Terrified of weight gain in pregnancy...ED
Replies
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I think you're very smart to question this before conceiving. Definitely continue with your recovery and talk to your medical team about this. I, too, have struggled with an ED my whole life, it seems. The one thing I can say is when I was pregnant I completely focused on my babies and didn't struggle with my ED at all. It was more right before and after. I was never anywhere near your level of severity, though.
Hugs to you and the very best wishes for a full recovery. :flowerforyou:0 -
Ok so my husband and I are discussing planning a family. We both desperately want children and always have. So I was reading about what type of stuff you are supposed to do to prepare for pregnancy, and then started reading about pregnancy in general.
I then read the most horrific thing I have ever read. You are expected to gain between 20lbs-35lbs in pregnancy. WTF??!?!?!
I suffer from severe bulimia with anorexic tendencies, and although I am getting help for it and I'm not as bad as I was physically (I'm not purging as much, prob 2-4 times a day currently. Down from 10+ or basically whatever I ate) I'm nowhere near recovered. But I'm working hard towards it.
Seriously, I could not handle gaining that much weight in pregnancy. I won't allow it.
Is there anyone else who has been in a similar situation? With or without an ED, was anyone else ABSOULTELY TERRIFIED about the weight gain and the way your body changed during pregnancy? If you had an ED did it make you worse? How did you cope? Or did you force yourself to change for the baby?
Please give me some good news, right now im dreading it and really scared about pregnancy in general.
How much weight did you seriously expect to gain then?
20lbs will be the baby, the fluid and other stuff to do with the pregnancy if you eat correctly it can all disappear once that baby has been born.
You say you won't allow it, in that case you will be doing yourself damage, because the baby will take all the goodness from you and you will be left with bad health, is that what you want???0 -
Okay, this may come across as harsh but I think it is important to point out and, well, it's a harsh reality.
A severely eating disordered parent is not a good role model for a child, nor is it a great environment to be raised in a household with one. Pregnancy aside, you are not ready for parenthood if you can't have a healthy relationship with your SELF.0 -
Wow. Talk to a professional before you even consider getting pregnant, please.
Here's something to think about - once you get pregnant/have children, it stops being about YOU and starts being about THEM. You won't allow a weight gain? Then don't get pregnant. That baby needs you to gain weight - and there are plenty of healthy ways to do it. But if you can't even consider this first step without going into a panic, then you are NOT ready to be a Mom. Get healthy first - menatallly and physically. Please.
I agree 100% with this...Until you can quit purging all together and recover from your ED you can not be ready for the pregnancy even if your ready for a child. Your mother instincts will kick in but your ED will probably over rule those instincts. You will harm your baby if you can not gain weight to give the baby the nurtrients it needs. Don't do this to yourself or your baby. Get well first. Your husband should understand if you both go talk to your doctor. Family doc and your ED doc. You can have control over how much you gain, but it's not 100%0 -
First of all, kudos to you for seeking out help with you ED. Secondly, I'm so sorry there are people here on MFP that are telling you that you shouldn't try to have a baby. I think as long as you keep up your amazing work with your medical team, your husband is on board, and you are on board, pregnancy is a wonderful thing. Yes, there will be weight gain. Gaining weight while you are pregnant is totally normal (and necessary). HOW much weight you gain will be totally up to you.
While I don't have an ED, I have always been very conscious about my calories. The thought of gaining weight (and having another human growing inside of me) completely grossed me out. Like others have said, everything changed once I was actually pregnant.
I was able to eat when I was hungry and I only gained 18 pounds during my first pregnancy, 16 pounds during my second pregnancy and 19 pounds during my third pregnancy. I am 5'6" and weighed 115 lbs. at the start of each pregnancy. As you can see, I didn't gain the "recommended" 25-35 lbs. I gained what my body thought was necessary to support myself and my babies. Also, I breastfed, which helped take the baby weight off.
To make a long story short, if you really want to have a baby and the desire to be a mother is strong enough, I think you can do it! Good luck! 0 -
A severely eating disordered parent is not a good role model for a child, nor is it a great environment to be raised in a household with one. Pregnancy aside, you are not ready for parenthood if you can't have a healthy relationship with your SELF.
She is getting help for her ED currently. While I definititely appreciate your concern for the unborn child, let me point something out real quick: It is her effing right to want to be a parent and not your job to judge her. Raising a child is not a perogative of the perfectly perfect people (if there are any).
