Terrified of weight gain in pregnancy...ED

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  • RaeN81
    RaeN81 Posts: 535 Member
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    Please give yourself more time to recover from your ED, you will in fact probably need to gain some weight even prior to becoming pregnant in order to conceive. If this sacrifice does not seem reasonable then it might be better to think of alternatives such as adoption or fostering children. Best of luck to you in your recovery.
  • chantalb20
    chantalb20 Posts: 132
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    Hi! I have anorexia - purging subtype and I have a 14 month old baby so I know exactly where you are!

    I have suffered from an ED for about 5 or 6 years. I ended up in recovery 2 years ago, and when i got my period back, i fell pregnant unexpectedly on the second one back!

    Gaining weight was one of my hugest fears. I had gained during recovery, and the thought that the number on the scale was going to go higher and higher was incredibly frightening. But, as soon as my little bump started forming, i fell in love. That baby was (and he still is!) everything to me, and food, for the first time, wasn't something evil that was making me fat but something that was sustaining my baby's life. It was hard - i stayed active and i had my really down days where i felt so fat and wanted to never leave the house - but i saw my baby's ultrasound photos, felt him move and it was easier. I gained 11kg during my pregnancy - taking me from 49kg to 60kg...

    The weight does come off (especially if you can breastfeed!). Sadly, I have relapsed again, but I'm happy and proud that I managed to stay healthy during my pregnancy.

    Eating disorders are a lifelong battle and you may never become "healthy". But if you're planning on having a baby, please wait until you're further into recovery. I know that if I got pregnant NOW, I'd struggle even more than i did when i was in recovery.
    Best of luck, pregnancy, childbirth and parenting are not easy at the best of times, and even harder when struggling with an ED. If you have any questions or just want to chat, feel free to send me a message :):flowerforyou:
  • KatyBugs1724
    KatyBugs1724 Posts: 74
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    well, its really not a choice. you either gain the weight in return for a beautiful, healthy baby, or you don't let yourself gain any weight and most likely miscarry. Idk your stats and such, but many thin women have to actually gain weight before they physically can get pregnant or before their doctor will "allow" them, otherwise it'd be too high risk. You should try and recover before trying to carry a baby. That being said, when you're pregnant, everything changes and all that matters is that little baby inside of you, and while I don't know if an eating disorder can overcome that, the last thing you'd want would be for that little baby to come out unhealthy or (sorry if this is sounding a bit morbid) not at all :cry: You just have to think of it as whatever you are doing to your body during pregnancy, you are ultimately doing to your baby too and the last thing you'd want would be an unhealthy baby because of your actions. That weight can all come off quickly afterwards and can be done HEALTHILY too, not b/p or restricting your calories to an unhealthy level. You just have to allow it. And I think that you can, having a baby is the most miraculous, amazing, life-changing event for a woman and you maay not feel this way now, but when you can feel another life being created in your own body, you'll do anything for it! But...you have to let go of the weight gain. Buy some super cute maternity clothes (yes, they have those!!) and put away the scale. Read up on nutrition requirements duirng pregnancy etc. Good luck!!!!! I know you can conquer this disease!
  • tinksmommy2006
    tinksmommy2006 Posts: 575
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    I hate when women freak out about this, I am sorry and this is nothing personal to you just a general comment to all women that are afraid of this. If you are that worried about gaining weight then you should wait to have a baby. Of course you will gain...you will have a growing human inside of you! your body will start to produce milk to feed that human once it is out....that weighs something....and the fact that the baby has to float around in "water" well that weighs something too. so yes you will "have to" gain 20-30 lbs because that is how much all of that stuff should weigh by the end of your gestational duration. you are not gaining fat! unless you are over eating and following the lead of everyone saying you are eating for two...you are not eating for two...you are eating for just you...baby will take what baby needs. as long as you eat healthy you and baby will be fine. with that said.....When I was pregnant I gained 22 lbs....I lost 29 by time I got home from the hospital after delivery. my baby was almost 9 pounds of that...so like i said as long as you eat healthy and don't over eat...you will NOT gain fat, and it will all come of after baby is here :)
  • SPNLuver83
    SPNLuver83 Posts: 2,050 Member
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    I think that you should put off all thoughts of even getting pregnant until you have fully recovered from your ED. Pregnancy can make you very emotional and cause you to do things you wouldn't normally do and potentially hurting yourself or a child inside you. Best wait until you got yourself in the right mind.
  • parkermegan
    parkermegan Posts: 167
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    Please do NOT get pregnant until you are in full recovery from your ED. when you are pregnant, you need to eat lots of healthy food, and nourishing your baby should be your priority, NOT how much you weigh. I wish you all the best, but please complete your recovery before you take this huge step, so that you can have a healthy and HAPPY pregnancy. 25-30 pounds is healthy weight gain during pregnancy. You seem like you have some more work to do before you can accept that and be okay with it. :flowerforyou:

