sabotage, betrayal and moms

I don't think the people who love us are purposely trying to sabotage us, but my husband occasionally does. If he happens to be at the grocery store and sees something he knows I love to eat--but am trying to avoid--he'll buy it for me anyway.

I'm fortunate enough to have a hubby who loves me no matter what size I am so he thinks having me eat the foods I love (and have made me fat) is a good thing. When he does this I remind him that I'm trying to eat better and avoid the junk he's bringing me and that I can't do it without his support. I also tell him that bringing me the food HE thinks I want to eat doesn't make me happy...it makes me feel bad about myself. This usually gets him to stop buying me anything for a few months before I need to remind him again.

If you haven't already, try talking to your mom about how you feel. She probably knows how much you loved those fries and that's what she ordered them for you. Moms think they know what's best for their kids no matter how old we get. Remind her nicely that that isn't always true.

Don't read more into it, other than families suck at stuff like this.
If families were good at this, then this website wouldn't exist.

People treat with food, I know my family does, and for some reason it is depressing for them to not be able to do this anymore. I wish I could tell them to treat me with a manicure instead!! LOL

Yes, friends and family!! I have a friend who knows I am struggling with health problems and weight issues YET she always gives me gifts of food and throws a fit if I don't eat enough at lunch. I like my friend; I don't like the conflicts.

I think people mean well, and unless you really count and track calories people don't understand how it works. You are doing great with the "lead by example". Keep up the good work and stay strong :flowerforyou:

Did I speak up? :

Not this time, I used yesterday's lunch to show her how the diet works. At dinner I just ate salad and a 2oz lean portion of my pork chop. Skipped her desert, and had a diet tonic water instead of wine. Simply stating I didn't have enough calories left over from lunch.
I am trying to lead by example. I am loud enough when pushed, she knows that more then anyone.

You need to be a little louder hun. It is sabotage. Maybe not on purpose but a lot of people, even family, are upset when they see someone doing the things that they know they should be doing, or at least what they should want to be doing. So they in turn think ....a little honey wont hurt, there wasn't that many french fries, a little cream wont kill anything. because that's the way they are living. so you need to put your foot down...in a nice way, and just tell her ...look mom, I know you don't think that these little things are effecting me, but they are making it harder to change the bad habits of my life that got me to this unhappy place. I love you and I know that you are just trying in your own way, but please when I ask you to do this (like ordering the food), or when you would like to make me something (like the coffee), PLEASE take my new LIFESTYLE in to consideration. And if she can't handle that or still continues to do it...well then you need to stop letting her order your food or making it for you

My fiance is super skinny by virtue of breathing, so he's always drinking whole milk to try to gain weight (he does exercise at his job a lot). He'll make fun of me for drinking skim milk and used to be flat out mean to me about soy, coconut and almond ("Wow...That's disgusting!"). This was every single day at breakfast and included lovely complaints such as "we'll have to get two separate refrigerators because I don't want to look at that gross stuff".

I gently said, "hey, please don't tease me. I'm just trying the be healthier," once or twice to no avail.

Finally, after 3 months of this (combined with low sleep and a heavy dose of stress from school) I broke down crying over my cereal. He looked totally shocked when I explained how I felt rather hurt by his words. (I think the exact phrase I used was something like "I fell like I'm not allowed to make good choices for myself because you dislike them".) Anyway, after that, he suddenly became very supportive.

From what I gather, he had no idea that his joking around was bothering me that much. To be honest, it wasn't a huge issue. However, the other stresses in my life added up and resulted in that mess.

Either way, he's been much more supportive recently and is always reminding me to do my exercises when I'm stressed. He also has started to eat a bit better, at my prodding "Would you eat a veggie with me? I hate eating them and having you there helps."

Sometimes, all you have to do is speak up and be honest.