She is working hard on her self, getting help and thinking about stuff BEFORE actually getting pregnant. That´s the mature way to do and I wish her the best of luck.
She may be struggeling bt she will not raise the child alone because she is in a committed relationship. A loving social support network is able to balance things out for the baby.0 -
Wow. Talk to a professional before you even consider getting pregnant, please.
Here's something to think about - once you get pregnant/have children, it stops being about YOU and starts being about THEM. You won't allow a weight gain? Then don't get pregnant. That baby needs you to gain weight - and there are plenty of healthy ways to do it. But if you can't even consider this first step without going into a panic, then you are NOT ready to be a Mom. Get healthy first - menatallly and physically. Please.
This! And, if you are underweight to begin with, your OB will recommend gaining more weight than the 25-30 lbs. If you are freaked out about the normal weight gain from growing a child, then you aren't in a position to get pregnant yet. And, once your little one is here, it is really all about them. If you can't be selfless, then wait. Please.0 -
I was like that too, when I got pregnant. I thought I couldn't and wouldn't handle it, but it wasn't as bad as I thought. I gained 25lbs and I lost it all within weeks of giving birth. I was 115lbs when i got pregnant and I was 115lbs when my son was about a month old. Breastfeeding helps and even if you eat alot, nursing burns it up.0
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Please continue seeking treatment for your ED before you try to become pregnant. I am really not trying to insult anyone, but advice you receive on public forums can often be misinformed, conflicting, and unhelpful. Especially when it comes to dealing with mental disorders. Also, what works for one person may not work for another, and a mental health professional that understands you and your situation will be best equipped to help you manage your ED during this process.
I would suggest that you NOT go ahead and get pregnant and just expect your "motherly instincts" to kick in automatically. Many women do not experience these instincts as expected, or may have other emotional problems that override these instincts, especially those who've suffered from EDs. You can google "pregorexia" to see some examples. People that tell you not to worry, that your instincts will kick in, are well-meaning but misguided. I think you are seeking help because you realize that pregnancy might be a trigger for you, so it's not something you should just minimize/ignore and hope it disappears!
There's nothing at all wrong with seeking help. Planning for a pregnancy is stressful and could trigger all kinds of anxieties, IMO. Talk to a counselor about your plans, desires, worries, etc. Cognitive behavior therapies can also help you manage some of your ED urges during this process.0 -
Seriously, I could not handle gaining that much weight in pregnancy. I won't allow it.
Is there anyone else who has been in a similar situation? With or without an ED, was anyone else ABSOULTELY TERRIFIED about the weight gain and the way your body changed during pregnancy? If you had an ED did it make you worse? How did you cope? Or did you force yourself to change for the baby?
I had a stomach thing going on when I got pregnant with my #1. I had idiopathic gastroparesis, which is when your stomach is paralyzed and can't digest food. I had dropped a very unhealthy 40 lbs in the two months before I got pregnant. My pregnancy was completely unplanned by the way. When I got pregnant, my medical team FREAKED OUT because I was so underweight (clumps of hair falling out, nails damaged, extreme fatigue, hyperemesis, etc.). I had to go on special nutritional/weight gain shakes to give me the proper nutrition and to help me gain weight quickly to help me keep the baby. Many doctors were telling me it would be a miracle if my body held onto the baby. I don't know your weight, but if you are underweight and get pregnant, you may go on a rapid nutritional weight gain process. How would you feel about that? I was hospitalized a few nights because I couldn't keep anything down and had to be put on an IV for dehydration and malnutrition. It was very scary, for both me and the baby.
I didn't have an ED, but I think my body's symptoms mirrored some of the issues with having an ED and being underweight and getting pregnant. There were extra doctor's visits, extra monitoring until I was able to demonstrate a certain level of weight gain, and alot of scrutiny of my diet by my husband and doctors for the first half of my pregnancy. If the idea of this really stresses you out, then you might want to wait a bit before getting pregnant. I didn't have an ED, but the scrutiny did drive me nuts some days. Other days I welcomed the close eyes on my progress.
Also, I'd discuss this with your team who is helping to treat you for your ED. If they feel like you are ready to handle it, then consider it. If they feel like you need a bit more help, then please wait. Just for a bit.
Just my two cents..........0 -
if you are still purging - you are in NO shape (physical or mental) to have child.