    Perfect response!!

    Those guidelines are set for a reason. If you don't gain enough you risk lots of complications....even PTL and low birth weight. If you are overweight to start with then you can gain less, but at a healthy weight you really need to gain a healthy amount of weight. Like others said, it's not fat anyway!
  • amruden
    amruden Posts: 228 Member
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    You should do some research on Tracy Gold. She played Carol Seaver on Growing Pains. She had a ED and became pregnant shortly after coming out to the world about her problems.
    I think she wrote a book about what was going on in her mind, and being with child.
  • Curvy1taliana
    Curvy1taliana Posts: 371 Member
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    If you are "down to purging 2-4 times a day" the furthest thing from your mind should be getting pregnant and bringing a child into the world in your current condition. Please seek professional help, and if you are already, then continue with it.
  • Anyaaaa11
    Anyaaaa11 Posts: 242 Member
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    I definitely know where your coming from. I don't have any type of eating disorder, I love my food but I think about this from time to time an I'm terrified of gaining weight as well. It's like once I get down to my goal weight I have to do this all over again? Idk, but this is a big reason why I'm not having kids for a long time. I know I'm not mentally ready for that. If I can't handle the thought of gaining weight, Im not ready to carry a child. Some people would say it's immature..!but honestly, I can't help but think that way.

    I'm hoping one day If I have a child, I will be able to have a healthy pregnancy. I already know I will continue this lifestyle for the rest of my life (: I'm going to eat healthy and exercise (can't imagine not being able to run ): ). & if I lose the weight after then great, if not well... I'm sure I'll find my way back to MFP lol
  • BriaMc
    BriaMc Posts: 177 Member
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    What most of these woman are saying is true. But i will add, i started at 116lbs, i dropped 15lbs from morning sickness and was 101 at my 17wk apt. I then GAINED 35lbs making my weight 136 the day i had her (so 20lbs from start). I walked out of the hospital at 120, only 4lbs more than i started, which melted away FAST breast feeding. Babies NEED you to eat healthy, and if you do, all the weight you gain will literally be BABY weight. If you do not think you can handle eating well for your baby, you should put off having one for now.
  • cpiton
    cpiton Posts: 380 Member
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    I think you're very smart to question this before conceiving. Definitely continue with your recovery and talk to your medical team about this. I, too, have struggled with an ED my whole life, it seems. The one thing I can say is when I was pregnant I completely focused on my babies and didn't struggle with my ED at all. It was more right before and after. I was never anywhere near your level of severity, though.

    Hugs to you and the very best wishes for a full recovery. :flowerforyou:
  • Di3012
    Di3012 Posts: 2,250 Member
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    Ok so my husband and I are discussing planning a family. We both desperately want children and always have. So I was reading about what type of stuff you are supposed to do to prepare for pregnancy, and then started reading about pregnancy in general.

    I then read the most horrific thing I have ever read. You are expected to gain between 20lbs-35lbs in pregnancy. WTF??!?!?!

    I suffer from severe bulimia with anorexic tendencies, and although I am getting help for it and I'm not as bad as I was physically (I'm not purging as much, prob 2-4 times a day currently. Down from 10+ or basically whatever I ate) I'm nowhere near recovered. But I'm working hard towards it.

