'Fat friend' no more!

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  • jolarocknrolla
    jolarocknrolla Posts: 236 Member
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    This is sooooo common, sadly. Some people genuinely want to make sure you are losing weight in a healthy, non-obsessive way ... but yes some are jealous and for some it just brings up their own insecurities. With the friends that don't care for my lifestyle changes i try not to talk about it because it will just make me mad. I REALLY hate it when i get the "hey skinny minnie" coments form co-workers (all slimmer than me of course!) and the stuff about wasting away (i'm at 149 pounds, not damn likely is it? plus i think i eat more than they do, i just work it off).

    bah, humbug!
  • oxalicious
    oxalicious Posts: 2
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    You call these people your friends? That's too bad. I have always been the "fat friend" to my two skinnier friends, but not because they wanted me that way, but because I never chose to take better care of myself. When I have gotten into a fitness routine, my friends have always been supportive. We've talked about running 5Ks or 10Ks together. You lose weight for yourself, of course, but at the same time, it's good to have a support system of people around you that encourage you and are proud of your milestones. I have that with my skinny friends. I hope you can find that too.
  • sleepyjean88
    sleepyjean88 Posts: 180 Member
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    Oh I posted almost this exact topic a while back, I hate when people purposely try and stop you doing well! I have a 'friend' (inverted commas as I merely tolerate her now) who is on slimming world and tells the world several times a day how much weight she's lost and how well she's eating (while I've seen her eating mcdonalds chocolate and cream cakes!) to the point people feel the need to compliment her. Since January I've been calorie counting and not telling anyone, 2 maybe 3 people have noticed and complimented me, I dont mind I'd rather wait till people notice on their own. She's not happy that I've been quietly working away and getting results while she is struggle after having a baby and none of her uniforms fit (that'll be the mcdonalds chocolate and cream cakes then? lol.
  • cowgirlslikeus86
    cowgirlslikeus86 Posts: 597 Member
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    I have had several friends say similar things to me... some people are more comfortable with you being in the 'fat' role because it makes them feel better about themselves. I've lost 50 pounds and I have a good friend who "doesn't really see the difference" despite the fact I've gone from a size 14 pant to a size 2/4.

    Don't let her rain on your parade! If you can see the difference, that is all that matters. Some people resent complimenting others. :)


    Thats crazy! You go from a 14 to a 2/4 and she can't tell?:huh: Somebodys jealous...
  • lik_11
    lik_11 Posts: 433 Member
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    Just to put my 2 cents in... I'm one of those people that can't tell if others lost weight. Even if it's a significant amount. It's kind of embarassing. On the other hand though, I can't tell if people gain weight either. I literally need to see before and after pictures.

    This is me, too!!! I don't pay attention to people's weight (including my own). It is embarrassing when you should notice- but don't.
  • africaa
    africaa Posts: 228
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    There's always competition between friends, as much as you may love each other. But I've watched this happen before. I also tend to lose/gain different friends as I gain/lose weight. Have you noticed how women of the same body size and height tend to flock together? It bothers me, because how many large and tall women are actually out there for me to relate to?! But it's how it is. She'll get over it if she's a good friend, but jealousy will stick around for a while. Hopefully, she'll be inspired by your strength. Just stick to your goals and try to forgive the little stuff your friend might be going through.

    Also, it took me losing 70lbs before my coworkers noticed. Some people just.... eh, it's hard to see change when it's in front of you every day.

    I totally agree with this.... I have 3 best friends -- one that is short a big, the second my height and bigger than me, and the third my height but has the greatest body ever lol..I just feel like you have to find who you can relate to that's what makes people comfortable . As for the losing part -- I've never really lost a significant amount of weight ..but even when I drop five pounds people seem to notice, but I always think they're lying. lol
  • tigersword
    tigersword Posts: 8,059 Member
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    deleted.
  • toddx318
    toddx318 Posts: 51 Member
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    The original post was posted almost a year ago. How did anyone even find this thread?
  • gaveruz
    gaveruz Posts: 47 Member
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    I had one of these friends. I ditched her a few weeks ago when finally I realized she never had anything positve to say! I listened to her all the time and suffered thorugh her drama with her; always encouraging her... finally I decided I was done.
    I hear you; took me a while to realize the poison she was inflicting in my life and the worst part is that I was allowing her to put me down all the time.
  • verptwerp
    verptwerp Posts: 3,659 Member
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    Three years ago I worked with several women who did nothing but eat ...... each day was a "celebration" for one reason or another, with pizza or cake or icecream ....... and I followed along like a spineless sheep !