Please seek a FULL recovery from your ED, then consult with doctors about conceiving.0 -
I think you should definitely wait until you are in a better place with recovery before even thinking of becoming pregnant. I read that it can take 7-10 YEARS for someone to recover from an ED. While no one would expect you to wait that long, you can not binge/purge and restrict while pregnant without putting your baby and yourself at serious risk.0
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First of all, kudos to you for seeking out help with you ED. Secondly, I'm so sorry there are people here on MFP that are telling you that you shouldn't try to have a baby. I think as long as you keep up your amazing work with your medical team, your husband is on board, and you are on board, pregnancy is a wonderful thing. Yes, there will be weight gain. Gaining weight while you are pregnant is totally normal (and necessary). HOW much weight you gain will be totally up to you. While I don't have an ED, I have always been very conscious about my calories. The thought of gaining weight (and having another human growing inside of me) completely grossed me out. Like others have said, everything changed once I was actually pregnant.
I was able to eat when I was hungry and I only gained 18 pounds during my first pregnancy, 16 pounds during my second pregnancy and 19 pounds during my third pregnancy. I am 5'6" and weighed 115 lbs. at the start of each pregnancy. As you can see, I didn't gain the "recommended" 25-35 lbs. I gained what my body thought was necessary to support myself and my babies. Also, I breastfed, which helped take the baby weight off.
To make a long story short, if you really want to have a baby and the desire to be a mother is strong enough, I think you can do it! Good luck!
I don't think anyone said she shouldn't ever get pregnant. Most were pointing out that she needs to be further in her recovery before undergoing the stress of pregnancy. I'm not sure if you know anything about ED's but becoming pregnant isn't going to magically cure her. It is unsafe for her to get pregnant while she is still purging her food. All in all, most on this thread were very supportive and just recommended wainting until she had a healthier relationship with food before becoming pregnant.0 -
I am a recovering bulimic. Best thing you can do is force yourself to stop completely. Just go to the dentist and see how bad your teeth have gotten and see how much it costs to fix that, that helped me be more determined to stop. $3000 later and my teeth still need more work because of the acid erosion that purging caused me. Also, becoming a vegetarian helped me not to binge and purge. Eating healthy foods, exercising in moderation...important. Please don't get pregnant before you stop bingeing and purging everyday. It would be unfair for your unborn child to be deprived of nutrients because his/her mother was worried about gaining weight. You do gain a lot when you are pregnant. I gained 60. I didn't relapse once with bulimia and I didn't care as much about the weight gain because that didn't matter as much as providing that baby with everything it needed inside of the womb. After I gave birth, I immediately lost about 20 lbs, just from the baby and all the fluids that come out when you give birth. A year later, I am only 5 lbs away from what I weighed before I got pregnant. I am not saying that you should never have a kid, but if you are still at the point in your recovery where it is a daily bingeing and purging problem, you aren't really in the right frame of mind or place in your recovery to take such a big step. Just wait a little while and work with your team until you are at a better place in your recovery process. I wish you the best and if you need any help or advice on how I have gotten better and managed to not relapse in almost 2 years, feel free to message me.0
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I hate when women freak out about this, I am sorry and this is nothing personal to you just a general comment to all women that are afraid of this. If you are that worried about gaining weight then you should wait to have a baby. Of course you will gain...you will have a growing human inside of you! your body will start to produce milk to feed that human once it is out....that weighs something....and the fact that the baby has to float around in "water" well that weighs something too. so yes you will "have to" gain 20-30 lbs because that is how much all of that stuff should weigh by the end of your gestational duration. you are not gaining fat! unless you are over eating and following the lead of everyone saying you are eating for two...you are not eating for two...you are eating for just you...baby will take what baby needs. as long as you eat healthy you and baby will be fine. with that said.....When I was pregnant I gained 22 lbs....I lost 29 by time I got home from the hospital after delivery. my baby was almost 9 pounds of that...so like i said as long as you eat healthy and don't over eat...you will NOT gain fat, and it will all come of after baby is here
That wasn't helpful. You are a man and have no idea of what women go through. You will never experience pregenancy so cannot understand the very real fears women go through.First of all, kudos to you for seeking out help with you ED. Secondly, I'm so sorry there are people here on MFP that are telling you that you shouldn't try to have a baby. I think as long as you keep up your amazing work with your medical team, your husband is on board, and you are on board, pregnancy is a wonderful thing. Yes, there will be weight gain. Gaining weight while you are pregnant is totally normal (and necessary). HOW much weight you gain will be totally up to you. While I don't have an ED, I have always been very conscious about my calories. The thought of gaining weight (and having another human growing inside of me) completely grossed me out. Like others have said, everything changed once I was actually pregnant.