    Seriously, I could not handle gaining that much weight in pregnancy. I won't allow it.

    Is there anyone else who has been in a similar situation? With or without an ED, was anyone else ABSOULTELY TERRIFIED about the weight gain and the way your body changed during pregnancy? If you had an ED did it make you worse? How did you cope? Or did you force yourself to change for the baby?

    Please give me some good news, right now im dreading it and really scared about pregnancy in general.

    How much weight did you seriously expect to gain then?

    20lbs will be the baby, the fluid and other stuff to do with the pregnancy if you eat correctly it can all disappear once that baby has been born.

    You say you won't allow it, in that case you will be doing yourself damage, because the baby will take all the goodness from you and you will be left with bad health, is that what you want???
  • LiddyBit
    LiddyBit Posts: 447 Member
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    Okay, this may come across as harsh but I think it is important to point out and, well, it's a harsh reality.

    A severely eating disordered parent is not a good role model for a child, nor is it a great environment to be raised in a household with one. Pregnancy aside, you are not ready for parenthood if you can't have a healthy relationship with your SELF.
  • tmauck4472
    tmauck4472 Posts: 1,783 Member
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    Wow. Talk to a professional before you even consider getting pregnant, please.

    Here's something to think about - once you get pregnant/have children, it stops being about YOU and starts being about THEM. You won't allow a weight gain? Then don't get pregnant. That baby needs you to gain weight - and there are plenty of healthy ways to do it. But if you can't even consider this first step without going into a panic, then you are NOT ready to be a Mom. Get healthy first - menatallly and physically. Please.

    I agree 100% with this...Until you can quit purging all together and recover from your ED you can not be ready for the pregnancy even if your ready for a child. Your mother instincts will kick in but your ED will probably over rule those instincts. You will harm your baby if you can not gain weight to give the baby the nurtrients it needs. Don't do this to yourself or your baby. Get well first. Your husband should understand if you both go talk to your doctor. Family doc and your ED doc. You can have control over how much you gain, but it's not 100%
  • Jennifer0878
    Jennifer0878 Posts: 94 Member
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    First of all, kudos to you for seeking out help with you ED. Secondly, I'm so sorry there are people here on MFP that are telling you that you shouldn't try to have a baby. I think as long as you keep up your amazing work with your medical team, your husband is on board, and you are on board, pregnancy is a wonderful thing. Yes, there will be weight gain. Gaining weight while you are pregnant is totally normal (and necessary). HOW much weight you gain will be totally up to you. :) While I don't have an ED, I have always been very conscious about my calories. The thought of gaining weight (and having another human growing inside of me) completely grossed me out. Like others have said, everything changed once I was actually pregnant.

    I was able to eat when I was hungry and I only gained 18 pounds during my first pregnancy, 16 pounds during my second pregnancy and 19 pounds during my third pregnancy. I am 5'6" and weighed 115 lbs. at the start of each pregnancy. As you can see, I didn't gain the "recommended" 25-35 lbs. I gained what my body thought was necessary to support myself and my babies. Also, I breastfed, which helped take the baby weight off.

    To make a long story short, if you really want to have a baby and the desire to be a mother is strong enough, I think you can do it! :) Good luck!
  • drea0703
    drea0703 Posts: 83 Member
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    A severely eating disordered parent is not a good role model for a child, nor is it a great environment to be raised in a household with one. Pregnancy aside, you are not ready for parenthood if you can't have a healthy relationship with your SELF.

    She is getting help for her ED currently. While I definititely appreciate your concern for the unborn child, let me point something out real quick: It is her effing right to want to be a parent and not your job to judge her. Raising a child is not a perogative of the perfectly perfect people (if there are any).
    She is working hard on her self, getting help and thinking about stuff BEFORE actually getting pregnant. That´s the mature way to do and I wish her the best of luck.
    She may be struggeling bt she will not raise the child alone because she is in a committed relationship. A loving social support network is able to balance things out for the baby.
  • maddymama
    maddymama Posts: 1,183 Member
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    Wow. Talk to a professional before you even consider getting pregnant, please.

