceive you.

    And I don't know if anyone is ever COMPLETELY comfortable. Everyone has insecurities and hangups. Even as stunning as a young Pam Anderson was when she was first in Playboy, she still thought, "You know what? I'd look better with even BIGGER hooters." Being truly comfortable with who you are isn't about thinking "I'm the hottest girl ever," it's "I'm a worthwhile person and deserve just as much happiness as anyone else."
  • BeautyFromPain
    BeautyFromPain Posts: 4,952 Member
    Also, given you've moved out once, it does get easier to get along when there's distance between you. I get on fine with my mother, until I've been home for a couple of days - then at each other's throats. She used to call me fat when I was 16, and now thinks I'm mad for doing MFP and can't understand - me, who I am now! Which is her problem, and she's entitled to her opinion, but that doesn't make her any less wrong in that opinion.

    Try not to be riled by comments. If you've confronted and it doesn't work, it likely never will. Acceptance that someone's an idiot with their own issues is huge. Because though hurtful, their opinion becomes meaningless. I care more if a stranger insults me than if my mother does, because I know she doesn't understand anything about me and her opinion is therefore flawed ab initio.

    Nah. Fair sure I'm not talking to her once I move out for good.
  • Dragonnade
    Dragonnade Posts: 218 Member
    That's fair enough! I keep in touch for my dad's sake - and to hit her up for money. Callousness is its own reward? ;)
  • robbiejay1971
    robbiejay1971 Posts: 33
    It's just hard when you are told constantly that you are an ugly, selfish b!tch like every day of your life...
    You need different people in your life!
  • cspong
    cspong Posts: 260 Member
    Even though I've barely lost any weight, I'm happy in my skin. I'm just not healthy, lol. My self-esteem spiked when I started taking care of myself. Exercising made a huge difference because it made me feel better.

    My husband is probably the biggest reason I'm so confident. While I DONT think anyone needs a man to feel good, I do think that who you have around you can really make or break your self-esteem, at least while you're trying to build it.

    If you're around negative people all the time, it's hard to think positively, especially about yourself.

    Just my two cents.
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
    I know how you feel my low self esteem wont change until my body changes.

    even though my body has changed though, my self esteem hasn't. it's more than skin deep...

    In my experience, until you feel good about yourself, no amount of body change will make you feel good.

    I would suggest focusing on the you inside first. What do you like about yourself? Are you smart, funny, caring, etc? (There are some good qualities, you know there are!). Then pick a feature or two that you really like. A nice smile, pretty eyes, etc. Also look at things you do well - are you musical, a good swimmer, artistic...
    It's going to be a process, and you will have to work at it. You have to actively change how you think about yourself. Tell yourself what you like about you. Whenever you start hating on your looks, replace it with the good things about you. Put up signs on your mirror, your closet door, your fridge, over your tv, where ever you will see them a lot, that say "I am special" or "I love me" or something else like that. It's cheesey but it works! It takes at least 21 days to change a habit, but if you've been hating your appearance for a long time, plan to be working on loving yourself for a while, too.

    Hang in there. Many of us are (or have been) in a similar situation. It can be changed!

    (Note: I'm not ENTIRELY comfortable in my skin, but I'm working on getting there...)
  • LUVNME94
    LUVNME94 Posts: 34
    I suffered from low self-esteem for a long time and it can be overcome. I went on a spiritual, physical, and mental journey of healing. For me it first started with my spiritual life. I needed to connect with God and find my path to peace. I had to get an understanding of who I was and whose I was, now I am not talking religion I am talking live my life for Christ. I realized that in order to love me I had to love the one who created me. Then I started to heal and find uncover where the low self-esteem came from, some was childhood trauma, others resulted from bad relationships. Once I started to cover the source I could heal in the inside,

    Then I worked on the outside. I began to live healthy by working out and making better food choices and I have gone from a 20/22 to a 12/14 which is great start. Although my body is not perfect I love me and that cannot be taking from me. I walk with confidence and I still have some things that I need to deal with but I finally don't care what others think, it is all about me.

    I am finishing my master's degree to keep my mind strong. Discipline in every area of your life is essential. So I discipline my spirit by spending quality time with God. I discipline my body by eating healthy and working out on a schedule. I discipline my mind by concentrating in school, reading new things on a regular basis, and focusing my thoughts to weed out the negative and think positive.