No one is telling her she can never have a baby. We're saying right now having a baby is not a good idea. OP is still purging at least twice a day. Gaining weight (which is needed for the baby) is the most horrific thing she's ever read. How is the OP in a good place to fall pregenant and nourish a baby when she's fighting to nourish herself?
OP I'm really glad you're under the care of a great medical team. I can't even imagine what you go through and I think you're an inspiration to come as far as you have. I hope you're able to get on top of this and have yourself a baby *hugs*0 -
I hope that you continue on your way to recovery. I can tell you that it is possible to recover. I can also tell you that it is important that you are recovered before you step into pregnancy. I watched someone very close to me go through a pregnancy when she was not ready and it was not pretty for her or the baby.0
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I think its great that you're seeking help with your E.D. I do agree with some other posters that it would be best to wait until you have stopped purging completely. You will do enough of that when the morning sickness fairy hits. Not everyone is the same as far as weight gain. I had a normal, uneventful pregnancy, and only gained about 16 pounds once I was done with the morning sickness period.( I had lost 7 lbs due to it) My son was born perfectly healthy at 7lbs, 5oz, and I walked out of the hospital 2 lbs under my prepregnancy weight. All my weight was baby and fluid, and it only showed in my belly. Don't stress over it too much. Its such a beautiful time when millions of little things go right to make this tiny person. No reason to live in fear and stress about the small stuff! Good luck!0
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A severely eating disordered parent is not a good role model for a child, nor is it a great environment to be raised in a household with one. Pregnancy aside, you are not ready for parenthood if you can't have a healthy relationship with your SELF.
She is getting help for her ED currently. While I definititely appreciate your concern for the unborn child, let me point something out real quick: It is her effing right to want to be a parent and not your job to judge her. Raising a child is not a perogative of the perfectly perfect people (if there are any).
She is working hard on her self, getting help and thinking about stuff BEFORE actually getting pregnant. That´s the mature way to do and I wish her the best of luck.
She may be struggeling bt she will not raise the child alone because she is in a committed relationship. A loving social support network is able to balance things out for the baby.
It may be her "effing right" to screw up her child's life if she decides to procreate before getting a grip on her psychosis, but at that point her decision wouldn't reflect rational thinking or respect for her child. Any mother with an obsessive neurosis could cause serious harm to her child whether it be psychological or physical. Someone who is that unstable with something as primal and basic as nourishing herself isn't emotionally sound enough to bring life into the world. If more women and/or couples were less selfish with the need to be human photocopiers and if they actually thought about the consequences of their actions before having children, the impact would be outstanding. But the sad truth is that unstable people like the OP can't rationalize effectively, therefore the people around them suffer - especially those fragile little lives who are dependent on them.0 -
A severely eating disordered parent is not a good role model for a child, nor is it a great environment to be raised in a household with one. Pregnancy aside, you are not ready for parenthood if you can't have a healthy relationship with your SELF.
She is getting help for her ED currently. While I definititely appreciate your concern for the unborn child, let me point something out real quick: It is her effing right to want to be a parent and not your job to judge her. Raising a child is not a perogative of the perfectly perfect people (if there are any).
She is working hard on her self, getting help and thinking about stuff BEFORE actually getting pregnant. That´s the mature way to do and I wish her the best of luck.
She may be struggeling bt she will not raise the child alone because she is in a committed relationship. A loving social support network is able to balance things out for the baby.
It may be her "effing right" to screw up her child's life if she decides to procreate before getting a grip on her psychosis, but at that point her decision wouldn't reflect rational thinking or respect for her child. Any mother with an obsessive neurosis could cause serious harm to her child whether it be psychological or physical. Someone who is that unstable with something as primal and basic as nourishing herself isn't emotionally sound enough to bring life into the world. If more women and/or couples were less selfish with the need to be human photocopiers and if they actually thought about the consequences of their actions before having children, the impact would be outstanding. But the sad truth is that unstable people like the OP can't rationalize effectively, therefore the people around them suffer - especially those fragile little lives who are dependent on them.