    Here's something to think about - once you get pregnant/have children, it stops being about YOU and starts being about THEM. You won't allow a weight gain? Then don't get pregnant. That baby needs you to gain weight - and there are plenty of healthy ways to do it. But if you can't even consider this first step without going into a panic, then you are NOT ready to be a Mom. Get healthy first - menatallly and physically. Please.

    This! And, if you are underweight to begin with, your OB will recommend gaining more weight than the 25-30 lbs. If you are freaked out about the normal weight gain from growing a child, then you aren't in a position to get pregnant yet. And, once your little one is here, it is really all about them. If you can't be selfless, then wait. Please.
  • catshark209
    catshark209 Posts: 1,133 Member
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    I was like that too, when I got pregnant. I thought I couldn't and wouldn't handle it, but it wasn't as bad as I thought. I gained 25lbs and I lost it all within weeks of giving birth. I was 115lbs when i got pregnant and I was 115lbs when my son was about a month old. Breastfeeding helps and even if you eat alot, nursing burns it up.
  • RuthieCass
    RuthieCass Posts: 247 Member
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    Please continue seeking treatment for your ED before you try to become pregnant. I am really not trying to insult anyone, but advice you receive on public forums can often be misinformed, conflicting, and unhelpful. Especially when it comes to dealing with mental disorders. Also, what works for one person may not work for another, and a mental health professional that understands you and your situation will be best equipped to help you manage your ED during this process.

    I would suggest that you NOT go ahead and get pregnant and just expect your "motherly instincts" to kick in automatically. Many women do not experience these instincts as expected, or may have other emotional problems that override these instincts, especially those who've suffered from EDs. You can google "pregorexia" to see some examples. People that tell you not to worry, that your instincts will kick in, are well-meaning but misguided. I think you are seeking help because you realize that pregnancy might be a trigger for you, so it's not something you should just minimize/ignore and hope it disappears!

    There's nothing at all wrong with seeking help. Planning for a pregnancy is stressful and could trigger all kinds of anxieties, IMO. Talk to a counselor about your plans, desires, worries, etc. Cognitive behavior therapies can also help you manage some of your ED urges during this process.
  • maddymama
    maddymama Posts: 1,183 Member
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    Seriously, I could not handle gaining that much weight in pregnancy. I won't allow it.

    Is there anyone else who has been in a similar situation? With or without an ED, was anyone else ABSOULTELY TERRIFIED about the weight gain and the way your body changed during pregnancy? If you had an ED did it make you worse? How did you cope? Or did you force yourself to change for the baby?

    I had a stomach thing going on when I got pregnant with my #1. I had idiopathic gastroparesis, which is when your stomach is paralyzed and can't digest food. I had dropped a very unhealthy 40 lbs in the two months before I got pregnant. My pregnancy was completely unplanned by the way. When I got pregnant, my medical team FREAKED OUT because I was so underweight (clumps of hair falling out, nails damaged, extreme fatigue, hyperemesis, etc.). I had to go on special nutritional/weight gain shakes to give me the proper nutrition and to help me gain weight quickly to help me keep the baby. Many doctors were telling me it would be a miracle if my body held onto the baby. I don't know your weight, but if you are underweight and get pregnant, you may go on a rapid nutritional weight gain process. How would you feel about that? I was hospitalized a few nights because I couldn't keep anything down and had to be put on an IV for dehydration and malnutrition. It was very scary, for both me and the baby.

    I didn't have an ED, but I think my body's symptoms mirrored some of the issues with having an ED and being underweight and getting pregnant. There were extra doctor's visits, extra monitoring until I was able to demonstrate a certain level of weight gain, and alot of scrutiny of my diet by my husband and doctors for the first half of my pregnancy. If the idea of this really stresses you out, then you might want to wait a bit before getting pregnant. I didn't have an ED, but the scrutiny did drive me nuts some days. Other days I welcomed the close eyes on my progress.

    Also, I'd discuss this with your team who is helping to treat you for your ED. If they feel like you are ready to handle it, then consider it. If they feel like you need a bit more help, then please wait. Just for a bit.

    Just my two cents..........

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