    One day I started saying no, thanks ....... never told anyone, not even my hubby ....... had lost almost 25 lbs before a nice coworker noticed ...... meanwhile, a not-so-nice coworker got pissed at me for starting a diet without her ........ I swear, the more weight I lost, the less she spoke to me ..... no great loss LOL

    When I started my current job, I'd already lost 40 lbs and was eating healthy ...... these coworkers don't know me any other way & they don't get their panties in a twist when I sidestep the junkfood ......... in fact, two coworkers have recently started their own quest to get healthy, and I compliment them all the time !

    Hey, it's a beautiful thing !
  • verptwerp
    verptwerp Posts: 3,659 Member
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    The original post was posted almost a year ago. How did anyone even find this thread?


    Some things never change, though LOL
  • ffffaaatttt
    ffffaaatttt Posts: 37 Member
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    It does suck when people you look to for encouragement, let you down. I know a thing or two about this.... lol... We just have to accept the fact that there is no one you can count on but yourself. This long journey we are on is all about changing ourselves for the better. One of the things we can work on is self reliance, and independence. :P You can always seek the love and support of MFP... I have met some of the nicest, most considerate women on here. <3 Shout out! Love you guys! ;)
  • jcstanton
    jcstanton Posts: 1,849 Member
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    I've not really experienced that. I'm fortunate to have friends and family who support me 100%. However, if I did have a "friend" who was like that, I think (when they try to influence me to eat junky foods) I'd have to say (in a joking tone of voice, while actually being completely serious) something like, "No, I'm not gonna eat that! Are you TRYING to sabotage all my hard work?!"
  • notnormallyacaloriecounter
    notnormallyacaloriecounter Posts: 71 Member
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    that's what i always referred to myself as, the "fat friend" and i was okay with it for a while, then i just became embarrassed by it. my best friend of 11 years has always told me that she couldn't picture me skinny because "my body is so proportional" being the size i was. i don't know if it was her trying to make me feel better about being fat, or her way of keeping herself on the pedestal she's always been on. i've dropped 19 pounds, and went over in my new pants (2 sizes down, with a fabulous looking *kitten*) and she said nothing until i mentioned my new jeans after i ripped them on her porch swing. she's always had to one up me and that's fine, because it just pushes me to work harder, so i can get more looks. it's kind of fun. she's a pain in the *kitten* but i love her, what are you going to do? lol
  • manderann
    manderann Posts: 189
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    I'm actually the "skinny" friend in my group of girls, and let me tell you, it's equally frustrating for me to have *that one* girl who is bitter and/or trying to sabotage my healthier lifestyle. I guess I kind of know how you feel. My friends are beautiful women, they're just built differently than I am. There's nothing wrong with that. I didn't seek these women out so that I'd look "better" around them, I chose them as my friends because they are great people. Granted, the one girl who is bitter is not one of my friends personally, just a friend of a friend and she also happens to be my neighbor, but she makes comments in front of everyone like "Well, I wish I was half as skinny as you are. If I was that small, I wouldn't complain!!" It's just frustrating because I'm not trying to look like a model, I just want to be healthy enough to live life. I just want to scream "Well if you want to look half as skinny as me, maybe you should get off facebook and DO something!"

    Don't let anyone else get you down. If your friends are jealous of how good you look, let them be. Maybe it'll inspire them to go do something good for themselves, and if it doesn't? Oh freakin' well.
  • marynmarty
    marynmarty Posts: 89 Member
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    I'm sorry but I find that really rude. Why in the world would a "true" friend not want you to lose weight and be healthy? I'm sorry your going through that as she should be saying how great you are looking. I'm always trying to be supportive with my friends. I have some that are doing great and some that are struggling but I try to help in anyway I can whether it's support or exercising with them. We are all struggling in one way or another and that's why we always reach out for support and try to support others. No matter what, I will always tell my friends they are looking good because that helps boost them and helps them to keep going. I hope you lose all the weight you want to lose and maybe you can find a new friend who appreciates you. This friend is obviously jealous!!!!
  • KatFierce
    KatFierce Posts: 252 Member
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    yeah same here but it was my sister, when I first started and she lived with me I was like 10lbs down and you could see a bit in my face and all of a sudden (she had never bought groceries before) cookies, cakes, pizzas and chips were appearing like mad. And she ordered tons of takeout like every night!!
  • MoreThanMommie
    MoreThanMommie Posts: 597 Member
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    Anyone else think the date on the OP is odd?
  • jcstanton
    jcstanton Posts: 1,849 Member
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    The original post was posted almost a year ago. How did anyone even find this thread?

    Even more so....how did a whole year pass without ANYONE responding to it?! This is a legitimate (albeit redundant) issue. My guess is the first commentor did a topic search of some kind, found this title, thought sounded interesting, and clicked on it. She probably (like me) didn't even notice the date.
  • ONE03
    ONE03 Posts: 125 Member
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    My friends have always been supportive of my goals. They'd ask if I could eat this or that without making me feel comfortable! Exactly why we're friends.

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