Wow, that is sooo disrespectful! I am really astound of your assumptions here. Without EVER talking to her you know exactly what is best for her, her NOT EVEN CONCEIVED child and all the other screwed up people out there. You are also able to judge her stability and diagnose her with a psychosis. Respect, dude!0 -
Ok so my husband and I are discussing planning a family. We both desperately want children and always have. So I was reading about what type of stuff you are supposed to do to prepare for pregnancy, and then started reading about pregnancy in general.
I then read the most horrific thing I have ever read. You are expected to gain between 20lbs-35lbs in pregnancy. WTF??!?!?!
I suffer from severe bulimia with anorexic tendencies, and although I am getting help for it and I'm not as bad as I was physically (I'm not purging as much, prob 2-4 times a day currently. Down from 10+ or basically whatever I ate) I'm nowhere near recovered. But I'm working hard towards it.
Seriously, I could not handle gaining that much weight in pregnancy. I won't allow it.
Is there anyone else who has been in a similar situation? With or without an ED, was anyone else ABSOULTELY TERRIFIED about the weight gain and the way your body changed during pregnancy? If you had an ED did it make you worse? How did you cope? Or did you force yourself to change for the baby?
Please give me some good news, right now im dreading it and really scared about pregnancy in general.
YOU ARE NOT READY TO HAVE A CHILD!! simple. Get help and control first and then think about having a family.0 -
I would definitely make sure you are ready to be pregnant. Sounds like right now you aren't. Like pp said, it isn't about you anymore once you have life inside of you. Sure, gaining weight is a concern but you'll be more concerned about that human coming out of your vajayjay than anything. Trust me.0
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Yes you gain weight when your pregnant but you also gain the greatest love of your life. There is no way to avoid weight gain during pregnancy and its not always easy to come off. You should probably come to terms with this as part of your planning, some women gain 20-35lbs but some women like myself gained 40 and it has not been easy to work off. But I have a great 6 year old son thats worth it all !!!!0
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What does your professional care team say about you becoming pregnant at this time?0
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I'm really impressed that you're thinking about it and researching beforehand.
That it's a planned baby instead of a surprise (accidental baby)
Sounds like you're ten steps above most people I see out procreating.
Personally, I would spend several months in the mindset of "we're going to get pregnant" where you try to get yourself as physically healthy as possible with your medical team before even taking that dive. That way you'll be in great condition, perhaps further along in your recovery and you'll be more able to bring forth a super healthy baby and emotionally deal with the weight gain and body changes that pregnancy brings.
Being at top physical peak and continuing for as long as possible through your pregnancy will make it the easiest to snap back. You do also have to remember that you have to have proper nutrition for breast feeding, too, which will reduce any leftover baby weight.
Good luck.0 -
What you need to focus on is that tiny little baby that will be growing inside you needing all the proper nutrition, believe me once you become pregnant your whole outlook on life changes it not all about you anymore good luck and just learn to love yourself and everything will can offer and 9 months goes by fast trust me then you can diet and workout all you want and baby fat does go away if you work hard enough and that little one will be with you forever GREATEST LOVE OF YOUR LIFE !!0
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I had 6 pregnancies; 3 live births. I gained over 50 lbs with the 3 full-term babies. I was not terrified. I just lost it later.
I would suggest counseling prior to becoming pregnant, bc ED behavior is damaging not only to you; it can cause miscarriage. You want to minimize your chances of that. There are many more traumatic things than gaining weight, and I can tell you from experience, miscarrying is one of them.
blessings.0 -
I think that if you can't accept the fact that gaining that much weight is all part of having a baby, that maybe you are not ready yet. Maybe you need to work on yourself with a doctor and counseling first.
You WILL gain that much. It's what grows the baby. For those 40 weeks, your body is not about you and about looking good but about growing and nourishing a precious child.
The worst thing you can do is get pregnant and then drastically cut calories to try to stay "thin" ... that wouldn't be good for either of you.0 -
Please don't try and have a baby until you get better. How you take care of yourself during pregnancy is crucial to the well being of your baby in the womb and for the rest of their life. I am glad you are doing better and hope you continue to grow and change in this area.0
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to the op, wait until you can go a week with out purging. then talk it over again.0
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1.) We both desperately want children and always have.
2.) Seriously, I could not handle gaining that much weight in pregnancy. I won't allow it.
3.) Please give me some good news
1.) Given item 2, I really don't think you're desperate in your want for children.
2.) Then for the baby's sake, don't get pregnant.
3.) The good news is that you're at least giving this some thought beforehand.0
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