    Living my life whole: Mind, Body, and Soul!
  • manderann
    manderann Posts: 189
    It's just hard when you are told constantly that you are an ugly, selfish b!tch like every day of your life...

    Sounds like the problem lies with other people, not within yourself. Ditch the downers.

    Smile often. Your facial muscles send messages to your brain, so when you are smiling, you are actually more likely to be happy. :smile: :happy: :bigsmile:
  • tistal
    tistal Posts: 869 Member
    I am pretty comfortable in my own skin. Not 100% but getting there. But I feel uncomfortable when I wear makeup. I dont know why. I wear it about once a year when my hubs and I go out for our anniversary dinner. lol It takes time and you have to get things straight in your head to make progress and surround yourself with good people!
  • fluffysexyme
    fluffysexyme Posts: 104 Member
    Wow hunny... I don't even know where to start. Lets address people calling you out your name: 1- It's not what someone calls you, it's what you answer to. Number 2- no one would ever talk sideways to me and think that is ok and you shouldn't let then do it to you. I love me some me and while my body might not be perfect and I might not be the most beautiful thing on this earth, I'm all I have at the end of the day and if I don't love me, then who can or will? You have got to stand firm and say to your co worker(s) STFU! If you don't have confidence, fake it til you make it because that is unacceptable. You need to get up every day and look in the mirror and say "I'm fabulous" or "I love me some me" or "dammit I'm hot!" until you believe it. As far as the person you are living with... EFF THAT! They don't have the right to abuse you because they're helping you. I love my mama more than words but I will respectfully stand my ground and if necessary (and there has been occasion) get very flippant and kinda mean. I have told her before I'm your child but I'm not a child and it is not ok for you to talk to me as if I were on when I'm raising a child of my own. I would start making other arrangements right now so that as soon as you can you can get your own space. Even if that means renting a room somewhere. It's not worth it to be crapped on daily.

    Bottom line, love, you dictate what is acceptable behavior from the people in your life. You set the bar and maintain the standard. You have to decide what those standards are. Write a list. Stick it on your door and read it every day out loud until you really believe it. But I guarantee that simple action will change dramatically how you feel about yourself.
  • km_jenn
    km_jenn Posts: 107
    I suffered from low self-esteem for a long time and it can be overcome. I went on a spiritual, physical, and mental journey of healing. For me it first started with my spiritual life. I needed to connect with God and find my path to peace. I had to get an understanding of who I was and whose I was, now I am not talking religion I am talking live my life for Christ. I realized that in order to love me I had to love the one who created me. Then I started to heal and find uncover where the low self-esteem came from, some was childhood trauma, others resulted from bad relationships. Once I started to cover the source I could heal in the inside,

    Then I worked on the outside. I began to live healthy by working out and making better food choices and I have gone from a 20/22 to a 12/14 which is great start. Although my body is not perfect I love me and that cannot be taking from me. I walk with confidence and I still have some things that I need to deal with but I finally don't care what others think, it is all about me.

    I am finishing my master's degree to keep my mind strong. Discipline in every area of your life is essential. So I discipline my spirit by spending quality time with God. I discipline my body by eating healthy and working out on a schedule. I discipline my mind by concentrating in school, reading new things on a regular basis, and focusing my thoughts to weed out the negative and think positive.

    Living my life whole: Mind, Body, and Soul!

    I love this! Good for you girl, that sounds just like my journey. I don't think it will ever be over, but that is okay, I'm to the point now I embrace it and enjoy it. Most of all, it has changed my life.
  • amy_fulk
    amy_fulk Posts: 69
    I'm only 20 and have literally been completely comfortable with myself since January. I have five different auto-immune diseases that made me go through numerous surgeries, treatments and medications that made my hair/eyebrows fall out, I gained 30 lbs and I had to give up my entire full ride volleyball scholarship in the middle of my season! I grew up as the loner and was nicknamed "the ugly girl." Last fall I became extremely depressed to the point of being suicidal-I didnt want to deal with my diseases any longer.

    Working out and doing a lot of advocacy has really helped me a lot. Last month I went to see a physical therapist/psychologist who is simply amazing! She's already taught me to not let the words of others get to me and that I cant let negative things control my life. I've learned to focus on my studies (Pre-Med), keeping my body healthy for my diseases, being strong spiritually and staying close to the people I love.

    Do what makes you happy. Surround yourself with people that feed off of positive energy instead of nagging about other's. And most impotantly, be the person you would want to meet. xx

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